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Friday, September 26th, 2003
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12:31 am - WOO!
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Today was an awesome day. After psychology class, I went to Starbucks because I was supposed to meet with Josh at 11:00. He wasn't there, so I listened to Chevelle on my Cd player until about 12. He didn't show, so I walked to Wendy's got some food, came back, and he still wasn't there. So I said fuck it, told Kris (who now works at Ledo's) to tell Josh that I went back home and I'd be back later. So I got home, played Only Hope on my piano for a bit, then went online. I went back at about 2:30, and Kris told me that Josh went to James' house. I figured he was playing DDRMax. lol. I was right.
So Josh and I played DDRMax until 4:00, where we went to Starbucks and found Jared, Joy, Gavin, and Alan's littlle brother (I can't remember his name) sitting around. Kris got off of work, and after about 30 minutes of bullshitting around, we went to Centerville Plaza.
Dude, the Burger King in Centerville Plaza is HUGE! It's two floors, and both floors have a playplace. It would be better if the two playplaces were connected, but it was still beasty. It was just me, Josh, Kris, and Gavin, but we had so much fun. Kris didn't get in the playplace, but Josh, Gavin, and I did. These little kids were in there, too, and they kept following us around... it was weird. Anyway, we stayed there for a while and headed back at around 7:30. While we were in Centerville, we went to Starland (I think that's what it's called) games and I got DDRMax2, which came with a brand spanking new dance pad. The underside is sticky and it's more receptive to touch. Bitchin!! XD!
So we played DDRMax 2 until about 11:30. I took Gavin home 30 minutes earlier, and when I got back, Josh had gone home becaue of curfew, and Jared was leaving soon. So I stayed for a few minutes after Jared left (just long enough to kick James' ass! XD!) and left for home.
All in all, it was a pretty good day. I wish I'd gotten the chance to talk to Tony. I wanna talk to him about hanging out, and ask him when I'm going to get those damn guitar lessons. lol. I'll prob see him tomorrow...
Wow, it's late...
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| Wednesday, September 24th, 2003
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2:46 pm - Myeh...
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I still don't really feel like talking about anything, but someone demanded that I update my journal. I'm trying to figure out how he found it in the first place (yes, there's a link in my profile, but it's a tiny dot!). Anyway, here goes.
Well, Tony and I are no longer. I don't remember exactly what it is he said... something about not wanting to commit to anything... like anything over 2 months is such a big commitment. I'm thinking it may have been the fact that I told him I was against abortion and asked him what he'd do if I got pregnant. I guess he thought about it too hard and decided to go chicken. I don't know. But if that were the case, we could just say "no more sex" because if it's not me, it's gonna be someone else. I don't know. Maybe he just decided that he didn't like me as much as he thought he did. I miss him horribly, though...
DDRMAX is a fucking awesome game. Go get it. Now. It's only $60, game and dance pad combined... XD!
Why does my dad always feel the need to talk to me? Seriously. I need a big sign on my forehead that says "GO AWAY DAD, I MOST LIKELY DON'T WANT TO TALK." If I wanted to talk, I'd strike up a conversation, but for the most part, I just dont' like talking to him, and he always wants to talk. ALWAYS. And he's always fucking home lately. He's a lazy asshole and didn't want to fight the horrible rain on his way to work, so he stayed home. That wouldn't be so bad if I actually liked having him around. I don't know what it is, but I just can't stand his presence, and he's ALWAYS THERE. I swear, he follows me around the fucking house. And he always feels the need to tell me what to do. ALWAYS. That's why I hate having him around. "Oh, btw, I think you should do this..." "Oh, well maybe you should do this..." I AM EIGHT FUCKING TEEN YEARS OLD! STOP TREATING ME LIKE A FUCKING TEN YEAR OLD, GODDAMNIT! Sorry, he's home right now and I'm highly irritated (again). He's a fucking cop, too. The only reason he isn't looking over my shoulder reading what I'm writing is because I'm upstairs and his laptop is downstairs. Thank GOD. Why do I think he looks over my shoulder? Well, becuase he says he's "worried about my language." Ok, I've said two words in my entire life that he's gotten all upset over "sucks" and "balls." Ok, balls I understand, but sucks? I mean come on, it's not even a fucking cuss word (heh). I used to think he was just overreacting (and being hypocritical - every now and then, especially after drinking some wine, he'll try to act all cool and cuss.. but I don't know who in the hell he's trying to impress, because it's mainly in front of my mother and myself, and we just think he's a big fucking hypocrite) but now I'm beginning to think that he reads what I say online, because I do cuss online. It's the only place I CAN cuss and get away with it. Or can I?
