carmen's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
carmen


|PROFILE| CALENDAR| FRIENDS| MYSPACE|
[ userinfo | blurty userinfo ]
[ calendar | blurty calendar ]

[
September 8th, 20098:47pm
]
This blog is a joke. I never update. No one has read it since I was in High School. But God damn I sure love it and cant bring myself to delete it.
0 comments

This needs to be said! [
June 7th, 20092:16pm
]
[ mood | determined ]
[ music | Queen ]

Ok so. Im just gonna re-post my dear friend GREG's <3 post. Then write my response.

I’m only posting this blog because I need it publicly declared.

Normally I’m the kind of guy that just “wants/needs” to get his crap together. I always want to change my life, my body, my outlook on school, everything. With the help of a new friend in my life, Carmen. We’re going to do it.

AND WE’RE GONNA TEAR IT UP!

So that’s how it’s going down. There’s no going back. This is going to happen, and perhaps I’ll even use my blog or a new twitter account or something to keep this whole thing documented as well as keep ourselves motivated.

___________________________________________________________________


I could NOT have said it better self. I always have been very proactive and I always get what I want. Im successful in every aspect of my life including school, friendships, relationships, etc. However, because of my polycystic ovarian syndrome, the medication FOR it, and my recent general apathy I have fallen off the track in one of those "life" aspects.

Well, Im off the meds (hehe that sounds funny) and Im driven, determined and full of will power to get back into super sexy shape. I need to tighten the hell up and get my abs back. And greg and I are gonna do it together!!!


dayumm these pictures depress me! where have my abs gone?
0 comments

[
May 19th, 20099:31pm
]
Jose is amazing.



thanks.
0 comments

clusterfuck! [
April 8th, 200912:29am
]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | Jets to Brazil ]

I have lots of nonsense to catch up on. Ill try to make it quick and painless, like that time you lost your virginity in Tony's car behind the school football field. YES YOU TY!! pfft...didnt even have your own car...shame.
Anyway, my interview with pervy old Mr. Frank went very well and you are now looking at Junior writer/Intern instead of just intern. What are the perks you ask? MORE WORK. YEAH!!
I decided to opt out of showing up in lingerie and instead went with the librarian/tina fey giving the news look.


Ok so maybe I combo'd this w/ a push up bra and fuck me eyes

But... I got the promotion and those other 3 interns didnt. Ha!



In other news. I had the most awkward night a couple nights ago. Anthony invited me over for poker night, which is normal. But some other people were coming, people who I havent seen and have had a "talk" due with. People who will also go unnamed. And its not people, its a person. Well it was, until later that night another "person" came over. Cryptic? maybe. sorry. Anyway, I desperately didnt wanna fly solo to the event so I hauled my friend Joel over. I ended up being super embarrassed, but not personal embarrassment. That kind of embarrassment you get for other people. Like...omg that poor person, and you get that nausea feeling in your stomach as you cringe. Well, it was half that and half feeling awkward that Joel was there obviously serving as a buffer. Although we quickly hightailed it outta there and went for drinks.

That night had a funny twisty end though. My first e-friend ever, Mr. Paul and I ended up having a super fun 2 hour long convo that night. I know weird right? He was working the graveyard shift all by himself, poor thing, and I was...well...bored? Considering I dont really sleep and if I do its not till the wee hours of the morning, I usually spend that time reading, writing, and mostly reading. But I attempted to prank call Paul and it turned into a super long funny conversation. It was refreshingly nice to talk that much to someone new. I guess its cause my boys and I have been friends so long its kind of hard for us to not already know absolutely everything about each other, including our opinions on trivial issues.
We talked about past relationships, people we know, places we've been. Ya know, the usual.
That day was pretty sweet and eventful. After breakfast with my roommate, and running a bunch of errands, I channeled my pre-teen self and skateboarded to the mall. I got there all sweaty but it was soooo much fun. And that night I went to Jai_alai with Jake. Which I have so much to talk about, but anyway. After that we had the usual twice-a-week booze by the pool mini get together thing.
Oh but there was drama. My roommates crazy girlfriend had a jealousy fit or something like it and broke one of my plates. I later had to politely kick her out because she wouldnt stop yelling and wouldnt leave when my roommate asked her to.
SHES A NAZI! shes is American, but obsessed with Germany. She's learning to speak German, and she constantly makes references to the overall shittiness of her home country. And the overall shittiness of the native peoples of other countries! Such countries include: South Africa (they're all stupid), China (smart, but no personality), "Africa" Africa (just not good looking), Mexico (will work for cheap), Russia (gold-diggers). Recently she said, "Why do Asian girls wear false eyelashes? I mean, they can't open their eyes anyway." She's a regular Kofi Annan, that girl. Shes so weird. So weird that she listens to nothing but techno music and Tears for Fears, as if she thinks she's the first to stumble upon this really crazy/cool new indie jam called "Shout." Let it all out, Fraulein...!
But what makes her a nazi, get this.
She once recently said "God, there is this girl in my class, [enter Italian girls name here], she's such a bitch! She's such a talent-less...bitch! You know what she is? She's a GOD DAMN MONEY-GRUBBING, SHYSTER JEW [emphasis added]! She's a dirty Jew.
Then, when my roomie and I pointed out that that persons last name was Italian she responded by saying "Well, I don't care if she's Italian. She should be a Jew. She's a poor excuse for an Italian."
WTF??!?! Anyway, later while having out 2nd past midnight bored out of our minds convo, I told this story to Paul and realized something... shes more than a Nazi. She's a Nazi and a robot. And not even one of those cool Honda robots like Asimo. She's a stupid robot, like a Furby. She's a Nazi-bot.

kinda like this Nazi-bot, but uglier and more annoying

Anyway, talking to Paul that 2nd night did me a lot of good, because while I judged him mercilessly for being a pansy and not jumping blindly into the arms of love, I realized I wasnt practicing what I was preaching. Sooo....at 7ish AM I drove to Jakes. Ill spare you the gory details. But I ended up falling asleep there. It was soo nice. He smelled so good, and his arms are so..mmm. He has really nice forearms and muscles and stuff. Not too big ya know, but just right. We watched movies alllllll day and made out alllll day and it was really nice. Ok I didnt spare the details, sorry! I feel like it was the first time we really got to know each other and be truly comfortable. PS I wore his boxers and shirt all day cause I got to his house in a tank top and jeans and cuddling on the couch watching movies all day requires better chiller clothes. Oh and his shirt smelled so good. And then later that evening (yes I literally spent the WHOLE day there) he cooked us dinner while I wrote a blog entry (my other blog). That night I took a bath in his shower while he sat on the toilet talking and refilling my whisky sours. After I got out of the shower we moved to the balcony to drink more and talk more. I later made myself sober up enough to drive home. What I really like about him was that not one point throughout the day or night did he try to get in my pants. Granted we kissed all day and granted he clearly snuck a couple peeks at my naked body while I showered (sorry for the visual Ty) he was really respectful of everything else. Im starting to get the idea that Jason and Tyler have coached him very well in the "ways to win Carmen over".

Anywho! OPENING DAY came next. I went to my dads. Tons of people came and went. Jason brought Emily. I like her. I dressed her up in some of my cubs clothes. We had bbq and drank all day. Speaking of which Ive got some really cute pictures I took with my dads camera. Gotta go back and take that SD card. Id like to put some of those up on facebook, I havent put any new pics up on facebook for like 2 years....eesh. That was such a fun day.

OH!!! Garrett sends me this tweet on twitter (cause i didnt answer my phone). Isnt it sad you can reach me so easily on that shit? Anyway, I called him and he seemed really upset and said he was coming over. He was clearly slightly intoxicated upon arrival. He made me immediately download a song called Sometime Around Midnight by a band called The Airborne Toxic Event and listen to it. It was sad!!! Then he told me he had just heard it and that it reminded him of me and that he got really upset. Which really upset me because the girl in that song sucks! LOL. He asked me if I was sure that I didnt want to give "us" another chance. I assured him I was sure. But hmmm I wonder... whoa, Im not going there. Yeah I totally am sure. So we talked all night and he fell asleep in my lap while I played with his hair. I fell asleep in that sitting position and woke up 2 hours later with my back killing me! I woke Garrett up, he confessed the slight urge to punch Jake in the face whenever he sees him. He confessed how horrible Ireland was for him to see me so...not under the role of his gf. I dunno. I told him maybe we should take some time without seeing each other at all. I wonder where this all came from ya know? He was completely fine and totally dating other girls. I think its when he saw me potentially with other guys that this whole new feeling sprung up.

