28th February 2004

7:14pm: long day of teasing
jaime showed up at 1130 to study for the midterm. he was looking so good. we are studying and he is just answering questions left and right. so smart...i love that. then i took the midterm online...and he waited around till i was finished. we talked and sprawled on the bed. then he took the midterm. he just left. it's going to be difficult to convert this friendship to the next level. seems some crazy girl was all weird on him in december and he and his buddies decided to just keep relationships with girls on the friend-level. but he is hesitant. trying to keep us there, but wanting to move forward. i wont push. i respect his principles; i am glad he told me, otherwise i would have taken it as rejection. after all, we have already crossed the friendship line. friends dont makeout. and i was able to tell him that i wanted to be more than friends because i like him more than that, but that if he only wanted to be friends i could deal with that. hes too good a guy to discount due to this obstacle to romance and love. truthfully though, i am very attracted to him on many levels...and i am ready for a relationship after getting my heart ripped out and impaled on a fencepost and displayed for the world to see. i want to try again. and i don't want to be rejected...ack. but i can sense that he is second-guessing himself a little, so...i wont push it. but i guess he didn't count on meeting me and liking me. whatever. i wont get my hopes up. play it by ear. now i will be all sophomoric and list all the things i like about him: his smile, his beautiful eyes, his sense of humor, his brain...he is so smart, he speaks spanish fluently, he loves dave matthews, he likes animals (even my cats!), he encourages me to eat dessert, he knows just the right thing to say, he asks me what i am thinking and is interested in knowing, he is tight with his family, he likes to read, he has nauseum...oh well. im done. i have to stop because i am going to develop some real feelings for him and get crushed because he wants to be friends. what if he told me that so he could really say, "i like you for a friend"? omigod. ouch. oh well. ill get over it i guess. its not like im in love with him. its not like hes kenn, my true love...lost. havent been thinking about him all that much really. which is good, because i miss him. stop stop stop stop stop. brain dont go there. theres this ancient indian saying goes like this: what goes around comes around.....yep. its a joke sort of. i like it. anyway. maybe jaime will choose me. why and how do i get myself in these ambiguous situations? its like a setup.
Current Mood: confused
Current Music: 50 first dates soundtrack
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