steven's Blurty
 
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in steven's Blurty:

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    Saturday, May 22nd, 2004
    11:03 am
    update...lets see if anyone reads this
    make sure to comment if u dooooo
    ok bye
    Saturday, November 29th, 2003
    11:09 pm
    close my eyes, let the whole thing pass me by (i wish i could)
    i tried...i really tried to have a good birthday...its just reallllly hard when everyone forgets about it and i cant talk to anyone i want to talk to...(finding out this morning that some nameless person had a party and didnt invite me doesnt exactly help either)...so this birthday sucked, along with this whole break...i just wish i could fix my life right now...im tired of working 24/7, tired of being neglected by my so called friends, tired of this life...if i could start over i would..guess thats what college is for...cant wait for the next year and a half to pass..maybe college will bring some good/love to my life...
    or better yet maybe some miracle will happen now and brighten my life up..just maybe



    every step that i take is another mistake to you

    Current Mood: crappy
    Current Music: linkin park- numb
    Saturday, November 22nd, 2003
    10:39 pm
    fuck you...
    looks like kim fucked me over again...i really dont know what to do anymore..im tired of taking all of her shit and pretending like everythings ok...
    this time i asked her if she wanted to do something saturday on SUNDAY...thats almost a fuckin week in advance..and yet we still end up doing nothing because of shit im not going to write about...
    it always seems to work out this way too..we go through some weird times, then im thinking everythings gonna be alright because we are gonna get to hang out, then she does this shit
    i dont know..i really dont know what to do anymore


    but whatever..you dont care

    Current Mood: indescribable
    Current Music: staind- blow away
    Tuesday, November 11th, 2003
    11:03 am
    ahhh...
    today is/was a good day....

    that is all...
    goodbye

    Current Mood: satisfied
    Current Music: yellowcard- trembling
    Tuesday, November 4th, 2003
    10:26 pm
    and he updates...
    i have been thinking about updating this thing for awhile but havent felt like it until now...its not like anyone has been missing out on anything though cause my life has sucked the past couple of weeks...
    ill start out with rehab, which is definately not as bad as everyone makes it out to be, in fact it is actually kind of fun...the only part i hate is stretching my knee out which hurts cause everytime they push it farther than it is suppose to go...other than that i get to catch a soccer ball, throw a ball against a trampoline while balancing on my left leg, ride the bike, do leg presses, and play this maze game with my feet...thats probably the only thing i enjoy doing..going to rehab that is...
    yesterday was one of the worst days ive had in awhile...i got a 66 on a physics test, i hate ms maculley..she doesnt teach jack then gives us a test on everything we are "suppose" to know...yeah fuck you...in lit i got another 66 on a vocab test in which all the questions didnt give any clues to what the word was..they were like i am ____? cept not that easy...and the teacher doesnt care either...wonderful.. after school went to get my hair cut and the lady completely screwed my hair up...fuck you too...so i come home and cut it some more and it looks a little better but i still hate it..and then at night i end up doing nothing cause no one wants to do anything with me...what a day what a day...
    today i went to the doctor and he said i have the record for how i look after 3 weeks...so im thinking yes, that is awesome...but then the doctor continues to say ..."and that is a bad thing" it means u are pushing to hard and we are going to have to slow you down"...great again..ive been working my ass off to heal my knee and the doctor says i should basically sit around and not do shit...ill pretend i didnt hear that, ill probably tear it again but i dont really care..he also said i cant swim till january...i dunno what im going to do..ive been doing some sort of sport every moment of every day of my life and now i cant do anything for another couple of months...oh well, i guess theres some reason for why this happened to me..i just havent found it yet.......

    my dad wants to go see his sister over thanksgiving..problem is her lake house is in missouri and he wants to leave friday, stay there saturday, and come back sunday..and when i tell him i dont htink thats going to work he gets all pissed...dont quite understand that...

