What's to say.. not many people know who I am.
Our tour ended a while ago. Even before that, we were touring with Incubus. It was a lot funner opening for them than touring on our own. It was like being at summer camp with your brothers. They're all so crazy. Jose always getting naked, Mike always smoking out, Jason trying to impress them all the time. Being around Brandon seemed to keep my head on straight. He's awfully intelligent, yet he knows when to be silly and when not to be. Often late at night we'd go off and have long, drawn out conversations about all kinds of shit. Life, religion, love.. things that normally guys wouldn't talk about. Of course I always felt stupid because what I had to say what shit compared to what he had to say. I still would get a lot out of the conversation, though. He's a beautiful kid. That leg of the tour ended too quickly to my liking.
So that's me. I recently turned 23. There are all kinds of teenagers getting married. Pathetic me. 23 and single. I guess sometimes I enjoy the single life. It gets lonely though, of course. Eventually you get sick of everything being physical. You want the time you spend holding someone to actually mean something. I think I finally started to notice this on my birthday. I felt older... and lacking ambitions. Nothing exciting happened. A few of the guys came over. ...Then a few of the girls. We sat around and drank. I had sex - meaningless sex with someone I didn't know very well. Sex is supposed to feel good, feel whole.. and the only thing I felt was regretful. I was seeing someone in the past. Kirsten Dunst, actually. It's weird because when you first start dating someone, everything is exciting. You feel like a schoolboy again. You get all giggly inside and feel like, "this is it. This is the one." Of course it hardly ever is. We didn't last long.
So now I rely on my friends for affection. Jason, Sam, Darren, Jacques.. When we're around on tour or whatever else.. if it's cold I'll climb in bed with Sam because we cuddle so well together. If I have a nightmare I'll climb in bed with Jason because he's a lot stronger and makes me feel safe. I'll go to Jacques or Darren if I'm ever upset and need a shoulder to cry on, because they seem to understand more than anyone else. I don't know what it is. That's just the way I am. Clingy. I do wish, though, that I could find just one person who could fulfill all of those things for me. I could become too attached to someone and when they are only doing me favors and feel nothing more, I could easily get my heart broken.
How did I do for a first entry?