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Wednesday, October 4th, 2006
12:14 am - Revelation 1.4
Blurty is so much better than Livejournal.

If only all my LJ buddies would see that!!

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Tuesday, March 23rd, 2004
4:19 pm - When Considering Others Feelings Goes Wrong...
They say you should always try and see the positive is things. So, with that in mind, at least i cant say iv got my 'embarrassing moment' out of the way for another month. Yes, iv got a new story to add to the collection (as Dennis Nordon might say, "filed under 'O', for 'Only You Could Do It, Paul') and its so damn silly it will probably see Brums dead journal ressurected just for a returning edition of 'Wanker Of The Week'. So, where to begin. When i used to work behind a counter i used to hate asking people if they had a club card - it felt intruding and like i was forcing something upon them - so when im in a shop i have a certain amount of sympathy for the people serving me who have to ask and, to avoid an awkward situation, i've gotten into the habbit of saying "Yeah, i've left it at home though." Easy enough - everyone wins, i dont get what i dont want, and they dont get the answer they dont want to hear. So, i went to Game yesterday and bought a few DVDs and used the line. But then the checkout guy (who had a 'manager' type presence) decided to do something that i hadnt expected. To say something that kind of caught me off-guard. The kind of thing that leaves you galloping down diarrhea drive without a saddle. He said;

"OK, i'll just look it up on our database - whats your postcode, please?"

So i did the only thing i then could, the totaly honest thing........... i stood there for 10 minutes with my arms folded, looking very embarrassed, saying "oh, is it still not coming up...? Blimey, how strange". Eventually i managed to 'fog him off' (i have a slight feeling he'd realised that the card he was looking for didnt actually exist by then) by saying "I'll bring it in next time and we can sort it out then" and went on my merry way....

You may recall i handed my pay slips in to get checked well i heard back about them today. A load of what the woman said was just mathematical bollocks which went in one ear and out the other but the bit i DID catch was that i was still owed 25 hours from November - AND, and this is the fucking kicker, apparently she waited untill this week - the week Debbie is off, the manager who hates my guts - to do them because Debbie apparently goes through them and crosses all my overtime hours off with a big red pen! The skanky little bitch.

current mood: happy
current music: Marilyn Manson - Slutgarden

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Monday, March 22nd, 2004
6:36 pm
I had a slight dilemma this morning. Last week i had Monday off and worked the rest of the week, and when i organised these two weeks of overtimei said id do the same hours the following week - ie this week - aswell. But Ruth was moaning at me last week when i told her i wasnt in on Monday because apparently it would just be her and Jackie in on that morning since Andy was starting later. So i decided, maybe Andy has changed the schedule as i was warned he might do, so i decided to wait for him to put it up. He didnt. So, it came to the point where i got up this morning and didnt know wether or not i was due in, so i decided to get dad to take me in at 8 and id see the rota and if it said i wasnt in he'd give me a lift back. So, i got there... and the rota STILL wasnt up! I decided 'stuff them' and came home lol. I'll let you know if i still have a job this time tommorrow.

I've been playing text tennis with Bridget today. I didnt see her when i got the bus into town (bought DVD's of Cabin Fever, Jason X and 2DTV and Hitman 2 on PS2) and the other day i saw someone who looked like her walking on crutches (i didnt have my glasseson and the girl was with some people so i couldnt exactly go and see) so i decided to text her to see if she was ok. As it turns out it wasnt her, and she had the morning off to study. We 'chatted' via texts for about half an hour or so and probably could have for more but i decided not to push my luck and said id leave her to her studies.

Yesterday (mothers day) was interesting. We met up with a few relatives and went out for a meal at a posh place - and got in trouble with the staff when Jacob became obsessed with the (inactive) fans on the cieling and got us all to take him over to them and start spinning the blades with our fingers. I started texting Bex due to the fact one of the waitresses bore an uncanny resemblence to her and that eventually led to a chat on MSN that lasted for about 4-5 hours. It was great to talk to her again, i hardly get the chance these days but shes very entertaining and a great friend. I wish i hadnt sent her those sound clips though >.

current mood: artistic
current music: KoRn - Faget

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Saturday, March 20th, 2004
1:26 pm - "you got the dykes off, i think they'll mind me"
Its been awfully tiring this week. My work hours have been different this week to cope with the loss of staff so i've been doing 9-3 each day, meaning i've had to walk to and from work which, you may recall, is a 45 minute journey each way. Iv been knackered beyond belief from that alone, nevermind the 6 hours of work inbetween each mini-marathon! They all think i've been having an all-week bender at work because i always look shagged out before i've even started lol.

Today im working the night shift so iv been lounging around all morning wondering what to do with myself. Slightly longer than the normal shift i do on a Saturday night when i get asked in, 3-8, but i get to have a Chinese when i get home so theres always a silver lining, or so they say.

Dad's been ill most of the week and now my mum appears to have caught it, meaning im gonnah ave to quaranteen myself in my room and have all my meals delivered to me in air-tight plastic bags because i cannot miss a single day at work next week (because there are no supervisors in). Mum was so ill yesterday that she couldnt do the friday big shop so we're probably all gonna starve to death next week. And she only managed about two spoonfuls of breakfast this morning. Suddenly my mothers day present of two boxes of chocolate doesnt seem like such a good idea after all....

