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Friday, December 12th, 2003

Subject:I can't breathe...
Time:9:14 pm.
Mood: bored.
Music:"She's Gonna Break Soon" -Less Than Jake.
"there's something about you
but i just cant put my finger on it right now
maybe its the fact that you lie
or just that i believe you
stop smiling because i know what you're feeling
you're jealous because he's not around
its hard knowing you're not miss perfect anymore
youre not perfect
youre shit to me
i can't even be around you anymore
i hope you fall flat on your face
and no one notices
while the rest of the world steps on you
you'll feel like youre nothing
what a loss
but you're everything to someone
just not me."

^ got those out of somethingartsy's blurty. She's on my friends page coz she sounds cool :-)

Sadness: I can barely breathe, it hurts to talk + swallow, I can't hear anything, it hurts to move, + I might not be able to go to the RPW show tomorrow.

Happiness: {convo between me + Jim}
FAiTH 24 206: lol, well i need a guy who knows when i need someone to just be there for me, and not try to be macho and show emotion sometimes.
DeuceToTheMaxi think i could be that guy
FAiTH 24 206: :-) good
DeuceToTheMax: aren't you gonna ask about what kind of girl i like/want
FAiTH 24 206: haha what kind of girl do you like/want?
DeuceToTheMax: YOU
FAiTH 24 206: awww!!!

that's all for now. More tomorrow perhaps...
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, December 9th, 2003

Subject:Poems....everyone's a critic
Time:6:08 pm.
Mood: apathetic.
Music:"Bike Scene" -Taking Back Sunday.
Hey homies, don't judge these poems, k? They come from the heart. So yeah. They mean a lot to me + it would be nice if I either a. Got compliments on them, or b. Didn't have anything mentioned to me about them. So here goes. Doesn't mean they're all true, but the second one definitely is. The first is semi-true.

1. The Inner Cut
As that first, hard blade hits
The soft skin on my wrist,
Begins to bleed and cry.

The scars on the outside,
Well they will fade in time,
But the ones on the inside remain.

Every time I put the razor to my skin,
I feel my heart and soul die within,
But no matter how many times this happens,
I still cut.

Every one thinks that I do it for sympathy,
I can't believe that you think that little of me.
If I did it for attention, would I try to hide it?

These scars I try to hide,
Even though they injure my pride,
But I just can't stop.

One day, I will be strong enough to quit,
But until then, I have to admit,
That all I need is YOU.


2. Who We Were
I remember all the times we shared,
Back when we were young.
We walked around without a care
And were so deeply in love.

All the times we stayed up talking,
Just content with hearing the other.
We were happy just with walking,
And nothing could take that away.

When we started to drift apart,
I didn't know what to think.
It was cutting and ripping at my heart,
And I knew to you, it was the same.

I knew that I'd never forget you,
And I hoped that you wouldn't forget me.
If you're asking if I love you still, the answer is I do,
Sorry to say you can't say the same.

Well the weeks turned to months, then years,
And I can't believe I didn't stick around.
I've been counting the minutes and my tears,
Hoping you'll come back to me.

I wish I could take back what I did,
And everything that I said to you.
Everything except, "I love you"
And, "I care about you."

I hope that some day you find
That special someone that makes you happy.
I still wish everyday that I could call you mine,
But you're not willing for that chance...

Funniness:: (Jay + me)
AFgangsta86 (6:46:09 PM): i get blown off
FAiTH 24 206 (6:46:15 PM): you wish :-P
AFgangsta86 (6:46:21 PM): not like that
FAiTH 24 206 (6:46:22 PM): O:-)





Lyrics of the day:: "Bike Scene" -Taking Back Sunday

I’ll leave the lights down low
So she knows I mean business
And maybe we could talk this over
Cause I could be your best bet
Let alone your worst ex
And let alone your worst...

I wanna hate you so bad
But I can’t (but I can’t) stop this
Anymore than you can

So honestly, how could you say those things
When you know they don’t mean anything
And you know very well
That I can’t keep my hands to myself,
Hands to myself

I wanna hate you so bad
But I can’t (but I can’t) stop this
Anymore than you can

This is all wrong and it shows
There’s certain things I promised not to let you know,
(I’ve got a silly way of keepin you up on the edge of my seat,
I’ve got a silly way of keepin you up on the...)
Not to let you know
I never let you, never let you, never...

