Emmy's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]

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[13 Dec 2004|05:31pm]
You scored as Emotional Wreck. Your music tastes lie along the eccentric and bleeding a la Bright Eyes. In fact, many of your favorite bands have nonsensical names that seem to be more of a sentence then a title. What they play doesn’t have to be on a good recording or even played well as long as the singer sounds like he just had his armed gnawed off by his own dog. You don’t necessarily like this music because it’s cool to be sad, but please. Snap out of it.

Your Music Taste (Or Lack Thereof)
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[23 Jun 2004|02:18am]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | Bright Eyes. ]

I never update any of my journals. I have four. I never update them. I feel horrible about it too. I mean, what if there is someone out there who reads these? I mean, if I never update, I'll lose them as a reader, and it'll be sad. So I need to update this just for them. Even if nothing interesting happens in my life, I should update this. It's all for that sad little kid, with no joys in his life, who boredly goes to the computer, looking for some type of entertainment. Something to get him through his drab days. And this shall be it. I will update as much as possible now. Just for the one kid.

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I love him. [20 Jun 2004|04:48pm]
[ mood | loved ]

Last night, Ryan was like "Have you ever heard the Jimmy Eat World album Clarity?" and I said "Yeah, I love that album." and we started talking about it, and I just remembered all these old feelings, oddly enough about Ryan, that I have connected with that album, and the nostalgia almost made me cry. My eyes were getting all watery, and I told Ryan and he said "Don't cry. You can only cry, if I'm there to hold you and kiss you forehead, and tell you everything will be alright."

I love him. He makes me happy.

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That's right people, I'm a veggie! [10 Jun 2004|01:24am]
[ mood | accomplished ]
[ music | Cursive ]

And proud too!


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I'm so cool. =P [09 Jun 2004|01:16pm]
[ mood | satisfied ]
[ music | None, but I hear Michelle's and it reminds me of Sparta. ]

My real name means:

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

My stlpunk name means:

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com
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I love Ryan [07 Jun 2004|03:11pm]
[ mood | pessimistic ]
[ music | Cursive ]

I do. With all my heart. He is the greatest. I love him. I love him. I love him. I think he is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. He's so sweet, and so caring. And amazingly, he isn't selfish! Everybody else in this fucked up world is so freaking selfish it amazes me. But Ryan isn't selfish. I mean, he actually cares about other people, and it amazes me. Ryan is amazing. I am incredibility lucky to be with him. I love him so much.

And as much as I love him, I did something so fucking stupid today. I got all these girls to lick my tongue today. Yep. And now I think Ryan might be a little mad at me. I know I really fucked up, and I'm really sorry. I don't know why I do stupid shit like that all the time. Now I'm really afraid I'm gonna lose him. I feel like a dumbass, and a slut. I'm really really sorry. I don't know why I'm so stupid. I hope he forgives me.

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Why didn't he just never come back? [01 Jun 2004|08:56pm]
[ mood | angry ]

Ok, so my dad left on Wednesday, and didn't come home until the next Monday. He didn't tell anybody where he was going, and didn't even leave a number for us to contact him at. He didn't take a cell phone. When he got home, he ate dinner and went to slept. He a motherfucking asshole, and I wish he'd just leave and never come back. Life was and always has been easier and better without him.

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Whoa..... [28 May 2004|09:32pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]
[ music | None, but I do have Bright Eyes stuck in my head. ]

I'm at Jordan's house, and Ryan is talking to him on the phone now, like right now, as we speak....well as I type. Craziness. I don't know. I'm very so tired right now. Tonight is gonna be cool because I get to spend the night at Ryan's house! Yay! lol

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I'm tired, but hyper. And its raining. [25 May 2004|01:43pm]
[ mood | hyper ]
[ music | Ben Kweller - Wasted and Ready ]

Man, last night was creepy. It stormed, or something I guess, and our lights went out. Well, I had gone to bed before all this happened, so I didn't know. Anyway, so in the middle of the night, I woke up, and had to use the bathroom really badly. I was in my grandmas room, so I went to turn the tv on, but it wouldn't come on. Now the tv usually breaks so it doesn't come on, so I just thought it was doing that again. I sat up, and was going to turn my light on, but I saw that my grandma's alarm clock wasn't lit up. It was so freaking dark in there. It was creepy. I was scared =(. Anyway, so I wandered around in the dark for a bit. I finally got to the bathroom, but it was creepy. It was even more creepy went the lights came back on because they made this eerie noise.