    i need to fix my life..lately ive been working and trying to fix my knee to much..ive kinda neglected all my 2 friends and maybe thats why no one wants to do anything with me...ive got to fix all this stuff and stop being so worried about whats happening with me and kim...yea itd be nice if she would talk to me so we can try and work everything out but she wont and maybe i should just realize that...
    but i wont cause its to hard to let go of someone you care about so much
    even if they've screwed u over a million times
    its just too hard

    in other stuff..my birthdays coming up (the 29th) so make sure to get me soemthing good

    Current Mood: frustrated
    Current Music: die trying- words that kill
    Thursday, October 16th, 2003
    10:31 am
    surgery and beyond...
    it was almost as bad as i thought it would be...woke up at 530, hungry and thirsty as crap but couldnt eat/drink anything..so went to the hospital and when we get there they tell us the hospital is on generators and they cant start any surgery until the power comes back on..great..so in the meantime my dad and i played madden2001 on their playstation..they also gave me a sprite to drink, yay...before we finished the second quarter they said that the power was back on..id rather have finised the game but they made me go back to the pre-surgery room..by this time i was a little nervous..a nurse came in took my temperature and heart rate..my heart rate was 43 beats per minute...she was so excited that it was so low, she had to go tell all the other nurses..so that was the highlight of the hospital stay besides them giving me a little radio and a cd case for the delay...then the doctor who was going to do the surgery came in and put a yes on the left leg...before that my mom was so paranoid that they were going to operate on the wrong knee...so then it was time, they took me to the operating room, there were at least 8 doctors in the little room...it was kinda freaky looking...so then they took my hand and put an iv in it and then the one of the doctors gave me the anestetics and said your going to get realllly sleepy, so of course like 5 seconds later i was out cold...the last thing i remember was them putting the oxygen mask on me...they also stuck a tube down my throat..glad i wasnt awake to feel that..also glad i didnt wake up during the middle of the surgery...but when i did wake up..i guess a couple hours later... i was so freakin cold..they put like 8 warm blankets on me and i was still shivering i was also tired as shit to and everytime i sat up it would feel like i was about to barf..also couldnt really talk..just murmur...all the nurses were asking me questions and it seemed like i would always fall asleep before they i could answer me...when i told them i was about to throw up they gave me this plastic tub that was like 2 feet wide and 6 feet long and only about 2 feet deep...good thing i didnt throw up cause i dont think i would have fit all of it in that tiny container...yea so next this lady came in to show me how to use crutches but i was like yea..i already know how to use crutches and fell asleep while she was explaining how to use them..so then next i think they wheeled me out to the car, came home, and fell asleep again..they gave me this contraption, called a cryocuff, its pretty neat..its this tube which connects to my knee and a thermos and it pumps cold water into a little cooler thing they placed around my knee..its suppose to keep the swelling and pain down and i think its working..the only problem is that with it attached i have to sleep on my back and i cant do that...so last night it was all attached and i was trying to go to sleep but couldnt sleep for more than like 20 minutes at a time..i swear i woke up at least 20 times last night cause it was so uncomfortable..finally i said fuck this and took it off..so it came off and i finally fell asleep...problem is when i woke up i threw up about 7 times...i was trying to throw up all night just because they said when u do youll feel a lot better...and they were right..i feel pretty fine right now..just my knee its in certain places...i cant take my brace offf until the therapy tomorrow so i dont even know what it looks like...

    right now i should be taking my history test but ha..i get like 5 extra days to study for it..

    ive got an interview at the movie theater sunday..i hope they pay more than kroger does and hope they dont give me a ton of hours either...

    i dunno what im gonna do the rest of the day..i wanted to go to the pope homecoming tonight but obviously thats not going to happen..i guess its better anyways since kims gonna be there and we are still trying to figure out our differences..i dont get her..she says she wants to fix things with us yet she cant find five seconds to have a serious conversation with me...whatever though
    im gonna go do somethin else
    goodbye

