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Monday, July 9th, 2012
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1:55 am - It's my Birthday.
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Hello, Journal.
It's my birthday. Rang it in alone. :-(
Rang in the New Year alone too.
I'm just SO tired of being alone. And yet I am so weird/odd that being alone is all I can really expect.
Hope the year gets better.
Later.....
current mood:  tired
current music: Take It All - Adele
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, June 24th, 2012
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11:46 pm - Here's the thing...
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Hello, Journal.
... and the thing is this: people don't change their patterns. It's just how they live.
I go there. I clean and organize. I leave.
I go there. I clean and organize. I leave.
No point in going there, cleaning and organizing. It's just how they live.
They continue to choose to live that life.
... and if they don't care then why should I?
Later.....
current mood:  frustrated
current music: Beverly Hillbillies Theme Song
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(comment on this)
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8:47 pm - Let me go home.
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Hello, Journal.
I just want to go home now. I have to stay, but I don't want to.
Just until my passport comes in... unless it can be forwarded to me, but why would anyone do that? Especially after letting them down. Ugh! I SO just want MY life back.
Later.....
current mood: exhausted
current music: Already Gone - Kelly Clarkson
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, July 22nd, 2011
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2:21 pm - Things About [Most] Girls That Boys Should Know (The Less Stupid Version)
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Hello, Journal.
Found this. I liked it:
1. We don't like it when you hold our hand, we ♥ it.
2. We're not all high maintenance. Seriously, who spends five hours getting ready every day? If I'm not going anywhere, I'm not putt...ing much effort into how I look, unless I just want to feel cute.
3. Cheesy and corny is adorable. Seriously.
4. We like it if you're a dork because we are too, so we can be dorks together :)
5. We think you are unbelievably complicated too. Trust me.
6. We can like blood and gore too, but even if we aren't scared, we'll still act like we are ;)
7. Usually "I'm fine" means "I'm not at all okay"You see, not all of us are drama queens, so we don't want to come off as one. Also, we don't like being vulnerable.
8. There are some things you just shouldn't say to a girl if you are in a relationship with someone else.Like: you're beautiful, I really like talking to you, you're amazing... need I say more?We can't help but read into these things, especially if we want more than anything for you to really mean them.
9. If we cry in front of you, whatever happened to us must have been really bad or have hurt us a lot.
10. If you sing to us, even if you're not very good at it, we're like putty in your hands. Not even joking.
11. Don't treat us differently in front of your friends. If they're really your friends, why would you have to act different?
12. We like hugs. They make us feel safe.
13. We might watch the game with you, if you watch The Notebook [or whatever] with us. Some of us do actually enjoy watching the game with you though, so don't be too shocked if we slip on a team jersey.
14. Sometimes when you tell us we're pretty and we fight with you and say we're not, it's because we really don't believe that we are.
15. You don't just date us, you date our best friend too. [As in, they're going to be around quite a bit, so you might as well try to get along with them]
16. We love your hoodies WAY more than our own. Mostly because they smell like you.
17. It's not mandatory for you to text, call, or IM first... but we really like it when you do.
18. If you can make us laugh or smile a lot, we're practically yours already.
19. If we smile a lot when we're around you and you ask us what we're smiling about and we say "nothing" or "no reason"... you're probably the reason.
20. We really do dream about being kissed in the pouring rain.
21. It really annoys us when you blame everything on pms or say it can't be that bad. Imagine what it might feel like to have someone punch you in the abdomen multiple times for 4-7 days. Yeah.
22. We love getting flowers for no reason. It doesn't even have to be a whole bouquet. One flower for no reason would be just as sweet.
23. We love your eyes.
24. We like it when you play with our hair, so go ahead.
25. We're never really too old for stuffed animals, especially if they're from you :)
26. We really do like it when you open doors for us... :)
27. When we say we're cold, that is most likely your cue to hold us.
28. We like when guys smell good. That doesn't mean bathe in your cologne though, so please don't. You like when we smell good without choking you, we like the same thing.
29. We really do appreciate it when you try to cheer us up when we're feeling down about something [even if it doesn't seem like that big a deal]. We will remember and try to return the favor.
