Blurty for Melissa.

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Saturday, November 1st, 2003

Subject:when one door closes, another door opens.
Time:4:45 pm.
((theres gotta be more to life then chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me))

it seems lately a lot of things have been ending for me. so, i'm either about to die or it means something. like i should start a bunch of new things.

today ended my xc season and bethpage runs. that was this weeks endings.

well as something ends ill keep on beginning other things. so i don't have to dwell on the downs.

this journal is now being left behind.

i end the journal.

im beginning the party life, if everything is ending senior year, ill just enjoy what i've still got. my friends, and the weekends. : )

TONIGHT WILL BE AWESOMEEE!!!

goodbye to everyone on this journal, if u wish to follow, you know the new username... : )

piece.
while 2 are quietly losing control* and the coastline is quiet. . .

Tuesday, October 28th, 2003

Subject:i'll still use this i think...
Time:5:53 pm.
another blurty was made. you can add me if you want to. if not, it's ok i guess.

--> pedxing <--

see you there, if not, goodbye.
and the coastline is quiet. . .

Sunday, October 26th, 2003

Subject:and u know i cant do it for long...
Time:7:24 pm.
im tired of being tough.
and the coastline is quiet. . .

Friday, October 24th, 2003

Subject:it hurts a whole lot....but its missed when its gone....you can forget.
Time:10:11 pm.
sooooo last entry. i decided. : D ill make it good. or try. today was superexcellent.

i was actually awake this morning it was great. the potatoes in chefs were so gross. i love leaving class with kmotschhhh. parenting is amazing cause people think they're ghetto. i say like one thing each day and everyone loves it hahahaha. that english movie makes me sick haha but at the same time i kinda like it...a movie's a movie. spanish was awesome casue she let me leave. lunch was awesome casue i went exploring and yeah. gov't was great cuase we didnt do antyhigna dn i was complimented like no other. math is just silly hahaha and ive stayed awake all week thanks to everyone who sits around me...gotta love that class. no 9th rocks, esp. today. everyone should cut and come out : ) track pictures were actually fun haha probably cause im a senior. running was easy. dinner was hilarious i loved it. afterwards was better haha and now everyone is scared of me and nat. im glad we picked up al haha funnest car ride ever. home and talking to many people..its been awhile. conferences tomorrow,the excitement. joy.

i've found out, shot is a big deal until u start driving.

nat you have competition:

AnotheRoundMusic: shotgun for when we go find it

i invited him...haha

and for now, adios blurty people... : ) i'll be back eventually.
while 1 are quietly losing control* and the coastline is quiet. . .

Wednesday, October 22nd, 2003

Subject:well then...
Time:2:10 pm.
i'm making a new journal thing if i wanna write cause i dont think i should use this as much really...i think itd be better that way.
and the coastline is quiet. . .

Monday, October 20th, 2003

Subject:well i wanted to break 21:15.
Time:10:39 pm.
i ran 20:23

: D

im super happy aaand we won aaaand we're undefeated.

this is my bragging.
while 3 are quietly losing control* and the coastline is quiet. . .

Sunday, October 19th, 2003

Subject:nothing about nah saw co jiz meet..it sucked.
Time:11:26 am.
Mood: busy.
i had a lot of dreams last night, does that mean that i slept really well?

one i remembered- (i wrote some on my hand)

- i was driving alone and i was going really really fast like weaving through traffic it looked something like hempstead turnpike..and then i realized i was going fast and there was a cop behind me but he just kept driving behind me, so i kept driving...then when i hit the gas, it like stayed down and was stuck so i had to like pick it up with my hands...(what they tell you NOT to do with the brake in def. driving) and then after i did that i pulled into a State Farm Insurance parking lot and brought the car there cause the cop had turned his lights on, somehow i got the car into this rooma nd i had to talk to this chinese lady and call my dad and there was like searches for my car..ahh it was horrible.

there was more but i forget..haha that sucks.

yeahh so i just got back fromr unning the rain..wonderful..lots of stuff to do...gunna be a stinky day..dont even have the car...yeahhhh.
and the coastline is quiet. . .

Saturday, October 18th, 2003

Subject:not so tired.
Time:9:48 am.
meet at either 2:58 or 3:25...

i wanna break 21:15.
while 2 are quietly losing control* and the coastline is quiet. . .