    Current Mood: groggy
    Current Music: nickelback- throw yourself away
    Tuesday, October 14th, 2003
    10:05 pm
    tomorrow...
    surgery tomorrow at 7am..cant wait..actually i can...im pretty scared. i know everythings probably gonna turn out fine but theres always that what if factor...ive gotta get up by like 5 and be there by 630..its gonna suck majorly but guess ill be sleeping the rest of the day so itll be fine..yea and i cant eat anymore tonight nor in the morning..cant even drink water...what am im gonna do without food..oh well
    not going to school thursday either..im going to miss so much..spanish test, ap us history test, physics quiz, 2 lit quizzes..tons of make up work to do..not gonna be fun at all...k nough about that
    work hasnt been to good either..since im taking like 2 weeks off she made me work ALL weekend and by all i mean 4-10 on friday, 10-4 saturday, 9-5 sunday, and 4-9 yesterday..and im not making any money either..only about 85 a week..yesterday i went out to pull all the buggys in and i got out there and someone had left a 12 pack of lemonade in the bottom of the cart..no im not gonna return it..free lemonade for me

    and i have no idea what else to talk about so im gonna go sleep or something
    see u later if i dont die or something
    bye

    Current Mood: worried
    Current Music: switchfoot- redemption
    Sunday, September 28th, 2003
    10:02 pm
    damn knee
    yea..i fuckin tore my acl and sprained my mcl...i almost cried when i heard it...no more soccer for the rest of this year and probably no high school..so much for getting a scholarship...he said i might be able to swim cause it would be good therapy but id be going slow as hell...the first time i get hurt is my junior year, the time when the scouts look at u...whyyyyyyy whyyyyyyyy!!!!!!????? i hate this already...im gonna have surgery either this friday or next friday and be out 6-9 months after that...yea..i hate my life right now...
    anyways..saturday went to the mall with allie, great fun, then went to target got the eve 6 cd...it sucked last night but the second time through its not so bad...then we almost died when i was taking her home...couldnt see at all cause of the rain...there were water puddles all over the street like 2 minutes after it started raining...so i was scared out of my mind..but we lived..great...
    today..work was gay..1030-5...i took like 7 peoples bags out and got a fuckin quarter from this old lady..but yea thats more than anyone else gave me...the lady was kinda funny though..she had this 24 pack of root beer and was like, yea this should last me for the rest of my life, then started laughing but started choking while laughing..i thought i was gonna have to save her but fortunately she lived...
    then going home my car died..i think i left my lights on..so my dad had to come jump my car...and now its all good
    and i think im gonna go to sleep early tonight cause im freakin tired..
    night

    Current Mood: frustrated
    Current Music: eve 6- not gonna be alone tonight
    Monday, September 22nd, 2003
    10:48 pm
    hola...
    today i had the mri, i got out of school 30 minutes early...wahoo..so i got the place and after my dad filled out about an hours worth of paper work they put me in the maching thing...i was scared i was gonna get claustrophobic, however they only put me in the maching up to my neck...everyone that i had talked to about an mri had said that it was sooo loud and it was impossible to go to sleep...well i fell asleep like 5 minutes after they put me in the thing..it was pretty loud, but they gave me headphones which were turned up louder than i could bear and to some station that i couldnt stand..so what better way to pass the time than falling asleep...they wont have the results until tomorrow and i probably wont know what happened till tomorrow night or wednesday..oh well..whats another couple days of waiting after waiting 2 weeks...
    anyways..right now my life is all school and work..no time to do anything else..it sucks..i wish i was like 8 again and was doing 2+2 and never worrying about school..
    spanish is gay..its pretty easy cept we're still reading a chapter book right now, i think we're on page 25 and we've been reading it for a month at least...so at the rate we're going we will probably spend the whole semester on un grillo en times square, which isnt bad, just incredilbly boring...sports med is cool, the teacher doesnt show up half the time and if he does we usually dont do anything..so thats my nap/hw period...ap us history sucks..got the test back today and i did about how i thought i would do...77 on the essay and 79 on the scantron..too bad we only had like 280 points and this was worth 300..so my grade went from a 93 to an 85..looks like my first b is lurkin on the horizon..maybe even a c...physics is so easy..im glad i dropped ap..i dont think i could take it along with math and history...the teachers also dumb..shes messed her grades up and instead of putting everything on a weighted system, everything is points..so tests are worth the same as hw..hey im not complaining..i do my hw like a good boy..
    wow..i havent talked to kim in a long time..ive been waiting for her to talk to me for awhile now..i imed her this weekend and she didnt say one thing back..hmm..seems like if u dont wanna talk to someone u would at least tell them so they stop annoying u with messages..whatever though..i guess ill have to stop waiting for her to im me cause its not gonna happen...i hope things arent done with us but with each and everyday it seems more and more like thats where we are heading..its gonna suck, but i have to do somethn bout this now before it kills me later