30. If you aren't honest with us and we know it, it hurts our feelings.
31. Words like beautiful, pretty, cute, and the like are much preferred over words like hot or sexy.
32. It's cute when you notice our bored or nervous habits. We notice yours too and most likely find them adorable.
33. We like it when you kiss us on the forehead :) it's sweet.
34. When we say we miss you, we mean it and you have no idea how much.
35. Please, please, please don't say you love us unless you mean it.
36. We usually text you for two reasons: We miss you or we just really like talking to you. We don't text for for several reasons: We want you to miss us, we're mad, or we don't want to annoy you.
37. It really isn't mandatory for you to spend money on us. Spending time with you makes us happy. If you're dating a girl that thinks it IS mandatory that you do, you should find a new girl.
38. Most of us would prefer actual food over a salad, so don't lose hope. haha [Seriously, who are these girls that JUST eat salads? Give me some pizza... :)] (To clarify, I'm not talking about vegans or vegetarians or girls that genuinely like salads. I'm referring to girls who who are for some odd reason terrified to eat in front of guys or are horrified at the amount of calories in real food. Get what I'm sayin'? haha)
39. We talk to our friends about you. Don't worry, it definitely isn't always a bad thing. We talk about you so much because we like you :)
40. If we seem to like taking pictures of/with you, it's only because we like showing you off. And maybe so we can stare at you even when you're not around because we think you're just that cute.
41. It isn't necessary, but if the urge strikes you to write us a love letter or a poem or even a song, go right ahead. We will LOVE it... and maybe even possibly cry :)
42. Nice guys don't always finish last...
[If you are a nice guy and you do always seem to finish last, I'm sorry. Some girls are just idiots and don't know what's good for them. You probably deserve better anyway.]
Later.....
current music: Perfect - Pink
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, July 20th, 2011
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5:18 pm - 721 Days...
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Hello, Journal.
I was just reading past entries. Had NO idea who I was typing about. Took about 10 minutes just to pin down the year! - lol
Okay... so THAT went better than you were thinking. Remember? SO angry, but not at you?
Typing of which...
That keeps on happening. SO...
What are we gonna do about it?
Later.....
current mood:  good
current music: My Heart Will Go On - Celine
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, January 27th, 2010
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4:28 am - Titanic Themes
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Hello, Journal.
My heart did not go on. How many times can it be broken?
Only this many times. It may be beating, but it no longer feels.
Later.....
current mood:  apathetic
current music: So What - Pink
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, January 20th, 2010
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9:06 am - Newnesses.
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Hello, Journal.
It's not hard to say good bye. I know that it will all be okay.
When it's wrong and getting worse it's time to face the truth. No excuses.
Forgive. Forget.
Later.....
current mood:  content
current music: Self Control - Laura Brannigan
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, January 13th, 2010
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1:05 am - All messed up.
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Hello, Journal.
It's just all messed up. He came back and while I want him I no longer trust him. So nothing really is the same and yet nothing has changed.
How many times can you hear that you're just not good enough?
And why settle for less than the best?
Later.....
current mood:  confused
current music: You Don't Know Me - Harry Connick Jr.
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, January 5th, 2010
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11:51 pm - Dumped.
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Hello, Journal.
He dumped me.
He lied to me. Led me on and then he dumped me.
In a minute or two I'm going to not care.
Later.....
current mood: calm
current music: Don't Call Me Baby - Kreesha Turner
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, January 4th, 2010
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1:55 am - Happiness
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Hello, Journal.
Happiness is good.
True happiness is not found in the absence of grief and hardship, but in acknowledging truth and choosing happiness as readily as taking your next breath; despite circumstances because they change all around you. It's in not letting the circumstances change you or your view of the reality of truth.
Later.....
current mood:  contemplative
current music: Ticking of the clock.
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, January 2nd, 2010
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2:12 pm - Whispers of the past.
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Hello, Journal.
When the now has whispers from the past I need to pay attention to that.
So if he says he's gonna call and he doesn't...
... In the past I've given the benefit of the doubt.
... In the past I should have walked away.
... In the past I have given too many second chances.
... In the past I have been afraid of missing out on a great guy.
And what have I learned?
When faced with something that doesn't feel right; when it all feels like lies... Walk away. Don't look back.
Right? (sigh)
Later.....
current mood: contemplative
current music: Corner Gas theme song - it's a marathon
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, January 1st, 2010
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5:19 pm - 2009
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Hello, Journal.