That brings me to today. I had a lazy day. Watched the MANU game. I <3 Wayne Rooney.
As much as Im growing to like Jake I cant help at feel like its pointless. Its like, I already like someone helplessly. Dennis. I adore that man. I know we'd be PERFECT and super happy in an awesome blossoming relationship if we didnt live almost 3 hours apart. I dont want to not be with Dennis. I dont want to not like him cause I like someone else. Not to mention its completely unfair for me to compare absolutely every guy to Dennis. They all fail miserably in comparison. Its like, yeah youre smart, not as smart as Dennis. Yeah your funny, not as funny as Dennis. Yeah your shoulders and arms are super sexy, not as sexy as Dennis'. Yeah I like you, not as much as I like Dennis. I dont know what to do.

Ugh this post sucks. Its so whiny. My apologies. I have been writing some pretty awesome posts in my other blog though. You know? That one that isnt about updates on my life and funny thoughts. That snobby one that is sometimes fiction, sometimes fact, mostly fact embellished into fiction. Anyway, go check out my stories. Click here to read my other blog!

so because this post was soooo lame. I leave you with some eye candy; a picture Sarah texted me today from that Anything But Clothes party we had like 2 months ago.

My "anything but clothes" was pink saran wrap!
1 comments

my tongue is the only muscle on my body that works harder than my heart. [
March 31st, 200910:09pm
]
[ mood | creative ]
[ music | Say Anything - Wow I Can Get Sexual Too ]

Even though I have memberships at two different gyms I find myself more often than not opting to workout out outside around the neighborhood instead. I have a golf course next to my house with a really spiffy trail. Something about strapping on my sneaks and ipod and choosing to sweat in the Florida night humidity seems much more appealing than being put on display on a row of treadmills with no destination under bright fluorescent lighting and crappy music that drowns out mine no matter how loud I make it.

Another reason I love working out outside is the solitary aspect of it. When Im in a gym I get so caught up in not hogging the treadmill, eew that guy is sweating on me, how long have I been on here? what do those red numbers flashing before me mean? uh oh can the dude behind me see my giant wedgie? AHHH!!! Fail!


Not as bad as this but
its bound to happen


When Im running alone at night I have no interruptions. Im free to fully get lost in my mind. In fact I get so lost in that labyrinth that my workouts are longer and sweatier than in the gym. I walk and jog and run tons of times around the trail. I use the golf benches to do sit ups and squats...its niice. I come out looking like a swamp monster buts thats ok. I get my best ideas running. Almost as good as the ideas I get on the toilet.


see you dont know this, but thats an oldschool
toilet hes on. and hes doing number 2!


So I got this really awesome idea for a movie. Read the next paragraph in my voice as if Im talking to you, itll make more sense.
Its about this girl right. Normal 20something college student. And shes like a really big music junkie. She has an ipod full of really awesome music. She makes awesome playlists to fit her life. You know, work out playlist, homework playlist, feeling happy playlist, feeling sad playlists etc etc etc. Shes got everything in there from post hardcore to swing to ska to house...like the best of everything. and a lot of obscure shit thats super awesome too cause shes a pseudo music elitist ya know. ok. and one day all of a sudden she notices that her ipod is like...somehow perfectly matching the songs to her mood when she puts that shit on shuffle. So she stops using her playlists and just keeps her ipod on shuffle. The girl, a skeptic by nature, doesn't think much of it and chocks it up to coincidence. Then all of a sudden her life starts playing out according to whatever song her ipod chooses to play. The lyrics and general beat and tone of the songs start dictating her day to day life. Weird huh? But for some reason she cant take the earbuds out. Instead of having a soundtrack to her life...the soundtrack IS her life.
Its like a metaphor for how "must have" technology is taking over our youth, my generation.
I havent figured out if its a comedy or a guts&gore horror flick.

maybe the heat gets to my head when I go running?



ANYWAY, enough shenanigans. Last night I only managed to get an hour and a half of sleep. Ya know, Im getting really ticked off at my schmo doctor telling me I have control over this and that its all in my head and that hes not gonna refill my Rx. Anyway, I guess he knows best. Bah Humbug. So I woke up to my alarm, who I swear is somehow set to mocking laughing fire alarm instead of BEEP. Felt too much like shit to bother with how I looked, so after jumping outta the shower I jumped into my over sized ronjon hoodie, a pair of plaid pj shorts (that pass for non pj shorts only in my insomnia world and some college towns) and a pair of flip flops. By the way, I hate it when people call flip flops thongs...eww. creepy.
I get to class...YAY! In the middle of a fascinating lecture about irrigation systems in the ghettos of Peru I look up and out the window of the classroom door only to see Jake's face smiling at me. Like a bat out of hell I grab my books and b-lined it outta there. Behind the door Jake waited for me with a hot cup of coffee and flowers. How frickin sweet!
We went out for breakfast and spent the rest of the morning talking till he had to go to work. Anyway, I thought the gesture was incredibly sweet. But Im really hating this gushy feeling. And this fluttery feeling. Ugh pwewww ghey.


So Ive been into this really great show called My Boys for a while. Its a lonely love that I catch all by myself considering I dont know anyone else thats into it. But I love it. Its on tbs Tuesday nights and tonight was the season premiere.

Its about (and narrated by) this girl named Pj. She lives in Chicago and is a sports writer (and huge fan) for the Cubs. She has a couple guys that are her best friends. One of them includes her older brother. She gets together with them for poker night. Hilarity ensues.
You should definitely check out this show. For obvious reasons I can relate to Pjs character. I love when pj narrates and relates things in her life to baseball. For example, in tonights episode I learned that the phrase "outta left field" started when a mental hospital was located just behind West Side Park's (pre-Wrigley Field) left-field fence, thereby, causing the fans to associate left-field with insanity.
Pretty cool. Ill never forget the first time I saw My Boys. A diehard cubs fan who is constantly in her own head, whos a little socially awkward and clumsy and has a group of guys and her older brother that are her best friends that she gets together with to play poker. UMMMM???? story of my life please?
Minus the fact that I dont live in Chicago anymore =( (just wait till I graduate)
Im not a blond (dont hold your breath)
Im not a sports writer (Im another kind of writer)

anyway...ahh ok... Im going to bed... NOT.

Song2Download: Choking Victim - Crack Rock Steady
0 comments

Girl Crush [
March 30th, 20094:58pm
]
[ mood | nerdy ]
[ music | ska playlist on shuffle ]

Im just about a 1.75 on the Kinsey scale. I woulda been a one had it not been for those jagermeister fueled Delta Gamma tiki parties. Theres just something about my C-cup boobies that make cute flat chested blonds flock to me like a bee does to the honey. That or the pastel polo wearing frat boys testing their peer pressure limits. Anyway, inspired by Mr. Paul King (clearly a 3 on the scale) I decided to make a list of my girl crushes. Oh and that was a gay joke, not to be confused with a puberty joke. =) Check Pauls blog out here!


The following girls aren't really in any particular order. But here it goes.

Adriana Lima



I have a thing for those sexy sultry cat eyes. Dont her eyes just see right through you? Then shes got that pouty mouth I just want to slap...or punch...or make out with, Im not exactly sure. Not to mention shes from Brazil. Brazilian butts in Brazilian thongs anyone? In addition to her native Portuguese, Lima speaks English, French, and a bit of Italian. But who cares? I wouldnt want her to talk...just sit there and look pretty for me. Shes gorgeous.

Elisha Cuthbert



She started off in Popular Mechanics for Kids, so you know theres an inner dweeb somewhere behind that hotness. I fell in love with her after Old School and The Girl Next Door. She has a permanent spot on Maxims hot 100 list, for obvious reasons. She loves hockey and even had a blog on the NHL website. She pretty much has a killer bod, but more than that i love her face. She too has that sultry eyed arched eyebrow thing going on. Dime.