    and im done thinkin about sad stuff, ill be sad when it happens but now theres no reason to think about it when it might not even happen..
    so with that im out
    later

    Current Mood: confused
    Current Music: stacy's mom
    Friday, September 19th, 2003
    11:08 pm
    work sucks...
    especially when u get paid 5.15 an hour...but anyways i started saturday...bagging is so retarted, especially when no one lets u take their buggy out or when they do they dont tip u...i got 5 bucks from the first person i took out and nada since...the manager dudette is a bitch...shes always telling me to do crap and i dont really wanna listen to her but kinda have to...most of the other baggers and cashier people are cool so at least there are people to talk to...
    school is startin to get pretty hard again...had a test in ap us history..failed it...i think..i ran out of time and just bs the end of the essay and didnt have time to check over my scantron answers that i rushed to finish so that i would have time to finish the essay..but guess that strategy didnt work out like it was suppose to...
    went in early today to make up analysis quiz..probably blew that one also...she spent like 5 minutes looking for the quiz so i only had like 25 minutes to take it..and i usually take all period to take quizzes so i was like oh shit and rushed through the whole quiz...oh yea and she said i couldnt use my calculator, even though when the class took it they were able to use it...but she left the room and of course i popped out the calculator..thank goodness she didnt walk in or i woulda been fucked...
    speaking of fucked..my knee is still fucked..it still wont bend all the way backwards..finally have an mri scheduled for monday so ill get to find out what exactly i did 2 weeks after it happened...i hope its not torn..i didnt think anything was torn since i could walk on it..but anguel, a kid on the sprayberry team, tore his acl last year and he could still walk on it..and hes still out..so that kinda scares me..i dunno what i would do if i couldnt swim or play soccer this year...it would probably kill me..no joke...oh well..lets up nothin is seriously wrong...

    i was gonna talk about some more stuff but i forgot what it was...gotta hate that...oh well..bye

    Current Mood: thirsty
    Current Music: here is gone- goo goo dolls
    Monday, September 8th, 2003
    10:21 pm
    not fun...not fun at all
    as most of u know, i sprained my knee saturday...so im on crutches and have a huge ass knee brace on..right now it feels like if i move it to the right or left the slightest bit my whole knee will twist but thats just how it feels... now to how it happened...we were winning the game 1-0 and with like 3 minutes left the other team (we were playing jons team) had a throw in, someone headed it on goal, i blocked it but gave up a rebound so as i was catching the rebound someone took my knee out and i went down, i rolled on the ground while screaming for like a minute..it felt like someone had ripped my leg off..i thought i had torn a ligament but thank God i didnt cause then i would be out for a year and miss swimming and high school...so anyways..after like 5 minutes i got taken off the field and since we have no backup goalie, robbie went in goal and of course they score with like 30 seconds remaining..i dunno why the other team was so excited..they took out our goalie and scored on our forward..who had never played goalie before..good job guys, im proud of u...
    after that, i went home, sat on the couch and prayed that the pain would magically go away but for some reason it didnt..so went to the hospital..got in and i was like the only person over 1.4..they also didnt have any rooms so i sat for like an hour before they called me...sat for like 3 hours in the room and finally someone came in with the diagnosis..one week in this brace, and take advil..lots of it too..like 10 a day..that was the best part...
    i think the brace is gonna make me go crazy..i walk like .00005 mi/hour and i cant straighten my leg for the 18 hours im wearing it..i cant straighten it anyways but at least without it theres nothin clingin onto my leg..but oh well, if itll heal me i guess ill have to deal with the uncomfortableness for awhile..
    so enough about that...onto my job to be and car to be...im finally getting a car..a 94 camry..3 cheers for me and my krunk car...and im gonna be a bagger at kroger on sandy plains...so everyone come see me and give me a big tip cause im not makin jack..but the lady whos hiring me is hot..so its all good..ha..oh yea she asked for my liscense then told me to go home and get the drug test form signed..so i drove home and back without a liscense..thats liek the third time ive done that within a week...bad me...
    and now im gonna go take my brace off cause my legs goin numb..
    soooo byyyeeee

