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Thursday, November 18th, 2004
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12:57 am - i feel so
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good god, i feel so dead here. it's driving me crazy.
kristin called me up. i, i ranted. to her... or not reall ranted but talked, a lot. i don't do that. not with kristin. i listen. shit... what is there to say... i have lost all ... life... no like it when that happens... oh well.
shit. paper.
that always happens when that thought crosses my mind. i panic. not cool... not at all.
current place i wish to be: a nice, lovely beach. with nothing to fucking bug me!
current mood:  lethargic
current music: Traeme Paz-Patricia Vonne-Once Upon A Time In Mexico
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| Tuesday, October 12th, 2004
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10:17 pm - now i can finally get that sleep i need
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okay, so, minus the getting chewed out by prof of doom, i guess i can't complain much about today. i mean, true, it was dead boring... life has become monotonous... and i must say i need to get out more. but oh-well, it is before ten thirty and tomorrows homework is done, and that is what matters. now i can finally get that sleep i need...
current mood:  accomplished
current music: That Particular Time-Alanis Morissette-Under Rug Swept
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12:11 am - wonders why the all sentences are simpler than simple
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well, hello blurty. i was planning on getting to bed hours ago. that didn't happen. i was drawing. and was not happy. sleep sounds much more happy. wonders why she cant ever get enough of it. wonders why all sentences are simpler than simple.
my paper is printing.
i didn't edit kristin's paper as she asked, i should do that tomorrow.
i should write that paper for the lecture series tomorrow. rephrase, must.
and i must get more sleep, though i would like to be able to glue those dammed wire sculptures tonight.
it's past midnight.
the scifi channel is on. i have no fucking clue what on, though.
i need another cup of tea.
i need another hour of sleep.
i need a good weekend.
i should go to bed.
night.
current place i wish to be: Vanuatu
current mood:  exhausted
current music: The Sci-Fi Channel
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| Tuesday, October 5th, 2004
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10:25 pm - moment of
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okay, so ranting done, sitting on lj. i really think that somewhere, i dunno where yet, i should compile all of my diary entires from, well, forever ago to today.
feels like she should be back in okemos and yeah, playing big sister for kristen. and everyone else.
wow... moment of homesickness...
shit... i have reading for asian 252... i should go do that... whoops.
yay for woodshop tomorrow! is happy... i'm gonna miss that class...
current mood:  mellow
current music: TV- Post Vice Presidential Debate- CNN
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| Sunday, October 3rd, 2004
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1:38 am - On the Secret Life of My Friends...
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current mood:  amused
current music: Masterpiece Conspiracy-P.O.D.-Satellite
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1:37 am - rather my fault
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so i think my suitmate is in the bathroom, which means i can't go in. and i don't want to bother knockingon the door... so i cant go to sleep yet. well, that is rather my fault, but still... stupid paper, should not have wasted time watching football game, and socializing, but writing paper instead... that would have been better use of time... na ja.. so goes life, and so vally goes to bed. night world
current place i wish to be: in bed, asleep.
current mood: exhausted
current music: Anything Right-P.O.D.-Satellite
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| Thursday, September 30th, 2004
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12:03 pm - college=good. life=good.
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ah, hello, sweet world. today i feel alive. and very much so. gods, the classes are working out the way they should. the ones i hated are now, slowly becoming my favorites. my favorites, i still love. college=good. life=good.
laughs, life has always equalled good for me. even when i was down, i still would've rather been alive than dead, for even depression, or those little bits of being blue that i have, if one can call them depression, i doubt it, for overall, i am a very happy person. yay! flags and cheering. life! no, i enjoy feeling all depressed and blue, just as much as i enjoy being celebratory and happy-ish. laughs again.
i think it's the coffee. caffeine is happy medicine. laughs again. helped me keep awake during the slide show this morning. that and prof. samuels, almost evil, slightly hypocritical, yet enjoyable, cfc professor, does get me thinking, and a thinking vally is as very happy vally.
rejoice, rejoice, celebration.
good god, i love life.
current place i wish to be: good god, anywhere, show the world, the entire dammed world, i wanna see it all!
current mood:  ecstatic
current music: Vans Warped Tour 2004: Stage 2
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| Tuesday, September 28th, 2004
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11:19 pm - out goes all those plans.