Ok, I'm done talking.
current mood:  bitchy
current music: I'd listen to music, but dad's home...
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| Saturday, September 13th, 2003
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8:22 pm - ...
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I know I haven't written in a long time (or read other people's blogs...), I'm sorry. I just, don't feel like talking..
current mood:  depressed
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| Thursday, September 4th, 2003
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3:09 pm - Hoochie Smoochie
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Yesterday was a fairly slow day. I went to Bio, as usual, and almost fell asleep. I swear, that class is so easy. The teacher is REALLY nice, but she probably also thinks we're idiots. No one answers anything except me, usually. It's hilarious. The guys didn't choose their own color for the graph thing we did, so I chose for them. I raised my hand in triumph and they laughed. It was much fun. I was told to go through chapter 2 and review key points (which she gave us) and then read as much of chapter 3 as we can by Monday. I still have yet to do that. I'll do it Sunday. No, Saturday morning. Or something... Which reminds me, I still need to do that stupid math homework. I'm so lazy. They work is so easy, too, it's just a lot of work. Ugh. Anyway, last night, I spent an hour or so sleeping, then my ex called. That's not too strange; he and I are still friends. I feel bad, though, because lately, every time he's called, I've been gone. My dad told me I'd call him back as soon as I woke up. I did, and no one answered the phone. He was probably going over to Chris' and wanted to know if I wanted to take him. Oh, well. His loss.
After I called Brian, I called Tony. No one was home there, either, so I headed to the first place I thought of finding someone to chill with - Starbucks. Tony, Jared, and Josh were all there. James (onelastmoment) was also there, but he was in and out of Ledo's. He spends most of his time there (that's not a bad thing! lol just a random statment). It's like me; I work at Starbucks, but I also spend a lot of time hanging out there, just not with my coworkers. lol After a while, Tony got tired because he had worked earlier. I took him home and we chilled there for a while. We both fell asleep, and I headed for home about 11:45.
It rained today. Again. I'm really getting sick of it. But at least it looks like I won't have to drive to math class in the rain . I wanted to do my math homework outside, but the tables will be wet... maybe there'll be some that are dry. I really need to do more mathwork. And I want to see Tony again tonight. Last night he said something about not seeing me in a while, and I told him that he saw me Monday (two days before). He said, "That was Monday! I didn't see you yesterday!" then he turned to Josh and said (jokingly), "See what I have to deal with?" I told him he just missed the sex (I know, I was being a smartass) and he said he wasn't even thinking about it. Dunno if that's true, but the look on his face when I implied that Monday was enough just floored me. See, I'm used to going out with my ex, who, for the last 6 months of our relationship, was trying NOT to spend time with me. And usually when he spent time with me, it wasn't just me. We were either with Chris, or we were playing a video game, or doing something. Not just talking. Not just chilling. Always DOING something. He was always BORED. God, it drove me crazy. Anyway, I thought everyone only like spending certain amounts of time with their boyfriend/girlfriend. I myself would be content to spend every day with Tony (or almost every day) but I know most people don't think like I do, so I thought I'd give him days where I just don't try to get a hold of him, that way he has a day without me. But now, I have days where him and I literally can't get together, so I guess that will do for "break days."
current mood:  weird
current music: Rammstein (random songs from the CD are in my head)
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| Tuesday, September 2nd, 2003
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9:45 pm - Oww...
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My head hurts, so I won't write much tonight. (and the crowd goes wild!)
Today was pretty good. I decided to get a tall white mocha this morning before going to school. Usually sugar will make me sleepy and caffiene will make me jittery, but for some reason, there's enough sugar in the white mocha to balance out most of the caffiene in the espresso, so I'm awake. It's awesome! Anyway, I got into psychology class, and sat for about 5 minutes (I was like 15 minutes early) when Courtney walked in. I watched her walk in and sit in the same spot she sat in last time, right up against the wall. I was pretty sure she saw me, so I figured she just didn't want to hang out like we did in highschool. I thought, "Hey, whatever." I finished my white mocha and got up to throw it away and get a drink (all that milk makes me so thirsty!) and she saw me get up. I heard her say my name, and turned around to see her smile. It turns out she just didn't see me. She moved over next to me and after I got my drink, we talked until class started. She needs rides to and from school (no big deal, she's right on the way - I actually thought of that last time, but I had already left before I thought of it), so her dad's gonna pay me to be her transportation (sweet!). So I guess all those self-delusions were just what they are. Self-delusions.