    Current Mood: uncomfortable
    Current Music: butch walker...my way
    Monday, September 1st, 2003
    9:37 pm
    an update just for you
    ive decided to update this thing before allie kills me...i dont really know what im gonna write about..right now im going over my spanish, we're reading a freakin chapter book and we get vocab for each section..she might as well give us every word in the book cause i dont understand anything..so if i wanna do well on the quizzes each night i have to go home and memorize about 20 vocab words that im gonna forget after the quiz..dunno how that helps u learn spanish but whatever...in sports med we're learning cpr, so ill be certified for about the 100th time this year..but its kinda sad how i was the ony person in the class to do it without him telling me what to do, and he still certified all the other people..oh well...nothin interesting is happening in my other classes so i wont bore u with those stories...
    still looking for a job..still looking for a car..i hate it how no one will hire me, how many times do i have to call or come in for u to get a clue that i want/need the job..i think i have at least 20 applications in..no joke...
    my dads still being gay about getting a car..hes like you have to call at least 15 people and then maybe, just maybe we'll go out and maybe look at it...so im in the middle of all of that..hopefully wednesday will be the day...
    and thats about it for now
    hope u enjoyed this allie cause if u didnt, well then it would be over and i know u wouldnt want that to happen....

    Current Mood: groggy
    Current Music: unwritten law- seein red
    Monday, August 25th, 2003
    9:58 pm
    this weekend i had another soccer tournament and we lost 2 and tied 1...we should have done better but we didnt...first game we lost 2-1, we played pretty well but just screwed up a couple times causing the goals, second game we shoulda murdered the team but we couldnt score when we had our billion chances so we tied, but the loss and tie were good enough to get us into the semifinals and if it wasnt for a bullshit call(s) by the ref we would have at least forced overtime. the ref called a pk cause our guy stole the ball but it didnt look clean, well news to oversized ref, u dont call a pk when u have a doubt, i talked to him for a couple minutes before the pk but that wasnt going ot change his mind..so they score, i almost had it, just a little out of my reach..so after that we spent more time being mad at the ref than focusing on playing...he made another bad call, not calling out when the ball went out of bounds, and andy got a little pissed and starting cussing, so the game went on, more bad calls, and we lost..what fun
    after the games saturday, i went to the band show thing cause the parents made me, saw some people i didnt really want to see but thats alright
    after the game sunday came home and went to church, nothing fun happened there
    today, went to school, pretty boring till analysis, where we had ms mays, she made fun of the whole class
    later she was talking about how bad we were and how she was going to leave a bad note for the teacher and she blew us away when she said "and i can read and write" whoa there, its not everyday u get a sub that can read AND write...then later we gave her a dress code violation cause she was showing to much cleavage..she just laughed at it..so that was the highlight of the day..
    tried to call chickfila but the lady wasnt there and before i could ask when she was going to be in the guy hung up on me so fuck you and ill try again tomorrow
    thats all
    bye

