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Tuesday, April 19th, 2005
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1:53 pm - Night's Paradigm
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Fervent Kisses
Spoken in Soft Whispers,
Caressing the Gentle Angles
Of Each Other.
Hands Clasped,
Melding into One.
Sharing Ourselves,
What We Are
At that Moment.
Closing Eyes,
Breathing Deep
The Perfume
Of Sweat and Emotion.
The Feeling of Pleasure,
Abounding Between Us,
The Energy of Which
Filling the Room
To Every Crack and Crevice.
Even After
The Air is still Thick
With Ardent Wishes.
But Again
We Close Our Eyes.
Gentle Sleep
Takes the Place
Of Spent Desire.
And Again Queen Mab
Dances Through
Our Minds
Bringing Dreams,
Of Fervent Kisses
Spoken in Soft Whispers.
current mood:  nostalgic
current music: Live
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9:42 am
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Awake.
The world has become orange and
Yellow again.
Flecks of blue shine
Between the clumping leaves
Of trees.
Into the shower.
Such a feeling.
Hot water slowly
Caressing each inch.
Warming my body into
Perceptive Awareness.
Washing away
The sins and troubles
Of days gone past.
My daily baptism.
Red, Orange,
Yellow Light.
Warmth.
current mood:  rejuvenated
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| Thursday, April 14th, 2005
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1:45 pm - Grey
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I woke up.
It was raining.
The sky's were
Shades of Solemn.
Late.
Again.
Quickly, Now
Quickly.
Away I run.
Cold.
Outside is so cold.
Even the summer
Sun is hiding
From me.
In my car.
Nature is
Sullen.
So I am here.
I see
The Woman
Who talks to God
She says
"He is with me"
I see her
In her tent
In the woods.
With faith
What of her?
Today.
She sees me
So she is not
Okay.
But maybe
All of the Souls
Who see me,
Really are.
And everyone else
Is delusional.
current mood:  cold
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| Tuesday, April 12th, 2005
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4:20 pm - Home
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I went to the country last night. To visit a girl who is more like a sister to me than any of my blood-relatives. It was wonderful. Everything was. The drive was a little long, but peaceful. I had forgotten how breath taking the scenery of my home could really be. Trees displaying vibrant shades of green, limbs weighed down by the creeping vines that seem to be everywhere down here. Great lumps of wisteria seemingly dripping their very own shade of purple. The air thick with the pure smell of dirt and flowers and nature. The small old houses scattered far and few between. It is an ambience of the Green Swamp. A place so aptly named. A place that I am pleased to call home. To be able to look up at the night sky and never run out of stars to count brings a certain tranquility that no place made of metal and concrete and electric buzzing could ever recreate. The lush landscape alive and emanating a certain inviting energy about, beckoning almost. If you close your eyes you can feel the trees themselves inviting you to Nature. A low hum of vibration pulsating from deep within reaching out to what we came from. Watching the night sky slowly creep by. Our Lady the Moon, keeping time for her children of the Earth. Slowly circling through that great blue-blackness speckled with tiny flicks of light. Feeling the Morning Sun take the place of His Sister. The sky as it turned to all colors and then to only light. Clouds coming out of hiding, teasingly spilling slight visions of the endless depth of space. It was Beauty. That was what I experienced last night. Beauty, Life, Love, Laughter.
And the visit itself was indescribable. We had drinks and laughed. We were silly around each other like we can never be around anyone else. Just splurts of giggles streaming forth. Remembering times when we were younger, innocent and getting into more trouble than we had even realized! And we talked of new times as well. Like silly romantics spilling all of their dreams and experiences in waves of joy and hope. Telling secrets to each other that we could never tell another. Being honest. Completely open. Being Sisters. Last night I was reminded of Life. I felt what it was like to really laugh again and become intoxicated by the sheer happiness of it all, to forget the worries and troubles that we have both become overwhelmed with. So I thank you, my dearest Sister. May we never be too far apart.
current mood:  ecstatic
current music: One More Time (Celebration) - Daft Punk
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7:42 am - I Am....
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I am.
Two Words Which Magnify People.
To search inside and see exactly what you are,
Is a feat that most people refuse to ever acknowledge.
But take the time to express it.
Take the time to love it and embrace because,
I am.