You’ve got this silly way
Of keeping me on the edge of my seat
But you’re only counting the clock against the train
And I’m miserable, oh
(I’ve got a silly way of keepin you up on the edge of my seat,
I’ve got a silly way of keepin you up on the...)
And you’re just getting started
I’m miserable, oh
And you’re just getting started

You’ve got me right where you want me
(let’s never talk) let’s never talk, let’s never,
Let’s never talk about this again because...
I didn’t want it to mean that much to me
I didn’t want it to mean that much to me
I didn’t want it to mean that much to me
I didn’t want it to mean that much to me

Anyway... yeah
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, December 8th, 2003

Subject:It's been awhile...
Time:8:35 pm.
Mood: crushed.
Music:"Against My Better Judgement" - Further Seems Forever.
Hello there, faithful blurty fans! I haven't updated in a while, I know. Colin pressured me to update last night, haha. But he still hasn't updated his easyjournal! Colin!! I'll havta come over to your house + beat you over the head with Brian :) haha. Seriously though, I need to come over! Coz yeah, I miss you + your family! When's the last time I saw your mom? (who is my second mom) It was like, months ago. Gr, that's a long time!!

Ok, basically this entry is to satisfy Colin, so I'll only put a few things in here.

Saturday = RPW show. It rocked my socks off. Me + Kayleigh went + I met a guy (oo, big news there, hahaha). His name is Jim, + today he picked me up after school + met my friends + we drove around for a while. It was fun. But anyway, back to the RPW show. The Amazing Technicolor Dreamboats vs. Big N Tasty: scary fuckin match right there. At the end, when Jake hit the table from the top of the ladder in the ring, I sreamed. Haha, I came running over as soon as the match was over. Everyone was shouting, "Please don't die, please don't die." I got tears in my eyes coz Amy told me Jake was knocked unconcious. So I was (naturally) worried as all hell. He got up though. When I think about it, it still makes me cry. I'm such a loser. When I screamed when Jake fell on the table, everyone around me looked at me, haha. It was an involuntary scream. To me, that fall wasn't just physical. But who the hell am I to determine that?? I don't even know him any more, sorry to say.

Speaking of Jake, he won't even talk to me now. Can you guys imagine how much that hurts? It kills me. I saw him on Saturday for the first time in a while, + when I saw him, I got teary eyed. Thanks for helping me out Kayleigh :) ily hun! It's just like....idk. I'm trying so hard to get over him. I really, really, truly am. It's totally not working well. Big suprise there.

Anyway, back on subject. Colin wrestled!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I <3 my Colin so so so so so much!!! We're like, best friends. He did SO well, I loved it. I took so many great pictures of his match + the TLC match.

Haha, Trevor caught Charisma's boxers, + put them on! Then, when the crutch was broken on (I forgot his name) some guys back, Jim + Trevor caught like, two pieces of it. Haha, awesome stuff there.

Amy + Eddie + I also made ammends. I was never upset with either of them. It's in the past. We can still be friends. They're cool people, really, and they're so cute together!

Sweet Lou is my hero. He saw that albino chick and he goes, "aaaHHHhhhA!" It was hilarious!!!!! He also let me feel his stretchy pants, lol, they were fun! He goes, "Note to self: never let this girl touch my pants again!"

If I'm lucky, my mom will convince my dad to let me go to the RPW show this Saturday with Julie + Brittany. Keep your fingers crossed!!

I LOST 5 POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, this is the part of my blurty where I just randomly say things about myself. If you don't wanna know about the inner person I am, then DON'T READ IT. That's a fair warning. If you like the image I put out every day, then totally, DO. NOT. READ. IT. There. Now it's all up to you.

I'm so fat. I hate this. My goal is to lose 20 more pounds. Then I'll be happy.

My wrists are pretty bad. I have about 15 cuts on my left wrist covered by a NFG wrist band, + about 12 cuts on my right wrist covered by a bandaid. Kayleigh + Brittany saw them + got SO mad at me. I definitely didn't want Jim to see, hence the bandaid thing. It's no one's fault really, it's my fuckin bi-polarity. It sucks. The pills I take fuck me up even worse sometimes. But, what can I do? Not much. On Sunday, I was honestly just laying in bed waiting for God to take me. I was just like, "Why take Matt when you could of had me? My life isn't worth living." I was just waiting for it to be all over. Yanno how SICK I am? I have this written diary, + when I cut myself, I let the blood drip onto the paper. That's just...sick. Even I can admit that.