Im trying to think if i've missed anything but i dont think i have. Only little meaningless stuff like gossip, and being the last person to find out whos knocking who off at work. Actually shows that i DO have an innocent side, when they said to me "Lee is knocking off Theresa" i asked "Why, what has she done?".

I might be moving back into a proper website soon because Aurelia has very kindly offered to design me one. Obviously normaly i would design my own since its a hobby and im fairly good at it, but im a fan of her designs so i figure why not. Its new and interesting. Never know, it might not even happen, but if it does you'll all be the first to know.

This week i am mostly listening to...

There you are alone with no hope of ever having something to be proud of. Something earned without begging.
Yes, I know you're a person, a person close to me. Who do you think you are? What more do you want from me?!

Ball Tongue! You got the dykes off, I think they'll mind me
Ball Tongue! The rag I'm on, we are justified
Ball Tongue! Congrats you just fucked up my make-up and shit
Ball Tongue! What have you done for me?!

Why are you at home buried in your own self pity? Why do you insist on living the life clean out of me?
Yes, I know you're the person, the person that took time with me Does it give you the right to expect your life revolves around me?!

Ball Tongue! You have come to take from your buddy
Ball Tongue! You have never been so funky
Ball Tongue! The higgle got sick of me
Ball Tongue! Ahh, the dick is fine for the day
Ball Tongue! Your brother took it from me
Ball Tongue! Unidetified enemy
Ball Tongue! Come fucking back to save us and gave up
Ball Tongue! They've come to deliver me

You were my brother, Where does our friendship end? I'm not going to give in

How can you fuck'n doubt me, but not again

Ball Tongue! They've driven right by my friends
Ball Tongue! They've taken the take above me
Ball Tongue! You're a psycho monkey
Ball Tongue! They've come to enslave me
Ball Tongue! They've jacken themselves onto me
Ball Tongue! Your fuck'n gangster signs
Ball Tongue! They've come not to save them, but they take
Ball Tongue! Fuck'n death to fuck'n me
Ball Tongue! Berome's dead at the technodrome
Ball Tongue! You're right, he's dead, tear gas dropped, but who was it?
Ball Tongue! It dosen't of the rhythm of the damn monger
Ball Tongue! Can I die?! Can I die?!
Ball Tongue! And then, the man kept kick'n me
Ball Tongue! He gets him on, they're cool
Ball Tongue! He wasn't dead, and then they knocked him on the head
Ball Tongue! No more, he's rid of you. You're a Dyke!

current mood: indifferent
current music: Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody

