| HAPPY LATE NEW YEAR |
[07 Jan 2005|10:24pm] |
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Yea i kno its been a while but i just felt like updating. YEa wats new. Had a billion different boyfriends. They all can die and rot in hell so im deff. single. but thats not such a bad thing. but knowing me ill just jump right into another one. So maybe life perked up again for a while. But it came crashing down again. So watever. Ive had enough. But what can i do?
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[29 Apr 2004|06:38pm] |
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IM STILL HERE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL. sorry i haven lately but like i said this is a pos. the damn school blocked the site so i cant update there anymore and i can barely update on here cuz this computer always haof s to act up. well i gotta do PHI shit so ill update later and tell ya this long ass story. bye!
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[30 Mar 2004|08:05am] |
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talking.. |
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im here at school and i dont have anything to do for once! so i got an excuse.
i got a boyfriend!!! no more single life for me. im happy. the only problem is that usually i got go out with people that dont get along with any of my freinds. and from what i hear they fight anytime im not around. i dont kno how this is gonna work out but i hope i think of something =/
this is the 2nd A-day in a row and im bout to lose it. then kelli told me this morning next week we're having 2 B-days. i cant NOT survive that. world history is gonna kill me. someone pulled the fire alarm in school yesterday and for me and kelli that was one hell of a wake up call. we were freezing. y it was so cold outside and so hot on sunday i dont kno. but i thinki its gonna be cold again today.
dammit we got work to do now. ill have to update another time.
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2 are drownings - .
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| im pissed |
[25 Mar 2004|07:36pm] |
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fuck that |
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i dont know how or y but im pissed. this is gonna b bitchy.
WTF is up with people talkin shit through a comment and then not leaving thier fucking name or tellin who they are. i mean WTF if ur gonna talk some shit at least own up to it and take it like a man. if u dont then i guess ur just a fucking coward thats affraid of wats gonna happen. i mean damn. think about it.
"you make me sick u stupid retarted cunt"- annonymus WTFH is up with that. i mean damn. am i supposed to get offended and start crying or somethin. HA! yea rite. leave your fucking name or screen name so u dont look like such a pussy. then we can have it out online and ill kick ur cyber ass then. untill then the next comment i see better have a god damn name on it or else im not even gonna look at it.
and another thing. i thought PROVIDENCE was a snob school. i mean DAMN! Butler has so many damn stuck up ppl i just wanna go around the hallway swiging left and right. i fuckin hate snobs with a passion. "oh look at me i bought this in another state" "u just dont fit in with us" or my personal favorite "this outfit is worth more than your whole life." i mean nobody has ever said any of those to me or else they would have gotten stuck in the eye. but i fuckin hate that shit. your not better than anybody just because u have more money. we're all the fucking same so just stfu and accept it. ur not better than any damn person out there. this isnt directed at any particular person but it is to all the snobs out there and not just Butler.
ok im done ranting for now....
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2 are drownings - .
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| computer lab |
[24 Mar 2004|09:18am] |
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school noises..? |
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this is first. im sitting next to kelli in PHI. we're in the computer lab and we're "working on our portfolio." lol. i hope i dont get caught. anyways last night was GREAT !!!!!!!!!!!! me, kelli, staci, rob and richard all went out cuz it was robs birthday. but yea we went tothe mall and then the park and omg it was FREEZING. so kelli and rob stayed out on the track for like 30mins and the 3 of us just stayed in the car where it was warm. I GOT A FEW KISSES AT THE END OF THE NIGHT =D (thats half the reason y it was so great) But i had fun despite chasing Rob all of Eastland mall because he was PMsing on us agian. but hes fine. we're all fine. i just want to know for sure if me and richard are gonna happen. this might be wat i need to get over roman. he moved on. now its my turn. i got a flower this morning but it broke cuz of staci messin with it. They said it was from Richard so i got all mad at her but then she told me it was from them so i was like ok then... i dont want to go on forever about last night because....i dont kno i just dont feel like it. but i had a great time and i cant wait to go back out again with then. we're the crew ;)
ill either update or edit later depending on if i have a lot to do. bye bye.
{edit} I DID THE LAYOUT AT SCHOOL!!!!
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12 are drownings - .
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[17 Mar 2004|08:30am] |
who was i kidding???? i dont do shit in this class =P
ha thats kinda funny. YAY ROMAN!
this is funnier. who agrees? comment and tell me!
thats funny thats not wat it said on LJ
IM A MILLIONARE WTF???
i do not masturbate..............much. lol JK!
o..k..
LMAOOOOO!!!!!
Hell yea!!!!
kinda funny how butler is the bulldogs
Hell no! thats 3 days after my 53rd birthday!!