It's been a year, but it's finally over. It's had good times and the worst of times:
I ended a marriage, ended a friendship and found a new one.
I've moved and moved again.
I've met good men and bad men; even went out on a date for the first time in my life!
I've faced life and death.
I've walked from one end of the city to the other; wore out 4 pairs of shoes doing it.
I've lost weight and gained a little freedom.
I've dumped and been dumped.
I haven't been proud of each moment nor of each reaction, but I think I may have learned something about myself, life and living with each surprise, disappointment, hurt and delight.
Now it's a new year and it's all been white washed. The year is open before me and all I really have to do is open my eyes and take a step; faith, acceptance, perseverance and hope.
Here's to the possibilities!
Later.....
current mood: hopeful
current music: My First My Last My Everything - Barry White
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, December 29th, 2009
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12:14 am - Don't walk away. Don't push me away.
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Hello, Journal.
I don't mean to be an emotional girl; it just happens. I want him here. I want him to stay here and not run off just because I'm having an emotional day. Instead of being annoyed with me and saying things that will make me sad and cry I wish he would just be strong enough to hold me and tell me that everything will be alright.
Seems the more I need his strength the more of his bull I get.
Today I did not need more bull.
Later.....
current mood: Emotional
current music: Joy To The World - Special K commercial
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, December 27th, 2009
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1:06 am - It's daily
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Hello, Journal.
I miss him even when he's here.
Later.....
current mood:  depressed
current music: Ring Of Fire - Johnny Cash
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009
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6:51 pm - So tired. So good.
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Hello, Journal.
It's been a busy, long day. It's also been the best day since 1996. And it's gonna all be worth it! :)
I've been baking. All my favourite things made my own way. Bread, buns, Oma's Gebaeck, Unbaked cookies, butterscotch confetti, Festive Jewish cake.
Still want to make a Jelly roll layer cake and brownies.
This is potentially the best Christmas of my life. Definitely would LOVE to make it tradition!
Later.....
current mood: hopeful
current music: Don't Call Me Baby - Kreesha Turner
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2:42 am - Broke
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Hello, Journal.
I am SO tired of being broke. There are many things that I want to do; ordinary, common things. I wish I had no financial restraints.
Later.....
current mood: frustrated
current music: Various late-night commercials.
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, December 19th, 2009
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9:33 pm - (sigh) :)
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Hello, Journal.
I love that he's sleeping while I'm doing dishes and watching hockey. I love how comfortable he is and how relaxed. I love that he likes my bed.
I love how he is making this Christmas SO good for me that all other Christmases can finally be forgotten.
I love how he proves every day that it's not, in fact me; it WAS them. I love how he is wiping all of them from my memory.
Later.....
current mood: Content (purr)
current music: I Love The Way You Love Me - John Michael Montgomery
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, December 16th, 2009
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3:07 pm - Longing...
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Hello, Journal.
I still miss my baby.
Later.....
current mood: sad
current music: Save The Last Dance For Me - Michael Buble
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, December 10th, 2009
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3:12 pm
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Hello, Journal.
It's not cancer! Yay!
Later.....
current mood: excited
current music: My First. My Last. My Everything - Barry White
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(comment on this)
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1:58 am - My First. My Last. My Everything.
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We got it together didn't we
We definately got our thing together don't we baby
Isn't that nice
I mean really, when you really sit and think about it
Isn't it really, really nice
I could easily feel myself slipping more and more away to
That simple world of my own
Nobody but you and me
We got it together baby
My first, my last, my everything
And the answer, to all my dreams
You're my sun, my moon, my guiding star
My kind of wonderful, that's what you are
I Know there's only, only one like you
There's no way, they could have made two
You're, You're all im living for
Your love i'll keep for ever more
You're the first, you're the last, my everything
In you, I've found so many things
A love so new only you, could bring
Can't see you if you, You'll make me feel this way
You're like a first morning dew, on a brand new day
I see, so many ways that I, can love you
'Till the day i die...
You're my reality, yet im lost in a dream
You're the first, my last, my everything
{ instrumental }
I know there's only, only one like you
There's no way, they could have made two
Girl you're my reality, But i'm lost in a dream
You're the first, you're the last, my everything.
current mood: loved
current music: My First. My Last. My Everything. - Barry White
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