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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
nikki's Blurty:
| Sunday, May 4th, 2003 | |
| 10:23 pm | I want to feel human again. My hormones are fucking me over. I feel so fucked up. fuck a duck |
| Sunday, March 30th, 2003 | |
| 12:28 am | *is uber shocked* I'm going to Boston next year. I got my letter from Boston Conservatory. THEY ACCEPTED ME! I'M GOING TO UBER-COOL BOSTON! *passes out* Current Mood:  shocked |
| Sunday, March 9th, 2003 | |
| 6:20 pm | fucking shit. I hate my family. my grandmother has alzheimers and is staying with us. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK THIS ALL! FUCK IT ALL! The fuckers make me come home- and they're not even fucking DOING jack shit! They just want me to fucking watch my grandmother and be their fucking little doll. My grandmother doesn't even know who I am. It's the most painful thing when she remembers who I am and then forgets me again. I plan to not let her get to know me this time. So she can't forget me. Well, she can, but since she never knew me I have nothing to worry about. I'm just pissed off at my fucking parents. whatever. away I go. fucking shits. Current Mood:  pissed off |
| Tuesday, January 21st, 2003 | |
| 5:00 pm | |
| Monday, December 30th, 2002 | |
| 9:08 pm | KAITLYN GOT HER PRESENT!! KLC87: O M G that was the best present ever!!!! Auto response from starryiiz: The words of Mercury are harsh after the songs of Apollo. ~Love's Labor's Lost KLC87: I CRIED!! i read the poem and just starting balling and my mom was like whats wrong with you!?!? and i had her read it and shes like "aww how cute?" and im like SEE i need to be in MD!!!....the tree and ornament are on display in my room....i opened them both up and propped the top next to them....so you cansee the whole thing...its amazing......SUCH A WONDERFULLY CREATIVE IDEA! i love it! i can't believe you guys did that! i love you so much! and miss you like crazy! i can not wait to see you. KLC87: i would give anything just to close my eyes and then see you sitting in front me...smiling back... KLC87: omg i miss you!! KLC87: love you!!!!! KLC87: LOVE YOU!! KLC87: it was the best bestest present ever! KLC87: you guys are amazing KLC87: its that kind of thing i wanna tell everyone about. everyone thinks they have really great friends. they all have friends that they call them their "best" friends...but i just wish i could show them..i have the best friends anyone could ever ask for. you guys are there for me through thick and thin...you guys do all of this stuff for me...and you guys are so creative when doing it...no1 else's friends would send SNOW for them...or plan a killer surprise party where you RE-lyric-ed broadway songs for them... KLC87: no1 in the whole world has friends like i do KLC87: no1 can have fun by having conversations using only the word, word KLC87: no1 can have a blast a ChickFilA like we do KLC87: no1 can make a trip to Starbucks as fun as we can......and talk to funny people that work there....and make friends when them.... KLC87: i could go on forever KLC87: i honest to god have the best friends in the world KLC87: i wish i could just tell everyone...i wanna make everyone jealous...show them was REAL friends are...people who dont forget you even if you move 40 million miles away.... KLC87: I LOVE YOU SOO MUCH! KLC87: y did you guys mail it from Centennial starryiiz: because we didn't want you to know who it was from until you opened it completely starryiiz: and you wouldn't specifically know who it was from until you opened the scroll starryiiz: or looked on the back of the box... KLC87: hahaha KLC87: yah i was like wtf? centennial is sending me stuff? starryiiz: *laughs* starryiiz: WOOT! KLC87: and my moms like maybe you forgot something in ms p's room KLC87: and then i saw the wrapping and i was like this is katies doings KLC87: and then i read the scrolls KLC87: scroll* KLC87: and i was like NIKKI AND KATIE!!! KLC87: WOOT KLC87: lol KLC87: as you would say KLC87: i just opened it was and was like HOLY SHIT IVE GOT SNOW!! KLC87: and i showed my mom KLC87: and then i saw teh scroll KLC87: and i balled...and my moms like 'whats WRONG with you?!?!?' KLC87: and i had her read it KLC87: and my dad walks in and is like whats going on KLC87: and im like get out! KLC87: and my moms like "how cute" KLC87: and then i found the extreme gulps KLC87: excellent touch KLC87: 3!! KLC87: for the 3 of us! WE MADE HER HAPPY! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hahaha, it wouldn't have gotten sent if not for Katie going to the post office! hahahah! *MWAH!* Current Mood:  cheerful |