I Am....
- A Girl
- A Woman
- A Lover
- An Ex-Wife
- A Pet Owner
- A Total Nerd
- A Musician
- An Artist in my Own Right
- Natural
- Imperfect
- Beautiful (Inside and Out)
- Alive
- Spunky
- Animated
- Moody
- Sometimes Secretive
- A Friend
- A Sister
- A Daughter
- Often Confused
- Dramatic
- Romantic
- Spontaneous
- Contradicting
- A Little Naive
- Pierced
- Tattooed
- Trouble When Mixed With Alcohol (Only the Good Kind)
- A Waitress
- A Customer Service Rep
- In Love With the 90's, and 80's
- Ecclectic
- Expectant of People
- Believing
- Happy
- Hopeful
current mood:  happy
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| Monday, April 11th, 2005
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3:23 pm - To My Gentlemen....
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This is just a little blurp. Something I thought about. It is a compilation of how I feel about the Gentlemen that have graced me with thier presence. Its not necessarilly bad, just subjective
No two are the same.
In action some a similar,
But never just alike.
So thank you.
This is my message to you all.
Maybe you will read it,
Maybe not.
Doesn't matter.
I know its here.
Thank You For...
- Loving Me
- Hating Me
- Your Passion
- Your Distance
- Your Kinks
- Helping Me Find Mine
- Your Second Sight
- Your Total Blindness
- Your Sensitivity
- Your Steel Wall
- Teaching Me About Love
- Giving Me My First Guitar
- Being My First
- Being the Most Recent
- Taking Me Out
- Keeping Me In
- Taking Care of Me
- Letting Me Take Care of You
- Listening
- Never Caring
- Telling Me I'm a Bitch
- Giving Me a Reason to Be One
- Being Nice When I was Not
- Only Wanting Sex
- Never Wanting Sex
- Taking My Side of the Story
- Arguing Til We Were Blue in the Face
- Teaching Me About Life
current mood:  thankful
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9:37 am - To My Love....
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I don't want to be the rock in the river that you hold on to.
Can't you just let me fucking float along?
I'm tired of making wind for you to fly your kite.
You're making me run out of breath, then how am I supposed to breath?
You scream at me to just subserve, and be everything that I am not.
So I'm screaming back and out and through,
I've told them all and its your turn now.
Get a fucking life,
Leave mine alone,
I'm not sorry for you any more.
You've lost all my respect.
Learn to swim,
Or drown and die.
Learn to blow,
Or kiss your fancy-free-flights goodbye.
I'll only say this once,
So listen close,
Because I know your logic is slightly morose.
I am not your hidden oyster shell,
I'm not keeping any pearl,
You think you saw something in me,
But I'm just a God-Damned Girl!
current mood:  irate
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| Sunday, April 10th, 2005
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9:06 pm - Contemplation
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Time is a Merry Go Round,
I keep on going,
because It is what I am.
Classic, In Perpetual Motion,
But never moving. Not Really.
No Two Times are the Same,
Though No Two Times are particularly Different, either.
Each Day, Brings some New Thought.
Something Else to Be Pondered on this Quest.
And the Quest, What Sojourn Our Souls take Us on.
Discoveries, Loss, Happiness, Grief.
But what are They All to Mean?
Is it a Flaw of Existance that We keep returning?
In My Heart, I cannot agree with This.
Some Thing, Some Meaning
Is Buried With In Our Existence.
We are born Knowing All That We Were Meant to Know.
It is the Journey to this Middle Place of the Heart to Discover these Hidden Meanings Within Ourselves.
The Journey.
The People We Encounter.
The Sights We are Blessed With.
The Sounds that Bring Joy to Our Beings.
The Choices That We must Live By.
current mood: eccentric
current music: The Cure
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| Friday, April 8th, 2005
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8:18 am - Beautiful Morning
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Hooray!!! My PC is back up and running the way that it should be! No kinks, No errors, just smooth running. Which it took me long enough, but now I have a fully functional computer. So I have all of my music back (which is my life considering that everything I do has something to do with what is on in the background). And so far, today has been rather nice. Perhaps I shouldn't speak too soon about that, though. The day has only just begun after all.