    Current Mood: calm
    Current Music: eve 6- think twice
    Friday, August 22nd, 2003
    11:27 pm
    only 170 days left....
    this week wasnt as nearly as bad as the first week..dropped ap physics tuesday cause i couldnt take it..mrs spaeth sat there the whole period and lectured and i didnt understand a single thing she said so i was like its time to drop..rupam and everyone else got mad at me cause i was suppose to help them with that class..but hey, its kinda hard to help when i dont get it myself...and that brings me to honors physics..ha..i walked in their tuesday and the teacher passed out a test that i had no idea about and i got a 97 on it..so yea..gonna be a pretty easy class now...onto ap us history...blahhhhh..its not a bad class, just so much work, so much reading, so much failing of the quizzes over the chapter...but ill live and thats all that matters...
    so enough with school, onto my "job interview" at wendys. i guess all that i can say is that it didnt last more than 2 seconds...i walked in and the manager said "i dont like your hours, we dont need you", ahhh, that pissed the fuck out of me, i wanted to start yelling at him, but i nicely said well then why didnt u tell me that the 2 previous times i came in and talked to u..he said im sorry..i wanted to say A LOT more but decided against it and politely turned around, resisting the temptation to flick him off, and walked out the door..so no one go to the wendys over by the movie theater, thatll teach em not to mess with me..
    so after all of that i come home and call chickfila and they told me to come in for an interview, so at the interview i filled out one of the survey things that says would u ever steal or lie or crap like that, and they said they would call whenever..so HOPEFULLY that will work out
    ha..allies computer is broken..guess thats not funny cause i cant talk to her so FIX IT
    havent talked to kim much in awhile, mainly i guess cause shes busy but it sucks anyways...guess thats what happens when u go to a different school
    and im pretty tired and gotta get up early again for soccer so im done
    bye

    Current Mood: sleepy
    Current Music: afi- but home is nowhere
    Sunday, August 17th, 2003
    6:09 pm
    weekend chock full of soccer..and traveling
    damnit i was almost done with this entry and the page randomly decided to go back and i lost everything..so ill try again...had a tournament in athens this weekend...went up friday night because i really didnt feel like getting up at 430 on my first day to sleep in since school started..so i settled for waking up at 630...wahoo...first game i bruised my toe really badly when i was going out for a ball and slide tackled the ball, he steooed on my toe, and now its all purple but i dont think its broken...the next game was like an hour and half later so there wasnt really much time to do anything...and since the games we're all running behind the ref decides to shorten the game by 10 minutes (only 30 minute halves)...i made a couple of good saves in this game including one where the guy was coming in to my left and shot it like 10 yards out, i dove and pushed it to the right but it hit off of the post and came right back to me while i was laying on my back...that was awesome..but we lost the game 2-1 and more time got knocked off cause it started to thunder and lightening so the ref called teh game a couple minutes early..but i think everyone wanted to go home anyways so it was all good..made the 2 hour trip home only to get up at 630 again, this morning, and go back down to athens for a game at 930 and 5...we only had one sub for the first game cause of injuries and other stuff..so the game started and amazingly they score in the first 5 minutes...but after a couple of stellar saves from yours truly, we started to get back into the game...andy got a yellowcard because he tried to put an undershirt on but as he was doing so the ball came his way and he ran onto the field with his shirt half on..needless to say it was pretty funny..anyways late in the second half andy had to leave the game because i think he was overheating or whatever u call it, then robby slide tackled someone from the side and the fruity ref decided to give him a freakin red card because, after the game, he said he THOUGHT he tackled him from behind and he THOUGHT that the guy woulda had a breakaway...well newsflash to mr ref, none of those were true..so of course they score a couple minutes later on a shot that was like 100000000000000 mph.....didnt see it till it was already in the goal..so we lose 3-1 but hey at least it wasnt 2-1 again...so because we were only going to have 10 players for the 5 game, the coaches decided that we werent going to play it and instead just go home..we were all happy cause dont think anyone wanted to get home around 9 and dont think anyone really felt like playing...