| 2:44 am | New Years plans? My cousin was in a few days ago. She set things in motion for an interesting new years. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. She set it up so that I could have this guy eating out of my hand. I kissed him once 2 years ago. And since then he has been mildly stalkerish. Lauren was talking as me on AIM and being incredibly flirty. Flirty isn't quite the right word. Maybe... slutty? I don't want to do anything with this kid. But I can already tell you what's going to happen. And how it's going to happen. So precise to detail it might scare you. It scares me. So easy for me to just say to myself "this time I'm not going to do anything. I'm not going to drink anything. I'm not going to let myself get alone with him. I'm not going to give him head." hah. yea right. like that will last. Maybe I should make a new years resolution. Do only the things I want to do. ugh. I'm ashamed of myself. but oh well. nothing new here. I'm going to bed now. It's late enough I think. go 3:15! woot. Current Mood:  anxious |
| 2:34 am | another conversation with Rob... Me: hello! Rob: hi. Me: how do you fare this evening? Rob: not very good. Me: why? Me: what's the matter? Rob: a friend of mine committed suicide. Me: oh god Rob: he wasnt too close of a friend. Rob: but i wouldve liked to have him around for a few more years. Me: I'm so sorry. Rob: its alrite. Rob: im better now than i was a couple hours ago. Me: (((hugs))) Rob: eh. Rob: i dont think i ever told you about him. Me: I don't know that you did Rob: he was a great guy. Rob: i feel bad for not calling him more. Rob: he had the headstones of the cemetery across the street from his house memorized. Rob: all 500+ of them. Rob: and knew them all. Rob: he was just a well oiled machine. Rob: and everyone in the neighborhood hated him because he was 'creepy.' Rob: which was a bit true. Rob: we were going to write a book about all the people in the cemeteries. Rob: short poems about each one. Rob: based on what he knew about them. Me: like a spoon river type of thing? Rob: exactly. Rob: not many people have heard about it. Rob: hopefully his mother can find all of his records. Rob: hopefully he did in fact write them all down. Rob: because the only thing that is keeping me from feeling entirely terrible. Rob: is the hope that i can compile it all and write the book. Rob: he had two hearses. Rob: and im guessing he killed himself in one of them. Rob: its just amazing how perfectly it fell together. Rob: he loved cars and the cemetery. Rob: and he ran his car in the garage. Rob: and changed his mind at the last minute. Rob: his grandparents found him laying on the front steps. Rob: and now he is buried in his cemetery. Rob: its just all too perfect. Rob: on christmas day, even. Rob: im not really sad. Rob: im just dissappointed. Rob: that thats the way it had to happen. Rob: and that he didnt call me. Rob: to say goodbye. Me: if he had called, wouldn't you have convinced him out of it? Rob: probably. Rob: or if i couldnt convince him. Rob: id at least tell him to leave me things. Rob: the records, the expectation that i would take over cleaning the cemetery for him. Me: maybe he still would have wanted you to do that Rob: im not going to be able to as much as him. Rob: because it is like half an hour away. Rob: im too tense. Rob: i dont know. Rob: thank you for talking at least. Me: god.. Rob. I'm so sorry. I just wish I knew what to say. Rob: its fine. Rob: i mean. Rob: im going to miss him. Rob: but im more