july's Journal

Im Back, sobrang tagal ko na hindi nakaupdate, can't keep track on what I have alread missed posting. Hmmm the only thing I know I need to write at this very instant is, ITS MY LAST DAY AT WORK. Well mixed emotion i guess, sad because it'll be different leaving the people you spent almost 8 hours everyday of your week with. But of course happy because I finally i've convinced my parents to start my own design studio business with my friend. Nakakalungkot lang talaga, I used to remember that I was the most sad person at the office when someone is resigning, until now here I am ITS MY TURN NOW. I'll never forget working here even my boss who apparently almost fell from his chair when he found out that I was resigning finally gave his support. He even ask for a card so that he could refer me, CHARING sana totoo. Anyway have to go now, probably i already have a lot of time to keep everyone here posted.

If you have some tips what I should remember when starting a business like registrations, list of clients i can send proposal, please inform me. It will be a big help. Tnx guys and Pray for me. Bye.

It takes me quite awhile before I can update my entries, I don't know why, but even when I started writing my diary days way back in high school I dont write daily, I just write when I know I need to. Just like this time.........

Che is my college friend, and I should say one of my closest friend in my lifetime. Today, we are finally working together in one company, I invited her in and she said yes. I thought everything would turn out okay since its been a dream for us to work together in one place. We share the same passion in the field of advertising, I enjoy the brand management part of it in marketing while she prefers what we have studied, the CREATIVES. Her previous job experience were gained from small advertising agencies, and I cannot blame her if the persistence or the working environment that she prefers would still belong in that world. Sometimes I get tired by just listening to what she needs to do everyday. Counting all the priorities that she likes to complete each day, I don't know if being with her right now is also a sign to guide her and help her by telling "You Must not do all of these things at the same time". She is working as an artist with me, she will study masters by june, she would do part time job in her previous company without informing the other company about her new work with us, for fear that she can no longer get the accounts they are willing to give her. So from time to time they call her to come to their office and she would sacrifice a half day or undertime with us. I don't know how to tell her that I cannot always cover up for her and allow her to do that from time to time. It's just if her decision leaving her company that day was not yet a proper timing for her, the fact that she is already with us and she willingly accepted our offer, she cannot back it off that easy. I don't know if this is what is running through her mind by always having second thoughts whenever she goes back to her old office at ortigas or am I just being paranoid as usual. Its so happens that I get so affected because I dont want to be mad at her, I dont know if I need to tell her what has been bothering me for some time. Or should I just tell her to quit if that is what she prefers. I am so lost, probably more lost compared to what she believes she's going through. Or everything is just a test to a more complicated challenge in the future business partnership we intend to do not later than this year.

I need prayers.

guinevere_j may explode without warning

M
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Im in a hurry now, at least I have a few minutes to at least update my blurty. Anyway, adjusting to this new position was a hell of a responsibility i should say. I have no time to comb my hair, have no time to go the CR, have no time to consume the 1 hour lunchbreak and have no time to surf the net. Hope this work dont get to my nerves especially when everything seem to pile up. Though I have my friend che around, sometimes I cant help myself to think that I just wish everything would go back the way it used to be, even for just one day.

Last Friday together with our brand assistant, we went on a construction meeting at fairview. We came in 30 minutes earlier before the meeting was suppose to start, so we had time to look around first. Finally when we got back to the admin. office and sat down with the architects, we felt our eyes will be shutting down any minute within the meeting. We cant understand why we have to be there, when first of all it was suppose to be a construction meeting, i believe its logical to meet the architect afterwards. But we dont have any option, we are already there, pretending we are very eager and interested to listen. We keep on changing our sitting position so that the thought of sleeping would loosen up a bit until the meeting is over.

This was the first time I spent the whole afternoon with our brand assistant and im really happy about it. I'll sure miss her, I know I am happy that i'll be handling her position later on, because it has always been my dream to belong in Brand. But when I think about it, if it means loosing a good friend at the office once again, it could be frustrating as well. Ever since Butterfly, Mushroom and Heart left, it was our Brand Assistant I have enjoyed working with and being with. I know she knows that I feel bad about her resignation that would take effect soon this April, anytime she would also be reading about this entry, and I am not letting her read this to feel lonely about this, I just wanted her to know how thankful I am that I came to know her and work with her. Even in short time it felt almost incomplete if she's not around. So before I feel too low, i'll be saying "Ngayong pa lang....I'll MISS YOU PAL and THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.

I didn't know that to gain and lost a good friend would mean giving me the career i have always foreseen as a dream. And for this I thankyou.