Edie Sedgwick



Ok, so I have a girl crush on a dead girl. No necrophilia jokes, k thanks. Shes super hot, amazing smile and the softest looking skin ever. She makes smoking cigs look good. Besides being Andy Warhol’s muse and one time girlfriend of Bob Dylan this gorgeous girl was also subject of The Velvet Undergrounds song Femme Fatale. I love her!!! So she dealt with anorexia and drug use you say? Well fuck you, the best of us have. Whenever Im forced to wear make-up (weddings, dances etc) I always try to wear my eyeliner as an ode to Edie.

Rachel Bilson



Shes just so darn cute isnt she. Shes tiny and fun size. Her mom is a sex therapist and her dad is Jewish. (a girl after my own heart, lol) She was awesome in Garden State and Jumper. She was the only reason the O.C was tolerable (besides cutie adam brody). For being such a petite girl she has a killer ass. Have you seen her bongo jeans ad? Do so! You can thank me later.

Brody Dalle



Ive had a girl crush on Brody before I even knew what a girl crush was. I was going through my OI! gutter punk stage. What good times. All I know is whether shes sporting a black mohawk, green liberty spikes, blond or orange hair...shes gorgeous. She has the most penetrating blue eyes. And she can wear red lipstick like no other. I love all her tattoos. And I mostly like that her body isnt tiny and skinny. Shes hardcore and has a flat tummy and can out do even the toughest guys doing push ups on stage. Plus her voice is the SEXIEST voice ever.

Anna Hathaway



I love love love this girl. Shes such a great actress. Her eyes are huge and beautiful. Shes my brown eyed girl. And she has an equally huge smile that is contagious and sweet. she majored in English! She has this natural poise and simple elegance about her that I just love. Beauty!

Monica Bellucci



I think my crush on Monica Bellucci or purely vain. Everyone constantly tells me "hey you kinda look like that chick in Matrix Revolutions." Which is a compliment cause umm cmon, have you seen her. Shes Italian and gorgeous. Her measurements are 35C-24-35. So obviously we dont have that in common(36C-27-33 looks like i gotta tone my tummy and grow some hips!). But we both are 5'7!! lol anyway, shes uber hot.

So yeah, thats pretty much it. Those girls got what it takes to make me switch teams. I mean, cmon have you seen the male anatomy. gross. Girls are soft and smell good.

These girls didnt make my list (mostly cause Im hunry and lazy and dont wanna make anymore html codes) But they deserve an honorable mention because they tickle my fancy as well.


Amanda Palmer <3
Natalie Portman
Scarlett Johansson
Megan Fox
Zooey Deschanel
Jessica Biel


ok, now you can go spank your monkey.
0 comments

Dreamsicle [
March 27th, 20092:25am
]
[ mood | cheerful ]
[ music | AmericanPie2 on tbs ]

So everyone that knows me knows Im not exactly a Betty. Ive always been that girl that from far away is super hot and cool-looking but at a distance less than 10 feet is no Daphne. Nope, I make up the Winnie Coopers of the world. Problem is, that there are not very many real life Kevins to be helplessly in love with me. Especially not in metrosexual super skinny posh lush south Florida.


damn that daphne!


See, Ive never been that girl who walks by and her hair blows gently in the wind. Nope. Im more the one that walks by and her hair blows wildly...into her mouth, covering her eyes, making her trip...and fall.
But Im not complaining. Self deprecation is so last year. I love the way I am. Being like this allows me to easily thin out douchebags and jerks. Because, the type of people who look past my general clumsiness are good people. People that get to know me for who I am. Which by the way is a really awesome person. I am!
Of course theres people like Dennis who are so perfect in their imperfections that I cant help but fall for completely. He loves the way I am. He likes that I walk into doors, and trip over air. And my brother, who most of the time usually only calls me a freak, fat, or weirdo even says that Im an awesome girl. He once told me that girls like me are the type of girls good guys want to date. Tyler used to have a super big crush on me. And although now he admits the thought of us feels completely insestual, he still insists that Im the greatest girl he knows.


look at how super cool (not nerdy?) I am!


anyway, the few kevins of the world dont live in south Florida. And the ones I meet, like Dennis or Michael or Kyle live in Chicago or Indiana, or New York...bull.
Its not all in my nerdiness though! Its almost too easy for me to get a date.

Im a sorority girl with big boobs and great
taste in music, whats there not to adore?


I just never go on second dates. Not because the option isnt there but because I dont get to go out on dates with Kevins..I get stuck with Johnny Bravos.

ok anyway for real, anyway. Tonight I went on a super mega great date. With a guy that isnt a Kevin or a Johnny. Hes kind of a... Zack Morris. Hmmm?
Jake was awesome. I think what made me feel better was seeing he was just as nervous and trying to hold back the inner dweeb as I was. Dinner wentout with out a hitch.
Johnny Vs is such a deck place. We shared the Mussels app then I had the Lamb Loin. Its marinated in Chimichuri with goat cheese and mushrooms... SOOO YUMMY! He had the seared new york strip steak with mash and green beans.
After dinner we stopped by my place so I could change out of my Marc Jacobs little black dress and super sexy black mary jane Manolos and get into some shorts a tank and a hat.

much more my style


Then we drove to the beach and arrived at the bonfire. It was awesome. There was a keg out there. And Tyler was being that douche with the guitar. It was fun! We drank beer, roasted marshmellows, sang sing-a-longs, and looked up at the stars! There tons of people there, but luckily towards the end only a small group of about 8 of us were left. My core group. It was a wee bit weird seeing Garrett there. Well not weird for me, but for him. I wish he had a date. And although I know he likes Jake its funny to think that the last bonfire we had I was sitting next to him.
Jake took me home and we sat in the grass in my front lawn for about 1/2 an hour just talking nonsense. Then he walked me to my door, kissed me...
yeah kissed me! I know I know Im such a goober. Then he said he was happy I finally gave him a chance and that hed call me tomorrow. Then he kissed my forehead. awwwww!!! im such a sucker for forehead kisses.

anyway... Im just not too sure how much I like Zachs.
0 comments

Coffee Bitch no more, officially. [
March 25th, 20098:32pm
]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | The Get Up Kids ]

Today was my first day back at the lobbying firm. I love and adore my internship, dont get me wrong, buts its insanely exhausting. I know I'm lucky though. I also know that I beat out 70 other nerds for it.
What I really learned today is that distance does in fact make the heart grow fonder. Today, not one of the lobbyist, my boss, or office managers call me "hey you" "hey intern" or "excuse me". They called me by my name!!! Carmen! except for that one bitch that calls me Cameron, Cathy, Cat, Catherine and every other C name besides CARMEN! But were not going to count her. She doesnt count.


Even Count Von Count wouldnt count that bitch


I got told plenty times today how much I was missed around the office. Then I was handed 42lbs of paperwork to sort through. Also I had to catch up on a weeks worth of financial reports. Luckily, the other intern, Kyle, had taken minutes at the meetings Id missed. By the way, I have to teach him how to write minutes, cause if he would of handed those in, he wouldve gotten his ass tore up!
Anyway, I was one of the last 4 people left to leave the office.

Finally home. Which is a frickin mess! I love living with two boys. Its like having best friends/older bros/super chill people to hang out with all day. Im lucky, I live in a McMansion. 4 bedrooms 5 bathrooms. the whole shebang. But usually their mess doesnt spill out from their bedrooms. I guess its different when Dictator Carmen isnt around. I found a condom in the hot tub. eeew. I already today have done two loads of dishes and swept and mopped the whole place. Now Im taking a break to write this and relax a little. But later tonight when I will inevitably have the insomnia kick in im gonna clean all the glass & wood surfaces, clean the fridge, organize the entertainment center and cables from the game consoles, take out the trash, finish the dishes, etc. I plan on doing it while I finish this bottle of wine I just cracked open. Also, I plan on making lots of obnoxious noise in protest of their sleep. I know the noise will be a futile attempt at revenge, considering those two fuckers sleep like baby sloths on concentrated doxylamine. But I guess its all worth it when they wake up to a clean super house and give me hugs and praises for being super awesome.
which i know i am. geesh duh.

