question your existence's Blurty

beginnings or endings
whichever.... well....this would be my first journal entry.....why in the hell do i have a journal you ask? um....everyone else is doing it? ha....no. I just think it will be cool to come back in a year and reiterate how stupid i really am;) anyway... today i woke up late (11:30) and went grocery shopping with my mother. You see, because i am now a poor struggling college student, i must have food at home to prevent my cravings from getting the best of me. When i got home i received a letter from Katie, who is a girl that I am very interested in. She is different. After reading the letter, i was naturally in a better mood, so i decided to do the next best thing...sleep:) After I woke up I ate some chili and various other groceries that we gathered today. I am contemplating working out tomorrow because I am tired of doing it all week. I have what most people call a "severly altered" complex of myself. I am not overweight, but i like to be in shape... so i work out. Enough about physical..um..ness... My true concern at this point is college. I applied to Flagler today. I should get in, but i don't know if i will get the psychology major due to lack of prerequisites (yes, i didn't know that this is what i would want to do until recently) As for WHY i chose psychology...I know that when i wake up every morning, i will not want to kill myself because i have a monontanous job that depresses me and makes me feel like a machine could be doing my job. I also applied to UF, which is a HUGE school. Not really my enviornment though. The people at Flagler are nice, but i am afraid I won't be able to hang out with them because i need to concentrate on school above all else. I have a problem with getting really tied up emotionally with people, but I am learning that it isn't what i need. Although Katie is nothing but wonderful, we are too far away from each other to do anything about it. We are both out of several years of relationships and have barely had any time to ourselves. As much as I care about her and want to see her every day, I know it is what we need. Oh yeah, did i mention that life is a depressing heap of shit? ha!! hahahah!!! Lets see how i am feeling....i am pretty lonely. I miss the talks my sis and i used to have. I feel as if she thinks we are growing apart. She is at the ringling school of art in Sarasota Florida and i don't see her that often. She just left home to go back. I already miss her. I feel like we can relate in a way that no one else can. I truly enjoy the time we spend together. MORE STRESS....MONEY!!! ARGGGHH!!! I am pretty broke and waiting for my paycheck next friday, then i will have enough to pay off my credit card bill. I want more so i can go to St. Augustine to see katie....sigh... I don't like this one bit. I am stuck at okaloosa walton community college where i am surrounded by people i sadly don't even want to get to know. I want to finish my AA degree so i can begin learning the stuff i will need in my future occupation, not at freaking Movie Gallery or the beach. I really like the area i live in, but i just need to get away for a while. Because i have no money, i need to get a really good job over the summer and save so that i can concentrate on school when i get there.

more to come, probably stresses involving taking two math classes at one time and struggles with my emotions, career, and monetary standing.....the joy of life

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