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Ok, here's my Lexi story [21 May 2004|01:50pm]
[ mood | awake ]
[ music | The Cure - Friday, I'm in love ]

Lately, Lexi has been ditching my friends and I for boys. She ditched us for Ed, and then James, and it hurts. I don't ditch her for boys. None of us do. And then when she comes back, she mean. Really really mean. And then she blames us! Grr.

I really suck at typing this story out right now, because I'm not really in the right frame of mind. I mean, I'm not really upset with Lexi right now, so its slightly hard to say that I'm not happy with her. I don't know. But I said I would post the story later in one of my past post, and this time I kept my promise. So there.

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Grrr.... [19 May 2004|10:49pm]
[ mood | morose ]
[ music | ATHF is on ]

If there is one insult I cannot stand, it is being called a whore. I am not a fucking whore. To all those bastards that think I am, where do you get this from? I am called a whore almost on a daily basis. It makes no sense. I have banged 6 guys in my life. I've had relationships with all of them. Right now, I'm sXe and so is my boyfriend, and he doesn't believe in sex before marrige, so I won't be having sex for a while, and I'm ok with that. I love him with all my heart, so I don't mind. I don't understand why everyone thinks I'm a whore. It's really upsetting. Today, Ryan told me that Ryan Andrews was talking to an ex-friend of mine(Allysa) and said some about me and Ryan going out. When he said that Allysa flipped out. Then she called my Ryan, and bitched at him. I'm not really upset that she was bitching about me behind my back, I'm just upset that she 1. Bitched at him for going out with me, its his choice not hers, and 2. That she called me a whore. I'm not a fucking whore, and Ryan can go out with who ever he wants.

*sigh* Why are all of Ryan's friend bitching at him for going out with me. You'd think most people would support me and him going out, but no one does. I make him happy, and he makes me happy. Why does no one support that? All his friends are bitching at him for going out with me. It hurts, you know? It hurts a lot. I love him with all my heart, but nobody supports that. I'm really afraid of losing him. Now, I'm all unsure about me and him. I don't want him to lose friends over me. Its not fair. I shouldn't put him through this.

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I'm sad. [18 May 2004|01:32pm]
[ mood | thirsty ]
[ music | Bright Eyes ]

I haven't updated this in a long time. That makes me sad. So heres an update:

I am now currently going out with Ryan. Friday was our one week aniversery.

Lexi has broken my heart. She's been tramping, around and yet, I the tramp of the group. Whatever. I'll get more into detail about it later. Right now I only have 30 mins to update.

I didn't bang Ryan on Friday like everyone thought I would.

Umm....I'm having an amazing time with Ryan. I really love him. He's so great.

In geometry today, we decide that I'm applecore. Oh yeah! aXc!! Applecore for life!

On Saturday, I bought a Bright Eyes cd, and I'm in love.

I also got a pretty pretty dress, a pair of pants, which I happen to be wearing right now, and new shoes.

My new shoes were desprately needed.

This Saturday, Amie is having a birthday party. I'm unsure if I will go because Lexi has invited Greg.

Friday, I want to go over to Ryan's house, so I can meet some of his friends, like Jordan, and Bryant.

Go here -----> http://stlpunk.com/u_profile.asp?userID=35564 I update that almost everyday.

Ryan is amazing, and he is trying to get this hardcore band started. He is a great guitar player, and an amazing song writer. It should be good. When he gets all that together, we're all going to Memphis. It's going to be fun.