Yesterday the most hilarious "twit war" started after dumbfuck Tyler posted a really grody looking picture of me that he took with his phone at our surf day yesterday. (ps every cellphone pic of me is always horrible) It went on for a while with quips from Jason Tyler and Twitter buddy Paul. The topper was when Paul in an effort to console me made a metaphor about Jaws eating fat kids. Metaphor which was very easily misconstrued as Jason as Jaws and I as the fat kid. haha Im still laughing about it. The funniest part was Jasons in the living room, Tyler is on my roommates desktop and were not talking just tweeting. I mentioned a little drunken beer goggle incident Tyler had had recently. A crazy girl that we strongly believe is stalking him.
by the way I won the war. THEY STOPPED CALLING ME FAT.

Ok, so I look like Im sporting a double chin, whatev


The delightful little pyscho stalker gem that
helped me win the twit war


I think the vote was unanimous



Then to be an even bigger spazball I re-did my twitter background with a bunch of really silly pictures of myself. One of me puking, always pretty. Then one of me with Jessica and Kasey at the beach were im on the right wearing white and look super pudgy. I guess its a big FU to them. and i was bored.

Speaking of yesterday, the 3 of us drove to my dads beach house in Sebastian. I cant believe that house has been empty for 5 months already for renovations. New greenery and palm trees were added. Also the stilts on the back of the house that hold that part of the house in the sand was re molded and the foundation of the back patio was re done as well.

View from the front of the house, nice huh?


Back to today, I had to raincheck on my date with Jake. I didnt realize I was gonna be stuck in the office so long and Im exhausted. The worst part is I completely forgot and didnt even call him. When he called me to tell me he was gonna swing by to pick me up in an hour I was still in my cubicle elbow deep in paperwork. He did seem a wee bit uneasy, but alls well that ends well. Turns out tomorrow will probably be even better cause Im helping Matt throw a bonfire at the beach tomorrow night. So Jake and I can go to dinner then finish the date at the beach bonfire. cute right? Were going to Johnny Vs for dinner, he had to remake the reservations..ooops. I love Johnny Vs its really nice and the food is amazing. Definitely a must check out place. Johnny V Restaurant

Im gonna go start cleaning again!!!!


MWAH!!! (which is better than muah)
0 comments

Whats up with the internet today? [
March 24th, 20092:37am
]
[ mood | chipper ]
[ music | Cake - short skirt long jacket ]

First my twitter went all berserk and deleted a whole bunch of my tweets.
Then I checked my facebook and thats all out of whack, its trying to act like my twitter.Even worse, my latest post on blogger was being cut in half, finally fixed that. Also, my photobucket account is undergoing site maintenance, and wont let my upload all my awesome new pictures. Now blurty is obviously having some page problems, looking all funky and stuff.
Its like a sign that I should get the fuck off of my computer. Its pathetic that these sites have the ability to make me go haywire when they go...haywire.

anyway, to the topic at hand.



We all arrived at Miami International. Tyler and I took a airport cab. We were eager and anxious and exhausted.
Our flight to boston was short and sweet. Tyler and I had seats next to each other and pretty far away from everyone else.
Boston airport smelled like farts that day. We had a couple of hours to kill so we all had drinks at a pub in the airport. It was called cisco? pub or something like that. It was small and not actually a bar, lol. anyway, then we went to one of the shops and bought a plane board game set. It had checkers, tic tac toe and some other game we couldnt figure out. And its made out of magnets!

I was sandwiched between Garrett and Tyler during my flight to Ireland. It was kinda weird. Garrett and I havent exactly spoken that much since breaking up. When we planned this trip we were still dating and had high hopes for the future. hehe.

was is lasagna or and enchilada? plane food =(


Day 1
We arrived in Shannon then drove to Limerick. Our hotel was really close to the airport. We stayed at the Radisson. It was sooo gorgeous. We spent the short afternoon walking around the shops near the airport. I cant explain how gorgeous, just gorgeous. Also, it was full of very adult looking people. With our backpacks and smiles we stuck out like a sore thumb.

Day 2
We drove from Limerick to Dublin so that we can be there for St. Patrick's Day. We completely killed this day by sleeping through it and being up all night. Our internal clocks were completely screwed. Lesley and David & Marissa and Alex were kind of in their own little world. They shared rooms and what not. Peter and Jen (whom i had never met) and the pathetic non coupled up trifecta that was Garrett Tyler and myself had our own little world. I took some pretty sweet pictures of Jen in our hotel room. But you cant see those!!! Also, Garrett and I had our first breakthrough. We had the talk. We agreed to disagree and hugged it out. It was good for the soul, AND made the rest of our trip with each other enjoyable instead of tolerable.

Day 3
We woke up and it was St. Patty's!!!
We completely missed the street theatre but thats ok! Cause we saw the parade. ok enough about that, now the super awesome part of day three. Nolan.
The group and I were sitting at an outdoor restaurant when this really cute guy just came up to me and asked me if I was from the states. I said yes, and he said he didnt believe me. Why I asked. Because youre not wearing tons of makeup and youre really pretty he said.
I know I know gay and cheesy pickupline. but what can i say. he was cute.
Long story short his friends met my friends and we made plans to go out that night. We all went back to the hotel to relax and change. heres a crappy picture I took of him with my cellphone.
cute huh?


Nolan's friend Liam randomly mention he had a ton of weed in his pocket. Garrett introduced himself to his new best friend. We smoked. Im not much one for weed. So I quit it at 2 hits. But at least I can say I smoked ganja in Ireland. Cool huh?
A big group of us went to a club, lillys bordella? It was soo much fun. Its a big space. Bright red walls and it was packed! It was on Grafton street, which was near our hotel. I danced the night away with Nolan. I totally had one of those super stupid movie montage moments. At one point, some guy swung me around by my arm and grabbed my ass. Nolan spazzed out and grabbed the guy by the shirt collar and told him not to touch his girl. I know!!! Jesus can I pack him in fucking luggage PUHLEASE! The worst is Tyler didnt know exactly what was going on and when Nolan told him they had this little brohah macho moment. It was cute. Like they were gonna kick the guys ass, LOL. Tyler spent the rest of the night dryhumping some cute little blond. And I had this really spazzy moment when a funny song from groove armada played and I started singing. Garrett left early and I could tell that seeing me dancing and canoodling with another guy made him a bit uncomfortable.
Way later that night we went to a bar also on Grafton. which i should mention is one of the coolest downtown areas Ive ever been to. I said g'bye to Nolan and told him Id call him when we came back to Dublin in a few days.

Day 4-8
We went from Kilkenny to Cork. Then stopped in Bunratty and visited the Cliffs of Moher. We stayed in Galway City. Drove around Clifden. Stopped in Westport.
One of the bed and breakfast places we stayed at was the best! everything was blue and white. And in the morning I had Ulster Fry. which is a deathwish. its fried eggs, fried bacon, fried sausage, tomatoes, and mushrooms. It was good and I it even though I hate bacon. Heres a shitload of cool pics Tyler and I took.















Any pictures that are gorgeous and well taken I obviously took. And unfocused silly picture was taking by Tyler. LOL J/K...(kinda)

Day 8-9
Back in Dublin. We did our shopping. I bought a lot of stuff! I bought my dad and brother (and some other peeps) these really cool mugs that hold a liter and in the center they have a metal band with the country engraved with the words EIRE AND I personalized the mugs to say their names. SOOO SWEET.
So I totally slutted it up my last day and spent it kissing Nolan. I know I know! He was just so much fun. Hes really smart and I never kiss anyone!!! so shut up and let it be. The he said he was now sure I wasnt really from the states cause I didnt have sex with him and only kissed. oh geez, thats great to hear. good job usa girls.
We spent forever in the coffee lounge in the lobby just talking and talking. He really liked my taste in music. He asked me to make him a play list of songs I liked. Its like he knows me! As many of my friends might know...making playlists and mix tapes is one of my greatest skills and hobbies. I one upped him and made him a CD of songs he could listen to and think of me!!! I know, Im a creep.