Wednesday, October 15th, 2003

Subject:not worth reading if you have things to do.
Time:6:51 pm.
Mood: bored.
Music:brandnew.
boooooooored. yeah. should be at the float meeting now but im too lazy.

we took our senior courtyard picture today...our grade is pretty immature considering half of them had to be told to 'put their fingers down'. oh man. i also saw at least 2 people i had no idea were in our grade, weird.

class bests went up and didnt bother me cause its not a big deal but after people started talking about it it got pretty annoying and bothered me for a second, then i realized how stupid it is to let class bests bother you. wow..wantagh and its own drama.

i got my senior picture sint he mail...i hate big pictures of JUST ME...but i have stupid wallet ones i guess...im supposed to give them out? ..haha riiiight.

homecoming is supposed to be a super cool very fun event, im really glad i cant go hahaha.

so i suppose this senior year bit is supposed to be exciting. i also think its really dumb how everyone tries to be friends this year.

one girl who will remain nameless tries to talkt o me almost everyday now, she called me a snot in middle school. we used to be best friends in elementary school. i dislike her. and her fly was open today and i dint tell her. then she came back into classa nd said 'someone just told me my fly was open! it was like that all day..!" and i laughed. it was splendid.

as for people they're just annoying in our school, well most of them butttttt 12th grade work is super easy and im loving it. as soon as newsday (my last ever) is done next week, ill be a happy camper for a while.

: D long stupid pointless boring entry. yeahhhhhhhh

of to watch the yankees then get nat.
while 4 are quietly losing control* and the coastline is quiet. . .

Monday, October 13th, 2003

Subject:What's The Big Deal?
Time:10:37 pm.
Everyone else is doing it. But that's not the reason you're so eager to try it for yourself. Is it overrated? Only one way to find out...

The day has finally come. You wake up that morning aware of what you're going to do that day. Excited about what you're going to do that day. After breakfast and a shower, you're finally ready. It's time. You step outside and walk towards what every kid in your grade wants, or already has. You take a deep breathe and realize you're wasting time, get the suspense over with!

In a few seconds you realized what you've just done. Sure you've rushed the start but now you're ready to enjoy it. The nervous butterfly feeling has vanished and you no longer feel like you're being watched. You've become independent, you're on you're own. Push down the button, let the glass go down, turn up the dial and let your ears enjoy, glance to your right and realize that you're alone. It's only you and you're alone .

You're driving by yourself for the very first time.




***escapades worthy or not?....***
while 4 are quietly losing control* and the coastline is quiet. . .

Subject:how could i forget.
Time:1:40 pm.
i drove on the SOB today, first time ever, first time with no parents. : D
and the coastline is quiet. . .

Subject:die young and save yourself.
Time:1:29 pm.
went running with cait at bethpage today.

i'm actually running on weekends. it better pay off.

i wanna be county champs my senior year. i miss it.

why is our team falling apart??
and the coastline is quiet. . .

Sunday, October 12th, 2003

Time:6:42 pm.
my mother made me a skirt.
while 4 are quietly losing control* and the coastline is quiet. . .

Subject:we always have the stars to wish upon from where i'm at, and where you are. .
Time:10:14 am.
Mood: bored.
Music:goodnight starlight.
so it's the middle of the 3 day weekend. i didnt have to run yesterday at the meet! i didn't have to march at the game! No more SAT's! i went to the movies with Mike to see "the best movie ever" (kill bill). A little gruesome for my liking but it was very good i'll give you that. Today i think im hanging out wtih ksmotschhhh...(you're not awake yet, im waiting for you..haha) and then later i think everyone's going to the haunted house stuff...yeahh..a little scared but yeah what else is new. Tomorrow running with the girls and i don't know...NO MATH HOMEWORK im excited. But i dont ever do it so...yeah this way she can't collect it.

Must play spider solitaire.
while 2 are quietly losing control* and the coastline is quiet. . .

Wednesday, October 8th, 2003

Time:9:30 pm.
They hung her from the bridge on monday, the gathering turned to a mob out on the lawn, they dropped her body in the river, and school and work returned to normal before long.
while 3 are quietly losing control* and the coastline is quiet. . .

Tuesday, October 7th, 2003

Subject:i'm putting myself up for adoption....someone take me, i'm free.
Time:5:42 pm.
Mood: cold.
i had to sit oustide my house with my doggy for a half hour. i brushed him and pet him for 30 minutes. and i got cold. and i got hungry. my sister said she would be home to pick me up if i needed her to, she was getting all pissy about having to pick me up, so i was nice enough to find a ride home. but she ended up leaving the house at 330 anyways to go wtih my mom to watch my brother run. i'm glad she was home like she said, thank god i didnt call. grrrrrrrr my family. get me out.
while 2 are quietly losing control* and the coastline is quiet. . .