angry that more people didnt know him to begin with. Rob: so lets talk about something else. Rob: how is the boy front looking for you? Rob: or is that a bad question? Me: *laughs* always a terrible situation for me. I'm just getting so flustered. but. hehe Me: oh well Rob: i have no girl front. Me: woot! go us! Rob: my friend andrea came over and we laid in bed all day. Rob: thats about it. Rob: and it was entirely innocent. Rob: i fell asleep. Me: it beats doing things you don't want to Rob: yeah. Rob: it is getting to the point though that im feeling very inexeperienced. Me: if you want experience. anyone can show you that. if that was what you wanted. but they say experience doesn't matter in the eyes of love. Rob: yeah. Rob: i mean. i understand all of that. Rob: and preach preach preach it. Rob: im just lonely and hormonal. Rob: hah. Me: ;-) that's why god invented masturbation. :-D O:-) Me: but I know what you mean. Rob: yeah. all thats getting boring. Rob: and routine. Me: *laugh* masturbation IS boring. Rob: and im bored way too often. Me: boredom is the root of all evil Rob: idle hands do the devils work. Rob: hah. Me: isn't that some puritan thing? Rob: yeah Rob: but it was just very relevant. Me: *laugh* Rob: well. Rob: im going to go try to sleep i guess. Rob: thank you for cheering me up. Rob: you always do a good job. Me: I feel like I haven't done anything. and if I did, I haven't done enough. you should IM me more often. Me: (((hugs))) sleep well. Rob: goodnite, dearest. Rob signed off at 2:32:01 AM. He does confuse me so! I had no idea what to say... so I barely said anything at all. I'm still in shock... I can't imagine how he feels. Current Mood: shockedCurrent Music: Goo Goo Dolls 'Dizzy up the Girl' CD |
| Sunday, December 29th, 2002 | |
| 6:45 pm | All I have to say is that I like how my aunt helped her children constantly and they are all growing up extremely successful. Her sister(my mother) never helped us and now we're failures. |
| Wednesday, December 25th, 2002 | |
| 6:25 pm | Hmm, today? uneventful at best. dirty at worst. my bro is in one of his down/real bad depressed phases and didn't do anything for us for christmas. I got my Shakespeare lexicons. I got a lot of clothes that I don't need. I helped to dress my grandmother. that was a task! hmm, anything else for today? nothing I can think of. Just a regular, down in the dumps kind of day. The only difference is that people are showered with presents and expected to be happy about it. Current Mood:  blah |
| Tuesday, December 24th, 2002 | |
| 4:18 am | faith in the human race. *smiles* I have faith again. snippets of our convo: Me: OOH! I HAVE SOME PICTURES!! wanna see??? Rob: id love it. Me: oh, I warn you- I'm blond in the pictures Rob: heh. you bleach? Me: nah, I love the shade of brown I have. wig! Rob: heh. Rob: good. Me: oh, and I look really retarded in some of them Rob: hah. Rob: so? Rob: you look great. Rob: i wish i couldve seen your show. Me: we're doing midsummer night's dream now... I'm titania, it's fun because I sleep around Rob: hah. Me: maybe you could come down and see that... Rob: im not very mobile at the moment. Rob: my car is el broken. Rob: actually, when are you doing it? Me: now now, driving your car off of cliffs is not exactly a healthy thing Me: feb 6, 7, 8. (whatever that thurs/fri/sat is) Rob: oh. Rob: well. Rob: i might be able to then if my car gets fixed. Rob: i know i tell you this all the time, but i still have those pictures of you on my wall. Me: *grins* I know, but it makes me glow to my toes when you say that. Me: err, type it. Rob: some girl who is mildly interested in me came over. Rob: and asked who you those were pictures of. Me: and you said? 