Sonic Youth - Kool Thing
(cause when he saw me he thought i was kool, duh)
Ludacris - Blueberry Yum Yum
(laugh at Liam and weed. + I need atleast 1 rap song)
Groove Armada - I See You Baby
(the song I spazzed out to in the club)
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - Satan Said Dance
(packed red-walls club felt like hell before we left)
Eve 6 - Think Twice
(for that totally cute moment when he stood up
for me when some guy grabbed my bum)
Dropkick Murphys - Kiss Me I'm Shitfaced
(I <3 this song. Would a playlist about me
and a cute boy in Eire be whole w/o it?)
Dave Mathews Band - Stay
(said I should spent my whole trip in Dublin, Ha!)
Mighty Mighty Bosstones - Where'd You Go?
(gotta introduce him to a little ska!)
Prince Buster - One Step Beyond
(ok, a lot of ska)
The La's - There She Goes Again
(im cocky enough to assume this song
would remind him of me, duh)
Lagwagon - Brown Eyed Girl
(ditto on the cocky)
Copeland - Coffee
(hours spent drinking too much
coffee, talking too much too)
Eagle Eye Cherry - Save Tonight
(fight the break of dawn!)
Reel Big Fish - Kiss Me Deadly
(cause Im playful with it)
Slightly Stoopid - Closer To The Sun
(I just love this song)
Mofro - Florida
(where i live, duh.)
Weezer - Greatest Man That Ever Lived
(im running outta songs to relate to us)
Smashing Pumpkins - Tonight Tonight
(aww it was awesome, g'bye)



So how much of a dweeb am I? I know I know. But we heard the Cd together that night and he loved it. But you could have chosen MUCH better songs carmen?!? I get ya. But listen, I didnt want to overwhelm him with my coolness and knowledge of amazing music. Plus, I was happy. And these songs are happy. I shouldve added some insane hardcore song with a sick breakdown...but i didnt. Ill probably never talk to Nolan again and my only regret will be I didnt introduce him to Set Your Goals or Shai Hulud. Shame.
He spent the night with me just talking about absolutely everything and nothing. and lots of making out too. hes a great kisser.

He was shy about me taking his picture

He kissed my forehead a whole buncha times. helped me tetris my stuff into my luggage. Kissed my forehead some more, then said goodbye.


ooh yay I had a holiday fling. Oh by the way, Im never calling a vacation a vacation again. Its holiday!!!
But anyway..ME! yes me! I had a cute little fling. that never happens to me! I usually fall on trips. bust my ass and get sick. or something a little less grave but still uncool. Epic.

So I have tons of cool memories, cool pictures, and cool new friends. thanks Jen!

I feel like poop and Im super jetlagged. Tyler Garrett and Jason are crashing at my house tonight. Tyler's sleeping cause hes weak. Garrett and my brother are playing on the xbox.


Oh and in other news. Jake did something really sweet. He taped the mark & olly show that i missed while on my trip so I finally said yes to a date.

hes a total fucking cutie huh?

So heres the story quickly. Jason has been friends with Jake for a while but theyre not super super close. Garrett and Tyler even know him. But for some reason I had never met him until recently. Maybe 5 months ago? And of course when I met him I thought he was hot. And of course when he met me he thought I was hot. So we went on 2 dates. 1st date dinner. 2nd date show at murphyslaw at the Hardrock.
Hes wicked smart. (a microbiologist) I have no clue what that means, but he works in a lab at the hospital. hes Dr. Denton!
Hes 27, 6'2 with green eyes. Not that Im shallow, cause Im not AT ALL. but HAYYY YO! Hes also super outdoorsy. And loves to travel a whole lot just like I do.

ANYWAY..sheesh
We had a little mishap when he kissed me and I later found out he lived with his girlfriend!!! So..because Im stubborn and super quasi feminist, I didnt give him the chance to explain. I didnt want to talk to him or hear about it. And I succeeded in that, for about 4 months.
Later, Jason explained to me that while he did live with a girl, the girl was his EX g/f and that their lease was up in 2 months. Apparently Jake was stuck in the situation. The girl calling me to yell at me was weird (homey dont play that) We all know I run in terror from any type of drama whatsoever. I smelled drama, i ran. what can i say? Garrett talking mad shit didnt help either. yeah i said it, lol. oh man.

He now has his own place. Is officially single and without baggage. Still I didnt care. Even after he made a twitter account with the sole purpose of annoying the hell out me...or...showing me how much he wanted a 2nd chance. Either or I cant tell really. I thought him DVRing that show or me was super sweet. So I said yes to dinner.

am i actually going on a date? I havent had a date in forever.
What is going on?!?!

cue twilight zone theme song.
0 comments

Ive decided to stop pacing. [
March 15th, 20092:41am
]
[ mood | anxious ]
[ music | Shuffle! (i live on the edge) ]

I have run out of things to do. All my preparations are in order. Ive gone over my list of things to pack a trillion times! Nothing left.
walking shows check
casual clothes check
dressy clothes check
comfy hoodie check
toiletries check
plug converters check
batteries check
camera check
etc etc etc

Ive finished doing all my laundry. I gave myself a perfect manicure. I alphabetically organized my CD compilation, which I never even touch anymore but wouldnt dare discard. I even thoroughly cleaned my fish aquarium.
ummm...yeah Im still anxious. I always get a little anxious before trips, but not like this. Could it be due to the amount of people going? Thats a new factor. Im sure that an ex coming is also weighing heavily on my self conscious.

If I think about it, Ive been to soooo many awesome places. Spain, Portugal, Indonesia, Colombia, Ecuador, Chile, Argentina, Venezuela. And Ive been to Costa Rica sooo many times I considered it another home. Then theres all the traveling Ive done here in the states.
I really really would like to go Brasil, Australia, Japan, Fiji, and South Africa.
Those are eventually next. hopefully. fingers crossed.

Oh man Ok, Im rambling now. at least not incoherently.
Ugh why is there nothing to do? why is everyone sleeping!!!

hey marissa do you still check on me?

Who likes zombies?
I know i know! whenever i have nothing to say i revert back to talking about zombies. but no, i will not bore with my lectures about the difference between the blue-ish skin of japanese zombies vs the greengray of american zombies. nope! i will not go into detail about the connections between romeros dead series and politics. not tonight. instead, i will post this hilariously adorable and super neat picture.
(about zombies)




ugh!
0 comments

self deprecation [
March 14th, 20091:12pm
]
[ mood | groggy ]
[ music | clap your hands say yeah! ]

I had soooo much fun last night. At a cost though, the price I'm paying for by praising the porcelain gods all day. I can feel my heartbeat in my hears, pounding mercilessly. And my stomach feels like it was stabbed by rusty serrated butcher knife. I'm completely sadistic for having gotten that drunk last night. Anyway, this picture isn't from today, its and oldie, but heres what I look like puking.


sexy huh?


anyway, long story short I went to Waxy O'Conner's ( www.waxys.com ) last night with Tyler. 4 Irish car bombs later we were embraced in a brohah manner putting dollars in the the touchtunes jukebox. We very loudly belted out the lyrics to Kiss My Im Shitfaced by Dropkick Murphys. Fratboy types soon joined us until our nook of the pub was in drunken harmony. After the number, a few guys b-lined towards me to applaud me for knowing every word to the song....psshhh, i love that song! its my fave. I openly swear that if I wear a guy, I'd BE the guy in that song. Then they bought me drinks.
Anything from then till 4am was a blur of darts, more beer, and laughter. By 5am Tyler and I and 2 strange guys that joined us were finishing up our pancakes at ihop. Then we decided that the natural next step was to go to the beach to see the sunrise. It was nice.

Tyler got all pissy for a whole 3 minutes because of the boys that followed me around town last night. He said some nonsense about no girls and blah blah blah. I stopped him in his tracks to make a few points...
1) We were at Waxys, what do you expect? No decent girl goes there except for 2 reasons, either shes just as super chill & laid back as I am and enjoys a nice pint of Guinness on tap with that perfect little beige head (rare) OR shes there with her boyfriend, practically forced.
2) Most nights out with Tyler, I play wingman by making it clear Im not there with him (read; I act a wee bit butchy & distant). Which pulls in all the poon in the joint because of his sudden approachability while simultaneously make me unapproachable.
3) Shut the fuck up were going to Ireland tomorrow.

