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Blurty for Hellbound Heart.
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| Thursday, July 17th, 2008 |
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I'm amazed that this journal is still around... I've been updating a bit on LJ and I'd forgotten about good old Blurty. Such a lot has happened since I last updated here, much of it entirely irrelevant now but lately things have changed dramatically for me. Two main things really... I am now back in NZ (been back for about a month and a half now), which is a good thing for me. However, the guy I was with in the US sadly could not handle life anymore and he committed suicide about 10 days after I got home. Naturally that stirred up a hornets nest of feelings for me, but on the whole I am handling it all pretty well. I realise that it was ultimately his decision and even though I thought I had gotten through to him, he was just mollifying me... agreeing with me and telling me what I wanted to hear. The plan was for me to go back home, get a job etc and have him join me so he could start a fresh life, one with a bit more hope than the one he had. As I said, I thought he was good with that... but I was wrong. Anyway, I'm trying to get my life back together which has its own set of frustrations. The main thing now is to get a job, which is proving tedious but I'll get something eventually. I could be so bitter and twisted about everything, but I just can't seem to feel that way, at least I don't feel that strongly. I feel rather numbed actually and I find it hard these days to get passionate about much at all. A mixture of sadness, disappointment, regret and perhaps even a touch of relief - that's pretty much me these days. |
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| Tuesday, July 5th, 2005 |
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Events beyond my control are dictating my life and I can do fuck all about it right now. I hate it. It's like I'm dangling on a piece of rope and watching someone quietly pick away at the strands which are holding me up. Get it over with you fuckers! Cut through and let me fall into oblivion! |
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| Friday, January 21st, 2005 |
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Happiness is... Sitting at your computer bemoaning the fact that you are getting hungry and there is nothing nice in the pantry to eat, then suddenly realising that you have some donuts left over from yesterday... which are still edible! Mmmmm... Chocolate icing and sprinkles! |
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I learned this morning that Ireland has just recently got rid of all their road signs that say m.p.h which leaves only two other countries in the world that are still using them - UK and US. At least that was the way the radio station presented it, but I believe that Canada has both measurements on their signs. Regardless, it brought up an interesting discussion as to whether the US should switch over to the metric system or remain stubborn about clinging to the imperial system, even though the rest of the world is operating just fine using a system which is less complicated and easier to deal with. In saying that though, the UK is a bit of an oddity as certain things are still measured imperially such as speed limits, milk and of course the ubiquitous British pint of beer, but... they have embraced the metric system in other areas. With so much business being done internationally these days you'd think that the US would consider using the same system as the rest of the world, especially seeing as how it touts itself as a world leader, but no... it's still inches and pounds. I remember doing business with US companies when I was in NZ, and the frustration involved with having to deal with an archaic measurement system when trying to ascertain if the product was a suitable size, not to mention the hassles of converting weights etc for shipping purposes. Anyway, I don't really care about the issue that much but it amused me to listen to the knee jerk reaction of one of the DJ's when it was suggested that the US should convert - his instant response was... no way! In day to day life I guess it's not a big deal as most consumables have dual measurements on the packaging anyway, and have for quite a while. Which is fine by me and makes my existence here a bit easier as I don't have to try and convert things all the time whenever I go shopping. That only really works on pre-packaged items though, as buying stuff at the deli for example, is still a bit of a chore for me. I have to stop and think about just how much stuff I am buying when it comes to a pound or half pound. Mildly irritating at times, but I'm adapting... somewhat. :) |
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| Thursday, January 13th, 2005 |
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I am only about 5ft 6, yet I can wear my man's jeans without having them dragging on the ground, or having to roll them up. He is 6ft tall... I guess I have long legs for my height. If it was a perfect world I would actually be an inch or two taller than I really am, but I am not care of a touch of scoliosis. Even though people tell me that it's not that noticeable I am still self conscious about it, which tends to make me "censor" myself with the clothes that I wear in public. I am fully aware that there are people out there who have it far worse than I do, so I got off lucky and I am thankful for that. |
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| Monday, January 10th, 2005 |
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Today was my first experience in winter driving. It seems a bit strange that I have been driving for over 20 years and only now get to experience the delights of the icy road. I guess that's what happens when you've spent most of your life in a sub-tropical/temperate country. We had our first real snow fall on Friday night and another one on Sunday morning. Granted it was only a couple of inches, but that's enough as far as I am concerned. My other half made me get out of bed early on Sunday to look at it, so I stood there bleary eyed and yawning, agreeing with him that the tree did look really pretty, before I went back to my warm bed for a bit more sleep. You'd think I'd never seen snow before the way he was acting... lol. It was kinda sweet in a way that he wanted to share it with me though. Anyway... back to the story. The driveway out of the apartment complex was like a skating rink this morning. A solid sheet of ice and old snow that thinned slightly when we hit the road, but that was slippery also and I managed to spin the wheels a little bit. This of course had my man a bit concerned, but we figured that it would be better once we hit the main highway, and it was. I think he wanted to take over and drive but I said that I had to learn sometime, so he gritted his teeth and spent most of the journey yelling at the DJ on the radio and getting paranoid that someone was going to just pull out in front of me on the freeway and that I wouldn't be able to stop in time. Poor thing... He probably aged a few years, but the journey was uneventful. I was super careful when it came to taking some sharp, downhill corners with stop signs at the end of them. They were the sections of the journey that were concerning me the most, but all was well. Of course, he insisted that I call him when I got back home. I know he was worried about something happening, but the road home was fine and I've just let him know that I got home safe and sound, so that eased his mind. On the whole, I think I did rather well for my first attempt at driving in icy conditions. I won't dare get cocky or complacent about it though, and I hope it doesn't get much icier than it was today. Even though I am a confident driver, I will admit that I don't particularly enjoy the icy conditions. |