I went to math class tonight and actually stayed. When I got there, there were three new people there. I guess they transferred or something. I don't know. Anyway, I overheard her telling them the same thing she told us - that attendance was optional, but she preferred that they come to class, because the ones that come to class succeed. Ok, that's kind of bullshit, because the only thing we can do in class that we can't do anywhere else is have her answer our questions. So IF I need to ask questions, I SHOULD attend class. And I will. And actually, I think I may just stay for a while and study outside. I love evening classes. It's not too dark outside at 6:30, and as long as it's not raining, it's a nice place to study and/or do some mathwork. Ahhh...
So everything looks pretty bright and cheery right now. I know, it can't last too much longer. Buzz off. XD
Oh yeah, I finally got everything on my laptop (yay!). Now I just need to find out how to turn down the damn brightness... Xp
current mood:  relaxed
current music: The crickets are chirping. I think those are crickets...
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| Monday, September 1st, 2003
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1:34 pm - ...
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Ok, I finally decided to try to move everything over onto the laptop on Saturday night, but to do that, I have to burn it all onto a CD. Well, like an idiot, somehow I deleted the program that lets me burn things onto the CD-RW disc (called Easy CD Creator), so instead of just getting another CD burning program or looking really hard for one we may already have, my dad decided to just reinstall windows ME. Well, now it won't boot up all the way. Great. So I can't even GET to the files on my old computer now. Well, we hooked up the drive that has all the files I want on it to my mom's computer, so it's reading it as another drive. Luckily, this computer (my mom's, the one I'm using right now) has a CD burning drive on it, so I can still move all my stuff over. Yay! Now I just have to do it. Boo... But at least once it's done, my father will quit bitching at me about it...
Yesterday was a good day. Work wasn't too horribly bad, and I spent the whole day after work with friends/Tony. After I got off work, I was too lazy to drive home, get food, then drive back, so I just walked over to Wendy's with Gavin (Squeak) and Travis (hilarious skinny black skater dude). I only had a credit card on me, so that's what I paid with. Travis kept asking for food and I said no because I knew he had money on him. After a couple minutes, while I was deciding what I wanted, he asked if he could have a toy. I told him he could only get the toy if he ordered the kids meal; they didn't come separate. So he asked me to get him a kids meal. I said no. I got up to the counter, asked for a #2 with cheese, and then asked if they sold the toys separate from the kids meal. She said they did, and they cost like $1.70. So I asked if I could get one, and she said all they had was playskool toys, and I said okay, that was fine. She asked if I wanted a duck or a bird (ok, isn't a duck a bird?... whatever, lady) and I said duck. So far, I was getting a playskool duck (and actually, they were out of ducks, so they gave me this toy that looked like a 2-year-old's plastic version of the inside of a clock. You could turn the handle on the outside of the toy and the gears on the inside turn) for a 16 year old kid. Then, when I went to pay for it, I had already used my credit card once to pay for my food, so the second time it asked the lady for a password or something. So we were standing there for like 10-15 minutes while a line was slowly forming behind us that lead out the door. After a few minutes, I told the lady to forget about it, that I would just forget about the toy and maybe get it later or something. She said sure, but didn't hand me my card back, so all I could do was just stand there while she talked to her manager and tried to solve the problem. After a while, we got the toy and left, but we were laughing about it the whole way back.
Last night, the Jamiesons (Josh, Jared, and Joy) had 10 beers left from the night before. Joe, Joy, Tony, and Travis all played quarters while Josh woke up from his buzznap. I thought about playing myself, but I thought just a tad too late, so I didn't drink anything. Oh, well. Maybe next time.
I think today I'm just going to burn the files, fill out paperwork for Starbucks stock, and chill. I love Labor Day...
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| Friday, August 29th, 2003
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1:54 pm - Bitchin!