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Tuesday, March 16th, 2004
4:40 pm - Knowing me, Knowing you.. well, just me really.
[x] Part 1 -- The Basics [x]
What's your name? :::Paul.
Birthplace :::England.
Age :::20.
Age you act :::6 and a half.
Current location :::My chair > My room > Midlands > UK > Planet Earth
Eye color :::I havnt a clue.
Hair color :::Dark blown.
Right, lefty or ambidextrous? :::Right.
Zodiac sign? :::Capricorn.
Height? :::About 6".
[x] Part 2 -- Describe... [x]
Your heritage/nationality :::English.
Your hair :::Medium length, semi-dreaded.
Your fears :::Losing my mind.
Your perfect room :::Sofa, TV, Laptop, Beer cooler, Football memorabelia, Stereo.
What you practically do in a day :::Get up, Get to work, Get home, Get online, Get back to bed.
[x] Part 3 -- What is/are... [x]
Words you overuse :::Aye, uuuh, and
Phrases you overuse :::"Shovels of shite!"
Your first thought when you wake up :::"What day is it... a bollocks, its a work day."
Your greatest accomplishment :::Discovering me... before losing me again.
Something you want to do :::
[x] Part 4 -- This or that [x]
Pepsi or Coke :::Neither.
McDonald's or Burger Kings :::Neither. Prefer take-a-ways.
Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera :::In terms of looks, Aguilera by a mile.
Chocolate or vanilla :::Chocolate.
Adidas or Nike :::Adidas.
Black or white :::Black.
Bills or Coins ((Think $$$)) :::.
Burgers or hot dogs :::Hotdogs.
Egypt or France :::EGYPT!
Rock or rap :::Rock. I think the 'rap' originates in the word 'crap'.
[x] Part 5 -- Do you...[x]
Smoke :::Never.
Cuss :::Always.
Sing well :::Ha ha ha..
Sing in the shower :::Aye.
Talk to yourself --a lot-- :::All the time. Dont i, Paul? Yes you do, mate.
Believe in yourself :::Depends on the situation.
Like taking these longass surveys? :::They're good for passing time.
Play an instrument :::Keyboard.
Want to go to college? :::Been.
Want to get married? :::Not particularly.
Want to have children? :::Not particularly.
Think you're a health freak? :::You've gotta be kidding me.
Get along with your parents :::At times.
Get along with your siblings? :::At times, but more out of obligation.
Think you're popular :::Not really.
[x] Part 6 -- In the past month have you..[x]
Gone out of state :::Nah.
Drank alchohal :::Well thats a given..
Smoke :::Nah.
Get high :::On football, yes.
Done any drugs :::Nah.
Eaten an entire box of oreos :::We dont have those here.
Been on stage :::Nah.
Gone skinny dipping :::Nah.
Been dumped :::Nah.
Dyed your hair :::Nah.
Stolen anything :::Nada.
[x] Part 7 -- Your friends! =D [x]
Craziest :::Matt.
Loudest :::Bridget.
Most shy :::Rob.
Blondest :::Brum.
Smartest :::Clarissa.
Kindest :::Bex.
Best personality :::Brum.
Most talented :::Matt.
Best singer :::Matt (oh, those days when we were in 'Fish Bizkit'...)
Most ghetto :::Biffy. Just cos it'll really piss her off :D
Drama Queen ((or King XP)) :::Cant think of anyone.
Pain in the ass :::Rich.
The one you just want to strangle to death ((Homer Simpson style)):::Brum.
Funniest :::Matt.
Best person for advice :::Bex.
Dependable :::Bex.
Trustworthy :::Brum.
Druggie :::Me and Matt, apparently.
Most likely to end up in jail :::Biffy. For stalker-ing.
Person you've known the longest :::Matt.
[x] Part 8 -- The Last... [x]
Last dream :::Last one i can remember was when i went to work one day and it was suddely my old school.
Last nightmare :::Cant remember.
Car ride :::Being brought home from work on Saturday.
Last time you cried :::Full-blown cried, must have been at the start of the season when Belgrade knocked Newcastle out of the Champions League.
Last movie seen :::Wrong Turn.
Last movie rented :::Havnt rented a movie in years.
Last book read :::Thats Living Alright: The Auf Wiedersehen, Pet Story
Last word said :::Errrm... think it was 'Thanks'.
Last curse word said :::Shite. Probably.
Last time you laugh :::Something at work today.
Last phone call :::I dont use the phone for calls much.
Last CD played :::Korn - Life Is Peachy.
Last song you listened to :::Korn - Did My Time.
Last annoyance :::My feet killing me from having to walk to and from work today.
Last IM :::Brum and Biffy last night.
Last weird encounter :::Every second of my life is a weird encounter.
Last person you hugged :::Probably my mum.
Last person you yelled at :::Some dumb Good Charlotte fan.
Last time you wore a skirt :::I beg your pardon?
Last time you've been evil :::When i buried my neighbour last night.
Sarcastic? :::Well, duh.
Last time you fought with your parents :::Probably over something trivial, probably quite recent.
Last time you wished upon a star :::I do it every night.
Played Truth or Dare :::Dont think i ever have, seriously.
Spent quality time alone :::Right now.
[x] Part 9 -- I swear this is the last one! -- Randomness [x]
Are you talking to someone on AIM :::No.
Do you feel lonely :::Not yet but i will do by about 7 or 8.
Ever TP'd someone's house :::Ever what?
How about egging someone's house :::Nah.
Do you not like dislike not like me? :::I will find you.
Ain't Eminem and 50 Cent just fine? :::They're wankers.
Yo Momma :::Shut tha fuck up wiv tha ghetto talk, bitch.
Ever been so hungry you felt like you could eat the person next to you? :::Iv been so hungry before that i cant actually eat.
What do you think of George Bush? :::I think he's a terrible cunt.
Any secret fetishes? :::I have a few, but id hardly call them 'secret'.
Do you like to wear chains? O_o :::I used to, i dont really wear them anymore.
How many languages do you speak? :::Does Geordie count?
Damn.. are your fingers tired? Cause mine sure are! :::I could go on all night, baby.
Glad this is over? ((Say yes and I'll stalk you XP)) :::Yes. Do your worst, iv seen off Laura, i can see off anyone!

Bored? ((Over 100 questions)) brought to you by BZOINK!

current mood: amused
current music: KoRn - Good God

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Monday, March 15th, 2004
2:40 pm - And now, the end is near...
Big thought provoking subject for me to tackle today, so be warned. Very interesting and deep, though. NASA have announced they've discovered a 10th planet in our solar system past Pluto, which they've decided to name after the mythological figure Sedna. This reminded me of something i read about on About.com a year or two ago about 'Planet X'. Let me know what you think in either of the guestbooks.

Now first off, dont think "oooh 'Planet X' - been given a spooky name, seems quite far-fetched, obviously a load of bullshit" because, apart from the fact the 'X' is simply Roman Numerals for 10, a lot of the theories are a damn sight more believable than a lot of religious theories on how humans came about, i'll tell you that. The theory is basically (and trust me, this is the VERY stripped-down version) that there's an undiscovered planet which has an irregular orbit, which is currently past Pluto, and is causing abnormalities in the orbits of other planets. Its generally accepted amongst Scientists that an unseen force is tugging at Neptune and Uranus. This discovery was in 1982. Now, this new planet IS in a position where it could do that.. and, its past Pluto, where 'Planet X' is supposedly placed.