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| Thursday, January 6th, 2005 |
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| Tuesday, January 4th, 2005 |
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I realise that the above salutation is perhaps a trifle tardy, but so what. I find it strange to think that I have been away from home for seven months now, it somehow doesn't feel that long. I'm not homesick as such, although I did feel a little pang of it when I spoke to my mother on the phone on New Years day. Time feels weird for me at the moment... I guess because I'm not in the usual routine that I have been used to for all my working life. I haven't done any spanish dancing since I have been here because it's not logistically or financially viable for me right now. Maybe when we eventually move closer to the city centre I will be able to resume it again. I just feel as though I am losing my skills somewhat and that kinda sucks. So much is swirling through my mind right now that I can't think straight. I think I will partake of some mindless game playing and give my brain a rest for the moment. |
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| Thursday, December 30th, 2004 |
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I'm still alive... Just haven't felt much like blogging lately. Maybe later... |
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| Friday, December 17th, 2004 |
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I am a redhead and while other people sometimes comment on the colour, I am convinced that it is rather drab looking, so for the first time in years I bought some hair dye yesterday. As usual I vacillated over the exact shade to buy... should I go really shocking or just choose something to liven it up a bit? I decided to play it safe and not go with the brightest colour as I don't fancy having to wear hats for the next 6-8 weeks if it all goes horribly wrong. The last time I mucked around with hair colour I paid for a professional to do highlights. It cost me a fair bit that time and I was largely disappointed with the results as it was way too subtle and barely noticeable except in certain light conditions. Almost time to wash it out and see how it looks. Update 1:20pm: I'm actually fairly impressed! It's brightened up my natural colour quite nicely and it doesn't look fake at all. Now to see if anyone actually notices... |
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| Wednesday, December 8th, 2004 |
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I had such a kick ass time last Friday night... Drinking and playing pool until the wee small hours. I didn't get completely blasted though, just had a nice buzz going on, unlike the last painful time (I think I'm going to have that mark on my knee for life). I've just realised how damn close to Christmas it is and I haven't organised anything to send to my Mum. I'm not really into all that shit anyway, but my dear old Mum deserves something. Hmmm... but what? Got my other half's Christmas function coming up this weekend and I have been seconded into making some finger food stuff... groan. It could prove to be mildly expensive as my kitchen equipment is sadly lacking these days. Oh, I sound so domestic don't I? *shrugs* I should go to the bank but it's cold and windy out there right now and I'd much rather be indoors faffing around on the computer. Time for more coffee methinks. |
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| Thursday, December 2nd, 2004 |
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 You are an air witch. You're very intelligent and draw your power from the air. Thin and small in appearance, you're full of insight and vitality. You probably wish to travel the world.. and to fly. Your powers of visualization and invisibility make you a great observer, thinker and sometimes artist. Your spirit moves as the wind, giving life to all. What kind of 'witch' are you? brought to you by Quizilla |
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| Wednesday, December 1st, 2004 |
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I haven't had a Sunday womanly ululation for quite a while now. What day is it? Oh that's right... it's only Wednesday. I need sleep. Only had about 3 hours a night for the last 3 days and it's really catching up with me now. I tried going to bed at a decent hour (which is about midnight for me) the other night, but all I did was toss and turn while trying not to clock watch. I contemplated getting up and reading or something but it was too damn cold to set foot out of the bed. I ended up drifting off at around 3:30am. Difficulties falling asleep wouldn't really worry me if I could sleep in during the week, but I still have to get my ass out of bed at 6:30am. Fuck knows how I am managing to stay awake right now and not just fall asleep here at the keyboard. I have an hour before I need to be heading off someplace else, so maybe I'll just set the alarm and lie down for a bit. I'll probably wake up feeling even worse than I do now but at least it's some sleep. |
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| Monday, November 29th, 2004 |
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Serious lack of motivation going on here right now. Maybe because I'm freezing my ass off or something, but I don't fancy stepping foot outside right now. I must though... need to mail a letter that should have been sent last week, and buy cat litter (I don't even have a cat right now, it's for someone else). Yawn... Ok... will get myself moving in half an hour or so. Maybe. |
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| Thursday, November 11th, 2004 |
