Noelle's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]

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[16 Sep 2003|09:23pm]
[ mood | sad ]

oh, yes, I forgot to mention.... RIP John Ritter... you rocked my socks.

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[16 Sep 2003|09:09pm]
[ mood | sick ]
[ music | none ]

ok so I haven't wrote in a while... I got a LiveJournal, so I kinda ditched this one. ): I'm sick at the moment, hopefully will go back to school tomorrow. I want a cigarette really bad. That's all I really have to say. byebye.

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cannot wait... [07 Sep 2003|06:20pm]
[ mood | creative ]
[ music | The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows-Brand New ]

Homecoming is on the 27th... it's official that meg and I are going together... We're wearing matching dresses... both of them being mine, heh.... (one's blue and one's pink)... I want to find a pinstripe blazer to wear with my dress because I expect it to be cold around homecoming. Dunno if I should wear my Converse or buy combat boots. Ehh. So many choices. Lifes so hard.

I cannot wait to get a fuckin LiveJournal.

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Clothes=GOOD! [31 Aug 2003|09:22pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]
[ music | Remember To Breathe-Dashboard Confessional ]

I can't wait til it gets colder outside, so I can start wearing my hoodies and cardigans again.

I REALLY CAN'T WAIT UNTIL I GET MY LICENSE AND A JOB SO I CAN GO SHOPPING WHENEVER I WANT AND I HAVE EXTRA MONEY JUST IN CASE. I hope that everything goes through alright once I turn 16. Just random thoughts.

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Don't Call My Name Out Your Window I'm Leaving [29 Aug 2003|12:14am]
[ mood | thoughtful ]
[ music | Head Club-Taking Back Sunday ]

I haven't wrote a full-out entry in quite a while, so here I go...
School's been ok... I enjoy Nardizzi's class sooo fuckin much. He's sucha cool guy to wake up to everyday. Plus Cristy's in that class (: French is fun too. It helps that Mrs. Western adores me and Drew's in that class (even though we don't talk much)... Women's Ensemble's easy as fuck. I sing all hour... what can I say? I enjoy it. And physical science sucks. I hate the people in there. They're all immature and ignorant. I HATE people like that. You can't even hold a decent conversation with them. God, I hate the end of my school days. But, I'll get over it. I feel like writing a story. Even though I think I'm a horrible writer. There's nothing wrong with trying though, right? In CW right now, I'm writing a story about my mother and father. Heh. If they knew I'd be grounded until I was 73. I started writing a story over the summer, but I didn't get very far with it. Anyway... enough of that. I need to take drivers training seg 2. I need to turn 16. I need my license. So much more freedom. Then I could go out with friends and go to local shows whenever I wanted to. I also need a job. I need money so bad right now. But it doesn't help that I'm kinda wasting it on things that I want instead of need. Like cigarettes. I'll probably quit once I get a job. It's fun to waste my parents money every once and again. Ooh, Dave Navarro is on the TV right now. Quite the guitarist I tell ya. Good looking too. Double whammy. Good job. I love it.
I really missed this song. I'm glad that I found my TBS CD. It was in my family room on the top shelf of the armoir. Phew, I thought I lost it. They're my favorite. (: I'm getting into this phase of cartoon t-shirts. Batman is what I'm wearing right now. Plus I have Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Snuffy (which isn't really a cartoon, but all the same, kids shows, right?) and some other older ones. I quite frankly, I'm enjoying it. These past few days have been really good, I suppose. I did kinda get shit on on Sunday, but besides that, I feel the best I have in the longest time. I feel so comfortable in my skin right now. And that's really good because I haven't felt this way in such a long time. I felt like total useless shit from about September last year til I was put in the Fox Center for 3 weeks, and then I still felt bad, but not as much. Since I think July, I've felt the best I have in the past 2 years. I'm quite proud of myself. I really don't take peoples shit anymore. I know who my real friends are and I basically get along with everyone. I'm no longer isolating myself. I haven't cut since before I went into Fox Center, in January. I haven't drank since December. I'm staying clean of booze and razors. I'm feeling pretty good. It's good when you feel like nothing can tear you apart. I enjoy it much.
Pretty, fuzzy, green yarn around my wrist from Jennifer. Reminds me of Oscar the Grouch. (:

*it's getting colder and we're getting distant and I just keep thinking that I never meant it to be like this
You know what comes next so do I, You're begging for a way to gracefully bow or and say goodnight...
It's worse than you think...
On your way home, you should have known, you never listen to me
I'm only complaining to keep myself busy sweetie...
I can't say I blame you but I wish that I could, I'm sick of writing every song about you...
Don't call my name out your window I'm leaving*

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[26 Aug 2003|05:45pm]
[ mood | empty ]
[ music | Marilyn Manson-Man That You Fear ]

Yeah, nm that last entry... I started school. and it's not the greatest. Nardizzi's class is fun, as is Western, but that's really the only reason I like school. Ah, well, I'll live.

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(: [24 Aug 2003|12:22pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]
[ music | dashboard confessional-hand down ]

I'M THE HAPPIEST PERSON ON THIS WHOLE ENTIRE FUCKING PLANET! i had an amazing night... lauren and cristy understand... heh. This is the happiest I've been in like 2 years. I hope it lasts.

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Almost done school shopping... [22 Aug 2003|03:47pm]
I got a green cord peacoat, a pair of brown cords, and a pair of jeans yesterday, and today I exchanged my snuffy shirt, and I got a tan cord dickies purse, and a gray shirt with front snaps. And Emily's dying on General Hospital, and Jason was crying, and Jason's beautiful and I started crying because he was crying. And now I'm leaving you to watch the rest.
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[20 Aug 2003|02:24pm]
[ mood | full ]
[ music | Idiotheque-radiohead ]

OK, I love Angie to death, but her beautiful face makes me a little more depressed right now. So, if anyone has an idea for a new icon, plz let me know. I want something more creative. Angie just needs to go away for a while.

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Where has the time gone? [20 Aug 2003|02:03pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]
[ music | blue and yellow-the used ]

School next monday. That's no fun. The only reason I'm slighty excited is because I MIGHT be able to see drew. I miss him like no other. Eh, it's gonna suck majorly huge asshole.. I hate it. BLAH. I'm gonna go shopping with the mutha tomorrow. So, at least that will be nice. Nicole bought some patchouli oil last night. (: Daren was wearing a kilt that he rented from Canterbury Village for the Ren Fest this weekend. Crazy boy. Eh, nothing else to really say. I might dye my hair tonight (Loreal Paris Feria Sunset Blaze, I believe....) kinda a spicy red. if I don't do it tonight, then maybe saturday or something. I dunno. I'll write later.

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[18 Aug 2003|11:25pm]
[ mood | nauseated ]
[ music | 4 st 7 lb-Manic Street Preachers ]

These pills I'm taking are the best things ever. They make me feel great. It's an awesome feeling, people. I love it. Thanks Cristy. If it weren't for you, I'd feel like crap. (:

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Thanks to my dear sister... She's got me all obsessed and stuff... [18 Aug 2003|04:15pm]
I eat too much to die
And not enough to stay alive
I'm sitting in the middle waiting

Days since I last pissed
Cheeks sunken and despaired
So gorgeous sunk to six stone
Lose my only remaining home

See my third rib appear
A week later all my flesh disappears
Stretching taut, cling - film on bone
I'm getting better

Karen says I've reached my target weight
Kate and Emma and Kristin know it's fake
Problem is diet's not a big enough word
I wanna be so skinny that I rot from view

I want to walk in the snow
And not leave a footprint
I want to walk in the snow
And not soil its purity

Stomach collapsed at five
Lift up my skirt my sex is gone
Naked and lovely and 5st. 2
May I bud and never flower

My vision's getting blurred
But I can see my ribs and I feel fine
My hands are trembling stalks
And I can feel my breasts are sinking

Mother trys to choke me with roast beef
And sits savouring her sole Ryvitta
That's the way you're built my father said
But I can change, my cocoon shedding

I want to walk in the snow
And not leave a footprint
I want to walk in the snow
And not soil its purity

Kate and Kristin and Kit Kat
All things I like looking at
Too weak to fuss, too weak to die
Choice is skeletal in everybody's life

I choose my choice, I starve to frenzy
Hunger soon passes and sickness soon tires
Legs bend, stockinged I am Twiggy
And I don't mind the horror that surrounds me