And now, this is when it starts to get technical and requires an open-mind on your part. Oh yeah - this is gonna be good ;)

The stuff about this mystery Planet X also ties into theories of how humans came to be, originating from Sumerian texts. They tell the story of a race of beings called the Anunnaki. The Anunnaki came to Earth from a planet in our solar system called Nibiru, according to the Sumerians via Sitchin. If you've never heard of it, that's because mainstream science does not recognize Nibiru as one of the planets that revolves around our Sun. Nibiru is, apparently, 'Planet X', the planet which we've named Sedna.

About 450,000 years ago, Alalu, the deposed ruler of the Anunnaki on Nibiru, escaped the planet on a spaceship and found refuge on Earth. He discovered that Earth had plenty of gold, which Nibiru needed to protect its diminishing atmosphere. They began to mine Earth's gold, and there were a lot of political battles among the Anunnaki for power. Then around 300,000 years or so ago, the Anunnaki decided to create a race of workers by genetically manipulating the primates on the planet. The result was homo sapiens - us. Eventually, rulership of the Earth was handed over to humans and the Anunnaki left, at least for the time being. All this, and shitloads more, can be tied into the stories of the first books of the Bible and the histories of other ancient cultures, especially Egyptian.

Now, moving on to a new area, look at the way Earth looks now. As we all know, the continants have all seperated and used to form one big solid lump.. but if thats the case, how come it only adds up to half a planet? And why is Earths surface puncturated with massive craters which the planets sea's now fill? Another theory is that Planet X was pulled into our Solar system by the gravity of the bigger planets and its irregular orbit caused it to collide with earth, smashing a large chunk off... and the debris from that collision is currently making up the Asteroid belt.

Although both theories are relatively different in a small way, they both lead to the same conclusion - the return of Nibiru/Planet X is not too far away, and basically.. we're in the shit!

Mark Hazelwood and others say that Earth is in for some massive and catastrophic changes as Nibiru approaches. Floods, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, a pole shift and other natural disasters will be so severe, Hazelwood says, that "only a few hundred million people will survive." Another site says the gravitational pull of Nibiru might even stop the Earth's rotation for three days, citing the "three days of darkness" predicted in the Bible.

Some of the Nibiru researchers also cite the prophecies of Edgar Cayce who predicted that we would soon suffer monumental Earth changes and a pole shift, even though he did not attribute them to anything as specific as a visiting planet. And, of course, the much-analyzed Mayan calendar is said to set the "end of world" in December, 2012.

So what do you think? I find it all very gripping, and theres not one part of the theories that i find unbelievable or far-fetched.

But then i'm very, very gullible.

current mood: pessimistic
current music: Duran Duran - The Chauffer

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Sunday, March 14th, 2004
7:55 pm - Y'all want a single, say fuck that... fuck that, fuck that...
I've been floating inbetween depressed and content for the last week or so, i really dont know whats wrong with me. Lonelyness? Maybe, i dont know. Either way im off work tommorrow and somehow the thought of being able to talk to Bridget again, even just for the brief 15 or 20 minutes, is comforting. Hmm. It seems my plan to stay out of her way and detatch myself has somewhat been thrown out the window!

KoRn's new song and video, Y'All Want A Single, is causing quite a stirr. As i said a few weeks back on here, the video features the band and fans smashing up a record store with crowbars while thought provoking messages about the music industry are flashed on screen. As predicted the video is barely being shown on TV music stations, most of which are run by the major record companies, but Howard Stern (mega-famous american shock jockey) has had his show axed and been kicked off air after fears of 'indecency' and a crackdown on it. As you can tell, its a complete load of fucking bullshit. But he did take the time to talk about Korns new song, saying its the best video hes ever seen and its important the message gets out. Heres the highlights of what he said:

"It?s probably the most inspirational, the most spectacular understanding of what?s going on in this country right now," raved Stern. "I believe that young people - I?m talking about people 18, 16, 20 - are freaking out right now because of what is going on with the religious right. They are angry. They are angry about the corporations running the music business. They are angry with the radio business. They are angry. And this Korn video, if you can get your hands on it, is the best music video I have ever seen."

"There is such a level of frustration in this video," said Stern. "I get it, because I?m feeling the same frustration. It is a dynamic video and it will never be seen. Maybe it will be seen on the Internet, but that?s about it. The song is good too by the way. What [KoRn frontman] Jonathan Davis is able to do is tap into the mood of young people. Young people are angry. When I go to concerts people are viciously angry. They are angry because you can?t get anything done anymore."

"Y'All Want A Single" is currently the #1 viewed video on Yahoo with over 600,000 views.

And as a special 'MP3 of the Month', here is Y'All Want A Single, the Howard Stern remix - http://korn.bhlabs.com/downloads/ - be a part of it!



I saw a thing full of Christians on the TV earlier, they are the most fucking idiotic children on the planet. This world is over-crowded and they're still telling everyone the use of condoms is wrong. I swear, Christianity and all organised religion is a fucking plague to this race.

current mood: aggravated
current music: Tears For Fears - Mad World

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Friday, March 12th, 2004
10:26 pm - Where is my friend when i need you most? Gone away..
Strap yourself in lads and lasses, i've got a feeling we're in for another rough ride in the next fortnight! You may recall (if you dont that means i havnt moaned about it enough, and lets be honest, thats not very likely) my supervisor is resigning.. and leaves tommorrow, to be exact (how im looking forward to that awkward "goodbye forever" moment) and that leaves one left on our section. Things, obviously, are gonna get a little stretched. However, i found out that the remaining supervisor is on holiday the week after next so that will leave me and Jackie on our own on the section for A WEEK! How the fuck is that gonna work, man? Two part-timers who dont know how to do the paper work. We'll have bollock all deliveries coming in! Well, atleast we'll get the shelves emptied..