On a postive note, my neighbors didn't wake me up last night. The night before, I awoke in the middle of the night to a woman ?crying?, or at least I think thats what it was. At that stage in the night, I wasn't really sure what it was, after all I was half-asleep. After I woke up yesterday morning, I wasn't even sure if I had perhaps dreamt it or not, that is until I spoke with my roommate about it, at which point he confirmed what I thought--That we have Loud Neighbors. Oh well. But I digress, I didn't get a rude wake up last night. Thankfully I slept peacefully and soundly. And I woke up this morning before my alarm clock even went off. At 6 in the morning I just drifted out of sleep and into a dreamy kind of reality. The world was dark around me still, and the rain was coming down. Only enough to make that wonderful rain-smell and rain-sound, though. The fact that I sleep with my windows open helped me hear and smell this wonderful thing of nature. It just seemed so peaceful. I would have loved to have stayed in bed just lying there and listening to the rain, and my sleep-music playing in the background. I knew that I could not, though. So out of bed I jumped. It was first to burn a morning mix of the mood-music for the day and into the shower. And such a lovely mix it was. Music just doesn't seem to get much better than some of the older music that I grew up to. Some of the teen-angst-but-I'm-really-ok kind of stuff. Alanis, of course, some Garbage, some Cranberries, and what mix would be complete with out the Cure? Good stuff, I say, good stuff!
current mood:  cheerful
current music: Beautiful - Garbage
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| Thursday, April 7th, 2005
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8:13 am - The Life of a Girl
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So its been a few days since I've posted, and considering the last time that I posted I was feeling very poetic and introspective, things have gotten hectic. On Monday, I had what may equate to be one of the most aggravating days I've ever really had. Clients at the Office were being ridiculously diffucult, The Ex was being nice but ineffective in our Bargain, and my computer at home contracted two nasty trojans. Tuesday wasn't very much better. Yesterday, however, seemed to be a good day. I awoke to a beautiful day, went to the office were things were busy, but not out of hand, and R and I had a lovely lunch in the Gazebo behind our building (for those of you that don't know, R is my boss, wonderful lady indeed). Another plus? My friend Graham felt bad for me and took me out for a nice italian dinner. The day definately had some up sides to it. I am finally on the track to fixing my computer, I ended up having to do a system wipe :(.
--Peace, Love, and Respect
current music: Not the Doctor - Alanis Morisette
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| Sunday, April 3rd, 2005
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10:25 am
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I want what I cannot have.
I long to hold what I cannot touch.
I wish to listen to that which I cannot hear,
And desire to behold what I cannot see.
This is the nature of who I am, racked with desire, and longing, and silent wishes forever to be unfullfilled. I have begun to accept this. The longing makes me feel alive, it makes me know that all that I experience is not a dream. I hold on to this, for it is the last fragment of me that I really truly own. Forever will the winds of time sweep across my mind and take me to the days of innocence where everything in my world was pink and white and pure. And I do not regret these memories, for they show me how I have grown, changed, lived. Although my world is no longer as pure as white snow, it still holds an innocence. And the name of that innocence is Hope, True Hope. Hope that one day the world around me can know the beauty and the longing for understanding that I have made so much of myself. This one feeling drives me beyond what I thought I could accomplish and I am thankful for that. Praise to the Gods and Goddess in their perches in Heaven and Earth.The pawns which are made of us each day give me feeling. I am feeling, I am energy, simply manifested in the desire that is human form and understanding. Human Understaning-The Great Paradox.
current mood: nostalgic
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| Saturday, April 2nd, 2005
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9:14 am - Rain Rain On My Head.....
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Its raining here. I think that it is wonderful. A steady, rythmic day, with the sight of the trees swaying to weight of the water on their branches and leaves. Of course not everyone would be so inclined to think so of the rain. But it is the peace and refreshment that the Mother needs to sustain Her life. A nice drowsy day is exactly what I need. Were the Heavens above to speak to us through Thunder and Lightening, the day would not be any better. It would be impossible. Thunder and Lightening are beautiful to me.
I've always loved the sight and smell of rain, and the feel and sound of a good storm. It is the intensity of it that I love. Nature being Nature, showing that She is still in control.Hurricanes, Tornadoes, Rain, Thunder, Lightening....strange as it may be these are the true elements of beauty.
current mood:  peaceful
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