Ok here's some ranting:: (I doubt anyone's even reading this far down, haha) FUCK YOU OMG I CAN'T DEAL WITH YOUR SHIT ANYMORE!!!!!! EVERY DAY IT'S SOMETHING NEW, YOUR FRIENDS PISS ME OFF, + EVERYTHING YOU DO MAKES ME MAD. But what am I supposed to do? Leave you when you're going through this? Didn't think so, Mark.

Geeeeezuz.

Ok, that's all for now.

Lyrics of the day:: "Against My Better Judgement" - Further Seems Forever


With starving appetites for arguments
you remind me of a secret
I was never supposed to tell.

The time is over, the verdicts in:
Everybody's right, everybody wins
The time is over, the verdicts in:
Everybody's right, everybody wins

Didn't you know you were a saint, what a shameful fall from grace
But I'll catch you, I'll catch you
Everybody's waiting for that something they can hold onto
while tripping over our own words
to self-dug graves for an excuse to fall
Becuase every failure's just as sweet as the last

The time is over, the verdicts in:
Everybody's right, everybody wins
The tims is over, the verdicts in:
Everybody's right, everybody wins

Didn't you know you were a saint,
what a shameful fall from grace
But I'll catch you, I'll catch you
Everybody's waiting for that something they can hold onto
while tripping over our own words
to self-dug graves for an excuse to fall
Becuase every failure's just as sweet as the last

As a dream comes
when there are many cares
so the speech of a fool
when there are many words
the sun it misses summer in winter.
Didn't you know we wear
the same pretentious name
lets trade for awhile
i'm so curious

Everybody's waiting for that something they can hold onto
while tripping over our own words
to self-dug graves for an excuse to fall
Becuase every failure's just as sweet as the last
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2003

Subject:Orange soda rocks my socks off!
Time:2:02 pm.
Mood: content.
Music:The Eyeliners - "I Could Never Hate You".
So instead of being at school right now, I'm home. I needed to stay home, because: 1. I needed a sick day (my head/throat hurts) + 2. My mommy + I needed a girls day.

Ok remember the last entry when I said my mom doesn't understand me? Well that's all changed. We talked about things (including my cuts) + she really helped me. She sat with me when I cried, she came in this morning to wake me up for school + I was crying so she sat there with me for 25 minutes + decided to let me stay home. It's the first time I've been absent this year. So anyway, we did a lot today. I helped her make this craft for a kid's breakfast with Santa Mouse, + we played video games. Then we went to McDonalds for lunch, + then we came home. I took a shower while she made my favorite dessert (oatmeal butterscotch brownies...mmm). Speaking of oatmeal, that's what I had to eat this morning. + brown sugar. I was in Heaven.

Today I have to work from 3-5 up at the animal shelter. Fun stuff: feeding bitchy cats + cleaning their crap. Then there's dealing with the people that come in, who are sometimes so mean + annoying. But I get to help socialize the kittens, which is a big plus. We have 2 four-week-old gray kittens there + we think they're gonna die :o/ because the other 6 kittens in that liter have died, + these two aren't doing too well. There's this one cat there that had a seizure. She's so pretty, I love her. She'll tilt her head, though, because of the seizure. If you pet her/feed her, she'll paw at your hand coz she wants more attention. It's sooo cute. I love Beth, too. She's my manager. + Bonnie + Jessica, two other people who work there. They're fun to work with, esp. since I've known Jessica since 5th grade.

Mom + I are gonna watch a chick flick tonight. That should be fun, coz I love chick flicks. Maybe we'll watch: A Walk To Remember or something. Who knows?

orange soda=amazing

Plans for this weekend:: Julie + I are gonna sleep over at Kayleigh's house on Friday. We'll go to my house after school + pick up my stuff, then go hang at Kayleigh's house. We might go do something that night, too. Then Kayleigh has her bowling league on Saturday, so Julie + I will go + bowl in a different lane + watch Kayleigh. Then we'll go back to Kayleigh's house, probably watch a movie, then go to the wrestling show. Then Julie will bring me home. Fun stuff! We're meeting my friends Mary + Brittany at the wrestling show, I think + my parents.

A couple last things before I leave for work:

MAD love to all my gurliez: KS, JK, BG, SS, LN, MG, SG, + ER. I love you all so much. I don't know what I would do without you!!