Plus, those guys were cute till they opened their mouths. barely.

Going back to point 3. Im super excited. This time tomorrow ill be on a plane.
My schedule goes as followed:
On American Airlines (eek i know) I leave Miami at 1:55pm and arrive in Boston at 5:05pm.
Then, I catch My Aer Lingus flight from Boston at 8:20pm and arrive in Shannon at 6:15am.
Ooh! and were in Business Full Fare. Why? Cause we're spoiled and didnt wanna be in general seating for such a long time. Which made our tickets extra pricey.

Im super super happy. My best friend Tyler is going. Thats all that counts to really right now, considering everyone else is coupled up except Garrett. (which is super weird)
We've got an awesome group going.
Lesley & David (they count as one bc they've been dating forever, Davids been my buddy so long, that lesley now is too)
Marissa & Alex (theyre a newer couple but im grouping them for the sake of my argument, both buddies of mine)
Peter & Jen? (I dont know Peter super well, hes a friend of Davids, I know his gf Jen? even less)
Then theres Garrett (my very recent ex, who i've made a pact with to have fun aka hes not allowed to try to win me over or bring up the past, which i know we'll do fine)
Then theres Tyler (that fucker, lol)
and there ME!!!! (im awesome)

We will be arriving in Shannon and making our way from countrysideish type places and eventually land in Dublin. MMMMMM!!!!!!



Check out the band im listening to right now, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah!
Theyre awesome.
3 comments

whos yo daddy [
March 13th, 20098:46pm
]
So I know I've totally been writing wayyy more in my pretentious and stylized blogger. Sell out i know. Sell out with my my friend Sell out with me oh yeah, the record compan.....
anyway. I like not editing myself here. I like forgetting everything ive ever learned in an english class. forgetting commas and indents. And definitely surrendering myself to run on sentences. I do hate reading older entries on here though. anything before 2008 makes me cringe. I mean, if you go back far enough you can read stuff from when i was still in high school and my boobies hadnt fully come in.
I totally steal old stuff from here and put in on blogger. there are some charms.
Everything in here truly is everything from rants to raves (see bottom of header) LOL
I cant bring myself to make it private though, cause then what would all my old flames have to make fun of me for?

anyway, why i came.

Just got back from the gym and the funniest thing happened. I got REALLY into my workout. I stayed on the treadmill the whole time. and just was running and running and running. and listening to my Armpit Hair Playlist. Yes, its called Armpit Hair cause its full of quasi-feminist songs by The Distillers, The Dresden Dolls, Cat Power, Alanis, Bikini Kill etc. And we all know those bitches dont shave their pits or vajayjays.
I mean look at the bush on Catpower...you know shes still hot.mmm and that dylan shirt.


anyway...so as im running this really buffed out meathead guy (also wearing ipod) starts running next to me, which goes completely unnoticed by me until he starts singing Ass Like That by Eminem. HA! so I look at him and he winks, then looks at my ass and sings "I aint never seen no ass like daaaat" Then looks back at me and smiles. REALLY
REALLY buddy. Does that method work for you?
It made me laugh hysterically. So then, because im so totally smooth and suave, I snorted, lost my step in the treadmill and faltered a teeny bit. Yup, thats me..Sexxaayyyy.


PS WHY THE HELL ARE ALL MY FRIENDS GETTING MARRIED/HAVING BABIES?!?!?!
1 comments

[
December 5th, 20087:23pm
]
I love Barsuk Bands. Aqueduct,Death Cab for Cutie,
Harvey Danger,The Long Winters,Mates of State,
Menomena,Travis Morrison,Nada Surf,Jim Noir,
Rilo Kiley,Smoosh,Starlight Mints,
Jesse Sykes & The Sweet Hereafter,They Might Be Giants,
John Vanderslice,Viva Voce,Rocky Votolato,
What Made Milwaukee Famous.
Ok so obviously i love indie but i also love ska, post hxc, funk, classic rock, jazz, emo, jam bands, punk, techno, swing and anything i can dance to.
I REALLY love Mofro, presidents of the USA, Slightly Stoopid, and Pepper.
Also, +44, 311, against me!, american hi fi, belle and sebastian, billy talent, blindside, bob marley, bob segar, brand new, bush, cake, catch 22, chiodos, copeland, dashboard confessionals, dave mathews, david gray, dropkick murpheys, elton john, eve 6, evergreen terrace, everlast, fall out boy, filter, finch, flogging molly, foo fighters, foxy shazam, from autumn to ashes, he is legend, head automatica, hellogoodbye, hollywood undead, horse the band, hot hot heat, incubus, kids like us, killswitch engage, lagwagon, lfo, long shot hero, louis xiv, maria mena, maroon 5, mars volta, mika, michael buble, millencolin, modest mouse, mustard plug, nightmare of you, nightwish, the number 12 looks like you, oasis, reel big fish, rem, rise against, saves the day, set your goals, shai hulud, something corporate, streetlight manifesto, sublime, sum 41, taking back sunday, the early november, the fall of troy, the red jumpsuit apparatus, the skatelites, train, we are the fury, wheatus...ummm i ALSO like jimmy eat world and weezer of course.

abigail grush, agnostic front, arms or orion, atreyu, audioslave, authorityzero, basho, blondie, cheap sex, coldplay, cooler kids, count the stars, dead kennedys, death by stereo, devotchkas, fastball, fountains of wayne, frank sinatra, further seems forever, gbh, get up kids, greenday, gutter mouth, , hawthorne heights, homegrown, hot water music, howie day, interpol, john mayer, lessthanjake, lit, lower class brats, midtown, misfits, morrisey, movies, music, nerd riot, nofx, offspring, oxymoron, phantom planet, radiohead, rancid, redhotchillipeppers, rib cage chaos, riddlin' kids, rolling stones, romance, rufio, sex pistols, sparta, subhumans, sugar ray, sunset valley, the ataris, the beatles, the beautiful mistake, the busy monster, the casualties, the doors, the ramones, the sounds, the starting line, the strokes, the unseen, the virus, the who,underoath, wakefield.

yep i like music.
0 comments

dont hate me blurty [
June 21st, 20082:17am
]
I've decided to move my blog somewhere else.
This journal will remain intact, and i will even update it every once in a while. Mostly with quips about whats going on in my life. "
however, i recently decided that i wanted to start writing more essay-thought style instead of silly little rants about what i did that day. and i wanted it to do it somewhere where i could really personalize it. Somewhere where posting pictures is a lot easier and posting videos is allowed.
Ive taken a few of my favorite entries from blurty and put them in my new blog.
please check it out!
Visit My New Blog!
i will never abandon my blurty, I've had it since 2003! thats five years! but i just feel the need to make my blog grow up, like i have.
0 comments

Grab the bottle, hunker down and pray for daylight! [
June 7th, 20083:10am
]
I am unbelievably smashed right now, but you wont be able to tell. Because im in a completely somber mood whilst having a drunken epiphany.

update:
- I "met" someone who is the supervisor for a body removal service (he drives around picking up dead bodies) Im enthralled.
- more very serious long conversation with Joe.
- lip piercing is pretty much completely healed.
- my moms birthday is on Sun. and I bought her an awesome and expensive knife set.
- I still haven't reformatted my comp, but its like...perfect all of a sudden. weird. I feel like im in war games.




someone told me that they think I like to see people struggle. allow me to explain.
I put people in 2 categories, people I care about and people I don't. and then there's my mom, which my love for is so blind I never want to see her struggle.
but yes, some people I do want to see struggle. and its the people I care about that I want to see struggle. not because im cruel, but because I care. Let me explain, I so desperately and strongly believe that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. and I like to surround myself with strong people. and I only surround myself with people I care about. So when I care about you, yes I want you to struggle, but even more than that, I want you to win. im cheering with my whole soul, my whole being for you. because I believe that if you don't have anything to struggle for, you are not fully living. When I care about you, I want to see you feel and have that overwhelming HAPPINESS that comes with succeeding over something you've been struggling with. so no, my situation or me thinking im better has nothing to do with it. its about my cynic live grit teeth perception of what fulfillment is. after all, the best revenge is success


Great philosopher Confucius says-
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without"
"have no friends not equal to yourself"
..agreed.


