04:17pm 25/12/2005
  THERE IS A ROSE IN THE DEVIL'S GARDEN
IN SHADOW IT GROWS ALONE
MANY THINGS ARE DANGEROUS NOW
IN THIS GARDEN WE CALL HOME

BE CAREFUL AS YOU MAKE YOUR WAY
SOME THINGS ARE POISON TO THE TOUCH
YOU'VE SPENT YOUR LIFE HERE IN THIS PLACE
YOU LONG TO RUN AWAY SO MUCH

MY LOVE IT IS A BLACK ROSE (MY LOVE IT IS A BLACK ROSE)
HELD OUT TO YOU BY THE HAND OF FATE (HELD BY THE HAND OF FATE NOW)
AND AS THIS DARK ROMANCE GROWS...
IT'S NOT FROM THE SUN, BUT THE STARLIGHT THAT'S SO FAR AWAY
ABOVE THE DEVIL'S GARDEN

THE FERTILE SOIL OF POISONED HEARTS
FED BY TEARS AND NIGHTTIME RAIN
UNDER TRANSYLVANIAN MOON
GROWS THE FLOWER BRED FROM PAIN

DEATH IS PURE - LIFE IS NOT
SO ASK YOURSELF, WHAT DO YOU WANT?
AS FOR ME, WELL I WANT YOU
SO PICK THE BLACK ROSE AND LET ITS THORNS CUT YOU		  
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teehee   
09:31am 15/12/2005
  There's a band called Gay For Johnny Depp and have a release called Blood, the Natural Lubricant. It's a bunch of guys playing traditional hardcore, and singing about sleeping with Johnny Depp. Yep. Just thought people would like to know. In case you haven't figured it out by now -- it sucks.  
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T.N.I.H.   
10:43pm 13/12/2005
  Gone - I couldn't murder your promise
Right before my eyes
The revolutions of my psychosis
Kept me outta the way

Once - inside - all I hold is ash...

Fail - suppressing every feeling
I'm in so much pain
I have every fuckin' right to hate you
I can't take it!

The hardest part was knowing that I could never be you
Now all I do is sit around and wish I could forget you

My demise - I took a life worth living and
Made it worth a mockery
I deny - I fold, but they keep on coming
(Stop) I'm always ready to die
But you're killing me

Who are you to me? Who am I to you?
Is this a lesson in nepotistic negligence?
By default, you are my only link to the outside
Psychosomatic suicide
Where were you when I was down?
Can you show me a way...
To face everyday with this face - goodbye

My demise - I took a life worth living and
Made it worth a mockery
I deny - I fold, but they keep on coming
(Stop) I'm always ready to die
But you're killing me

When I blur my eyes, they make the whole
World breath - I see you fucking me
And I am absolutely controlly every urge
To mutilate - the one and only answer
So much for memories...
I wanna dress in your insecurities
And be the perfect you - I'm through
I'm out-stretched out for all to loathe
Here we go - the ultimate irony		  
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Missed me? Didn't think so.   
05:15am 28/11/2005
  Well it is FINAL!!!! I do have a ride to Nashville for the The Chariot, mewithoutYou, UnderOath, As Cities Burn show! Kylee just IMed me that she forgot to call last night. Leo and Kylee have to go down, so I'll ride with them. I guess I'll be down there with them the 15th through the 17th. The show's the 16th. Wow. I can't wait to see what Nashville's like either. I was there when I was really young, but I don't remember too much.

Well I am tired and "I have to be up in an hour"... heh. Yeah. It always works like that.

Later 'bators.		  
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A little bit more than   
12:06am 20/11/2005
  Surprised?  
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01:19am 07/11/2005
 
mood: uncomfortable
music: "Macaulay McCulkin" -- the Fall of Troy
With a black heart undercover, watching you sleep every night. "I wish you'd watch me too..." We're made for each other!
Honey if you only knew. Every night i'm watching you...

