Kimberly's Blurty
 
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Below are the 16 most recent journal entries recorded in Kimberly's Blurty:

    Thursday, March 11th, 2010
    5:36 am
    Happy now???
    Finally had my 2nd knee surgery. Then turned 40. So, here is a recap:

    2 knee surgeries and 3 grandkids, all BEFORE the age of 40.

    My bday party was so outta control, kinda like my life USED to be, before I settled down. But sooo much fun. Looking forward to this weekend, st pattys day parade and all. Tired of being sick though. First it was a huge sinus infection, then bronchitis, then knee surgery, then two day migraine, then strep. WTF! I have more meds at home than the pharmacy!!

    Turning 40 has made me re-evaluate some aspects of my life. Not changing a whole lot, but prioritzing I guess you would call it. Things I thought were important don't seem so important anymore. Like going out with my friends. Being with my friends is important, but is getting drunk with them EVERY saturday so important? Nope.
    5:36 am
    Happy now???
    Finally had my 2nd knee surgery. Then turned 40. So, here is a recap:

    2 knee surgeries and 3 grandkids, all BEFORE the age of 40.

    My bday party was so outta control, kinda like my life USED to be, before I settled down. But sooo much fun. Looking forward to this weekend, st pattys day parade and all. Tired of being sick though. First it was a huge sinus infection, then bronchitis, then knee surgery, then two day migraine, then strep. WTF! I have more meds at home than the pharmacy!!

    Turning 40 has made me re-evaluate some aspects of my life. Not changing a whole lot, but prioritzing I guess you would call it. Things I thought were important don't seem so important anymore. Like going out with my friends. Being with my friends is important, but is getting drunk with them EVERY saturday so important? Nope.
    Monday, January 25th, 2010
    12:29 pm
    still angry......
    but I am getting over it I guess. trying to go on with my life as if what he is doing to my kids does not bother me...yeah right...got my big 'date' tonight and I am soooo looking forward to it. Hot tub, rub down, among other things...here I cum! I prob wont be able to walk tomorrow but it is all worth it in the end!
    Saturday, January 23rd, 2010
    3:03 pm
    Ok, now I have officially HAD IT! Why does SHE get to be happy when there are people here crying? How does a man go from a loving father to a dead-beat-should-be-dead-wish-no-one-found-him-when-he-tried? WHY ARE MY KIDS SUFFERING AND HE IS MAKING HER HAPPY?!?!?!? Fucking PRICK...And I could wish her all the ill will I want, it is soo not her fault she fell in love with the best sales person in the world. CAUSE HE IS FULL OF BULLSHIT!! I am so freaking angry. And the worst part, he comes into town to see her, but not the kids. AND THEY FIND OUT!!! WTF kinda shit is that? I wish I could kill him for hurting my kids.........
    Thursday, January 21st, 2010
    7:09 pm
    today
    is a new day....Isn't everyday?

    I miss some things and I want to list them here, cause I really got no other place to list them except my head.

    1. my youth
    2. my knees
    3. some old friends
    4. my kids before they started talking
    5. my skinny self
    6. carefree days
    7. school

    That being said, here are some things I dont miss

    1. my husband
    2. school
    3. my skinny self (cause she had issues!!)

    Whew!

    I have some many thoughts and issues running through me, but everytime I sit donw to write I just cant. It wont come out. Or I dont feel like it. Or, I dont know.
    Friday, January 8th, 2010
    4:16 pm
    tonight it is....
    I think I am finally gonna get the nerve up to break up with him. I have to, this relationship is going nowhere. He should be in ten minutes, here goes NOTHING! LOL
    Sunday, January 3rd, 2010
    9:15 am
    Christmas on New Years
    I have to say, in my 39 years on this earth, NEVER have I had a better Christmas then this year. It was simply AMAZING! I do not even have words to describe it.
    Thursday, December 31st, 2009
    5:07 pm
    useless
    Wow ~ did I really almost go a whole day without updating??

