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mood |
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 sad |
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music |
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Taking Back Sunday- your own disaster |
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ever love someone who hates you back? isn't the absolute worst feeling you have ever felt? and probably ever will feel. it's worse for him to hate you, than to just not love you back. there's this kid i love more than anything, and everything i did was for him. we were pretty good friends. now he's gone. we stayed friends. shit happened, now we dont talk. and when i talk to him, hes jsut like blah, and uninterested. i HATE it. i did everything for that kid, he has no idea. i made myself look like shit to save his ass. and he has no idea what i went through. and he doesn't care, doesn't know, and probably never will. i thought he got over some shit, but apparently he didnt, and now it hurts so much, because hes gone and i never see him, and he wont even give me 5 mins out of his life to talk to someone who used to be a good friend. he treats me like absolute shit. all i've ever done is be nice to him, and he treats me like shit. all i can think about is those good times and laughs in spanish and english...he was so smart...
but anyway, we had some good times, and i was so upset when he left. SO upset. actually, i didnt realize it until he left. i missed him being there. he's never coming back. and that's just so hard to...understand, i guess. i keep thinking that he's coming back,and it'll be okay. but hes not, and it wont be okay. i dont think it'll ever be okay again. i made some mistakes, and so did he, and i dont think it'll ever be the same, no matter how hard i try to make it better. it always seems to make it worse. i think he missunderstands me sometimes, and makes him think the wrong things. it never seems to get better, and i wanna tell him how i feel, but thats not the kind of person i am, and he has a girlfriend, so it would sound bad confessing how i feel when it really doesnt matter to him. but there's so much i wanna say to him but i dont know how...
if only i could make him understand...make him understand how much i love him...how badly all i ever want to do is be with him...how bad i want to tell him how i really feel...how i hide behind a smile...if only i had the courage to just tell him exactly how i felt. then he'd know how much he means to me, and how much hes hurt me sometimes, without necessarily meaning it. then he'd know that every single thing he says to me means more than he'll ever know...
he's forgotten me. i know he has. he hasnt thought about me since *ThAt dAy*....he hates me now, he doesnt wanna see me, doesnt wanna talk to me...and ALL i wanna do is see and talk to him. do u know how much that hurts? i dont think you'll ever understand....and neither will he...
its just SO aggrivating because i could go on and on about him for 5 pages, and i STILL wouldnt come anywhere near how i really feel. its like i cant write down, or express how i really feel...no matter how much or how long i tried to tell you and him how i feel..no one would ever fully understand...
its funny how easily people are forgotten...how fast the memories fade...how quickly you will forget anything and everything you had bewteen a person...it's sad how you can be so close with someone, and one little thing happens, and its ALL taken away from you. just like that. and that person, so special to you...will so quickly forget you...and the memories you made...and soon enough, you won't mean anything to them anymore. i must say....that's definetly the worst feeling in the world. too bad i have to experience it so soon...i'm miss you so much....
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uncomfortable
bouncy
aggravated
accomplished
nervous
sore
happy
cold
blah