Self - worth scatters, self - esteem's a bore
I long since moved to a higher plateau
This discipline's so rare so please applaud
Just look at the fat scum who pamper me so

Yeh 4st. 7, an epilogue of youth
Such beautiful dignity in self - abuse
I've finally come to understand life
Through staring blankly at my navel

Quite a lovely song, don't you say? Kinda fucked up, but obviously I can't say much about fucked up stuff. Right??
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[17 Aug 2003|08:55pm]
[ mood | irritated ]
[ music | Disarm-Smashing Pumpkins ]

Last night was pretty fun. We didn't watch any of the badns, we just hung out outside the whole time. I expected it to be more exciting, but I dunno. A little disappointing, but it's ok. I talked to the people I wanted to talk to and I talked to Dennis, he's so sweet. It was pretty fun. Could been better, but fun overall.
SCHOOL STARTS IN 1 WEEK! SHOOT ME NOW! I need to get a hold of Meg. I hope we do actually hang out this week and she doesn't bloe us off again. Lauren didn't come over this summer. Not suprising. it always gets screwed over. oh well. EXACTLY FIVE MONTHS TIL I GET MY LICENSE. Good times. K, that's all I have to say. Bye bye.

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if you haven't noticed... [16 Aug 2003|12:09am]
[ mood | no more headache, tummy now): ]
[ music | close to me by the cure ]

I changed my icon to Angie. Brandon will be back someday, but Angie fits my mood right now.

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Finally home... haha [15 Aug 2003|10:35pm]
[ mood | I have a headache ]
[ music | Close To Me-The Cure ]

I've been at cristy's all week basically. I kinda started to miss my own bed, even though I'm going back over there tomorrow, haha. I'm really superly pissed off right now. I really don't want to talk about it though, because it's kind of personal. MY FREAKING HEADACHE DOESN'T HELP MUCH EITHER.... grr and a half... Local tomorrow... (: dirt fest. EXTREMELY EXCITED. Oh well. I want to talk to Lauren right now. I really miss her ): I tried to call her and no one answered and I almost started to cry... lol. GOD I'm lame. haha 1 week til school starts ): goddamnit. fuck. this sucks.

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[10 Aug 2003|05:39pm]
[ mood | same as before ]
[ music | same as before ]

I went to cristy's last night and her momma took us shopping... I got a black cabbie hat, a lil boys' Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shirt, and some pins and patches. I dunno when Lauren's coming over. Who knows if she'll make it over here this summer at all ): she needs to get better. Anyway, it was nice staying the night at cristy's again, we watched requiem for a dream... omg dudes... I swear to god I'm never gonna do drugs.... coke, heroin, anything heavy like that.... never dude... no shit.... anyway we went outside after that and chain smoked... heehee it made my tummy feel better.... then we tried to watch Punch Druck Love, but we were both so fuckin tired... so we slept instead... but yeah, today we went to like her family reunion thing... it was crazy... so yeah, now I'm home. And now I'm done typing in this for a while.

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I can't get enough of Girl, Interrupted quotes... [10 Aug 2003|05:37pm]
[ mood | cynical ]
[ music | Guster-- Rainy Day ]

Tell me something Dais, cuz I thought you didn't do valium?! Tell me how this safety net is working for you...tell me that you don't take that blade, and drag it across your skin and pray for the courage to press down...tell me how your 'daddy' helps you cope with that...illuminate me...

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[09 Aug 2003|11:34am]
[ mood | I want a cigarette! ]
[ music | Marilyn Manson-The Man That You Fear ]

no more local tonight): oh well. Maybe my mom will take us to a movie.

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eh.. ? [09 Aug 2003|10:26am]
[ mood | I don't know ]
[ music | Manic Street Preachers- 4st 7lb ]

I babysat last night... two stupid little boys... 6 hours.... they only gave me 20 bucks. I feel a little used. oh well.
I'm going to Jennifer's mother's book signing tonight. Good times. After that I'm going to cristy's and we're going to the local(: that will make everything better.... It's like, happiness in a bucket... I suppose.... I get to get new cigs... dunno what kind to get... hmm... decisions, decisions.... this really is a tough world to live in.

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[08 Aug 2003|12:08pm]
Razors pain you, rivers are dammed, acid stains you, drugs cause cramps, guns aren't lawful, nooses give, gas smells awful, you might as well live...
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