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well, and out goes all those plans of getting to bed earlier... oops... oh well. so goes life, right? and down my lj looks all pretty, and Ii figured out how to make animated icons on photoshop. happy happy, they look pretty. it's say's "lily of the vally." squee.
love you jb for giving me that name.
and a pretty macbeth icon. that maybe i should load up onto here... though i dunno when people would see it, for this icon no change... tear. oh well.
i have decided that i must get drunk at one point in my life time just to know what it is like. i would also try dying, just to know what it is like to die. and remember that, as an enternal reminder not to do it again, though, i fear, the one time i do die, i'll remain dead and gone. whatta bugger... naja... so goes life, right? right. and so i must go... too.
to bed, that is, to bed! huzzah! huzzah! and hurrah!
current place i wish to be: OHS, at crew, making my paint corner clean!
current mood:  awake
current music: Won't Get Fooled Again-The Who-The Ultimate Collection (Disc 2)
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| Tuesday, September 21st, 2004
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4:54 pm - odd, compelling, fascinating
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i have that odd, compelling, fascinating, need to write. about what, i am not sure yet. but want to write right now. odd, rather, seeing as i just came out drawing, therefor i should be in a more visual mode, but no, prof. of doom makes vally think. and a thinking vally likes to write. so i am here, writing.
he was speaking about why we draw, what is art, what are we doing in the art school. or, more or less implying that we should ask those questions. thing is, though, is that i have no actual plan to life, and i go where ever the wind takes me, and as of recent, it has blown me into the school of art and design at u of m. and as for what is art, why do we draw? i ask: what is life? why do we breath? i see no difference between those sets of questions. art just happens, it is, so why question. drawing is fundamental to art, and in order to have art (whatever that may be, try explaining the color blue to me) one must draw. in order to have life, one must breath. simple
but, alas, the world doesn't like simple answers. instead, it prefers hard questions, to which there are no answers.
funny, the two profs i like the least, they are the ones that get me to do the most thinking... be it question everything, or take ones time and learn everything thoroughly, i must credit them with much.
current place i wish to be: Japan, late Tokugawa Period
current mood:  curious
current music: Enya, A Day Without Rain
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| Friday, September 17th, 2004
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3:40 pm - i am getting rather weary
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i am starting to get that feeling that i should go do something today, i mean besides eating, writing, and err... doing my art homework. actually, i think i should do my art homework. yay for more art homework. always love that sucker. glare. actually, it isnt that bad, its just getting the effort up to leave the dorm. hurrah hurrah for that.
i am getting rather weary of having a different set of people i carry-on with each day. one day it's so-and-so, the next it's what's-their-face. know many, am close to none. it really wares on one, that does.
(i am not particulary fond of the mushrooms i put in my ramen. i think they are oyster. i shall remember that the are good only in soup.)
but, yeah, sweet life, why be you so sickening?
i am afraid to bug the same people day after day, in case they find me clingy, which i would dislike. silly, childish fear. propably what is getting in my way of being, dunno, completely at home. tis a pity, really. i think soon i shall go and make pretty stuff at the art building. 'cos i have to. it will only be an hour hopefully, and then i can get back, and write papers. and write papers, and go to a movie, by my lonesome, but i really want to see Twilight Samurai down at the michigan theater. that shall be fun. give me time to think by myself. movie going really isn't that social, for that matter. @ 7:oo. must remember that. and then back to the cell for online stargate party with leslie and kristin. wow. leslie has aim. that funny.
life's funny. in haha, my head's bleeding and i am about to die funny.
life has to be the most deadly thing ever. who ever catches life, ends up dead.
current place i wish to be: somewhere quiet, by the sea. maybe, dunno, northeast u.s.a.
current mood:  discontent
current music: The Who, Ultimate Collection, disk 1
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| Thursday, September 9th, 2004
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12:06 am - maybe...
