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Blurty for !!@#$%^&*___(all the fucking rage)___*&^%$#@!!.
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| Saturday, April 5th, 2003 |
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I layed on my bed for 2 hours tonight, | kicking my feet in the air, | switching cd's every 3 songs. | &if i did nothing else my entire life, | things would be perfect. but I'm surrounded my upper-middle class America, | the suburban GAP brigade strikes again& | I can't stand this. These perfectly manicured lawns are nothing aside from emerald chainlink fences to me. | I hate my neighbors. | with their fancy dogs | &their babies | &their oldies rock stations that filter through my open window, forcing me to retaliate | drown it out by turning up the volume on my own stereo | Bombarding my bedroom with My Chemical Romance when all I want is quiet | their unrelenting politeness. | "May I strangle you, please Miss?" | Mais ils ne le font pas sur le but... ils ne réalisent pas même ce qu'ils font à moi. ...et pardonnez mon mauvais français. Je n'ai jamais fait le devolp la patience pour l'apprendre correctement. [moving on...] "That family is dead to me", I said. | "the" family. | Always "the" family, never "my" family. | I hate how they get under my mother's skin. | I hate how she just lets them. | I hate how she composes letter after letter, | with no real intent to send. | I hate how they could do this to her. | &to me. | &to my sister. | &to my daddy's memory. | "That family is dead to me", I said. | I meant it too. | I've never meant anything more then that in my entire life. | | "It's not his fault" | "We're not even related!" "I don't even know him! I've never met him!", I said. &that last part was a lie. | Oh, but who do I know? | I need to get out, &maybe that's what that dream was trying to tell me. Where I walk around carrying broken lamps and flashlights, watching as everyone takes their shots, plunging the syringe into the employee when it's my turn. Flailing my arms, struggling to show them all what they've done to this beautiful land of ours. They were oblivious, as always. I don't know what to say except, You don't know me as well as you'd like to think you do. Trust me. -Maddie. |
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| Friday, April 4th, 2003 |
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The new SOAD video pisses me off, as does anything involving antiwar protesters. "I just don't see how droping bombs on children is the right way".. or something like that.. Oh, the children!!! Won't someone think of the children!!! What? The children Sadam kills every day with his insane laws? The same kids whose parents are being murdered for asinine "crimes" like having satellite tv? Oh, those children? Suddenly we all care. Suddenly we all fuckin' care about the Iraqi's well being when it puts us in danger of retaliation. C/O/W/A/R/D/S. I want just ONE person to give me a decent argument about why we shouldn't go to war. WHY??? 'Cause we want peace??? We fuckin' want to keep the steady peace we in America have always taken for granted. Don't fuckin' act like you care about the Iraqi's safety. If you cared, you'd agree that we should go in there and liberate them. THAT's when peace can start for those people. And quite frankly, is this is about oil, what does it matter? We're still going in and getting rid of Sadam's dictatorship. And that's all I want. FUCK ALL YOU IDIOTS. -Maddie. |
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| Wednesday, April 2nd, 2003 |
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 you're sad, depressed, pill taking conor. poor you. you should cheer up, you're so special and we all really really love you. which conor oberst are you? brought to you by Quizilla |
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| Tuesday, April 1st, 2003 |
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_____when did i stop throwing pennies into water fountains, and when did i start picking up coins found face down in parking lots? _____when did i stop holding my breath when i drove by cemeteries? _____when did i start signing the cross over my chest, though i'm not a catholic or christian, every time i hear a story on the news about a solider or an innocent civilian dying? _____where did luck and superstition get replaced with religion, and is that where my life fell to hell? -Maddie |
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| Monday, March 31st, 2003 |
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["It's hard to imagine, it's so hard to perceive, to find an expression for what it all means"] x. I can't stand you. x. You're f/a/k/e. x. You're a wannabe s/l/u/t. x. You're absolutely r/e/v/o/l/t/i/n/g. x. &you know who you are, but... ["It's okay. I'm a saint. I forgave you're mistakes..."] x. That's not why I'm jealous. x. It's not that I want to be just like you. x. It's not that I want friends. x. Friends have only made my life worse. x. I just want to know what it's like to have friends that honestly care about you. ["If it takes a life or a couple of days..."] x. I've never had that. x. Maybe I've had people that have cared about me, x. but I never cared about them. x. I've never liked any of my friends. x. It's always just been a one sided jealousy campaign. [It's started to happen, it's started to change..."] x. Grow up. x. Go ahead. x. Leave me behind. x. I don't care. (I'll just keep telling myself that) x. The quicker you grow up, the quicker you become just like them. ["It's coming together in relative ways and..."] x. You're already just like them. x. You always have been, but x. I'm past 'growing up'. x. I've been grown up for a long time. x. I'm beyond that shit. ["All panic and struggle, all death and decay.."] x. Do your drugs. x. I hope you all o.d, I hope you all learn the hard way like I had to. x. I'm not gonna care, you got that? x. I'm not gonna lecture, cause I don't even think I fucking know you anymore. x. I don't think I ever did. -Maddie. |