Of the many issues that I have identified in myself over the past 8 months (none of which are TOO major), there is really only one that I struggle with on a daily basis- and that is patience. I typically find myself wanting something so bad at any one point in time that I would do almost ANYTHING to have it when I want it, and usually on my terms- which is commonly not something that is attainable. I know that if I wait to have everything that I want on MY terms that I will wait forever, because most everybody has a different idea of what "terms" are, and this is a very individualistic idea that doesn't fluctuate based on my desire to have somebody understand exactly what it means to me. It would probably be ideal for everybody to have somebody that not only understands their own personal terms, but also adheres to them- however if we were all made in pairs then we wouldn't have to search our whole life to find that one person that makes us complete, and this can be fun at times.

Growing off of the patience seed is this scary idea of needing another person to make ourselves complete- one of many branches on the tree of self-discovery. Nobody wants to seem as if they are reliant upon another person for their own happiness, but I'd much rather come to terms with this than to live my whole life in denial of something because I am afraid to admit it. It's really hard for me to admit that I need another person to make my life complete, and it has really taken me a long time to discover that and come to terms with it. However, I am at the point where I am realizing that no matter how ferociously independent I want to be, I am really reliant upon a strong emotional connection with another person to feel as a whole. I may live many parts of my life as an entirely independent person, and in many ways have been taught that this is really the only way to live a life of real happiness- but have conversely found myself stuck between a rock of what is generally accepted as true happiness and the hard spot that is frowned upon as codependency. I routinely find myself jumping farther into the "hole" of emotional reliance upon somebody else than moving away from it towards the "lighter" side of what is thought of as being a happy life- and don't see this changing anytime soon. This must be one off the many awful side effects of ever once being in love with somebody, and this is one of the many that can also not be medicated to purity.

So where to now? Is there a logical tie between being impatient and co dependent? Intellectually I think not, however emotionally I know that if I was more patient I might not feel so strongly that I need somebody else in my life to make it complete. Why? Because if I was more patient I might first be able to take time with my own thoughts and perhaps not consider how the workings of others' minds fit into the growing script of my life. This could just be a purely emotional explanation for the way that I feel way deep down inside, and ergo might be a sick rationalization of a problem that I really don't want to deal with, as I tend to reach for the stars. OR, this could also be the best way of telling myself that it is okay to feel these adverse feelings of codependency, and somehow rationalizing those against the common thought that being dependent on anybody other than yourself (for anything) is a disease. Thankfully 'complete' does not mean functional, and no matter what I will continue to exist and live my life to the capital maximum. However, finding the place between being happily co dependent and fiercely independent with a splash of love on the side is the ultimate struggle here- and I hope to find myself not waiting for the same person many years down the line, but if I do that I am able to do it with patience- and consider that it might only happen if it is not on MY terms.

PHEW!!!! that felt good. anyway.

Listen To Mickey Avalon



all my friends and all my lovers are dead.

0 comments

continue to bite the bullet [
June 5th, 20082:22am
]
[ mood | sleepy ]
[ music | computer beeps, moans and groans ]

so ive been having major issues with my computer lately, and since im completely incompetent, I had to ask Christopher for help. grrr.Anyway, earlier today I was in the middle of writing this amazing epiphany blurty entry, when my laptop decided to just give out..KAPLOOT!
ugh... and I so wont be able to re-write all of what I wrote, nor can I spare the energy. Ergo, a simple update will have to be sufficient.
Ive been doing the ab lounge every day for the past couple of weeks, and its finally really starting to show. I love it. and ive been eating so healthy its starting the drive me crazy, I find myself fantasizing about food when I see tv commercials. lol

I don't want to get drunk, I mean really shit faced drunk for a long time. Losing control of myself just isn't fun like it used to be. And the following morning I have the taste of remorse on my tongue, and regret on my mind. Although, I so admit, I had fun at Feds after party...I cant help and feel kind of weird about the whole thing. First of, there were tons of people there (old high school ppl) that I hadn't seen in a long time, that I very much would prefer wouldn't see me in that state of drunkenness. Granted, all those people there (as cocky as it sounds) were people I didn't associate with back then, and slightly considered less than awesome. so it shouldn't really matter, but still...weird.
on the bright side. a couple of guys told me they had crushes on my back in high school...that was soooo cute and sweet and flattering.

oooh ooh... here's my new lip piercing... mmmm loves it!

Left side, Captive



anywho, so I went to Joe's today. It was lotsa fun. His mom is soo hilarious, and I really think she likes me, which is pretty awesome. I gotta admit we kinda ganged up on Joe a little bit. But he's a tough cookie, he took it with grace. So he and I had another on of those much needed but much dreaded conversations about "us" (or lack thereof) again. And cause god likes it with a cherry on top, it was outside in the fucking summer heat, as I donned a long sleeve black shirt.. mmm fabulous. who knows where that is going to lead.

so this super super adorable kid Danny, from Feds party, added me on myself. he's sooo adorable!! in that aww a little wet puppy kind of way. his profile says he's gay , which is funny cause we kissed that night, so I came to the conclusion that he was so drunk that I looked like a guy. LOL.

anyway... im in the process of backing up ALL my music and pictures and whatever else I need/want from my laptop cause Chris and I decided its just best to reformat it...EESHH!!!


xoxo
2 comments

bite down hard [
June 2nd, 20083:41am
]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | shai hulud ]

ugh ok im back. there was a little bit of dramz I had to deal with. ewwwyy poo
so here's the lame ass updates no one cares, but I fill in for the records.

My mom went outta the country for 2 weeks. The first week she was gone my cousin louis and his wife came to stay with me. it sucked. He treated me like I was 12 and 3rd degreed me if I took to long taking out the trash. it was the curfew type lifestyle I have never had to abide by.
The second week was a lot better. I threw a little get together at my house. Which sadly brought about dramz.
So, long story short, because I don't feel like going over the dreaded gory details. Cephs roommate Danny moved out so they found a new one, Ryan. Who came to the get together, we spent the whole night hanging out. fast forward 3 days, he goes into a psycho rampage, a complete fit of jealousy...as if I were his. anyway...we all the craziness so ceph doesn't want him to move in anymore. thank god. crazies.
umm.. Audra popped back in. Seemingly doing better, still a train wreck. Long story short...she's a walking embarrassment for me. after a week of what I thought was good fun. I found her secretly talking to Isaac, reconsidering escorting, secretly doing blow, lying to me, and talking shit about me. All which blew up in her face. and cherry on top, she fucked my friend and neighbor on the first night they met, I mean...I guess she wouldn't have it any other way. Need I add, they used no condom, so the next morning, a fun little trip to walgreens and minus 40 bucks in my pocket, she got the morning after pill.
That's it, its official. Im done. I cant deal anymore. and well...that's that.
the week went better after that. One night, ceph myself david rudy rudys gf and elly all went to fridays that was fun. ummm ooh off the hookah!

umm... ooh ohh! Joe...yeah get that..Joe Joe, old school Joe from way back when, and I got in contact. I ended up going to a show he was playing at Markham park. BTW...go check out his band SHAMELESS FATE on myspace. so he seems to be doing good. I caught up with a bunch of people I hadn't seen in a long time. Joe, Fed, and Matt. Some other people I recognized. After the show, Elly and I went to feds house for the after party. Umm.. it was fun. I drank, I talked, I danced. a bunch of people tried to make out with me. lol. ummm... I found our that some people had a thing for me in high school that I never knew about. it was really flattering. after that, elly and these two guys, john and frodo, and I, went to the beach.
I got pretty bored with those kids. so I called george. and he came with his friend elio. he all got down to our skivvies and swam in the ocean.
later I dropped off frodo and john. Elly and I went to Georges house, ummm that was pretty boring. we kinda just napped. and george showed me way too many pictures of a bunch of random people and crap..ummm yeah. All in all, george as a person is kind of disappointing...he's sooo boring.



ok anyway.... I was thinking today and well...a little more stuff ive learned about myself.