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| HUG ME! |
[17 Mar 2004|08:11am] |
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*HUGS* TOTAL!
give x_tear_x more *HUGS*
Get hugs of your own
2 stalkers!!! one from LJ and another one of Robs exgirlfriends is a complete phyco and now she has her best friends boyfriend stalking me, kelli, and staci, and Rob. itz crazyness!! they probably wont be on my case as much as the 3 of them but they still followed us to my house and now they kno where i live so great! and the other one from LJ works just 1 mile away from Butler( school ). how do i always get myself into these things? im at school trying to do my work but its all about finding a job. and i MIGHT be getting one. i have the application but i havent filled it out =/ i really want that job because i need to keep busy just to forget about certain things. i hope i get because i think i need it more than i want it. well time to go. if i dont have anything better to do in class (like work) then ill edit this. BYE BYE NOW! lol.
PS.
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2 are drownings - .
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[11 Mar 2004|05:25pm] |
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tommorrow- lillix |
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Tomorrow's just another day
Another way
To spend my day
All by myself
Starin at the tv screen
Flipping through my magazine
Everything is unclear
I need you hear do
And i wake up
Put on my makeup
Pick up the phone
Nobody's home
I need to break out
Get me some takeout
Stand inside a crowd
I wanna scream aloud
I'll be ok
I'll be ok
Walking down this winding road
Rainy days are all I know
I have hit the ground
Staring up into the sky
Countin all the reasons why
My mind is spinning around
I need to breath dooo
So,i wake up
Put on my makeup
Pick up the phone
Nobody's home
And i need to break out
Give me some takeout
Stand inside a crowd
I wanna scream aloud
I'll be ok
Get off from the floor
I just can't take no more
Leavin' it all behind
'cause yesterday's gone
Nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah oohhh
Oh,i wake up
Put on my makeup
Pick up the phone
Nobody's home
And i need to break out
Give me some takeout
Stand inside a crowd
I wanna scream aloud
I'll be ok
I'll be ok
Oh,i wake up
Put on my makeup
Pick up the phone
Nobody's home
And i need to break out
Give me some takeout
Stand inside a crowd
I wanna scream aloud
I need to break out!!
Were ok were alright
Allright, you're okay, it's okay,
You're all right, whoa,
We'll be allright,
We'll be allright
Tomorrow's just another day
Another way
To spend my day
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2 are drownings - .
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[11 Mar 2004|08:08am] |
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im at school and now i dont have a damn thing to do cuz i just finished a test. so i decided to take advantage of that and just be on blurty for a while. cuz this site is fucked up when i go home. yea i want to think of another poem which shuld be too hardd cuz i.....nvm.
last night a took a sharper razor and cuz did one big cut down my arm. it waz still bleeding this morning but not all that much. i should have done more =/ i got blood on the inside of my sleeve now. i dont care. i should have done more. well it waz at like 3 somethin this mornign so i guess thats y. neways im gonna think of another poem to write.
when i see my blood drain
it fills me with this feeling
the feeling that im insane
and the scarlet regret im dealing
the touch of that blade
slicing away at my vein
but im not affraid
because i no longer feel the pain
slowly my body seperates
away for my dark soul
as my blood evaporates
and through my clothes burns a hole
the bloody stains left everywhere
left for the world to see
thats why nobody should ever dare
to try and mess with me
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[10 Mar 2004|06:20pm] |
there i rest
on the ground
i did my best
turn this around
i tried to wait
and fight the sorrow
but hope came too late
and ill be forgotten by tommorrow
i got tired of fighting
and sick of holding on
my death candle is lighting
to finalize im gone
i had nothing to live for
and nothing worth working at
i couldnt take it anymore
so i took my life just like that
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[09 Mar 2004|08:51am] |
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you are my soniya |
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got some new friends. i hope they add me back =/. g2g the bell is about to ring. ill do a peom later when i get home.
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| guess what |
[08 Mar 2004|06:33pm] |
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numb- linkin park |
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ive decided that im going to make this my journal for all my suicide poems and when ever i cant get to live journal sice nobody really reads this. so first poem...
my razor
my only friend
my only relief
the way to escape
is by my razor
watching the blood
run down my arm
relieves me of
everything i hate
but my carpet stains
and my vision blurs
i get weak and sleepy
and its harder to talk
im going to bed
ill die in my sleep
goodbye to the world
i dont belong here anyway
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| BUTLER.HELL |
[05 Mar 2004|08:23am] |
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the teachers voice |
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im at school again. this teacher is like so dumb i swear. im supposed to be doing my work but haha yea rite. like i do anything in this class. and yet i still have an over 100 gpa in here. lol. o well i can do it at. y am i lying? i can but like i dont. im always on LJ or doing my mignte pages. trying to make everything look better. never works tho =/
me and sally and her sis had a ball yesterday. literally. we were playing with a giant ball and it was fun! and of course i cant not play with balls and think dirrty thought so of course all 3 of us were being naughty about it. but hey it was still fun tho. sally rode the ball. lol. o man it waz a sight to see alright. ridin the balls....;)
we;re gonna do it again tonite. haha just like the old days. ew can order chicken wingz from pizza hut and then come up witht he money for it before they get here. its just a thing we do. they ALWAYS come to my house and now like they have me on their data base. lol. so yea when we order we dont have any money so we always run around tying to find enough to pay for it and the tip and everything. its more that way. we always come through tho. chicken wangz!! lol i had to say that. i miss those dayz for real. yea well i g2g the bells gonna ring in 10 minutes and i have to leave this ass communtiy i joined before i learned how to do layouts. and i have to make it look like i didn omething. ill b on LJ l8er. bye byez!!!
