hairdye induced machinations ... (24 Apr 2003|04:15am)
mood ... empty
I'm not sure what's wrong with me these days. Maybe I'm physically unable of being happy... maybe I'm pyschologically incapable. Maybe maybe maybe... I hate that word as I hate what if... that little bastard imp. If I ever catch him I will suspend him over a fire on a stick until he is crispy. Grr. I'm sure that made no sense what so ever to anyone who hasn't seen my poems about the little imp named what-if. I just want out of this funk. I felt so utterly awful and stressed that I asked mom for something to make it better... and now I feel empty... empty and hollow. It's as if every moment is a continual battle between hope and sorrow, and will continue to be until one of them wins. Right now I feel terribly as if sorrow is winning, as if the hopes I have had are fading away slowly but surely, like whisps in sunlight ... evaporating before my dry eyes and empty heart. Time to go wash the dye off... I hope I don't hate it.