There's overtime in the works, basically. I've agreed to 9-3 for two weeks but i cant see them letting me off the hook that easily. And speaking of overtime iv gathered all my pay slips together to take in tommorrow, and im gonna go bounding into the office and slam them on the table, demanding they get everything sorted that very instant.

Or, i might just... y'know... ask them if they'd be kind enough to take a look for me if they have a spare moment......

current mood: cold
current music: Duran Duran - Ordinary World

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Wednesday, March 10th, 2004
9:02 pm - Caught in the corners of my mind..
Ya know.. i'm starting to think that im chosing probably the worst possible times to write in this journal lately. I mean look when the last entry is written; at the end of a much anticipated day off, with nothing but sleep left to do before i have to return to work again and all the instant depression that brings. Its hardly time when cheerful reflection can be expected. So when do i chose to write the next entry? Wednesday night, at the end of a much anticipated day off, with nothing but sleep left to do before i have to return to work again and all the instant depression that brings...

Im not so bad tonight actually. Touch of lonelyness, bit of trapped wind. Yup... definately got trapped wind. Iv been scowering Hot or Not the last few days for a new chat buddy or two. Im not chosing people based on looks either, its just easier to find people because you can search profiles by keywords so i can find people with similar interests. And i have. I'll update if anything comes of it. But basically, i need some new friends, everyone seems to dispand from me after a while.

I watched the season finale for Stargate SG1 this morning, and my GOD that was a fantastic episode. For all those who dont watch (or if you do and you didnt see, dont read on!) basically what has been the unthinkable over the 7 series happens... the biggest Goa'uld threat comes to earth with about 40+ motherships with destruction in mind. We win thanks to finding the 'ancients' technology (i wont even try to explain the storyline if you've never seen it) but there are a few cliffhangers. I love that show anyway. And while we're on the subject of TV, im getting worryingly near the end of the Auf Wiedersehen Pet series 1 boxset :( I really wanna watch them but i dont wanna run outta episodes to watch!

current mood: content
current music: KoRn - One More Time

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Monday, March 8th, 2004
9:07 pm - Someone save me..
I saw Bridget today. It seems so ridiculous mentioning it every time i do - i mean, everytime i bump into a friend somewhere or other i dont rush on here to tell the world do i? - because it seems so insignificant, but i thought id talk about it a little. Everything was fine, as if nothing had happened. I missed her all day, again. And theres just something about a monday night, at the end of a day off, knowing you have to go to work in the morning that just makes me wanna throw myself infront of a truck.

Work isnt really as bad as that but i just wish our lives didnt have to be consumed by something we are choiceless to do. I just have this horrible vision of my future being me surrendering my life so that i can keep myself and a family alive. I just dont see the point in living if you have to sacrifice yourself to do so.

Sorry if i've been pissy with anyone lately, and i know i have, im just not in a very good place right now.

current mood: cranky
current music: Muse- Hysteria

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Sunday, March 7th, 2004
4:38 pm - I cant be arsed coming up with a title today
I think i've gotten myself addicted to Hubba Bubba. Yes, Hubba Bubba, the fruitily tasteful bubble gum for all ages. I've been having like 2 packs (which is 10 blocks) a day for a week or so, but there's a perfectly good reason. I've gotten concerned over my comfort-eating habbits recently and so figured that, since i dont always eat just cos im hungry, if i had something else pre-occupying my taste senses then i'd be better off in that department and it seems to have done the trick to a certain extent. Only problem now is, i cant stop eating the bloody stuff!

Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results
Sociability |||||||||||| 34%
Aggressiveness |||||||||||| 34%
Assertiveness |||||||||||||||||| 54%
Activity Level ||||||||| 22%
Excitement-Seeking |||||||||||| 38%
Enthusiasm ||||||||||||||| 50%
Extroversion |||||||||||| 38%
Trust |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 82%
Morality ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Altruism |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 86%
Cooperation ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Modesty |||||||||||||||||| 54%
Sympathy |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 86%
Friendliness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 73%
Confidence ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Neatness ||||||||||||||| 50%
Dutifulness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Achievement |||||||||||||||||| 54%
Self-Discipline ||||||||||||||| 46%
Cautiousness ||||||||| 26%
Orderliness |||||||||||||||||| 52%
Anxiety |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 82%
Volatility |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 86%
Depression |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 86%
Self-Consciousness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78%
Impulsiveness ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Vulnerability |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Emotional Stability ||||||||| 21%
Imagination |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 86%
Artistic Interests ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Introspection |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 86%
Adventurousness ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Intellect ||||||||||||||| 50%
Liberalism |||||||||||||||||| 58%
Openmindedness ||||||||||||||||||||| 68%
Take Free Advanced Big 30 Personality Test.


current mood: depressed
current music: KoRn - Alone I Break

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Saturday, March 6th, 2004
6:34 pm - You've Taken Everything and Oh, I Cannot Give Anymore..
Its been a tiring too days back at work. I always feel extremely petty and selfish when i complain about being tired after having a few days off beforehand, but its hard work all the same. The delivery didnt come till like 45 minutes before i was due to finish today, and it takes an hour and a half to do one cage on your own so i wasnt hopeful of getting out on time. Remarkably, though, by some miracle i managed to. Obviously my approach from there on in was ask no questions, get out before anyone realises you're going. Iv not been paid right again so bollocks to them, im not staying over.