'just some random girl I know. she's weird' *laugh* Rob: if i recall correctly, i said 'oh you know, one of those hot chicks im always hanging out with.' Rob: heh. Me: *laughs* :-) Rob: sometimes i just look at them alot. Me: those were by far some of the best pictures ever taken of me... Rob: im sure they dont even do you justice. Me: they do me more justice than I'm worth. Rob: oh hush. Rob: those pictures i showed you. Rob: were the few i liked out of like 50. Me: :-P we had 6 rolls of film. I win. Rob: theyre still great pictures. Me: thank you Rob: well. since its going on 430. Rob: i should probably sleep. Me: sleep is good. Me: and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest Rob: you should also sleep. Rob: hamlet, correct? Me: you're the first person to actually know that it's hamlet!!! *dies* Rob: yeah im good like that. Me: you should totally be an english teacher. I'm telling you. Rob: maybe. Me(4:17:53 AM): ah yes, but in the meantime, sleep is good. I think. Rob(4:17:55 AM): but yes. go sleep. ill go sleep. Me: alright. Rob: goodnite. Me: goodnight! sleep well! Rob: you too. Rob signed off at 4:18:24 AM. Rob and I don't talk much anymore... I miss him like crazy. he talked about maybe coming to dc to see fireworks for new years. but FIE I might be going away for new years! that's part of the reason we started talking about the show and when he could come down and see me.. wow I miss him.. I feel so giddy now. *smiles* I won't be able to sleep!!!! BAH! Current Mood:  giddy |
| 2:33 am | DAMMIT! 2 reasons: 1) Dan & Mark went without me!!! GRR! 2) I found another pic of me & Brian while I was cleaning my room. Current Mood: frustrated |
| 1:59 am | WHY IS EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM? EVERYTHING! I can't get away from him! I can't get away from it right now! I found my mom's old calender. "Brian's home" AGH! I CAN NOT GET AWAY FROM THIS HELL!!! cleaning cleaning.. if cleaning means finding him again- then I don't want to clean. I may go smoke with my brother & marc. someone on neopets called me nice. *laughs* the prick. they don't know who I am. I'm kinda tired. maybe I'll just go to bed instead. *laughs hysterically* that rhymed!!!! Current Mood: enraged |
| Monday, December 23rd, 2002 | |
| 10:21 pm | bothered by the rantings in my head. I'm really bothered right now. I was digging for this fudge recipe. And I found this thing. I knew it existed. And I'd read it before. I didn't realize it was still in existance. When I was dating Brian. My mom and Brian would talk about me and about our relationship ALL the time. It really bothered me. And my mom would keep a record of the conversations she had with Brian. She saved them and printed them. He kept saying over and over all these words... these words. Telling my mom how much he loved me and yadda yadda yadda. and they kept talking about me. So disturbing... I can't understand. None of it seems to make any sense. He kept reiterating this.. this love. I can't tell if it was obsession? infatuation? what if he really thought he loved me? I really thought I loved him. But I wasn't willing to wait for him. I cheated on him. Why did I cheat on him? Because of the flirtation? The risk? It didn't even feel like cheating. I kept singing that song from Kiss Me Kate... you know the one I mean, it's the girl and she's singing about her boyfriend and the fact that she has all these 'customers' on the side. Jocelyn has told me that he has a 28 year old girlfriend. I'm sure that his sex life is fulfilling. Even Jocelyn's sex life is fulfilling! She is sleeping with this guy named John. John has a girlfriend, Andrea. John is sleeping with both of them. This has been going on for about a year and a half. When John was dating Jocelyn he couldn't hook up with Andrea, so he broke up with Jocelyn and is now with Andrea and hooking up with Jocelyn. Now Jocelyn is dating John's best friend- named Steve. Steve and John do not know what the other knows. John can't tell Steve because Steve would tell Andrea that John is cheating on her. Nonetheless, her saga should fall apart on New Years. Jocelyn, Steve, and John will be hanging out together. There was so much with Brian about having a future together.. getting married. Finally having a path for myself. Was he molding me the way I convinced myself that he must have been? Or, am I just heartless? I think I'm heartless. And I think I threw away a good thing. They considered