Shut up you're talking to loud for me to not listen. This operation's gotten old, the face i stole, the gun of
lost shot through your soul, and all that's left is empty holes.

Mom and Dad can't help you anymore! Get in the car we'll drive far to the end of the shore,
under the docks, on top of the rocks. KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! Why the fuck are the doors locked!?

Maybe she forgot about our talks, or maybe i'm mistaken,
but I swear to god that she's not getting out of this without some kind of explanation,
Oh i'm straining on your patience!? Maybe scaring you a little!?
Just because I came to visit doesn't mean you have to hide.
I'll be waiting on the side of your house,
with an empty bodybag
AND A LOADED .45!!!!

AND NOW YOU WONT FORGET
MY FUCKING NAME!!!!!!!

You're tearing me up, inside my mind,
You walked in front, I ran behind....		  
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"Can you see what lies in my heart? MY HEART, it was set on fire, I can hear the lies in your words"   
11:06pm 06/11/2005
 
mood: distressed
music: "The Unknown" -- Scars of Tomorrow [Look up this band]
Have I done the right thing? If I have, then why do I have a sense of emptiness? A new feeling of mortality? Why must I lie to do what's right? Hurt another in an attempt to save her from all of this? Was it ever my place to do so? I feel sorrow for something I thought was right. I'm sorry. Forgive.		  
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01:35pm 03/11/2005
  I'm 19 today. If someone replies to this, they will be the first to wish me a happy birthday. Yep, it's 1:30 in the afternoon and not a single person yet. Fuck 'em.  
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My Myspace (they fear what i could be)   
09:32am 02/11/2005
  http://www.myspace.com/aitoshibo  
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08:44pm 28/10/2005
 
mood: amused
I just read back through my entire journal. I have grown and changed so much since I started this thing... It's ridiculous how naive I was even a year ago. To be honest, I like myself a lot better now. I'm glad everything happened how it did. Everything's been for the better.		  
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01:23pm 27/10/2005
 
mood: drained
"Please don't make me cry,
Please don't make me cry,
I'm just like you I know you know,
I'm just like you so leave me alone.

Oh, you humor me today..."		  
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I once said this to a friend   
12:53pm 26/10/2005
  "I once found who I was, and I knew exactly what I wanted in life, but that abruptly ended, and so I work again to regain my composure and drive to succeed."  
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08:10pm 24/10/2005
  Essay's done. Just got my frat name nickname too... With my hair being oiled down and being covered in powdered sugar and baking soda I looked like the crow... So they called me just that "Crow"... Stupid? Yes. Funny? Damn straight!  
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2 minutes of thoughts by sentence.   
07:24pm 24/10/2005
  Boring day.
Cold.
Rainy.
Wet.
No jacket.
Still haven't smoked.
Want to.
Can't.
Keyboards suck.
Just about everything does.
People are weird.
They're mean too.
Not too many are bright.
Room's cold.
Wish I had a jacket.
Skipped classes.
Wish I hadn't.
Was tired.
Still am.
Class at 8 tomorrow.
Have to wake up.
It's going to be hard.
I have no life.
Not sure if I mind.
Yeah, I do.
Pretty lonely.
Usually am.
336-5213.
I hate garlic now.
My hair still smells like it.
It won't wash out.
Going to cut it.
Not sure how.
It's too quiet.
It's early.
Have to go.
Essay to finish.
I hate Robert Frost.
He's too drawn-out.
So am I.
Wonder why I hate his works?
Getting tattoo soon.
Okay.
I have to go.		  
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Because, everyone loves German horror-rock   
01:11am 22/10/2005
 
mood: blah
music: Nim Vind
are you as free as you claim?
can you wash away your name?
stop dreaming.
wasting time.
walk right out of my life.

for you it was,
just too many tears.
can you wash away those years?

start screaming.
wasting time.
now you're stepping out of line.
now you're stepping,
now you're stepping,
now you're stepping,

through your eyes.
into mine.
now you're stepping out inside.
into mine with a wounded eye.

who cares if we see you again?
dressing all your lies,
with the essence of you life.

through your eyes.
we don't want to die.		  
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07:11pm 21/10/2005
 
mood: cold
music: "Like A Guilloteen" -- Nim Vind
Well. I'm home. I'd rather not be. I'm not going to directly say why I'd rather not. I decided to come home for the weekend and try to fix things. Everything's still really edgy, but it's getting better. I don't particularly care for my mom's bull, but I can't just disown her. I don't feel she deserves that.