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Ok, so sue me, I didn't have enough energy last night to post. I was feeling pretty shitty last night when I went to my math class, but once again good luck decided to be on my side. I was debating even going; the class is an ADF course (Alternative Delivery Format - think PACE), so I basically do everything on my own, including taking the tests. We have until September 18 to take our first test, and until December 18 to take our final. I've already taken calculus, so this course (Precal and Trig) is pretty much only a refresher. I went to the first class on Tuesday. The teacher pretty much gave us a heads up on what the course was like and what would be happening this semester; in lamens terms, she told us that we basically had to do everything on our own and she would be there in class on Tuesdays and Thursdays to answer any questions. So if we don't have any questions, we can sign in and leave. She told the 166ers (my Tuesday class includes 163, 164, and 166) that we would come back Thursday, so I thought it would be a really small class. Well, Thursday classes include 166, 126, and 127. On Thursday, she said she would basically be going over the same thing she did on Tuesday, so us 166ers didn't have to stay. I raised my hand and asked if we had to come back at any point. She said no, so I signed in, got my stuff, and headed for home. Fuck yeah!!
Today is a "chill out" day. No classes, no homework to speak of, and no work. So I got over 9 hours of sleep last night, got up, got ready, ate spaghetti and a spongebob sherbert pop for lunch (along with my diet vanilla coke :D) and I've been watching cartoons every since. The only thing I have to do today is find someone to cover my shift for Sunday (I don't know how many times i've told Jesus [my manager] that I can't work Sunday mornings because I go to church with my parents! I swear, one of these days I'm going to tell him off..) and figure out exactly I want to transfer over to my laptop. It's gonna be really cool once I get everything transferred over, but GOD it's such a pain to figure out what I want to transfer. I use a ton of programs and I don't want to have to re-download and re-install a million things. Oh, well. At least I've got a laptop!
I'm really happy today for some reason. Maybe because, for once in my life, I'm in a relationship that I'm really happy about and not paranoid at all about. I don't have to wonder if he'll cheat on me (when we first started going out, his ex kissed him and he got so angry with himself that he kept apologizing over and over - and he's not one of those weenie type guys who are really sensitive. When you think of Tony, think of an Italian bodyguard from the Godfather, who likes heavy metal... strange combo, I know, but that's my Tony :D), I can pretty much always talk to him (unless he's in a bad mood - understandable - and even when he's mad, he'll talk), and I don't have to wonder if he's only in it for sex. I'm not saying I want to marry him; I'm not even thinking about marriage right now. Sure, I want to get married someday and have some kids, but not in the immediate future.
Or maybe when you juggle school, work, and life, you learn to really appreciate your days off. That's probably part of it.
Ok, sorry, I know I'm long-winded. I'll stop now.
current mood:  peaceful
current music: Lookin' for love in all the wrong places, lookin' for love..
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| Thursday, August 28th, 2003
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11:33 am - Coincidence
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Last night I chilled with Tony until about 1 o'clock in the morning, and didn't get to bed until about 1:30. I woke up about 6.5 hours later, so needless to say, I spent most of my morning in psychology class half-awake. I ran out of cranberry-grapefruit juice yesterday, so for breakfast I decided to drink some of my mom's straight cranberry juice instead. God, that stuff is awful, and it didn't give me much energy either. I thought I had plenty of time to get to class, but I ended up having to park pretty far from the building, so it took me a good 10-15 minutes to get to class. When I got to the 3rd floor (which is the floor my class is on) I noticed that I was walking right behind my professor. He looked at me with this kind of... "ugh"... look on his face. That made me feel very insecure; I wondered if recognized me as "psykochickey" or if he was mad at me for being late. After thinking about it, I thought, "Eh, fuck it" and rushed behind him into the class room. After I sat down, the professor handed out the phone/email list we had made on Tuesday. (I know this just sounds boring but it gets better). I read it, and found a familiar name - one of my best friends from highschool was in my class. I started searching the room, and found her. It was wierd, because I didn't think I had seen her Tuesday (our first day) but I saw her name on the sheet. She later told me that she thought it was a once-a-week class instead of twice a week and therefore didn't come to the Tuesday class. After class, I looked over at her, and she saw me and smiled. We were talking after class while she was waiting for her ride, but words weren't really coming to me at the time... I kept fucking simple words up, like "starting" and shit. I felt like a complete idiot. Anyway, I was doubly surprised to see her, because I thought she was going to the Annandale campus, but it turns out she only needs to take core classes the first semester (duh) and you can take those at the Woodbridge campus. The majors she and Ashlee are declaring require classes that are only at the Annandale campus. So yay, I have someone I know already in 3 out of 4 classes. Can we say "study buddy?"