Everyone please say a prayer for Mr. Ferris, who's my band teacher + had a heartattack. Apparently, it was/is pretty bad. So please pray for him. He's a great man.

I love my kittens, Scamp + Princess. They're so amazingly cute. :D

How bout that hail last night? It was the size of freaking golf balls!!! lol

Lyrics of the day::

<3 The Eyeliners <3 - "I Could Never Hate You"

Been friends for so long
i've got a picture of you
hanging up on the wall
you say that you believe
that something's changing
that someone has come between you and me
a friend you'll always be
you know that i will never let you down
i'll tell you i could never hate you

i could never hate you

we may not always agree
and things don't happen
like they do on the silver screen
but i know your favorite things
your loves, your hates, your pet peeves
and everything in between


when things are up or down
no matter what goes wrong
i'll always be around
i'll tell you i could never hate you

i could never hate you

watching movies all night long
or trading tapes that we made of our favorite songs
will you ever see just what you mean to me?
and i will cherish these memories


when things are up or down
no matter what goes wrong
i'll always be around
i'll tell you i could never hate you


i could never hate you
i could never hate you
i could never hate you





G'day, me fellows!
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Sunday, November 30th, 2003

Subject:Please stop this pain...
Time:4:50 pm.
Mood: depressed.
Music:"Letters to the Far Reaches" - The Promise Ring.
I promised myself that I wouldn't do this again....it seems I can never keep promises to myself. It hasn't even been a month since the last time. Now it's been 5 minutes since the last time. God I hate this.

Random thoughts::
1. I wish my mom would understand me, but she doesn't, never will, and is just not capable of it.
2. I wish I didn't have to deal with this pain.
3. School is my "safe-haven."
4. I wish I could go to the RCW show next week.
5. I'm sick of holding back tears.
6. "Unbreak My Heart" - Toni Braxton: yeah
7. It really, really sucks that you don't care. You know who you are.
8. It sucks that Mr. Ferris had a heart attack.
9. My life sucks.
10. "She's Gonna Break Soon" - Less Than Jake: double yeah
11. I'm slowly slipping back to where I was in February/March. I hated that. I don't want March 11 to happen again...
12. I wish I could sleep for two days + wake up to having this be a nightmare.
13. I WISH THAT HE CARED, GOD DAMNIT. IT HURTS MORE THAN ANYTHING TO KNOW HE DOESN'T.

Ok, that's it. I'm crying now + wanna go upstairs so my parents don't see the tears. They probably get some sort of satisfaction out of it or something.

Lyrics of the day::

"Letters to the Far Reaches" - The Promise Ring

Flickering on, sad to see the season
Come and gone away
My black-eyed friends couldn't stay
I'm afraid

Now I'm left with a mess
I'm way too overdressed for casual guests in time
They've all always got to be leaving
All the long long times

Sometimes we fight
And I don't treat my stomach right
Every night
It hurts
and I don't know what's worse
the eyes or words.

Flickering on, sad to see the season
Come and gone away
My black-eyed friends couldn't stay
My black-eyed friends couldn't stay
My black-eyed friends couldn't stay
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, November 29th, 2003

Subject:Snow + looking back...
Time:2:44 pm.
Mood: hopeful.
Music:My Chemical Romance - "Our Lady of Sorrows".
New icon yet again. This time, credit goes to a member of the community: www.blurty.com/users/prettyful_icons. + yes, I did not make it. I'm not that talented.

So how bout today I woke up + it was snowing! I was so excited, just coz I love snow. It makes me feel happy coz that means it's almost Christmas time + snow makes me feel all warm inside! When it's snowing is the best time to just curl up in bed/on the couch/in a chair + read while watching the snow w/ a cup of hot chocolate. Mmmm....makes me feel good just thinking about it.

Kayleigh + I have come to the conclusion that we need boyfriends. Not just your average run-of-the-mill-i-need-you-to-fill-the-space-in-my-heart-even-though-i-don't-like-you boyfriend. One that we actually LOVE. We both love people. Only one problem: they don't love us back. + if they do, they have failed to tell us. Maybe they're in denial (lol, right Kayleigh??). But whichever it is, we love them + need to deal with the fact that they don't love us....at least not at this point in time. Which is very sad.

I <3 talking to Colin. I was all, "I have a problem." + he tries to help me solve it. He's gotta be one of the sweetest guys I know.