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| Sunday, March 30th, 2003 |
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/I'm going to grow my hair out longer then it already is. /And I'm going to go weeks without washing it. /And I'm going to wear smudgy, two day old eyeliner and lipstick. /And spotless white sundresses. /And stilettos with heels so high I can't walk in them. /And pink tinted sunglasses covered in rhinestones. /And it'll all be for the sole purpose of making a statement. /But I'm not sure yet what that statement is. (*(I'm not drunk right now. I swear. I just feel that way. Sugarcrashing and confused. And at the climax of a two year long idenity crisis. Bare with me.)*) -Maddie. |
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| Friday, March 28th, 2003 |
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Ugh!! I've been trying for, like, an hour to make this journal all sexy. As you can tell... it didn't work. For one thing, I'm computer illiterate, and for another thing, I get frustrated entirely too easily. Things just end up looking worse then they already did (I know, I didn't think that was possible either). So I gave up. *kicks computer* Well, I'm off to go paint my nails bubblegum pink and watch music videos while eating strawberry rock candy. Rock candy, man... this stuff is like crack. Terribly addicting. It's like my legal addiction. I say 'like' too much. But yeah... off I go... Tata, darlings. -Maddie. (isn't it strange how I'm always writing this like a mass e-mail or something? This is my journal, so should I be talking to myself or something???... No, wait, I'm supposed to be getting off this computer now. Must ... Stop ... Typing ... ) |
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Thank god for spellcheck. Who knew all this time I'd been spelling 'tomorrow' wrong?? but ANYWAYS.. I watched Sesame Street this morning (yeah, bitch, you got a problem with that?) between commercial breaks on MTV2's coverage of South By Southwest and news about the war in Iraq, and I think Burt is a closet emo muppet. He likes argyle socks, has black hair, and gets nervous calling girls. All that talk about Tinki Winki (or whatever the hell it's name was) on Teletubies being gay, when really they should've been focused on Burt being emo. Rock on, Burt. ...My knowledge of kiddie shows is starting to scare me. Went to the record store yesterday to get my Bright Eyes cd. The sales guy was about 30 years old wearing a spike belt and Weezer shirt, and the other guy working there was a man in his mid to late 40's dressed in khaki's and a button down shirt who started talking to my sister about Anybody Killa and Insane Clown Posse, both of whom he is a fan of. This amused me greatly for some reason I'm not yet sure of. Drove home the long way listening to (get this) Jason Mraz's delightfully cheesy cd and staring out the window. Props to those same record store guys for knowing who I was talking about when I asked them for the cd, describing Jason Mraz as "a guy who's name is Jason something, and he has a song called "The Remedy" and has a huge mole". Heh heh. Poor, poor Jason. I don't think he gets many groupies. But he's from Virginia, so he's cool, even if he does wear a retarded sideways baseball cap and dresses like a complete yuppie. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... What else? Going to the beach tomorrow, I think. I'm going to try to surf (try being the key word here). I'll probably end up drowning myself. Eh, but what the hey. Live fast, die young, right? It's allll goooooddd. I hate keeping journals. I run out of things to talk about quite quickly. So I'll just end this here before I indulge in more senseless babbling. -Maddie |
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| Thursday, February 27th, 2003 |
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I'm listening to the new American Hi Fi single. I'm almost ashamed to admit it but I think I might have a slight crush on this song. These poser anthems are just so damn catchy. So the lyrics are a little corny.. it's still cool. If you don't think so.. well.. then your wrong. SO .. 1, 2, FUCK YOU! Don't tell me what to do! Haha... God, I'm tired, and not funny. I miss candy cigarettes. I mean, morally, it's such a horrible concept, isn't it? Chocolate cigarettes for kids. Probably some tobacco company ploy to raise a nation of smokers but.. hey, candy is candy. Then there was the fun of pulling them out in front of old people and watching their reactions as 11 year olds started to 'light up'.. heh heh heh.. Good times. I wonder if they even make those anymore? Those damn PTA type mom's probably found out, got outraged, and put them out of business. Stupid PTA moms. Next time I go to the mall, I'm gonna have to look into that. IF that store is even still there.. Damn, when was the last time I was in that mall? It's been about a year. Not that I'm complaining. I hate malls, or any other place for a bunch of teenage boys in baggy jeans and teenage girls in too short skirts congregate... i feel so ... what's the word.. pretentious writing that.. but I don't even fucking care anymore.. I should stop talking like Kelly fuckin' Osbourne.. it's not attractive. I'm not too sure where I was going with any of this. I just felt like typing up some filler to start up this journal... I now have a journal on blurty.com. I feel so damn cool. The end. |
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Blurty for !!@#$%^&*___(all the fucking rage)___*&^%$#@!!.
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