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just saying im alive. and have no will. the i must write in here. even if i know i should be in bed. i dont want to go to class tomorrow. i am dreading it. why should i, its just art. what the hell has happened? maybe im not getting enough sleep. but why has valerie, vally, the curious, lost her curiousity? ah, and that is sad. i should just curl up in a ball and hide.
maybe i'm eating too much.
maybe i'm homesick.
aye, there's the rub! i am homesick.
i thought i saw club today, standing in the woodshop. i knew it was somebody completely different, too, its just, that when i looked up, i saw club. i miss okemos. i really do. every bit of it. i miss my cats, my friends, my beds. my family. i miss katie, and molly. i miss leslie, and kristin. i miss 'em all.
but i know i cant go home.
must always look forward.
forward, forward, silly forward.
you know what else i must do? sleep. aye... yeah... that should work wonders
current place i wish to be: back in safe ol' okemos
current mood:  depressed
current music: Don McLean, American Pie
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| Tuesday, September 7th, 2004
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5:00 pm - doodadoodadooo... real shabang college
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doodadoodadooo... first day of college. i mean actual real class college, not living at uofm college. real shabang college.
anyhoo... i have decided that arr means any random room. though i was able to find that random room. that was easy. they had a big sign telling you where to go. it was the second class of the day, the one i had the room number for, that posed a problem. they moved the fricken classroom, and hid the sign. gawr! and castaghacci was kinda scary. well, be interesting to talk to once vally knows better.
i need to go buy books today. i think i shall go do that. actually, i will go do that.
aloha.
current place i wish to be: wierd, I still like it here, for two days in a row! now that's odd... maybe 'cos it's still all new... yeah, that's it!
current mood:  restless
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| Monday, September 6th, 2004
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9:33 pm - for all the hype... it sucks
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for all the hype they make about this school being absolutely excellent, it sucks. that i dont have my books, 'cos the bloody store didn't have them in. there is the lets use abrivations for everything so the students have no fucking clue where they are going. oh, and the making in so completely confusing to hook anything up, either net, cable, phone. gods.
i have no clue where my first class is tomorrow morning!
and i want to sleep.
but, then again, i can't think of any where else i want to be.
odd.
current place i wish to be: here... i guess...
current mood:  pissed off
current music: TV (History Channel)
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| Friday, September 3rd, 2004
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8:32 pm - i came to college not to party...
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okay, so all i really want right now is for classes to start. this waiting around is starting to get to me. grr! i came to college not to party, but to study. so why the hell am i here this party week? it irks me much. well, if i didn't come this party week, i wouldn't have my computer, and i wouldn't know anybody and be quite lonely. but still, this is just wasting time, and its starting to irk me. dammit.
and the song's done. i'm gonna have to switch cd's soon. gaw. dun wanna do that. okay, the who is in now. well, night world.
current mood: awake
current music: Beatles, Sargent Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
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| Thursday, July 22nd, 2004
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12:16 am - sleep... or go to bed
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what the fuck. i thought i just updated this damn thing. but no, it just deleted everything... wow. i should get more sleep... or go to bed sooner than i have been. maybe then everything will make sense. ack. and computer is slow. cant wait to get my machine.
and must remember to bug sam on the morrow while she is at molly's. went on 'walk' with molly today. that was fun. though i must remember she is not the person to tell issues meant to stay quiet to. must also remember how to use that to my advantage.
anyhoo... yawn. i'm tired of writing. so night. loves.
current place i wish to be:London.
current mood: tired
current music: Beatles, Sargent Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
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| Wednesday, July 21st, 2004
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11:58 pm - yeah, wasted
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yeah, wasted today making list of the top hundred cities vally wanted to visit. it was good fun.
i think my head is falling apart. it hurts. for a many many splendid reasons... i am a klutz... 'nuff said.