Monday, October 6th, 2003

Subject:i always screw up everything...i guess its true, u cant have ur cake and eat it too. i want it all.
Time:5:30 pm.
Mood: lonely.
Music:sunday drive.
And we wait above a road.
We're turning to go home.
And the silence from the side of the car,
Tells me everything and how we are.
Cause there's no more trying to make this so right.
Theres no more trying tonight.

And you know it's not so easy when you're all alone,
And I wonder if, I'm alone in your head.

I know something is wrong,
I just don't know what to do.
You say it's only me, and, that I'm so perfect for you.
I don't want to try no more,
I don't want to make this right.
I just want you to be true to me one time.

And you know it's not so easy when you're all alone,
And I wonder if I'm alone in your head.

Twelve days gone by, since I have saw you last,
I'll give this one more try,
I'll give it all my best, and, I'll ask
What could you be doing that is so much fun?
Without me by your side,
Without me by your side.
And, I will take a step back, and, I'll let you ahead,
And, I will take a step away, and, see if you come back,
Because there's no more trying to make this so right,
Theres no more trying,
Theres no more trying tonight.

We will never be the same.


and if you read this, you saisd if i wanted to end the unfreindship feel free, well if at any point youd like to say something, feel free. i realize that no matter who i'm with im going to get jealous. and i want to be with you and have everything back to amazing. i need to see you i need you to hug me i need to be with you. and i want to talk to you but i realize i cant talk to you if we're just friends. knowing i had more just hurts. and im sorry for doing this, i know it affects you. but i dont know what else to do. i'm sorry.
while 2 are quietly losing control* and the coastline is quiet. . .

Subject:it's sad, but its true. last goodbye...it was 4:38am....wow.
Time:10:31 am.
Music:brandnew.
on 3 hours of sleep, i remember this feeling.

it wasnt fair to me to keep in my feelings, and it wasnt fair to you, for me to tell you how i felt cause i brought you down with me. it just wont work. and it's probably my fault, but i can't feel that way anymore. i'll never forget a lot of things, and i'm gunna miss a lot, but that crazy jealousy feeling won't be missed at all. but you'll be fine without me, you were the those 2 days we hardly spoke. so this is it. i still love you, but it's over. goodbye.
while 2 are quietly losing control* and the coastline is quiet. . .

Sunday, October 5th, 2003

Subject:for a second i wish the tide would swallow every inch of this city. . .
Time:9:37 pm.
Mood: tired.
Music:story of the year.
i felt like an idiot just sitting around...making excuses not to run out to 'get a picture frame' with my sister, for fear you might come back.

all that time you got all, you dont' call me and don't talk to me. lemme hit ya with thisssssssssss.

'while you were out'

-i stayed online for longer than usual, mostly with an away up cause i didnt wnat to talk to anyone, i was just waiting for you to come back.
-if i had to go do something or i ran out for a little, id put up the away then run back before i went to do whatever it was to make sure i didnt just miss you
-as soon as id get home the first thing id do is come back to see...0 messages from you
-i'd go to sleep and sometimes not say goodnight either because i was upset at myself for waiting for you and figured you might not notice if i didnt say it, then i realized i was being dumb and you would notice.
- i'd try to get you back and one time i left you only 2 messages, you noticed and said something, i only did it bcasue i was no longer going to talk to your away message.
- sometimes i didnt say goodnight cause i was hoping you'd call and say it, casue i missed hearing it.

those whole 2 or 3 days i didnt know you wouldnt be coming home until 2 the next morning. i started to give up yesterday and figured if you wanted to talk to me you could call or you could come online. and honestly, i cant give up cause i can't help it, but now that i told myself i wouldnt wait online for more than usualy just to see if you came back, you've been home and not out forever.

what's a girl to do?

it drove me crazy, even though i described it you still wont know how much i waited. waking up in the middle of the night to make sure i dindt miss your call...oh man.

just to let you know now, i wont be staying around for the yellow paper to come off by your screenname, i've gotten sleep deprived and time deprived of it. but i just wanted you to know how much time i took out to try and talk to you.

i just realized it sounds like i could be upset about it, but im not, i'm glad it happened cause i learned from it, i just wantedt o elaborate on it. so don't be upset with me, just know that while you were out, you were on my mind constantly and it hurt when you werent there to talk to for so long. don't take it the wrong way, im over that, im just saying becuase its on my mind since i told you about it before.

i guess now i know hwat its liket o be waiting...huh....i'd like to say we're even.
while 1 are quietly losing control* and the coastline is quiet. . .

Subject:nothing is fair and nobody cares. . .
Time:5:12 pm.
i need a hug.
while 4 are quietly losing control* and the coastline is quiet. . .

Blurty for Melissa.

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