    Christoper got out last night, and I almost went in. I was doing good untill a female came in, strung out, drunk, looking rode hard and put away wet, starting talking shit. I let it go until she yelled 'hurry up, I need to get laid', um, ok, with my granddaughter and my teenage kids in the room. um NO. Fucking cunt. I told her that was not acceptable, she apologize, and I thanked her. should of been the end of the story. nope. something snapped in her brain, and she went nuts, starting yelling, calling me names..pretty funny, I started laughing, told her to sit down adn shut up or I would make her, real classy and in front of my kids..UGH! Why do people make me act like that?? but I stayed seated, a few miracles all happened at the same time and noone got hurt. LOL.

    So my baby girl is growing up, accepting her responsibility in things, and forgiving others. I could not be prouder. Of her. And her brother. What a great moment to start the new year on.

    Thirdly, I have been bad, REAL bad. Involved a hot tub and toys. with batteries. hmmmm..I should confess my sins..wait, I am not catholic...oh well.

    Tomorrow is CHRISTMAS for the fam. SOOO FUCKING EXCITED!!
    Tuesday, December 29th, 2009
    1:03 pm
    ok, so there is this guy...our computer guy/geek...and he is just so yummy...and I just LOVE it when he comes in to fix our computers and network...he was here for more than two hours today...and we kept finding more questions that needed answering just to keep him around..I am sure it is going to cost my boss but....ahhhhhhhh...
    Monday, December 28th, 2009
    7:46 pm
    mm,,,,I soo love you and our little talks. I am glad that you and i are at this stage in our relationship where we can really talk...
    .
    ok, so now friends issues.....BIG ones....to start off with,, I have many male friends..so one of them is mb. my bff likes him. mb and i are friends. not close, but we like playing video games and hanging. I have a bf, and he is fine with this. ok, so this sounds so fucking high schoolish and i HATE it....ok, so my bff likes mb, like REALLY likes him...and he does not feel the same as she does. And has told her they are just friends. ok, so a couple weeks ago, mb spends the night ON THE COUCH. my bf knows all about it and is cool with it...loke I said I have amny male friends and do not cheat. so now my bff tells mb that he is not allowed to be friends with me...is that lame or what?? are we still in freaking hs?? holy fuck man, I am 39 YEARS OLD! I do not need ANYONE to tell me who I can be friends with. GEESH!! Not to mention, she has not said anythign to me about all this, only goes behind my back. And now she has asked me to spend new years at her place, I am thinking NO! LOL!
    2:32 pm
    Very happy to be back at work...It is pretty sad but I miss it when I am off..Still thinking lots about the bf, and the best way to say goodbye. Problem is I still enjoy his company, but don't want any strings. It is so very hard, but I do not think hima nd I are meant to be together. Just so many things that do not mesh. Like emotions. I am a highly emotionally charges human being. It is very hard to be with an emotionless bf. I mean, he has happy, and mad. But that is about it. I need empathy. For example, I talked to him day after christmas, I was crying, telling him how hurt I was by his lack of communication on Christmas, he could not even look at me. Said something along the lines of he had too much to do and forgot. Really? Forgot to call or keep in contact with your gf? How bout the fact that I was not invited to spend ANY amount of time with him or his family on Christmas. Or that I was home alone and he did not even bother to check in with me. And yes, I called him. But I should not have had to. So there I am, sitting in his van, crying, hurting, and nothing. After his lame excuse, nothing. He never netioned it again. No hand on my shoulder, or thigh to let me know he EMPATHIZED, no hug, no sorry. NOTHING! We never spoke of it again. And really, this is not the first time he has gone emotionalless....And it sucks! There are a few other issues, but he really is a good guy..just not what I need right now. I suppose if I had time or patience, this would not be an issue. I have neither. I would rather be without a bf and focus on my family and myself. Now how do I do it????
    Sunday, December 27th, 2009
    6:03 pm
    I think I have found my solumate....not a soulmate in the ways most think of, but a TRUE SOUL mate...love you MM. You are my hero. And on a completely unrelated note, I have tried but can't get the words out of my mouth 'we need to just be friends' LOLOLOL..I am such an ASS. And the jacket I bought myself today with the gc from the bf, is FUCKING FANTASTIC! I ahve never spent so much money on one item for MYSELF before EVER!!! Loving it, now I just need cold and snow to truley see how snuggly warm this sucker is.
    4:40 pm
    i thought this was going to be a waste of time..OMG!
    Kimberly is moderately outgoing. Her emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart rendering stories. In fact, she can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. She has the ability to put herself into the other person's shoes.