me happy- and bubbily even!!!! I considered myself depressed then too. Is it possible that I have a completely warped perception of myself? It must be possible. I had a boyfriend when I was happy and perky.. now I'm dark and depressed. Jamie's brother Sean is home. He had a girlfriend, but it didn't work out or whatever... Sean and I were supposed to hang out a long time ago. Maybe I can take him out to lunch or something? Not that he'd want to. For some reason, that man will always have a major part of my heart. But he doesn't love me, he doesn't want me. He doesn't care about me. I have to accept that. And I have to accept that I'm alone.. without the warm arms of a lover... (is it too much to hope for a love that is true?) I'm so tired... sleep is tugging me down. I feel it pulling down my eyelids. My laundry is dirty. I haven't done any shopping for that annoying 'holiday' on Wednesday. Time is ticking and I have to go back to school soon. My emotions are so up and down. Am I manic or am I just covering up my emotions about Brian and Jocelyn and Sean and everything and everyone? I look around at these people- EVERYONE IS SO FUCKING HAPPY AND CONTENT WITH THEIR LIVES- WHY THE HELL CAN'T I BE HAPPY WITH MINE? Why is my life such a mistake? Was I the mistake? Am I the glitch in this 'great plan'? Who the hell thought it was funny to toy with my life? "Hmm, here's this little un-born girl here, I know! let's make her depressed and let's have her fuck up every relationship in her life! let's take away the good things. Let's give her all these trials. If she's not good enough, well, *sarcastic jolly laugh* then she will never reap the benifits of a long and happy life! she'll be alone for-fucking-EVER!" I'm getting a lit bit frustrated. I'm such an uptight bitch. I seem more and more like Ms Davis every day! away I go to try and find HAPPY things. because they're clearly no where around here. Current Mood: bothered. |
| 2:28 am | I have been on the phone all night bawling at Kelly. I have been very afraid that she was/is going to kill herself. I was afraid she took something. It sounds like she's sleeping now. I'm on the phone with her. A snippet of our IM convo before she called me: Kelly: hi Me: hey Kelly: your still awake? Me: *nods* yea I don't shut down now until 3 or 4. you? Kelly: i cant sleep Kelly: are your parents awake Me: yes Kelly: oh Kelly: ok well ill let you go Me: *shrugs* I'm not doing anything. I'm just sitting here on my ass. Auto response from Kelly: See the blood, see the tears, feel my pain Me: alright... Kelly: im sorry im just really fighting Me: fighting what? Kelly: fighting to stay alive right now Kelly: i have a bottle of pain killers Kelly: 3 razors Me: Kelly. please. don't do it. Kelly: and a bottle of vodka Kelly: and im ready to use them Kelly: why Kelly: why not Kelly: im not loveable anymore Kelly: no one can stand the site of me Kelly: i have no family Kelly: and im tired of trying to pretend i do Kelly: adam loves someone else Me: yes you are! I love you so much. I'm just a fucking bitch and I'm so depressed and I feel so alone. I love you. Kelly: and once again Kelly: im alone Kelly: are you sure your rents are still away Kelly: and i cant call Me: (puts in home phone #) Kelly: i have a phone card if you want to call me Kelly: will you get in trouble Me: I called moviephone. Me: I won't get in trouble. Kelly: ok Kelly: reeady? Me: yes Kelly: calling Kelly: ringing needless to say I'm terrified about her. but I hope she's asleep now. She might be. Oh Kelly, please be safe! I love you!!!! I'm gonna go now. Current Mood: scared |
| 12:03 am | My problems are so worthless compared to anyone elses. If I think about it, I really don't have any problems. I saw a movie tonight w/Jocelyn. Two weeks notice, it was cute. It's movies like that that make me want to have a boyfriend .. or just someone. I want to forget everything I ever knew. I want to get shitfaced. I want to forget. I'll never forget. It's in vain anyway. I will NEVER forget the things that I need to forget. Current Mood:  gloomyCurrent Music: movie in my mind... |