My supervisor has resigned. Not a massive shock having found out she was going for that interview last week, but if Nigel DOES decided to go and get her job then i am fucking out of there in a flash. I told Dan of my intentions today and he said he didnt want me to make any hasty decisions and not to leave, etc. Its stupid cos i like my friends there and, in a bizarre way, i dont mind working there, but there is no way im being forced to put up with that guys shit again.

Im feeling a little lonely again today, and shattered, so you'll have to excuse the slightly pissy tone i have. Im just annoyed at life at the minute, and how shitty it is. I dunno, maybe its cos i decided to avoid seeing Bridget this week (which, discounting last weeks non-verbal encounter, makes it 4 weeks since we've spoken) when i really wanted to, i'm gonna have to this week coming, though, that's a given.

Speaking of my days off iv had this week (trust me, they were mentioned briefly), i think i spent 60% of the time watching DVD's lol. I bought series 4 of Angel on Tuesday and so spent a great deal of time watching that. Seriously, the sofa in our frontroom has a Paul-shaped indent in it.

current mood: alone
current music: Muse - Hysteria

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Thursday, March 4th, 2004
8:59 pm - Controversy As Brum Charged By F.U.C.K.A
The Fuck All Cup was thrown into controversy today when it was revealed Geordie had filed a complaint against Brum, claiming his opponant had been in breach of the Rules and Regulations document issued to both parties at the start of the season. The submission saw accusations of planning illegal pre-match preperation, mainly a clear violation of a rule that states no alphabetical lists of teams may be used or created. The case submitted by Geordie included incriminating quotes against Brum and a decision was reached by an independant referee. The penalty was pre-determined, and the imposed punishment was an instant forfiet of the remaining legs of the current round. With Geordie leading 1-0 at that stage, the forfiet saw him win and gain a 2-1 lead in the race for the Fuck All Cup. Brum staged a brief appeal but it was ruled out. Further punishment was NOT forthcoming.

Speaking after the decision had been reached, David Depper had this to say, "I was gutted, to be honest. I was getting sick at the length of the game and decided to come up with a way of speeding things up a bit. I didn't realise at the time that it was an illegal act, but i have submitted a request to f.u.c.k.a for the rules regarding game lengths to be revised and limitted."

An updated set of rules is expected by tommorrow.

Ben Dover, Sky Sports News

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Wednesday, March 3rd, 2004
9:56 pm - Footy-related Mumblings
All football related tonight im afraid. Newcastle have just gone through to the next round of the Uefa Cup, having beaten Valerenga 4-2 on aggregate. Made heavy weather of it, mind. We'll have to shape up if we draw any of the big guns in the next round like Valencia or Inter or even Barcelona. Its not too much of a worry though, cos Newcastle have always had a kind of tradition in that we tend to get great results against the big teams and play like pansies against the small clubs. We've changed the tradition a tad this season though - there's now no limit to who we can play like pansies against.

Incidentaly, i was watching some old, vintage 'Auf Wiedersehen, Pet' from the 1983 series, and saw an episode where, bizarely, the geordie portion of the lads end up supporting Sunderland in Europe. I mean, for fucks sake, thats the most ridiculous and unbelievable storyline i've ever seen - Sunderland in Europe! I've heard of far-fetched but...

current mood: content
current music: Marilyn Manson - God Eat God

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Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004
10:13 pm - Geordie Triumphs After FA-Cup Extra-Time
The first leg of the FA Cup 3rd Round took place tonight with the scores level at 1-1 going into play, with each competitor having won one round - each consisting of three legs - before. Brum went into the game looking to continue an impressive run which has seen him win the last 3 meetings between the rivals, a run which saw him win Manager Of The Month for February after bouncing back from Januarys 2-1 overall defeat, whilst Geordie was hoping for an improvement in the performance of his players after they let in several early mistakes to give those games away. Manager Paul Williams stressed before hand that the game was 'too vital' to allow further slip-ups to occur, and despite previous defeats was confident his side could do the business.

'Yes, we've had our bad run but i'd like to think thats ours out of the way', Williams commentated before kick-off, 'Afterall we had an impressive round in January and i dont know what happened the following month. Wether it was due to my own work commitments leading me with inadequate time to train, or simply the tactics i chose being wrong for this occasion, the performances we put in were simply unnacceptable."

Have won the last round Brum got proceedings underway with the early, confident challenge of 'Birmingham', to which Williams team replied 'Mansfield Town'. The first event in what was to be a controvosy-filled evening occured when Geordie put forward the team name 'Southend', and Brum intercepted and appealed for victory having already named the team.. but it was revealed that when he first used the team name he mispelt it heavily, leading to an unfair advantage when checking back for names already used. The teams settled at a yellow card being shown to Geordie, and the match continued.