As years go bigger in number, people living within these years seem to reach a lower age in life. Last Saturday, a good friend of my family just died at the age of 51. Come to think of it, a parent as old as my parents, with kids as old as me and my sister is. Here anyone can attest that when people reach the age of 50, who knows if tomorrow would be as bright as it used to when they were 18 years old. I remember one sermon that people once reached the age of 18, their life clock starts to move until it reaches its end time.

When my grandfather died, it wasn't bit of a shock anymore because he is very old and ill, i know that when he died its much of a better place he is into right now. Im not saying that people who die young aren't happy, its just its much a heavier pain when someone leaves young to those whom they left behind. When people die young, people around them aren't ready yet to accept it easily. Tita Baby as I call her, just got confined in the hospital a few days ago because of a high blood sugar, she even recovered the next day at Makati Med. so her family went home because visitors arent aloud to stay at the ICU and her daughter is graduating from college the next day. Then tita baby went to the comfort room, removed all the dextrose and other materials placed in her body, and when she came back she just reached on to the bed, then she died with her mouth open, probably due to the pain that she suddenly felt and in a minute or two the cause of her death.

Lately people give news that Mr... and Mrs.... just died, but this is something very different for me, probably Tita Baby was close to us somehow, she's the sister of my uncle's wife. The last time i saw her was the bday of my cousin. Tita Baby keeps on approaching me that day and telling me what a big improvement I did have since she saw when I was young. And when we went to the funeral yesterday, everyone there told me that Tita Baby used to tell them that she admired my voice when we sang at my cousin's birthday, he keeps on telling that over and over again, this made me feel.................. i don't exactly how to state it, basta nakakapanghina. I dont see her often and Im not even that close to her, but I really sympathize a lot to her children who's pain and tears are covered that day at the funeral.

On the way home I saw a good friend of mine way back in high school, it was Neil, haven't seen him for years but how could I forget him he was a good friend of mine. It was nice seeing him that day, just isn't much of a joy knowing we met because we both attended a funeral. But anyway it was nice seeing him again, and hey he's still as cute as he was, wonder if he saw any improvement on my part...... : ) anyway have to go now.

Im not much of a writer like you guys who have been writing in blurty for a long time. Im not even much of an artist compared to those who made it too damn high enjoying their crafts. Im eventually not even much of successful career girl for I know I still have along way to go. But what it is that people should consider staying or leaving a job that took them months sometimes even years to find? Here, no doubt i'm not even much, but entirely lost. Been staying with my first job for almost two years now, learned a lot, proved my worth, gained and lost....FRIENDS, as the list still adds on and on and on. Practicality isn't enough reason, loyalty wouldn't fit as well, no matter how I see that life is indeed a choice, at some part I know it's been always about destiny. Choosing school after graduation, looking for a job, sacred vow with a man, everything was not a choice but merely a limited part of choosing from what is already there, what we already have, what destiny have already brought in. I know I wanted to move, to get out of an environment where people keeps on telling they wanted to resign every now and then, sentiments that kills each day going to work as if nobody remembers God anymore. Where does choice fall now? I just wanted to scream HELP!!! as loud as I can, as long as I can take, until someone hears me, listen to me......just listen and be there for me and tell me "everything will be fine, you'll see. "

Hmmmm baduy na kung baduy, bihira lang naman ako to have a celebrity crush and guess what pinoy pa! YUP eto na kumapit na kayo, I LOVE JOHN LLOYD FAN na ko. I believe masyado kong affected ng mga teleserye, 2 days ko na to napapanaginipan and I can't miss any episode recently kc I have to see him. Shit ang baduy and desperate na ko. I have to know any sched of his shows, have to be at ABS-CBN one of these days. Pero pag nakita ko sya baka himatayin ako. I actually love nman ung love team nila ni bea na i usually smile all alone in our living room watching tv, this is so embarrassing pero i think ready na ko maglagay na mga life size poster nya in my room. Everyone seem to laugh at me wid this pero hahaha!!! baduy na nga kung baduy!

Saturday was suppose to be a much awaited day for me, until it was a very first to hate it. Hated that I have to fight with my boyfriend exactly on Valentine's Day. Aside from the fact that the occassion itself was giving a pressure, we ended up not seeing each other over the weekend. I don't usually feel bad when we can't see each other even for several weeks at times even months but this time it's different. Well his excuse was, that his friend ran away from home and he can't leave him, well I said i'll be going to their place instead but he doesn't want to because he cannot balance his attention. Dah! Is that the right thing to say or do? I can't understand him as much as I am trying to, until I almost tried to think that maybe I wasn't that important to him and he can't give up sacrifices for me. This is when he said that " I am already giving you everything I have by being faithful to you" Is this bullshit? You mean to tell me I owe him a lot because he is loyal to me? I think every person who enters a relationship doesn't have a right to give this as a proof of their love because its a mandatory thing in a relationship. Hated him more with this, so parang UTANG NA LOOB KO PA.

