im free. free from school. free from everything. bought my highly cool machine on which to record stuff as long as i dont die.
i hope no one nothing bad happens to them never.
im feeling pretty happy these days. thats way theres not much to say.
whats happened to my font??
theres really not alot to say. a particular Ru wrote me a letter (oh how sweet) so i fell off the gravity train for a while and then fell back on it, turns out im too heavy for cloud nine these days. still saving money
crushedhi i hate the internet
it is a breeding ground for memes
i gotta go
i'll be gone until i like it again
oh lord im so lost
my major occupation these days coupled with "fit for life" detoxification, is pruning pine ttrees (ooops, they aren't pine but they smell like christmas trees and they have needles) at a rate of eight bucks an hour. I keep reaffirming to myself that although im killing little woodlice and bugs and stuff or at least upsetting their habitat, i am doing it for karmic good and the money i earn will go to recording eqquipment. which will in turn raise the consciousness of anyone who eventually gets to hear my music. so saraswati its for you!
The Buddha compared people to four kinds of clay vessels. One type of vessel has holes in the bottom. We can pour in as much water as we like and it runs right out. When this type of person hears the Dharma, it goes in one ear and out the other. The second type of vessel has cracks. Though we pour in the Dharma, it seeps out slowly until the vessel is empty again. The third vessel is full to the brim with stale water--views and opinions. One can't pour anything new in, everything is already known. The only useful vessel is the fourth, without holes or cracks and totally empty.
-Ayya Khema, "Be an Island"
blankweird stuff happening battles for control. their she is hyper-controlled, where i am, can i get there too. my sister and i are stubborn, and neither will admit defeat. i know its not healthy, do i care, i'll show her, she has controlled my entire life. seven years older given the edge. i cant breathe too well..... today i have decided to drown my morning blues in card captor sakura and hamtaro. it looks so pretty in there, i want the majic spell, i want 100 on my test. i want my composition to work, i wish it would ive pasted two old ones together to hand in. but i dont know how best to repeat the first section with the second pieces left hand rythm in a c drone. i got to go
Whatever is not yours, abandon it. When you have abandoned it, that will lead to your welfare and happinesss.
-Buddha, "Connected Discourses of the Buddha"
down to your heart, and all you feel is ice
today and next month
days only get longer from now
but your ice only grows thicker
and mixed up in it is the image of summer roses and reindeer blood, splattered on cool transparent ice
laps are used to chilled air
and snow coloured bears
hey im good. i thouhgt it woull be more embarrassing to get up in front of an audience with nOTHING fully prepared.... aye, than to got an illegal extention. whatever.
oh god im am getting really hung up about Ru. again. WHY WHY WHY, im so envious, ive gotta b finna that pearson will never notice me or like me
feel better since i leaved rubys gloom. it was darkening my soul too read of their thousand of tears. hurt.
i have a exam in two weeks time. my assignment is due. its hard hard work. yeah right... but its nice to think that this is what id be doing with my time even if i wasn't at school. even if it wasn't a task my teacher assigned me, i'd still be holed up in my room with all the instruments in reach and my exercise book and my manuscript, and a thousand blunt pencils. just waiting for a knife.
tell you what, next time i come on here (maybe not for a little while maybe) ill post some peoms yeah
ive got 15 days to trial this thing so im turning out all kinds of bullshit
artistic
my utterly demented fairy/rabbit coupling
well, bit boring really
ana me up
im going to go on a diet. deal with it
115lb is too fat. i cant beleive i let myself get to this point
tomorrow: grilled mushrooms on toast (sans oil, grilled on foil in the oven), steamed silver beet, and a soymilk smoothie
walk up to j's, work on arrangement, has to be done by wednesday
i am sooooooooo ill
every time i look accross at something, focus, or move my eyes there is this "squish squish squish....." of blood in my ears like thud thud thud and i feel incredibly dizzy
bad drugs, you did this to me!!
never again i swear
the skyline number nines, open up my mind, can you hear me screaming out now, thru the telephone lines
ok, ill be brief. tomorrow will be my first med free day in... a looong while naow. good thing.
no more selective re-uptake inhibition for me.
have discovered the best ever drug: nurofen plus. its great, gets me really high for an over th'counter
so if i get withdrawl headaches etc, thats my fall back.
fool
you can get better you can get better you will
hehay
have tidied up my room. goal: fiinsh cello parts by tomorrow
scupper scupper bail BALE BALE!!!!!!
we're sinking
poor steerpike. *tears trickle down wan cheeks*
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