But that was not the end of the controversy. Brums answer of "New Zealand" prompted Geordie to ask for proof of the teams existance. While Brums 'proof' was proof enough for him, Geordie found reason to question it as although the list of results clearly had 'New Zealand' in the title, the team itself was not in any of the fixtures mentioned. They came to a compromise and decided to play on, but Geordie was not happy with Brums tactics as he began reeling names from the list. In a true Sam-Allardice-style retaliation, he decided to use this new rule against his opponant and used it for reference for the following 3 or 4 answers.

With both sides still at a stalemate, the game ticked into its 60th minute - already beating past records set for length. Geordie had a lucky escape when he was disconnected from MSN when he was due to answer, and re-emerged just 60 SECONDS away from the deadline with an eligable answer.

The games real talking point came midway through the second hour of the game when Brum responded with 'Institute'. Geordie continued playing, unaware that the word mentioned was infact a team and not, as he had assumed, a request for proof and therefor a choice between providing evidence or a retake.

The managers debated the situation for 10 minutes before coming to a compromise - Brum would be awarded a penalty kick - the allowance to chose any name he wishes, already said or not, with the games usual restriction on having to answer to teams ending in 'x' or 'y' - and be given a yellow card for his part in the mix-up. Brum predictably chose the seemingly solid answer of 'Bordeaux', but Geordie stunned his opponant with a superb save, replying with swedish team 'Xenex'. Both managers continued to argue their point across, and a f.u.c.k.a representative later announced they intend to discuss the rule at the end of the week.

As the game went into Extra-Time both teams began to tire, with teams such as 'dungannon swift' being named. Geordie replied to this bold move by asking, "Are you taking the piss?"

Just when it looked like the game could continue all night, the stalemate was finaly broken when Brum was unable to find a reply to 'Erith and Belvedere' within the alloted 10 minute time limit. The full-time whistle was blown and this controversial game brought to an end, giving Geordie a 1-0 advanatage in the first leg.

After the game Williams remained calm and collective as he reflected on his sides victory. 'Im pleased to have secured the first leg victory especially after the type of game this turned out to be. It was very tight, very close and you couldnt tell who was going to win it right up to the end. In a way we were lucky because i'm not sure how many more teams we'd have been able to pull out of the hat before running dry.

I was very pleased with the penalty save because obviously when you have the freedom to chose any team you want with the knowledge that the opposition HAS to answer with the last letter no matter what it is, there are a lot of teams that he could have stumped us with. Im just pleased the lads had a comeback, because we could have easily been dumped out at that point.'

David Depper was not available for comment.

current mood: champion
current music: Queen - We Are The Champions

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Sunday, February 29th, 2004
5:31 pm - More tests...
Alone
Lonliness dominates you. You can hide it well, but
its there, and your friends can see it. You
constantly feel alone, and need to do things to
fill your time. Your afraid to tell people
this, but sooner or later it gets out in a bad
way, and you think you screwed up everything.
And when you are in love is when you are sad
the most. (Please Vote)


What Emotion Dominates you?
brought to you by Quizilla

DarkMagic
Dark magician. You love the dark because of it's
beauty and just the life that no-one else sees.
Mysterious, calm, quiet... But that doesn't
mean you're not friendly!


Please rate ^^


What kind of dark person are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

HASH(0x8a94dc0)
dependent


Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

HASH(0x88da4a4)
Ghost or spirit: You are a lost soul. Very calm and
sweet, you are often the one who asks: What if?
With a clever mind, you want to explore the
world on a different level. Without the
answers, you aren't ready to move on. You are
most likely very creative and find yourself
thinking things through on a different level.



**Where will you go when you die?**(now with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

HASH(0x8ab9094)
Protector


The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla

current mood: blank
current music: Jonathan Davis - System

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Saturday, February 28th, 2004
11:59 am - And now for something totaly different...
So, i had my review on Thursday. Everything went well, they seem to be happy with my performance. But despite the rather misleading title, the 'review' is infact 80% made up of questions about store policies and all that kinda shite. So basically, the majority of it isnt even down to talking about your performance. I did OK in both departments, and got a tick in every 'Excellent' box in the bit about my personal contribution. Basically, i still have a job and am now a perminant ermployee. And no, that doesnt come with a pay rise.

Things have gone a bit shit today though, and could potentially end in me looking for a new job. I'll explain a bit later, but first of all today im doing a split shift. Another bastard split shift, i hate them. I've already done the first half of the 'split', 8-11am this morning, and i have to go back for a 5-8pm outing later. Fuck knows what im gonna do in the meantime. But anyway Sarah, my supervisor, called in sick today so theres only gonna be me. And Bridget (no, not that one) told me that Sarah has a job interview tommorrow, so looks like she's gonna be the next one to 'bite the dust'. But the really worrying thing is that Sarah was trained by Nigel. Yes. Nigel, the giant who i hated with all my heart when i was at Rising Brook cos he was a total prat towards me. Well, apparently Nigel also applied for the job Sarah got and he was pissed off that she got it and he didnt. So if she goes, theres a chance HE might apply for it and he would probably get it. And there is absolutely NO way i am working under that fucking dickhead again.