Even got a 68 over 100 nd 50 over a hundred grade in my exam at grad school, feeling twice as bad. Never failed a subject in my life so I wouldn't allow it to happen especially in grad school, HATE THIS LOGIC STUFF!

Until Saturday past, it seemed the longest weekend I wish would soon end.

How far would someone use their HEART over their mind? Knowing you I would say it's endless. I used to believe that everything in life lies in what the eyes can see, but at some point I came to see who the real Candice is, how no eyes can see but how HEART can feel. I wish you all the happiness you deserve with the family you always wanted to have. We may not be able to see and hear from each other for a long time, I just hope in this simple way, I may be able to give you a memory worth remembering within your stay at work. Mitch and Rhea isn't around to give their own words, but I know they wouldn't argue with me that to sum these all up, I or should I say, we would surely miss you. Always pray Candice coz no person is in control over a person's life, only God is.

Always,
July

Hate the fact that you need to work because you can't afford to finance yourself for some time looking or be focus on finding a job alone, and not playing the safe side by applying while being employed. Well have nothing against applying while still working if I weren't trap in the position wherein my boss is guarding me to absent myself coz he knows I want to leave asap. I cant always excuse myself becoz im sick, i dont feel well, i have school exam or projects and blah blah blah ........ I feel trapped , my parents doesn't want me to leave work now until I have another work to transfer on to, I see and value their reasons but its just to hard to manage when ur the one involved.

Do I really have to play the corporate game, to JUST CONTINUE MAKING EXCUSES?

Well guess don't have much of a choice.

Over the weekend, I almost lost my mind thinking about work, if I should resign, transfer or stay for a while. Seattle's Best Coffee called me for an interview last week giving me an artist position when in fact I applied for the brand assistant position. I almost spend the whole week attending work half-day, until our general manager approached me and called my attention about it. I thought it was my last day then. But instead it was a good talk about what would convince me to stay for a while. It was indeed a blessing for me, not many are given this kind of opportunity, I just didn't know it would be so difficult to decide. If the brand position was the one being offered, no second thoughts, but its not. And I know this has a big reason why.

Probably it isn't my time yet, I never did see the value of my work here this much in my entire stay. Probably Heart's resignation is also one big factor I wanted to leave as well, until I found out it was the wrong thing to think about just to get away from here.

The final interview with SBC is finally over, I will let faith decide for me from now on and value each day here. Everything will fall into place soon, I never want to fear anything or anyone anymore from now on. For I know the highest Being is just right with me always, putting a smile for me to any person I will need to meet and be with someday.

Finally I'm back after almost a week hangover from Christmas break. New year indeed gave a lot of unexpected changes, esp. @ the office. HEART filed her resignation a day ago and she'll be staying around for only few days. I really feel bad about his, imagine there were 4 of us before, HEART, BUTTERFLY and MUSHROOM. From 4 into 1 and that's ME. They have their own good reasons and I don't blame, beacuse if I were in their shoes, I would do the same thing. It was indeed a blessing that

blueberrywinter , SASSY GIRL and MS. WRITER came. We usually laugh out loud when I say to them " Ano ba yan! Ilang batch na ang nakasabay ko maglakad d2 sa buendia pauwi from office." It's funny though pag ako na lang mag-isa the joke is half meant. It's so depressing to think that true friends come and go sa career world. It really pisses me off saying goodbyes, I manage to overcome easily, but deep inside it takes time. I wish my time to leave this place will be soon, its only been more than a year and it felt like centuries. With this long wait, cguro i'll just be expecting good things ahead.

I Thank God, my family, my remaining true friends @ the office and my PA 4 being just right where they are in my life. Naks parang awards night speech ito....hehehehe. But seriously, I really mean this a lot, w/o them I haven't gone this far.

Only a few days left before christmas and yet we can't feel the spirit coming up. Ginagawa kasi bhay nmain e, sna nga matapos na e, well in case not which is obvious na possible, we will just be spending christmas at tagaytay.

Ang hirap pala bumili ng para sa sarili mo pag nandyan na sa kamay mo ang money, kahit na matagal ng nasa plano mo. Ganoon kc ako ngayon, i want to buy a lacoste bag or a cd player, then when the money is already at hand, parang nanghinayang ako. Marami pa kc ko dapat regaluhan, to think a lot is expecting it kahit d nila sabihin skin no. Hay hirap dami kamag-anak. One thing din, all the bonus of my dad went to the renovation of our house so we can't give anything to our relatives this christmas, kaya its up to me to give kahit small things lang, sort of obligated in a way. But i don't want to feel this way kc pag magbibigay ako gusto masaya ako para ma bless naman ako no. Hmmmmm bahala na. At least ung sa family ko nabili ko na.