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As I returned home this morning, I noticed more squirrels clustered around the dumpster, intently peering inside. I immediately thought of the last dumpster episode and wondered if the scene was being played out once more. They scarpered when they saw me arrive so I pulled into the carport, turned off the engine and sat quietly watching. Sure enough, I see a squirrel body bobbing up and down in the dumpster, frantically trying to get out. Then one of the other squirrels returns, runs to the edge of the dumpster and promptly slides over the edge to join it's hapless brother/sister inside. Unbelievable... they really are stupid creatures, I thought. But no... Within moments of the second one jumping in, it smoothly leaped back out with no effort at all, holding a piece of apple in it's jaws which it promptly started gnawing on. Seemed like this was a "survival of the fittest" drama playing out before my eyes, as the stronger squirrel bounded off into the trees clutching it's prize. Meanwhile, the other critter was still stuck in the green, metallic vessel of doom. I vacated the car and headed indoors, wondering if I should perhaps put something in there to try and facilitate it's escape. After a few minutes, I decided to check on progress from the bedroom window. It was still jumping around in vain. It had the height at times to be able to get out, but seemed to lack the coordination required to actually land on the rim of the dumpster. I was just about to leave and make some coffee, when an interesting thing happened... The mafia showed up. First two, then another one... then another one. The Crow brothers had arrived to see what all the fuss was about. They took turns flying from the carports to the dumpster, cawing maniacally and eyeballing the hapless squirrel. I'm not certain if they had murderous intent or not, but it sure as hell looked like it. Maybe it was blind luck or an adrenalin rush, but not long after the "boys" showed up, the squirrel somehow found the energy to extricate itself from it's predicament. It was last seen heading away from the dumpster at a rate of knots, madly flicking it's tail. So ends today's nature tale. |
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| Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 |
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According to the drive time DJ's this morning, that is what they are calling Angelina Jolie these days because she has apparently been perusing Russian orphanages searching for her next adopted child. Is it a bad thing? I can understand how people who want to adopt a child could be bitter and cynical by the fact that she seems to be able to sidestep the system and get what she wants straight away because she has money. But did she really? Who's to say that she hasn't had this in the pipeline for a while now? (The article does state that she enquired about it last year). The problem with media reporting of celebrities, is that everything seems instantaneous and up to the minute, so it could be perceived as if she just decided on a whim to go out and "buy" a new little boy as a playmate for her other son. I'm sure she is an excellent mother and isn't doing this as a fashion statement... she is doing it because she cares, so that has to be good. Then again, there is always the standard argument about adopting a child from your home country before looking at the "soft" overseas option... kinda like cleaning up your own backyard before tackling the rest of the neighbourhood (to use a crude analogy). I do agree with that philosophy, however the mind boggling bureaucracy involved at times can test the resolve to it's limits and beyond, so is it any wonder that people look elsewhere? As a childless female who would look at adoption (but knows full well that she won't qualify), I could get my knickers in a knot about it if I wanted to. But the bottom line is that children in need are being assisted. So what if it's not by me... at least somebody is doing it. |
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| Friday, October 22nd, 2004 |
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I have heard from my ex and all is relatively well in my world once more. My relief is palpable. Fuck, I need a drink now... |
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| Thursday, October 21st, 2004 |
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Excuse me one moment while I scream a little...CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON...Godammit. How hard can it be to pick up the fucking telephone and let me know what the hell is happening? |
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| Monday, October 18th, 2004 |
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It's been a while since I posted a "quiz" result, so I'll jump on the bandwagon with this one... MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody What does your birth month say about you? brought to you by Quizilla |
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| Friday, October 15th, 2004 |
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A few weeks ago we decided to walk to the local sports bar just down the road to grab a jug of good beer and play some pool, as we were in danger of developing cabin fever and needed some sort of distraction. We found a table that you didn't have to pay for (which is always a bonus) and set about having a wonderful time. Of course the one jug of beer turned into two, plus a couple of tequila shots... I know this doesn't sound like a lot of alcohol, but I failed to mention that we had downed a few beers before leaving home, so by the end of the night we were pretty tanked. Me, being the fool that I am, decided to take a shortcut to the sidewalk instead of walking down the driveway like any normal sane drunk would do. I proceeded to head down a small bank, which I had no trouble walking up on the journey over, but it proved to be my undoing when attempting to navigate it in high heeled boots whilst merrily pissed. I lost my footing completely and ended up crashing to the sidewalk. I wasn't sprawled flat out or anything, it was more like a crumpled heap... kneeling down with my left shoulder touching the ground as I quietly groaned and cursed. It felt like I was there for an age, but it was only mere seconds before my knight in shining armour came to my aid. Fuck... I felt like a complete moron. Why did I have to try and take that damned shortcut? I didn't bother inspecting the damage until I got home. Left knee skinned like a bastard, right hand hurting like a bitch just at the base of my thumb, right knee bruised, left elbow bruised and worst of all... a gaping hole in the left leg of my black boot leg trousers. I loved those trousers but they are pretty much unwearable now. I guess I could sew up the hole, but it would be so noticeable. I'm never getting plastered again. I've got a tasty scar on my left knee now and the base of my thumb is still giving me problems - I'm convinced I broke the scaphoid bone or something. |
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Blurty for Hellbound Heart.
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contemplative.
pissed off.
happy.
accomplished.
blah.
tired.
cold.
relieved.
embarrassed.