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[01 Mar 2004|03:49pm] |
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get mine get yours |
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i hate my life. im not good for anything so y not just give it up. im sick of waiting for it to get better cuz ive waited long enough. seriously. its not not happening. ppl claim that it would hurt a lot of ppl. but it wouldnt hurt as many ppl as they made it seem. except my family. well they give me enough shit to go through so i dont even care about that anymore. only maybe a few of my friends would miss me. but thats it. i dont have anything to live for and so wats the point. the ONE person who i could always go to for help, advice, llaughs, anything i cant even go there now. he constantly working and well he never calls me or if i call our convos r like 10 mins long. i mean im glad hes working, if it makes him happy =/ but i lost my best friend now. even tho he may not realize it. its not cuz of all that shit me and him went through cuz we were still best friends. but now i feel like hes totally gone. because i cant even remember the last time we had one of our famous LONG conversations. god im so depressed i dont kno wat to do and i dont kno wat to think.
ill never be the same..
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4 are drownings - .
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[26 Feb 2004|06:44pm] |
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my dad is watching soaps lol |
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SNOW!!!!!!!!!! i wanna go outsdie but i cant find anybody to go out there with. Im gonna be alone again :( im always alone..... thats y i never go newhere cuz all my friends live too far away. like how its snowing my sis is supposed to be comming back tommorrow, i wonder how thats gonna turn out. i dont think thats ognna happen. well im gonna go now cuz i need to go outside while i still want to.
ill be alone.............=(
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| *mumbles* |
[20 Feb 2004|07:39am] |
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life sux. i still wanna die. no matter wat happens ppl will get over it. GRRR. I hate my life!
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| im in school |
[16 Feb 2004|08:15am] |
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i have a lot of time so i found and stole this from kelli!!! lol. its long but i have time!!! YAYA!!!!
Firsts.
First birthday: June 5th 1988
First pets: A dog
First best friend: Michelle Raymond
First Crush: Joshua Bebe
First true love: Roman Avanesov
<3<3<3<3
First person you cried over that you liked: Matt
First musician you remember hearing in your house: I bet it was someone Jamacian
First screen name: sweetbebe034
First thought sex was: rolling around and kissing
First limo ride: never
First car: dont have one yet
First job: selling T shirts in the flee market with my bro and sis
First funeral: Some lady at my church
First cd: Either spice girls or Britney Spears' first one. (back when she was decent)
First accomplishment: Making Breakfast all by myself
Lasts.
Last cigarette: when i was with Gavin on a Friday WAYYYY back
Last good cry: thursday (1/12/04) thinkin about roman ='(
Last library book checked out: too long ago to remember
Last movie seen: Khabbie Kushie Khabbie ghaum
Last beverage drank: water
Last food consumed: chips
Last crush: Roman
Last phone call: Staci
Last person texted: Nobody
Last shower: this morning
Last shoes worn: my ass kicking boots im wearin now ;)
Last cd played: a burned cd
Last item bought: cant tell ya or else ill give away romans V. day present ;)
Last annoyance: My dad
Last disappointment: When i dont talk to roman
Last website visited: blurty
Last instant message: Marissa and James
Last resolution: to be 105 lbs OR LESS
1 MINUTE AGO:the survey
1 DAY AGO: sleep
1 WEEK AGO: sleep
1 YEAR AGO: how the hell should i remember that!
I HURT: my arms
I LOVE: Roman
I HATE: my dad
I FEAR: Roman doesnt love me anymore
I HOPE: that Im wrong
I FEEL: like crying
I BREAK: stuff
I LISTEN: to music
I HIDE: lighters and condoms. lol
I DRIVE: my mom crazy
I PLAY: guys that cant have me ;) not including roman
I BREATHE: air
I MISS: Roman
I LEARNED: True love hurts like hell!!!
I KNOW: im NOT pregnant
I SAY: bow down to the Roman Princess Bitch!
I DREAM: of Roman
I WANT: him back
I FELL: in love and i cant get up
I WAIT: for school to be over
I NEED: Roman
I THINK: about Roman
Current Clothes: the clothes im wearing to school
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: this girl is playing games next to me
Current Taste: candy
Current Hair: down
Current Annoyance: the teacher
Current Smell: the classroom?