Anyway, Kayleigh + Julie + I were supposed to go to FX tonight, the new teen night club. But, Julie is grounded so she can't take us + my parents don't want me going to a night club I guess. Maybe we'll have a sleepover or something, maybe Brittany will come over...who knows? Plans are always spur-of-the-moment for us.

What makes me happy: (besides talking to colin in general):
Dudester74: my mom loves you

I think that is soooo cool, coz his mom has got to be the sweetest lady I know :D Sweetness must run in the family!! I gotta see Colin wrestle some time soon! Before I go crazy!!

I was listening to the Warped Tour 2002 CD (old, I know) but there are some really kick ass songs on there, like:
The Eyeliners: "I Could Never Hate You"
Vendetta Red: "The Long Goodbye"
GOOD CHARLOTTE: "East Coast Anthem"
From Autumn To Ashes: "Capeside Rock"
Tacking Back Sunday: "Great Romances of the 20th Century"
No Use For A Name: "Dumb Reminders"
Swingin Utters: "Pills & Smoke"
Glassjaw: "Cosmopolitan Blood Loss"
+
Midtown: "Become What You Hate"
+ a lot of others that I can't remember, seeing as there's 50 songs on there.

Breaking News: My parents are taking me to see Colin wrestle on Saturday w/ four friends + them!!! How cool is that????

Ok, I think that's it. I'm gonna go try to convince my parents to take me somewhere tonight.

Song of the day:: My Chemical Romance - "Our Lady of Sorrows"

We could be perfect one last night
And look like star-crossed lovers when we fight
And we can settle this affair
If you would shed your yellow take my hand
And then we'll solve the mystery of laceration gravity
This riddle of revenge please
understand it has to be this way and

Stand up fucking tall
Don't let them see your back
Take my fucking hand
and never be afraid again

We've only got once chance to put this at in end

and cross the patron saint of switchblade fights
You said we're not celebrities, we spark and fade, they die by threes
I'll make you understand and you can trade me for an apparition

Stand up fucking tall
Don't let them see your back
Take my fucking hand
and never be afraid again

Trust, you said
Who put the words in your head
Oh how wrong we were to think
That immortality meant never dying

Stand up fucking tall
Don't let them see your back
Take my fucking hand
and never be afraid again
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Friday, November 28th, 2003

Subject:Today + the past...
Time:10:24 pm.
Mood: nostalgic.
Music:"Bend Your Arms To Look Like Wings" -Funeral For a Friend.
So I said I'd update later, + I tend to be a woman of my word. Or at least I'd like to think that. Except for two entries back when I said I'd update later + never did...yeah sorry, I was extrrreeemely busy.

Today was full of nothingness yet again, except at around 5 when Kayleigh called + informed me that her + Julie were gonna go see Elf. They wanted to know if I could come, so I checked with my parents who ok'ed the idea. Turns out Julie got grounded for telling her mom to go fuck herself (Julie ily!) so Kayleigh's mom took me + Kayleigh to her house for a little while then to the movie. It was so fucking amusing. I also told the random man at the snack counter that the floor was quite sticky + he responded with, "Well, this is a movie theatre" + a smile. It was fun. Oh, + Dave was working! So that was cool coz he likes to pretend he doesn't know us but he's still a cool guy. He hangs out with Tony + Bomba + Joe, so he just must be cool. I offered Jake to meet us at the movie theatre, since he lives like, right across the street practically, but he was in the middle of his 25 page challenge for the book he's writing, + didn't want to go because he really wanted to come close to finishing the book. + he had been planning it all week, so I don't really blame him. Still, it would have been nice to see him for the first time in almost 10 months I think. Oh well, in two weeks we are gonna get together I think. Maybe I should give some backround to the "Me + Jake" story for those of you who care (+ my own benefit, haha):

Ok, I met Jake at a wrestling show I went to on January 31st this year (yes, I still remember the date) + we started dating the next day. It was pure fuckin bliss. I was so in love with him (still am) + was so attatched...idk how/why I broke up with him + how I have survived without him. He was such a sweetheart (still is) + always made me feel like I had a reason to live. After we broke up, everything would remind me of him. I remember the time...it was a wednesday...that jake + I went to the mall + our hands just automatically found eachothers. It was so cute. I doubt he still remembers small things like that. I don't even think he thinks about me anymore. But yeah, the next day we went to see Darkness Falls, which to this day I refuse to see because it reminds me of him + will definitley make me cry tons. It seemed all the songs I heard reminded me of him...like "Addicted" by Simple Plan, "Superman Can't Walk" by Good Charlotte, "All the Things She Said" by Tatu, + of course our song, "Two in a Million" by SClub7. I still can't listen to that song. It makes me cry. But anyway. Jake + I drifted apart. I knew I still loved him, + didn't think he felt the same way. A little after school started I think, I IM'ed him from my new s/n + we have been good friends ever since. Talking to him makes my day. I'm just so lucky to have him in my life again. Who knows if anything will happen between us in the future?? I hope so. Fate will only tell...I can't wait till school ends for him (he's in his second year of college) + we can see eachother.