And on a final, football note (yes girls, you can navigate away from the page now) Newcastle put in a rather pathetic second half performance against Valerenga in the Uefa Cup 1st leg to let a 1-0 lead slip. Bellers scored the first and some coventry reject equalised later on. We're still in it though, so not all is lost. Although Hugo Viana's name is still absent from the transfer list, the useless prat. And in the midlands Derby between Villa and Birmingham a 2-2 stalemate was thrashed out after Villa went 2-0 up, and then fell to pieces as they let a very shite looking Birmingham get pne back, then equalise in the last minute. Birmingham were then dumped out of the FA Cup by the mackems (which, even though it was the mackems, was slightly amusing seems as brum had been talking about how their name seemed to be on the trophy this season) and brum himself is, understandably, gutted and currently plotting the destruction of several bcfc players. I think the phrase im looking for is 'normal service resumed'.

current mood: aggravated
current music: KoRn - Y'all Want A Single

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Friday, February 27th, 2004
8:09 pm - The puzzle of me..


What kith are you? Find out here.







Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You?
quiz.






find your element
at mutedfaith.com.


I was planning on taking the 'Which Greek Goddess' are you test, but i cant see it ending in anything even remotely masculine o_0

current mood: amused
current music: KoRn - Did My Time

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Wednesday, February 25th, 2004
12:58 pm - Why Is Everything So Fucking Hard For Me?
Todays meeting with Bridget didnt go as well as past encounters have. Infact, i'd say from my point of view it was pretty much disasterous and im a bit pissed off at myself for leaving it where it is now. The place was, as per usual, the bus stop, and she'd not been there for more than a minute when suddenly her boyfriend passed in his car, came to a swift halt, and signalled for her to get in. Didnt even give her enough time to say goodbye properly, and just sped off. Obviously, there's every chance he could have just been passing and thought "i'll give her a lift", im not big headed enough to assume that the fact she was with me would be the only possible reason for it, i doubt im of enough significance of either of their lives to have that effect, like. But it did strike me as weird seems as, as nice as a lift would be, it would have landed her about 25 minutes early since thats the length of the bus journey roughly. And his gestures whilst driving towards the bus stop wernt exactly "hello honey, do you want a lift?" if you know what i mean. So i was just left there by myself, watching them speed away, and sitting on the bus musing in my own sad thoughts. Still, it was no biggie.

Then i was walking through town and came face to face with them in a street, in which we were walking opposite ways. They were holding hands like partners do, and I was busy thinking to myself and didnt notice them at first, but when i did i reacted in a way i wish i hadnt. I just totaly ignored Bridget who i knew was looking at me, and veered off to the other side of the street looking the other way. I dont know why exactly i was pissed off, but something about seeing them together - which i hadnt since the night i met her - just got to me.

It wasnt as if it was anything major, not like she'd done anything to piss me off. Nor done anything she didnt have any right to do, if anything i have no right to get pissed off about it. But all the people i confide in have either left my life or not available to talk to me anymore, so i have to come to my own conclusions and the fact this has stirred up so much in me has made me face it. Maybe i should just let this one go. Chalk it down to experience (thats what you get when you dont get what you want). I dont know anything about their relationship, only little ideas based on the tiny amount of moments iv observed them together. OK, so at the party he totaly ignored her and left her and her own with people she didnt know, and he's been less than friendly with me, but i dont think she'd still be with him if it was half as bad as im convincing myself it is. Maybe i should just back off a little, see her as often as id see a friend, BE a friend, and then if an opportunity for something more comes up then take it but im not gonna be the person who fucks up her relationship. Yeah, i care.

I've got my second review tommorrow, which is about store policies and stuff so i'll have to do some revision tonight to get up to speed. Come to think of it, its more like an exam than a review. I mean, how much can they find out about your performance based on wether orn ot you know which colour is assosciated with each food type?

current mood: disappointed
current music: Wayne Static - Not Meant For Me

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Tuesday, February 24th, 2004
7:46 pm - Uefa: A bunch of cunts
Not many people like Lee Bowyer. Not a great deal of Newcastle fans like him, but on his day he's a class player, i think we'd agree.

When he signed for us, Newcastle, he had a 6-match European ban, which obviously meant he couldnt play for 6 games in european competition for us. We have played 6 games in Europe this season, and are about to play our 7th. 6 game ban, 6 games played by his team. I think you'd agree the position is clearly that Bowyer's ban has been served.

Not according to Uefa. According to them, Bowyer still has EVERY match of the 6-match ban to serve. Why? Because his name wasnt in the squad lists we announced for the 6 games we've played this season. According to them, that means the ban doesnt apply to a match unless he is named as part of the travelling squad. What the FUCK is the point in putting a player in the squad who you know full well cant play??? Are they seriously suggesting they need to be TOLD that a player that THEY banned is banned?

I've always had a thing about Uefa, especially after last season Inter Milan fans went unpunished for throwing fireworks and flares into Newcastle fans in the San Siro, but this just takes the fucking biscuit. What a bunch of fucking cunts!

Thats it. If we win the Uefa Cup, im gonna piss on it.

current mood: Pissed off

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