This class is going by really s...l......o.....w....l.....y. I thought I wouldn't have enough time to tell of Lexi breaking my heart, but I think I might. No. I only have 15 mins left, and that's no good. I'll start ranting and won't be able to stop. Maybe when I get home I will.

When I started typing this out, I was listening to Bright Eyes, now I'm listening to Atreyu, and now I'm listening to The Cure. Man, The Cure rock. As does the afore mentioned bands.

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Woo! Hoo! [07 May 2004|01:48pm]
[ mood | excited ]
[ music | Thursday ]

Ryan wants me to go to Memphis with him! Its so exciting! I don't have a lot of time to type, but I promise you, I'll update this later.

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I love Lexi [22 Apr 2004|10:17pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | Some nice little music from a comercial. ]

Today, she told me this :

"Hit "Ctrl-Alt-Del" to the "Steven" file. (yes, i'm a nerd.)"

lol. I love her. :D

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My heart is racing, my breathing fast. A million thoughts are racing through my head. [22 Apr 2004|07:01pm]
[ mood | numb ]
[ music | Still Thursday ]

I am freaking out so bad right now. I have a million questions on my mind. None of which can be asked. I'm so scared. Steven just got online. Me and him were talking, not saying much, but then he said he had to go, but he'd be right back...in "20". What does he mean "20"? 20 mintues? 20 seconds? Oh god, what? I'm so scared. Where did he go? I really need to talk to him. *sigh*

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My life is a parody [22 Apr 2004|04:39pm]
[ mood | chipper ]
[ music | Guess..... ]

I'm just trying to figure out my new signature.

A silent dance that we did into this hospital bed
ear voices from another room
It happens all the time"
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*sigh* [21 Apr 2004|09:53pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]
[ music | Still Thursday ]

Catherine Lon: did the cat kill the bird?
flawed_rainbow: Yes
Catherine Lon: I think it did... because the bird was too trusting and got too close to the cat
flawed_rainbow: I think thats probably it
Catherine Lon: yup...
flawed_rainbow: >_< Its no good. The bird is always to damn trusting. Sometimes she doesn't know why.
flawed_rainbow: She's been hurt to many times before, but she always thinks that this time it'll be different, and it never is for her.
Catherine Lon: and then one day her luck runs out and she gets herself killed...
Catherine Lon: the bird needs to stop trying to play with the cats and find herself another bird
flawed_rainbow: Every day she gets herself killed, she just hides it well.
flawed_rainbow: But the bird wants risks, and all the other birds are to plain.
Catherine Lon: no... there are some very nice birds out there
Catherine Lon: that still invovle risk
flawed_rainbow: None that she knows.
Catherine Lon: like...hawks...yes
flawed_rainbow: None of the birds that take risks wants a bird like her.
Catherine Lon: oh sure they do... their just migrated to the east right now... and shes in the north... their bound to meet up eventually
flawed_rainbow: Eventually isn't soon enough.

Only my friends and I can take some random story, that truely had notthing to do with my relationships, and turn it around it actually mean so much more.

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Cross out the eyes blur all the lines [21 Apr 2004|09:34pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]
[ music | Thursday - Cross out the eyes ]

Thursday rocks. I love them.

Today, my mother and I were sitting in the living room, just casually talking, when all of the sudden my little brother, Max, started walking towards the room. "Its a bird," he said. "It's a dead bird." When he got in the room, he was holding in his right hand, a bird, and well it was dead. Immediately, I told him to drop it, to throw it away. "I'm getting really mad! You guys are making me mad!" he said. He dropped the bird, and walked off upset.

So there lay this dead bird, in the middle of my living room floor. It was a sad sight. Seeing as the bird was not yet stiff, I knew that it had only lived just seconds before. I don't know if its death was symbolic. Was someone trying to tell me that all things that have ended, best left that way?