Current thing I ought to be doing: homework
Current Desktop Picture: the microsoft flag thingie
Current Favourite bands: linkin park
Current Book: dont make me laugh
Current DVD In Player: Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
Current Refreshment: i wish....
Current Worry: Roman doesnt love me anymore
Current Crush: Roman
FAVOURITE...
Food: Chinese
Drink: Pepsie
Color: Black annd Red
Shoes: something cute
Candy: Twix
Animal: Tiger
TV Show: dont have one
Dance: anything with a partner
Vegetable: yea rite
Fruit: hmmm.....
ARE YOU...
Understanding: i think so
Open-minded: at times
Arrogant: hell naw thats y im so pessimistic cuz i hate being arrogant
Insecure: HELL YEA
Interesting: i have no idea
Hungry: Yeah
Friendly: uh huh
Smart: No
Moody: very
Childish: only when playing with my niece
Independent: i can be
Hard working: at times
Organized: sometimes
Healthy: im fat!!!!
Emotionally Stable: ummm.... no.... i have scars to prove it
Shy: at times
difficult: hhehehe O:-)
Attractive: Roman MADE me admit it (no im not)
Bored Easily: yes
Thirsty: egh not really
Responsible: of some things
sad: yes
Happy: NO!
Trusting: yes
Talkative: depends
Original: sometimes ( C1/2 lol)
Different: yeah
Unique: yeah
Lonely: mm hmm ='(
WHO DO YOU WANT TO...
Kill: my dad
Slap: see above answer
Look Like: this indian girl i saw in a movie...or Sally
Be Like: My sister shes cool as hell
Talk To Offline: Roman
ON PREFERENCES...
Chocolate milk or hot chocolate?: Hot
McDonalds or Burger King?: mcdonalds
Marry the perfect lover or the perfect friend?: perfect lover
Sweet or sour?: sweet
Root Beer or Dr. Pepper?: ugh none
Sappy/action/comedy/horror?: depends on if i have a guy with me ;)
Cats or dogs?: cat
Ocean or Pool?: ocean
Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese?: nacho cheese!!
Mud or Jell-O wrestling?: jello...interesting
With or without ice-cubes?: with
Shine or rain?: shine
Winter/Summer/Fall/Spring?: summer
Vanilla or Chocolate?: vanilla
Snowboarding or skiing?: snow boarding
Cake or cookies?: cookies
Cereal or toast?: Cereal
Gloves or mittens?: mittens
Eyes open or closed?: cloe=sed! its rude to stare...lol
Fly or breathe under water?: fly
Bunk-bed or waterbed?: water
Chewing gum or hard candy?: gum
Motor boat or sailboat?: motor
Lights on or off?: off.... hehehehe i like the dark
WHAT'S YOUR FAV:
Number?: i forgot
Holiday?: christmas ;) ill never forget this one
Radio station?: kiss me (95.1)
Place?: Romans arms
Flower?: Red Roses
Scent?: cant pick
I SEE: computers
I WANT: Roman
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| easy come easy go... |
[25 Jan 2004|04:01pm] |
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are you that somebody- aaliyah |
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me and roman broke up!!!!!!!!!!!! aww i wanna die now......:(
his parents made him.....
this isnt fair. he says he still loves me. but for some reason i dont believe it.
http://www.livejournal.com/users/x_tear_x/
^
more details
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| *yawn* |
[20 Jan 2004|11:06pm] |
well today waz a good day. i got to see roman!!!!!! and we got to park and ride again!!!!!!!! it waz fun....... but we ran short on time cuz we spent 30 mins trying to find a place to go. all cuz there waz a damn cop at the place where we always go. but we had to move fast and well we did...sorta. but i love the way he drives... he knos what hes doing. he knos how to handle a car u kno? yea..i need to stop babbling b4 i dont shut up. all i can say is that i love him to death and rite in the middle of everything.....you would believe this is so romanntic and sweet....
i waz about to die cuz its the most sweetest thing in the world!!! thank u baby<3333
i wazz like this isnt real. how did u get this lucky??? its a mystery....
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| busy day |
[17 Jan 2004|10:41pm] |
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faint- linkin park |
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i had a busy day. if u wanna read it go to my live jornal cuz i dont feel like writting it all over agian. i feel so lonely cuz romans wurking all day. at least hes getting paid 4 it so he can save up and get a car so he can come and see me more often. but i still miss him. one day we should all just go do sumthing. me, him, vadik, rina, sally, alina, and eduard should all just go.....sumwhere. i dunno where yet but we should just go. i kno we can go on a road trip or sumthing. yea right we would need a pretty damn big car 4 that one. but yea. im out cuz my moms gettin bitchy. byee
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