Anyway, enough of the reminicing. I highly doubt he even reads this.

Today, I went to different blurty communities + found some freakin kickass icons. I will give credit coz I will eventually use them all. They're so amazing. There was this one that reminded me of me in February/March after Jake + I broke up. It said something like..."The words you say leave marks..." ::a picture of a hugely slashed wrist + extrememly bloody::..."That will remain on my wrists forever" ::a picture of a bloody razor blade::. + yeah, it was a good icon, but I'm not like that anymore. If I do cut, it's on my arms + pretty superficial (not huge). I don't even remember the last time I cut. November 3rd I think...after a fight with my mom. Yep.

My fish is dying :o( That is sad. I won him at a carnival about 7 years ago! I cannot believe he's lived this long. He's totally dying though. My mom + dad say he is + you can just tell.

Alright, more tomorrow or Sunday....I leave you with some lyrics.

"Bend your arms to look like wings" -Funeral for a friend

As the sun sets on battlefields
I hope you can save me
I hope you can save our wounded hearts

Distance makes my heart grow colder
Distance makes my heart grow older
Just enough to cut the air from your lungs

As the sun sets (we push and pull apart)
On battlefields (enough for this to end)
I hope you can save me (from ourselves)
I hope you can save us from ourselves

Denial in the arms of our saviours
And my heart is torn to pieces
Just enough to cut the air from your lungs

And paper cuts and bloody hands
In the middle they would meet


G'night.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:.:*Credit*:.
Time:12:20 pm.
Mood: accomplished.
Music:"Screaming Infidelities" -Dashboard Confessional.
Must give credit for the kickass Dashboard Confessional icon that's my default picture right now. I give all credit to: www.blurty.com/users/Xl0stinmydreams who is a member of the community: www.blurty.com/users/prettyful_icons so yeah, if you want some kickass icons, go to one of those two places, + make sure you give the needed credit to whoever made the icon.

more later
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, November 26th, 2003

Subject:Silent in my sanity
Time:6:45 pm.
Mood: drained.
Music:"My Little Box" - John Frizzell.
I live safe inside my cell
In the darkness that surrounds me
I see my own special hell
Comfort in my suffering
Feeling warm inside this pain
Before I was coming down on me
I come on down again

I let you win, you come on to me
And you're so fucking brave
A chewed out lighten candle
fell in my cool and empty cave
Somewhere in your world they
tell you this is what the people need
Doing all that shit on me
And leave me here to bleed

Cradle falls...
Unholy walls...
Cradle falls, unholy walls...
Cradle falls...

Silent in my sanity
I live safe inside my cell
In the darkness that surrounds me
I see my own special hell
Comfort in my suffering
Feeling warm inside this pain
Before I was coming down on me
I come on down again

You woke me out of my secret grave
You let your pretty world in

Cradle falls, unholy walls...

Now you're in my world
Did you dream it'd be so small?
My little box was perfect
Until you destroyed it all
My sanctity of sorrow gone
Forever in it's place
The saccharine sweet of you
Is all that's left to taste

Feeling claustrophobic
Now my world is closing in
Subtle retrobution
Where I am and where I've been
I'll take you to a place
You never knew could be
Curled up, in my little box

Cradle falls...






Good song. It's from one of my favorite movies - Ghost Ship.

I'll add onto this later coz Scamp is asleep on my stomach/chest + that is making it hard to type. So yeah...until then...

Sunday, November 23rd, 2003

Subject:Every new beginning
Time:7:32 pm.
Mood: happy.
Music:"Sink To The Bottom" -Fountains of Wayne.
comes from some other beginnings end...

So yeah. Definitley have a new blurty. But. I'm also too lazy to write an actual entry right now + I'm not really in the mood for it. So I'll write something real tomorrow. Just wanted to let ya know I have a new journal :D

Blurty for These may be memories.......

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