    Kimberly will be somewhat moody, with highs and lows. Sometimes she will be happy, the next day she might be sad. She has the unique ability to get along equally well with what psychology calls introverts and extroverts. This is because she is in between. Psychology calls Kimberly an ambivert. She understands the needs of both types. Although they get along, she will not tolerate anyone that is too "far out." She doesn't sway too far one way or the other.

    When convincing her to buy a product or an idea, a heart rendering story could mean a great deal to her. She puts herself in the same situation as the person in the story, yet she will not buy anything that seems overly impractical or illogical. Kimberly is an expressive person. She outwardly shows her emotions. She may even show traces of tears when hearing a sad story.

    Kimberly is a "middle-of-the-roader," politically as well as logically. She weighs both sides of an issue, sits on the fence, and then will decide when she finally has to. She basically doesn't relate to any far out ideas and usually won't go to the extreme on any issue.

    People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Kimberly doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

    Kimberly will be candid and direct when expressing her opinion. She will tell them what she thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want her opinion, don't ask for it!

    In reference to Kimberly's mental abilities, she has a very investigating and creating mind. She investigates projects rapidly because she is curious about many things. She gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but she soon must slow down and look at all the angles. She probably gets too many things going at once. When Kimberly slows down, then she becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, she must slow down to do it. She then decides what projects she has time to finish. Thus she finishes at a slower pace than when she started the project.

    She has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. Her mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. She can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Kimberly can then switch into her low gear. When she is in the slower mode, she can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. She is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

    Kimberly is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. She needs to visualize the end of a project before she starts. she finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said she plans everything she is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Kimberly basically feels good about herself. She has a positive self-esteem which contributes to her success. She feels she has the ability to achieve anything she sets her mind to. However, she sets her goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". She has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, she will not take great risks, as they relate to her goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, her self-perception is better than average.

    Kimberly has a need to be in control of her own life. She is a strong individual that can control situations to her advantage. This person can take control of a situation. She likes control and has the ability to control people without getting them offended.

    Kimberly has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. She lets new people into her circle of friends. She uses her imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.
    1:19 pm
    I HATE shopping...UGH! At least most of it is done..got a new jacket with gc from bf. Hate that even more. LOVE the jacket though!
    10:17 am
    reality check
    laundry, wrapping, dishes, sweeping, mopping, more laundry, more wrapping...UGH! went out and had a few with the bf last night. left early, wasn't feelin it. i think today is the day. I CAN DO THIS! (chanting in the background...YOU CAN DO IT!) reminds me of adam sandler movies...lol

    totally switching subjects...as excited as I am to have my son home (and by home I do not mean MY home), I am sooo worried about him. He does not seem to have changed too much while away. I worry for him, his girl, but especially for those kids. Are they going to end up with a father that is bad? Are they gonna end up with NO father? I hope he is done with the ugly, cause they deserve so much. So much more than my kids had. I tried explaining this to him. I told him the cycle can end with him. He has to make an effort to be the man they can rely on, they can look up to. That they can count on.

    And then there is the old 'this is my fault' issue that us moms have. Did I do this to him? Did I cause this? Did he learn nothing good from me? Did having a bad dad cause this?

    The part I don't understand is this: my parents had limitations as parents, we all do. But in the end, I learned from that. I grew from their mistakes. I could see at a young age what I wanted to do differently from my parents. Why can't he grow from my mistakes? From the mistakes of his dad? or I should say 'dads' since he has two of them, both equally assholes in their own unique ways.

    I am not a praying person, but you can bet this will come up as I go to sleep each night.
    Saturday, December 26th, 2009
    4:26 pm
    blah blah
    Ok, Matt, you started this...

    I am sitting here staring at this box. Christmas present actually. Deciding if I want to opne it, toss it, or set it on fire.

    I have been trying to break up with him...thought I would be nice and wait till after the holidays. After the way I spent Christmas, I think the time is now. I get up enough nerve to drive there, but he is too busy with this huge sale at his shop. Go to leave and save it for another day, and he hands me a present. Two, actually, for me and one for my youngest son.

    What to do, what to do.....Any suggestions?
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