It's only 12 o'clock and I already know that today is gonna kill me. My psych class only lasted 1.25 hours, but I have to work from 1:15 to 5:45, which leaves me just enough time to get home, get dressed, and grab some dinner before I run off to my 6:30 math class. At least tomorrow is a day off from everything. Except homework. Ugh! God, school sucks. At least college doesn't have as much DRAMA as high school. Then again, I read enough of that at HITZRUS... LMAO. Ahhh, damn teenies. That reminds me, I wonder where my good friend Nathanial is at these days...
Lookit there, I have enough time to take a short nap before I go to work... Be back later.
current mood:  tired
current music: The dim buzzing of my computer
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| Tuesday, August 26th, 2003
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1:43 pm - Hello, Hello.
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Ever heard of someone who seems plain, boring, and calm on the outside, but inside is just bursting at the seams with rampant thoughts? The story of my life.
I'm an 18 year old girl who goes to a local community college and works as a barista at a local Starbucks. I'm currently taking Bio 101, Psych 201, Art 121, and Math 166. Work is okay; I have fun with my coworkers, but I really don't want to work at Starbucks for the rest of my life. If I did, I'd probably die from a heart attack at age 22. Most people tend to think that either I'm a super-nervous antisocial person or I'm a stuck-up snob bitch. I'm neither. Actually, I tend to be quiet when meeting new people and analyze them before involving myself in a conversation. That's just the way I am. So if you ever meet me, and I'm staring at you yet not saying a word, I'm just trying to see what you're like. I'm most likely trying for you to not see me while I'm looking at you.
I'm also a tad paranoid. This lovely little condition has been given to me by my mother (whom I honestly do love dearly), although since I haven't been through what she's been through, my paranoia is a bit more under control. That, and my father is a very grounded, skeptical person. Yeah, I'm skeptical too. Don't get me wrong, I don't always look at the glass as half empty (unless we're talking about a quality of myself), but I like to see both sides of an issue before coming through with a conclusion. This is a tad hard to do sometimes, because I don't always get to see the other side; therefore I just say "I don't know." God, I say that a lot. lol.
Another fun quality I got from my mother is obsessive-compulsive disorder. Notice how every sentence is captilized, ended with a punctuation mark, and used with the best grammar the writer has to offer? Again, it's very mild, but it's [highly] annoying. You see those "friends, profile," etc., links to the left? Yeah, that's driving me insane. Why? Because they're all lowercase. They aren't capitalized. And I don't know how to fix it. It's not that bad, though. I can let it go, just like I let most things go. It's just irritating, like a 2 year old standing next to me, poking me over and over and over and over again with his tiny little finger which I'm tempted to break into 13 tiny little fragmented pieces... heh. Dark humor, sorry. If you actually continue reading this periodically, you'll see that a lot. XD
Anyway! Enough about myself. I currently have a boyfriend, Tony, whom I care for very much. I sometimes have to wonder what he really thinks about me, and unfortunately, I don't want to come across as horribly paranoid, so I never ask him about it. I just really don't want to be one of those girls that gets all obsessed with their boyfriend and always trying to be with him when he doesn't actually like her as much as she likes him... been there, done that, still getting over it. I mean, all relationships have a 50-50 chance of either working out or not working out. I guess I better start getting used to getting "old." I guess I just don't understand that concept, because people grow on me. I'll like them at first (or in my ex's case, not like them) and they just grow on me. And the more time I spend with them, the more time I get to either like them or not like them. In the case of both my past and current boyfriend, my feelings have become stronger with time. I guess it's a trust issue. I like a guy, but don't trust him.. the more I get to know him, the more I trust him, and the stronger my feelings get. Then, when I get old, I get dumped, and my heart tears in two. Then the trust barrier goes back up. Are all girls like this?...
Well, that's my introduction. I'll post more rants later.
current mood:  mellow
current music: The television
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