    so besides the tournament this week has been long as crap..a lot of work, a lot of stuff i dont understand...
    oh well....friday went back to wendys to see about the job and we talked some and he told me to come back tuesday to talk to the other manager...so after how much time they are taking out of my job searching time, they better give me the job...
    thursday had a soccer meeting to meet the new coach...he said in order to make varsity everyone is going to have to run 2 miles under 12 minutes..dont think thats gonna happy buddy...he probably wont even get 18 people to run it under 13 minutes..
    since theres no game right now, ive gotta make my way over to church for the beginning of prep...the boringest 90 minutes of the week....whoopppyyy
    alright bye

    Current Mood: sore
    Current Music: closing time
    Wednesday, August 13th, 2003
    9:50 pm
    hey..i finally have time to update
    so now i realize why they say junior year is the hardest year...ap us history, ap physics, analysis, and even spanish isnt as easy as it used to be..im already stressed out and shit and its only the third day..oh well enough about school...
    jason was taking me home monday and right when he was turning into my neighborhood his truck stalled out and i was like oh shit im gonna die but luckily it rolled on into my neighborhood..so here i am good and alive..
    yesterday went to target to get my planner, saw leah, she told me to go to target and see kim so i went there, and when i went in she had some crazy look on her face like what the fuck are u doing here, but i took her to wendys to eat cause she wanted to leave and while we were there kim blurts out to the mananger that i want to check on my application, so with kims help the lady said i should come in today for an interview...so i go in today and the managers like i dont have any time to talk so come back friday...so i was like ummok ill try to if i have time..so hopefully friday ill have my job and saturday ill be able to look for and buy a car after my soccer tournament..so thats about it for now...gonna go study some for history..bye

    Current Mood: mellow
    Current Music: broken- seether
    Friday, August 8th, 2003
    6:35 pm
    here we go again...
    here it is friday night and it looks like steve is gonna be doing nothing once again...no, not by choice but because my plans have been cancelled once again...i dunno why this always happens to me..i think im cursed, "the no one wants to do anything with steve" curse.
    yea..i know you didnt do it on purpose and i know your sorry but it still makes me think, what if youre like my old friends, what if youre gonna keep blowing me off..what if youre not the sincere person that i think/thought u were...what, what, what... so much is going through my head right now and i dont really know what to do/think...i dont wanna go through this shit again with someone else, it hurt enough the first couple of times and im not ready for it to happen again...

    hopefully it wont


    It's down to this
    I've got to make this life make sense
    Can anyone tell what I've done
    I miss the life
    I miss the colors of the world
    Can anyone tell where I am
    Cause now again I've found myself so far down
    Away from the sun that shines into the darkest place
    I'm so far down away from the sun again

    Current Mood: crappy
    Current Music: staind- yesterday
    Wednesday, August 6th, 2003
    11:15 pm
    the daaayyyyyy
    woke up nice and early and went to orientation, found out my sisters locker is right next to mine AND she has the same lunch period as me...already starting this year off on a bad note...next stood in the long ass line to get my schedule, of course it was wrong so gotta stand in a longer than ass line to change it...turns out they cant substitute weight training for pe, even though i had asked them to do it like 3 weeks ago..fuck you people, now im gonna be all weak and its your fault..muhahaha, so then i went to the lgi and tried to get a parking spot for my car that i dont have but forgot all the information at home...so went home got what i needed and came back...i needed to go to the library to make a copy of my liscense and insurance, but the gay administrator was standing in the way and wouldnt let me through cause i didnt have my yellow piece of paper, even though i told her i needed to use the copying machine IN the library...but she said nooo, this isnt how we do it, go talk to the people in the office. so i go in the office like a good boy should but decided instead of talking to the people in there, i should just cut through and go out the door leading to the library, well that wasnt to smart cause 2 ladys chased after me and said sir sir u cant cut through the office. i said all i need to do is MAKE A FUCKIN COPY, but of course not like that, they told me again to go talk to the lady i just talked to, so finally the first lady lets me go AROUND everything but not after standing there for awhile pondering what damage could be done by lettting me go to the media center without my sacred yellow piece of paper...finally i get my parking spot and got out of the school
    so then the afternoon came and i was suppose to do somethin with kim...but with us being the way we are we waited until the last second (literally) to make plans...so we decided to eat lunch at wendys cause it was gettin late and she had to work at 4...so we eat, talked, had fun...on the way home she decided to look through my dads cd's and found a motown one, she knew every song on it, so she decided to take the cd with her to her cabin...and for some reason i dont think im gonna get it back...lol, but its all good
    alright im done for now, later