At around 9 am, I was scheduled for an interview. The place is fine because its just 15 minutes a way from my house, compensation is good as well. But I don't know, when I was at the office, I miss my friends at work and Makati as well, NAKS SENTI ITO. And besides the work is demanding in terms of taking much of your time. Like I should be there until 2 am to finish the given projects.

The Marketing Manager who interviewed me is right, I should really think about it seriously because if I wanted to persue a different field someday, which is true, their job isn't what I am looking for. I just don't like the way she asks me if I can do a particular material, when I give my answers, akala nya lagi ko sya stir and nagiging polite lang dahil daw it's an interview. Of course not, I will tell them I can't do it if I cannot. Akala niya parepareho ang tao, obvious naman it doesn't work that way. I know I can do my responsibilty and meet my deadlines, that I can guarantee. Anyway I believe I still owe her a thank you, at least I got enlightened a bit of how informal and casual my work now is, and I am lucky for that. That next time I should apply for the position I really want to be in, "BRAND". I just pray I would soon find that next job na I could be as happy in my stay here at our office. Probably mas happy pa dahil ung line of work na gusto ko na. First job is just a stepping stone leading to discover what I do want to become in my career, at ngayon alam ko na.

It seems everyday when I go to work, I can't see my stay at the office worth for anything at all. Parang nadadagdagan araw-araw ang hiling ko na makalipat. I don't hate workin, but I hate where I am right now, I wanted to move on. When I work I want to give all my efforts for my responsibilities, I believe evrybody ganoon ang gusto, but when everything you do does't give anything in return especially if it is career we are talking about, I know I can't stay here any longer. Often, I am becoming moody and stubborn, I hate people asking me to this job when it really is my job. I hate comments and suggestions when it should be the things I must prioritize. All in all I am hating the word WORKING and it worries me a lot. Dapat it is not the work I hate but the situation I am in that I allowed to happen for my almost a year stay here. I don't feel like this when I first got here, ngayon na lang talaga.

Hmmm, my long time crush ever since elementary up to high school was MARTY, well he became my barkada and until now one of my very close friends. But as I was using the user search at friendster, hmmmm i dont know what came into me when I started to type another long time forgotten crush of mine beside MARTY, I started to type BR_A_N .........

In an instant he was there. He is still cute, probably even better ngayon kaya lang may gf na sya pero still looks young and parang mas bagay kami instead. hehehehehe. He used to be my partner sa prom noon kaya lang natakot ata akin kaya nag back-out, how insulting nga e. Hmmmm pero pagnakita nya ko ngayon im sure mas maganda ko sa gf nya.

Want to see his pic now? judge 4 urself..... he is absolutely gorgeous.

then this is his Girlfriend... sana ako na lang sya.

I'm back!

We'll cant write anything that would eventually catch any other user's attention, it seems everything that has been happening in my life for almost a year now since I started working falls into a boring routine. Mon - Fri. I go to work, Sat. at school and Sunday get everything I need ready for the coming week. I never felt so exhausted of doing these same things over and over again until now. Plus my PA, I don't know sometimes I also get tired of speaking to him and texting him as well, I feel somewhat obligated. Like yesterday evening, I really don't know what happened to my cellphone, it somewhat hang I suppose, coz all my messages are hours delayed. Of course PA was furious about it, he said why did I left it off ......this and this......that or that....yada...yada. It isn't my fault from the first place I didn't turned off my fone. I think he should be mature enough to understand these things, but eventually he's not that's why sometimes I feel pressured and obligated. It's as if I should stare at my cellfone no more and no less every minute of the day because I might miss any of his messages. I believe at times like these he should be the reason that I could somehow see a way out of this exhausting routine, not merely being hell part of it.

I don't know I need a break I suppose, can't wait 4 the coming holidays.

Hmmm, my monday morning isn't so bad after all, until I arrived at the office, pulled the chair on my desk and about to switch on the AVR of my computer, then saw that all the cables and sockets are plugged out. I am not exaggerating things and all, its just I hate people borrowing my things and leaving them without fixing it. It's not a matter of my reaction anymore, kahit cno namang tao dapat alam nila na kapag naghiram cla ng bagay, ayusin nila ang pagkabalik, Standard Operating Procedure na yon. HMMMMM. I asked CATSPURR about it, and she told me that my computer was used last Saturday for the seminar. Hindi ko pinagdadamot, coz it is an office property, but in this office it is MY COMPUTER!