I was never inclined to dodge a bullet. I was always the first one to take it right between the eyes
I'm not afraid to grope dead things. Drifter at heart. Vehemently proud midwesterner. Part Nihilist. Part Sadist. Part Sonofabitch. Part Awesome. Smoker. Drinker. Offensive. Spite is a Powerful Thing.

chris if you read this...help me fix my computer. kthnx

0 comments

ive been soo neglecting my blurty! [
May 14th, 20088:09pm
]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | deep blue something ]

but its because ive been soo soo busy. too much stuff going on and i cant keep up.

i have family down from chicago.
im sunburnt.
been wasted away.

ill updated with juicy details later!!

0 comments

I'm an outlaw quick on the draw [
May 7th, 20083:04am
]
[ mood | jubilant ]
[ music | tv - family guy ]

ok sooo I know ive been slacking.
lotsa cool stuff has happened though!

ok..updates on the not so new.
My tattoo is healing and looks amazing. I love love love it. I will post a picture soon!
oh and all is well in the friendship world

ok.
I went to the RADIOHEAD!!! concert. yay yay yay!!! after the show we went to a cinco de mayo party at the yankee clipper...I got wasted. the usual, not too much to report there.
here's on of the pictures I took at the show (not gonna post them all)

yes that is thom yorke <3

and tonight I saw N.E.R.D, I have no pictures =(
but here's one where chad hugo looks so cute, as usual

anyway, the shows were both great. Radiohead has got to be one of THE best live shows ive ever seen, the stage presence, the energy, is unbelievable.

I bought a new entertainment center! its awesome.. and this is what is looks like, minus all the crap on it.
at first, it was on the wrong wall, and it looked horrible, and my mom cried. cause she's spanish and dramatic. but then we put it against the right wall, re-arranged the living room. it looks great. all my encyclopedias are strategically placed around it. its beautiful.

this is my mommy w/ her face all puffy from
being dramatic, and then happy again



ok this next picture is insanely weird/creepy.
its proof that guys are crazy. its "naples" chris' arm. a guy that I barely dated for a short stint. so what's weird about that you ask? well that heart in a box tattoo was a doodle that I would always draw everywhere way back then. not only is it MY doodle, it also my exes "NY" chris tattoo (nearly same place too), in dedication to ME. which isn't weird cause we dated for years and are each others first loves and it was a "gift" and whatnot. So now there are two chris' walking around with my doodle. one, clearly weird and meaningless, and the other, one of the most amazing things/most meaningful things to me. weird huh?


on a final note...here's two recent super adorable super cute pictures of my baby Atticus <3



I love being

and
0 comments

oh, and baby, [
May 3rd, 20082:41am
]
I can make or break you.





xoxo
0 comments

you thought that id be weak without you... [
May 3rd, 20082:25am
]
[ mood | mellow ]
[ music | britney spears ]

baby, what dontcha know?...what doesn't kill me makes me stronger...allows me to kill you.

I am done with finals, which is a physical landmark for me because it means that I am also slightly over halfway done with college. This makes me wonder a lot about memory, where time goes, and where I really want to be. All I know for sure is that I am about to go on a journey for a few months or so and I am looking forward to letting go of everything that I previously starved for. I won?t know anybody, any place, or have any set plans. I won?t be moving at 10000mph, and my best friend will be myself. My flame has started to fizzle out over the last few months, and the fire needs a bit of oxygen to build it back up- which is why I can't wait for the next few months to breathe life into me. It sounds deep, and really it is just a move- but the product of the physical move and the emotional alone/growth time will be something awesome, I am sure.

but, on the slightly debbie downer side... today (i hope) i taught someone that people dont always change.
my feeling is that it is entirely wrong to go into any situation with the hopes of changing somebody to make yourself happy. although it is important to look out for ourselves and our feelings, nobody else is going to change- especially if the only focus that you have is changing them. perhaps if the focus is instead changing together (perhaps towards a common vision of being happy), the solution and goal are both more feasible- only time can really tell. These things all sound ideal, I know, but are not necessarily far fetched. I have a gut instinct about these things, and have to do what makes the most of the short time I have to do it.


so my momma dukes and i are totally ok... we havent fought in a long long long ass time...so this was weird. but basically the argument was about my schooling. all rubbish. oh and the hole in the door is undetectable. my mom never even notices... im a good handy (wo)man.

I got a brand spanking new tattoo.. its on my lower lower lower back/upper ass, all the way to the left side
its an anchor with the words "a mari usque ad mare" which means "from sea to sea". it comes from the Latin phrase "Et dominabitur a mari usque ad mare, et a flumine usque ad terminos terrae" which means "He shall have dominion also from sea to sea, and from the river unto the ends of the earth"

i got the idea from two places. the family crest my grandfather from Spain sent me has an anchor with to torches and whatnot...and the banner motto of the coat of arms says "a mari usque ad mare"
and an anchor is also the Delta Gamma symbol.

anyway...heres a pic...it sucks cause its a little blurry, and also only a couple hours after i got the tattoo and took the bandage off so its still swollen and greasy-ish from the ink fixx ointment. and it looks dull cause my camera is shit, even though its bright black. ill post a better picture later on.



i love love love it. it felt sooo fucking good. mmm =)


anywho...so i got back in touch with an old buddy of mine..Scott. that was pretty cool. We had a long ass rather intersting conversation.
tonight i went to Robyns house, watched Cry Baby. noahs co worker and his g/f came over, so did amy and aaron. We all ate pizza and wings, beer and bouron with coke. all in all...a good night.

heres some pictures... some relevent, others random...enjoy

Noah, Robyn and baby Katie

Monica and I (wasted face)

Big cheesin' xmas in NYC

Lana, Tori and I getting our drinks on (i look currazzyy)
0 comments

a mari usque ad mare [
May 1st, 200812:25am
]
im getting a tattoo tomorrow!!!
yay ay ay

anyway...im out nigga!!!
0 comments

knee deep in plaster, paint and duct tape [
April 29th, 20086:37pm
]
[ mood | aggravated ]
[ music | as i lay dying ]

So this has just been a shitty week.
Last night i got into a huge argument with my mom. ugh sooo shitty.
anyway so this morning when i woke up i needed to get into a room my mom had locked the door. long story short it super pissed me off so i punched the door really heard making a big hole. I really didn't mean to make a hole. and i didn't know the door was hollow. so i had to go take my final. then go to home depot...i spent like $70 on shit like grid tape, duct tape, spackle shit, the spatula thingy and white paint. i fixed the hole... it actually looks really really good. but you can totally tell i just painted the door. so i know my mom is gonna figure it out, and get pissed. but on the plus side i fixed it really well everything so she cant get that mad.
anyway...so im covered in plaster and paint. i dont even know how. but im pathetically covered in it all.
i have all the doors and windows open so the paint smell wont be that bad, and i fabreezed everything. it actually doesn't smell that strong at all. my mom hasnt gotten home. im really lacking the energy to fight about this so im just locking my self in. i cleaned everything up, so theres no evidence of anything. now i just gotta take a shower to take off all the paint.

im exhausted....update more later.

='(

0 comments

real quick [
April 27th, 200811:08pm
]
[ mood | weird ]
[ music | john mayer ]

ive been really busy, this will be quick...but ill give in full later.


so no more class. kinda sucks actually, gave me something to do during the daytime. valerie and matt from my math class are so awesome to hang out with, and george and i's syg class was awesome, so was hanging out with him.

i totally did something i should really regret and technically i do, but i kinda dont. not only did i do it, but lots and lots of it. and i think i did it cause of who i was with, i was with someone that NO one else in my life knows, or has even heard of. anyway... we moved mountains. if you dont get that, then you shouldn't know.

i went out to a bar with my neighbor john, his weird friend jarred and my friend elly. phew.... weird. and i kissed sid. omg omg omg.... so bad. im not getting that drunk in a while.

well im out, details later, cross my heart

3 comments

finals finally finished!!! [
April 25th, 20084:42pm
]
I am sooo happy, sun is shining, birds are chirping...

school's out for

...

cant wait to find some summer love <3



sunny days & party nights
hot guys, water fights
beachy hair, tanned skin
schools out summers in!
0 comments

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]