| Saturday, December 21st, 2002 | |
| 9:15 pm | Remember Sat Dec 7? The day that didn't happen? Well. It did happen. I wrote a lot of rambles right before I went to bed. And here is what I wrote: It's ALL lies suppression and lies. They don't give a damn about me. And quite frankly I'm glad. Go ahead- break my door. It doesn't accomplish anything. Fuck me I'm all out of enemies. I need a friend. I need a friend. I need a friend. Maybe if I cut deep enough I maoufte(<~can't decipher) anymore. No bother. can't cut in the same place anymore. Calling was not a good idea. No, bad idea. Bad, bad idea. "You're still the child" fuck you. fuck you. fuck you. Don't break down don't break down. hold it together. lost a blad. make a new one can't cut in the same place. I'm lost in my head- lost in my head. And I need a freind. Help me. I think I'm drowning. I need out. Need out. Out out. What do I need? I don't know. You won't talk to me because I won't buy in to all your bullshit. Leavemealone Leavemealone Leavemealone Leavemealone Please Please LEAVE ME ALONE. Nothing does anything. I can't see a future. I see nothing. Nothing real is quite... nothing. I see nothing and yet I can see. I see a door. And a curtain and the window. I see snow. I see a towel. I dunno where my good blade went. It's not here. It's gone. I guess I deserved that. Fuck you. try and break my skull the way yours is broken? Fuck you. Didn't work. I'm still in one piece. for the most part. Fuck you. Fuck you. Bad idea, Bad idea, I should've talked to her first. Called through while I was talking to kelly. Bad idea. Bad idea What are you doing Nicole? Open the door or you'll be sorry. No. Open the door or I'll break it down. No Open the door. No. Open the door. No Show me your cuts. No I'll get your father up here- he'll hold you down and you'll have to show me. No. No. FUCK OFF. I'M NOT FUCKING SUICIDAL BUT IT'S FUCKING SHIT LIKE THIS THAT MAKES ME WISH I WAS. Open the door. No. YOU BROKE MY FUCKING DOOR I WOULDN'T DO THAT IF I WERE YOU. I'm holding weights. Open the door. No. I'll get your father he'll make you open the door. Is there a fucking hole in my door? Open the door. Answer me and I'll open the fucking door. FUCK YOU Leav me alone. Can't call. writing does jack shit. have no computer. ALL I have left is blood. good bye... blood goodbye blood. hello blood. hello. -------------------------------------- basically. a friend's mom was worried that I was suicidal and called demanding to speak with my parents. After they were done talking things went really, really bad. My parents were acting like complete assholes. I cursed a lot. I said fuck you to my dad and he smacked me several times and slammed my head into the ground a few times. I yelled at him, called him a prick. Kicked him and he grabbed my hair and slammed my head into the ground. When I finally stood up I was dizzy and numb. I couldn't feel much of the pain, just mild throbbing head pain. But for some reason tears were just sliding down my face. I went up to my room and locked the door, intending to self injure. My mom came upstairs and demanded that I open the door. That went on for about half an hour. I kept telling them to leave me alone. It was horrible. A horrible horrible night. The headache I got from that night has not gone away. I still have it. I hate my parents. My dad apologized to me a day or so after. He was like, I'm sorry for slamming your head into the ground. I got too angry. Yea. No shit you did. but whatever. all in all it was just a bad night. Current Mood: depressed |
| 9:13 pm | lala. Once on this Island is our spring show! And Ms. H asked me to assistant direct! Woot!! "You have the same passion for the show that I do, and since you've seen it... would you like to assistant direct? It wouldn't hinder you getting a part." WAHOO! Maybe I'll be able to convince her to make a bigger ensemble? I hope so. 40 or so for the ensemble would be ideal. Current Mood: excitedCurrent Music: Waiting for Life- Once on This Island |
| Friday, December 20th, 2002 | |