but lalala. i'm hungry again... grr. oh well...
night world
current mood:  silly
current music: Beatles, Sargent Pepper's Lonely Heart Club Band
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| Tuesday, July 20th, 2004
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10:10 pm - psedu
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ah, yawn. slept all day, so i be AWAKE now. and less annoyed. and have at least one internet program that can use flash, happily. yeah, pray tell, how sad is this... to have a dad who owned the very first digital camera on the market back in 1995-6, something like that. old apple camera that was all funny looking. it died shortly there after. but yeah, off track, father- paid techno geek- sorta, no have flash, and first generation, second hand imac in the basement... tear.
anyhoo... yeah... love how a day spent vegging can cure most any depression-esque symptoms vally has. good fun, i like that much. Oo... found really interesting stuffs on science channel... feels geeky... hehe... yes, i be a psedu geek, and psedu moody artist, and psedu almost everything else. so yeah, no trying to lable vally, for it fail miserably.
and i have been in a rather odd harry potter mood as of recent... though must say i don't like the name of the new book. sounds cheesey to me. will i read still, hell yeah. 'cos i just be like that. Oo... and really looking forward to last cirque du freak book. does happy dance. wait, that's sad. the two series that i have been living off will both be ending shortly. tear. that is sad. what will i do here after? that i know not.
current place i wish to be: on a roof top dancing.
current mood: amused
current music: Moulin Rouge Soundtrack
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| Monday, July 19th, 2004
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11:21 pm - now is leaving time
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ah hell, that is all i see. random bout of depression. nothing unhealthy here. just need to lie down all that i thought to be truth, and bury that deep. what i need to do is have a giant bonfire and watch all hope, friendship, glory, and whatnot burn. and burn. and burn.
what i need to do is escape underground for a small while. and hide.
and stop this self pity. i think i now, at last, have life figured out. what more need i to do. when i know only hell is guaranteed, and one has to work for heaven. when we are all damned.
maybe i am imagining things. maybe i am blowing this far out of proportion. but something tells me i'm not. now is the time to let go. now is the time to start swimming to a different shore. or hell knows what else.
now is the leaving time.
and somehow, i know i shall be back, for once heart and loyalty is given, it is a gift i cannot take away. i am too weak of a person to do so. sorry self.
current place i wish to be: lost.
current mood: depressed
current music: Thursday, War All The Time
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| Wednesday, July 14th, 2004
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6:32 pm - right? right.
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ah, fuck. just scheduled d&d for the same time as rosemarie open house/welcome back party. damn. i hate it when i do that... so must reschedule d&d for other time... must get in touch with club and vicsy... and possibly monkey. ah, well, damn. stupid idea to put valerie in charge of stuff anyways... right...
damn you, no second guessing, this in once that you screwed things up, not the millionth. right? right. okee.
ah well, so is life.
but anyhoo. got my ape scores, reminded me once more why i want to figuratively, blow up the college board. gods, i hate them. sheesh. they purposely screw me over, and i'm not kidding. no, really, they make their tests, all of them, out in such a manner that i am doomed to bloody well fail. but oh well. the world sucks, this we know.
that, and i'm a cynic.
world's gonna end, why not just help along the process, right? right.
current place i wish to be: blowing something up. causing mass chaos, something of that like.
current mood: pissed off
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| Tuesday, July 13th, 2004
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1:11 pm - wasting time
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okee... well, what's happening in my life, in the ever so long since i've written life? not much. summer is as boring as hell, yet, for some odd reason, i'm glad it's now. i mean, there's no point in wishing to be somewhere else, is there, for that'll only make you hate where you are more, right? i think so... think being the key word there... but still... ack... should do something besides just sitting infront of a computer screen, right? right, thought so...
so, yeah, soon i shall go waste time else where...
current place i wish to be hell, anywhere works, as long as it's interesting, well, here's fine too, i guess...
current mood: awake
current music: Dad turned off the radio, so none!
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