Our relationship isn't a game of cat and mouse. Its a game of cat and bird. Which one am I? Am I the cat? Or am I weak, like the bird? Which one am I?

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I got a virus!!! [21 Apr 2004|06:10pm]
[ mood | apathetic ]
[ music | Ben Kweller - Sha Sha ]

Its the Trojan virus. It's some big virus. :( I wish Greg's girlfriend would stop sending that shit. Its getting rather annoying. She should just get over herself. No one wants her nasty little boyfriend. Leave me the hell alone.

Anyway, about the conversation I posted eariler. No one believe that Steven has a girlfriend. Which is kinda sad.I don't know what to believe. I could care less either way. Me and Steven's relationship is weird. I mean, we like to play with each others emotions. We toy with each other. I don't know whats going on. I mean, its just so strange. I have no clue whats going on between me and him. I mean, yeah, I did go off on him, but still I'm not upset about that. I don't know. I just haven't been really really hurt by this at all. I don't know. The whole thing is strange.

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I just went off on Steven. [20 Apr 2004|05:23pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]
[ music | Pearl Jam ]

Crazyboy: hi
flawed_rainbow: Hi
Crazyboy: i want my gb sp
flawed_rainbow: No shit? Do you really? I thought it was mine to keep forever!
flawed_rainbow: I wan my cd player back. When are you coming to give it to me? You can oick up your gameboy, toothbrush, and socks then.
Crazyboy: oh well its not
flawed_rainbow: I was being sarcastic.
Crazyboy: ok fine bitch
flawed_rainbow: What the hell is your problem?
Crazyboy: grrrr
flawed_rainbow: What??
Crazyboy: im j/k
flawed_rainbow: Oh.
flawed_rainbow: I wrote you this whoooooooooooole note last night.
flawed_rainbow: I figured I'd give it to you when you stop by.
flawed_rainbow: Or I can send it to you. Do you want me to write you still? I'll need you address.
Crazyboy: oh ok
Crazyboy: its
Crazyboy: st.ann mo 10737 st.stephen ok
flawed_rainbow: So you do want me to write you?
flawed_rainbow: What time do you plan on stopping by Steve's coming over, and then me and him are going out, so I need to know a time.
Crazyboy: ya of course
Crazyboy: idk
flawed_rainbow: Well figure it out. Me and him have plans, and I'm not gonna wait around all day
Crazyboy: well fine
Crazyboy: i might be going to the movies with my girlfriend
flawed_rainbow: Oh. I thought you didn't want a girlfriend right now
Crazyboy: uh i never said that
flawed_rainbow: Yeah you did.
Crazyboy: fuck off no i didnt
flawed_rainbow: Thats what you told me when we broke up. You said :I just think its stupid to have a girlfriend right now."
flawed_rainbow: Ha, I knew you were lying.
Crazyboy: i never said that
flawed_rainbow: Bull-fucking-shit
flawed_rainbow: I know what the hell you said. You fucking told me that you didn't want a girlfriend right now. I knew you were just lying. God damn, don't fuck withme. I see right though you
Yahoo! Messenger: akadude69 has logged out. (4/20/2004 5:15 PM)
flawed_rainbow: God, damn. I knew you'd do some shit like this, and just sign off as soon as I started talking. Why don't you grow up? I'm not as stupid as you'd like to think I am. You deserve a good slap across the face. I fucking knew you were lying to me at the time. I know you've probably lied to me the whole time. If you were half as much of a man as you'd like to think you are, you would have had the balls to fucking tell me the real reason of why you wanted to break up, but fuck you couldn't even do that. Are you good for anything? Maybe you should take you little emo lyrics to heart, and learns what it means. I swear to god. I've never met a bigger liar. You're such a dumbass. why the hell did you ever go out with me?? Why'd you ever do half the shit you did with me? You're a dumbass.
flawed_rainbow: I'll send you that note I wrote later. Right now, you're not worth my time.

:| I can't believe I did that. I didn't know I had it in me.

.....I feel sick right now.

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