| 12:37 am | and the walls fall inward. I'm tired. And I'm guessing I won't be having recommendations for college. I'm guessing I won't be going to college. I'm so tired. I just want to curl up and cry. But I mustn't let myself get emotional right now. My eyes have been dry and puffy for the past week from not sleeping. And I'm singing in front of the school tomorrow. I need to calm myself down. How much can we tolerate as humans? I kinda feel we can get through anything. I guess we're supposed to. I need to feel humanity right now. I feel so disconnected. I hope my aunt will sit down with me and help me write my college essays and help me fill out my applications over break. (so much for me not crying today) Please. Please Aunt Anna, you're my only hope for this. You're the only one who cares to help me. Maybe we can go out for coffee (tea for me) and you can help me get into college. I'm so glad we have break now. I didn't submit my recommendation folders. And they're not done for tomorrow. I didn't get my secondary school reports for Emerson for tomorrow. My face is so wet.. and my dog, Moka was ... no, she still is... staring at me. Weirdo. My senior text is horrible. I just want to get into Emerson or University of the Arts. I think I can get into Emerson. I think I could get away with only applying there. But my parents are horrid. Leave me be. Leave me be! I don't want to audition for NYU! If I don't get into Emerson there's no way in hell I'd get into NYU. I just want to give my mind a rest! But there IS NO REST FOR THE WEARY! There never has been! My heart can't take much more of this. I feel like I don't know Molly anymore. She's my neighbor. Granted, we were never really that close, but I miss her. There, I've stopped crying. Peter, the guy who helps out w/K.I.D.S. gave Jocelyn and me these really neat hand&foot tins from The Body Shop. He said they were from Mrs Brouillet and Mrs Davis too. But of course he picked them out for us, he works at The Body Shop. The tins are amazing though! they've got such wonderful hand and foot stuff! The lotion for hands is amazing! and it has wood massage~y stuff. I don't know what I want or what I need. I've changed my mind. Right now I want fudge. The fudge I made is the creamy and good. hehehe, it's not very much consistent like fudge... heh. but it tastes good to me. Current Mood: anxious |
| Thursday, December 19th, 2002 | |
| 1:28 am | runnin' on empty. My mental tank is on empty. But I have to push on. There's so much to do, so much to think, and I haven't done any of the things I have to do. My hands are covered in chocolate, but all was in vain. I made brownies with this yummy mint frosting on top and chocolate drizzled on top of that. Of course I had to check it and make sure it was good, I sampled it after I was completely done, an hour and a half of work. The brownies are positively CRUNCHY- like- old cookie crunchy. *sigh* I worked SO hard. At least the fudge recipe I used made the fudge positively SINFUL! *drools* But I'm depressed about the brownies. The fudge was easy compared to these brownies! GARGHH! whatever. I think today was a bad day for everyone. absolutely everyone's away messages and things are like, today sucks, I hope it ends NOW. *grumbles* fucking brownies. I'm going to bed. |
| Wednesday, December 18th, 2002 | |
| 7:11 pm | Other News: We're not doing Les Mis- a HUGE relief! Instead, we may be doing one of my favorite shows on the planet- Once on This Island. It's incredible. Oh, I'm hoping we get the rights for this show. It's amazing. I love it, love it, love it! My brother saw the new LOTR, he said it was amazing- even better than the first. I WANT TO SEE IT SOO BADLY! I'm so happy/hyper. I'm even cooking tonight! There is hope again. I can see it, it's right there in front of me. I hope nothing bad happens right now tonight. I don't want to see it right now. And although I know I could push through it the way I always do, I don't want to deal with anything bad right now. I want to enjoy what I see coming in the future. Current Music: Once on This Island Sountrack |