That's me though, I'm always a sucker. I can't handle things how I probably should because I can't stand how it affects them. I may not be the nicest guy. I'm surely not the smartest or wisest either. Yet, I try. And the weirdest part of all this is, for as nice as I am to people, every person treats me like I either don't exist, or they wish I didn't.

In other news, I am a Beta Theta Gamma... Our initiation party was last night at 9:30 at the Eagles in Bridgeport. Nothing like underage drinking out on the sidewalk nextdoor to a police station. The cops didn't care. They were playing cards in their lobby... It was interesting.

I woke up this morning at the guys' house. I couldn't remember anything from the time we moved the party up to the house on. Bonar and Ben tried messing with me and told me I took some of the girls upstairs with me. Thank god they were kidding. Heh, and yeah, they think it's weird that I don't flirt or anything. To them, it's why do I party?... To me, I party to drink a bit and socialize. Not try to pick someone up for a one-night-stand.

But yeah. Fun night last night.

It's cold in this house. Really cold.		  
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02:53pm 18/10/2005
  Ran into Bobby Zvidoviak(sp?--How the fuck??) and said hi to him, as well as saying hi for a few other people...

Says he wants to talk to to them sometime.

He's still the same. Still looks like a crackhead a little bit. Kind of funny. I remember him and Joey being mansonites and ninnies years ago.

Well I gotta go. I'm excited. Tonight's pledging is chug jagerbombs and do a panty raid. This is going to be hilarious.

Later.		  
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Go around. Be around. But don't come around.   
01:50pm 16/10/2005
 
mood: cold
music: The Agony Scene -- "Habeas Corpus"
stabwounds will take their toll
murderer with her smile
and as an after thought
she kept the heart he gave her
beauty can be so cruel
she once swore him forever
to make good on her word
ensured he'd never leave her

she lies and whispers loving words
he lay bleeding on this floor
a sigh a kiss will end his pain
and (she) drives the blade deeper still
come closer, come closer
come closer, to me

crimson
streaks the pale skin of her face
from the spray of blood from his throat
his eyes
ever questioning why
she swore
never to leave him...

she lies and whispers loving words
he lay bleeding on this floor
a sigh a kiss will end his pain
and (she) drives the blade deeper still
come closer, come closer
come closer, to me
come closer, come closer
come closer, to me
come closer, come closer
come closer, to me		  
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close enough...   
11:05pm 10/10/2005
 
mood: blank
I put a wager on your certainty
it's funny when you wager how you feel
i hit the breaking point
and won't come through
i'm never certain when it comes to you
once things look up, i come falling down
too deep to take a step and look around
once things look up, i come falling down
i bottle up the pieces and repair
but everytime we break i'm building still
stand back and marvel at what we have made
it's hard to notice when you run away
once things look up, i come falling down
too deep to take a step, i'm buried now
once things look up, i come falling down
wouldn't it be nice,
if we could both be liked,
so we could go to bed each day with out a single fight
and we would be alright
and you could say goodnight
instead of just goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
once you look up
the sun will hide your frowns
too light to see the dark
so hidden now
once i look up i come falling down
i try and nothing's there
behind the clouds
once i look up
it all comes falling down		  
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06:18pm 07/10/2005
  Not that anyone (myself included) cares, but I got my liscense today.  
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grave_dreizehn
 
 
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