    I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do
    Follow me there
    A beautiful somewhere
    A place that I can share with you

    Current Mood: lazy
    Current Music: black eyed peas- anxiety
    Monday, August 4th, 2003
    11:29 pm
    I can tell that you don't know me anymore, It's easy to forget, sometimes we just forget
    hi
    today was alright...i got up (wow, what a surprise) and continued reading a farewell to arms, my summer reading book...its not a terrible book but it doesnt exactly capture my attention..dont think any book has ever done that nor will any book ever do that, just one of those things...its about some american fighting in the italian army against the austrians in WWI and he meets some woman and so far, out of the 150 pages that ive read at least 100 of them are talking about their relationship, and most of the time its random stuff like once they were talking to some doctor and the guy blurts out oh i love u catherine, he replys ohhhhh i love u more than ever and it continues on for oh..lets say the next FIFTY pages...ahhhhh....cant take it...but in between all the looovveee its an alright book...
    i still need a job, im gonna to go to chickfila tomorrow and hopefully they'll at least look at me...the 20 previous places ive been to have been like nnooo we are not looking to hire anyone at the moment..sorry..
    in order to get a car i need a job and i want a car before school starts so it looks like im soon gonna be begging people to hire me...but that can wait until im totally desparate...
    went to target today, saw leah there, to bad she was talking to someone cause i havent talked to her in forever, so i was gonna try and find her when i was leaving but didnt see her anywhere..oh well, maybe some other time...i got the finch cd at target, wanted to get the yellowcard one but couldnt find it..so im gonna burn it...i guess thats what u get when dont have my cd in the store..u lose my 15 bucks..ha..take that dumb store and dumb company...
    yellowcard is awesome, i didnt really know about them til allie told me to dl one of their songs...its probably the only song ive liked of hers but it introduced me to an awesome band..so thank ya...
    soccer practice tonight..pretty gay...no one ever shows up, the coach wasnt even there this time..so we scrimmaged 4v4 the whole time, i was going in for a diving header and scrapped, scraped, whatever, my back pretty bad but itll get better...
    mm..lets think..nope no more boring stuff to talk about so i guess that means im done
    goodbye

    Current Mood: thirsty
    Current Music: finch- untitled
    Saturday, August 2nd, 2003
    11:27 pm
    random complaining
    so today i was stuck thinking about the past again...i keep trying to tell myself not to think about all that has happened but it all still somehow creeps into my mind...trying to hang on to long to something thats not meant to be seems to be my trademark...did it with sarah, probably doing it again with kim...its not exactly the funnest thing in the world to go through...when i look back at everything i realize well maybe if i would have done this or wouldnt have done this i would be a much happier person right now...but i did/didnt and ive ended up here...wishing i still had that person that i could tell absolutely anything and everything to..and maybe thats what did us in..to much freakin complaining about myself...even though the other person says i dont mind, ive learned that it all gets old after awhile...but it still sucks thinking back on how much fun we had and probably how much fun we'd still be having if i wouldnt have been my stuck-up, conceited self...but thats the way i was and all i can do now is make sure it doesnt happen again with someone else...but in the end i guess you got your wish, im not depressing you anymore, for the most part im not depressed anymore, and from what i can tell your pretty damn happy right now...

    Current Mood: frustrated
    Current Music: yellowcard- sureshot
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