Monday, March 8th, 2004
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10:11 pm
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well.
im thinking about running back to florida.
i have a girlfriend now.
her name is zoe.
same name as my ex.
oh well.
i like her alot.
alot.
shes great.
i dont care about school anymore.
just been getting high lately
and not giving a fuck.
wheres annie and andrew?
current mood: horny
current music: blur:sing
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, December 7th, 2003
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12:39 am
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im seventeen.
happy birthday to me.
current music: jack off jill
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, November 29th, 2003
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12:29 am
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im working at McDonalds now.
saving money to go to florida for spring break.
im in a band now-
racist ryan and the homophobes.
its great.
McDonalds blows.
ANNIE CALLED ME.
i love annie.
i hate zoe. stupid fucking whore of a human being.
fuck the government and all McDonalds food chains!!
i miss-
annie
andrew
heather
madison
tiffany
max
garry
jimi
mom.
skye
current mood: lonely
current music: antiflag- anti violent
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, October 18th, 2003
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12:03 am
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im in love with lainey.
and shell never know.
i dont even know who i am. how can i begin to express the way i feel to such a beautiful girl.
i cant even get my shoes to stay tied.
current music: requiem for a dream main theme
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(comment on this)
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Monday, September 15th, 2003
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7:38 pm
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video killed the radio star.
im going to do a remake of video killed the radio star + peaches.
just cause i can.
i miss
annieandrewmadisonheatherflorida
current mood: flirty
current music: the presidents of the us: video killed the radio star
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Wednesday, September 10th, 2003
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10:11 pm
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Alien ant farm can lick my hairy cunt after i dont groom it for a week.
nastiness.(i think i just invented that word. but ooooh well.)
Today sucked. and was cool too.
Bad things :
Getting detention for not dressing out for the second time.
Telling my dad i got a detention, and quiting cross country.
Stupid people.
Good things:
Drama club and me doing a thing on stage where I told Tre to not stick "it" in the vacuum cleaner anymore and then getting scolded by mr.chew about "appropiate" material.
but i can pretend to kill someone and get away with it.
Cigs are always a plus.
And waking up and seeing tiffanys pritty picture :D
Mrs.yarbor(p.e coach): I guess since you didnt dress out i can put a minus twards eligibility(sp?) for cross country.
Me: *sighs*
Mrs.Yarbor: better start dressing out, now go to the detention room.
Me: *mumbels under breathe *stupid fucking nigger bitch*
Mrs.Yarbor: mmmhmmmmm.
Me: *walks faster tward door*
Im not racist. it was just the appropiate thing to say at the time since i was pissed.
took a shower and i feel. dirty still ? ....hmph. must be comming immune to soap.
courtney(a boy) is an idiot.
3 months and Heather and I will be 17! piss on us 17 times for good luck.
Limp Bizkit should die and eat my shit. dont you agree?
current music: stupid radio!
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Monday, September 8th, 2003
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7:21 pm
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I have pms. and how do i loath it.
running with cramps is not fucking fun.
nor is it fun when i cant run with the group cause im so fucking fat and not used to running.
race tomorrow.
then race saturday.
I dont know how much longer i can keep this up.
im poopin out ladies and gentlemen.
Nice boy that i walk with at lunch is bringing me camels tomorrow. weeee.
i dont have lunch with any cool people anymore.
baaaaaaah.
i need a lover. for. pointless sexual needs or something.
ear wax is nasty. and there is a big chunk on my finger.
bleeding crotches suck!!!
current mood: cranky
current music: radio nonsense
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, September 7th, 2003
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7:45 pm
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ugh. so much homework.
i have a race on tuesday then saturday
did my race on saturday. got a medal. yay.
soccer season starts soon. woot woot.
this girl lainey at school is so fucking gorgious. she has pink dred locks to her shoulders. shes so wonderful and makes her own clothes and i like her so much.
i feel like im going to explode in tears or beat someone. i always feel this way. make it go away.
i need to brush teeth, wash face then start another week.
current mood: dirty teeth
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(comment on this)
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Monday, September 1st, 2003
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10:30 pm
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Damn this rain to hell.
it has made all the hobo ants make a residental area out of my room.
i hate seeing ants drown in toxins but eh what can ya do?
for some reason this pour cleanser soap has back fired and made pimples sprout on my face like cabbage. fucking. commercial products.
fuck corperate america and its expensive perfumes and shitty dandruff shampoo's . and its fucking pour cleaning soap.
surprisingly im a huge hypocrite and use all of those. heh.
this song makes me want to take the fetal postion on my bed and suck my thumb until the world ends.
i miss snuggling.
current music: tool: the grudge.
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Sunday, August 31st, 2003
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10:46 pm
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i've been indulging myself in thinking too much. thinking of memories. of past times. missing certain people.
wondering why they arent talking to me and how they let my mom get to them. even when they know what happened. i did what i did becuase i had to. i dont need to fucking clearify my reasons to you. you know what shes like. you know she likes to be mean when she starts drowning herself in that canadian mist. you know she jumps to conclusions and become paranoid and then drinks a bottle of car oil stuff and then states the next morning she didnt wanna die. you know that she pretends to have seizers and runs crazy like into the woods in the middle of the night and i have to chase her while being kicked in the face from her and then calling the ambulence.
You know i stand there with my hands in my pockets and just take the hits. i dont hit back becuase i know she doesnt mean it. i know she loves me. she just doesnt know how to show it. she just has a drinking problem. sure the punches hurt. sure the bloody noses hurt. but its ok. sure the legs hurt after chairs being thrown.
yes it hurts when she tells me she should of had an abortion and that im a piece of shit and that im the reason she drinks becuase im a horrible child. of course it hurts but she loves me.
How can you believe her when you have seen it time and time again ...her go into her rages and throw toasters, hit me with pool sticks. come on. are you blind. me and you talked about it serveral times so dont say now you dont remember what happened.
i did what i did to save my ass. i would either been beaten to death becuase i love my mother to much to hit her back or i would have killed myself to get away.
maybe i shouldnt have ran away. maybe i should have stayed. maybe i wouldnt have fucked up the family more than i already have.
its sad when your own brother wont talk to you.
current mood: stressed
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(comment on this)
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1:56 am
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gothic chick found my livejournal.
and read it.
and found out i liked her.
and fuck me.
i wanna puke.
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, August 30th, 2003
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10:29 am
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ugh. its 10:22
and i've already ran for 30 min.
with x-country
+
mowed the lawn .
x-country sucked at first but then got better.
i have too many crushes. jesus.
i like this chick in cross country. i ran with her. and shes tall, and tan,and blonde and in shape and ugh.
and then theres brandy
then dred lock girl.
and then this gothic chick who announced shes bi and i think the only reason i like her is becuase i know i can have her.
i have to shit.
current mood: cranky
current music: bjork: stop teasing me
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Friday, August 29th, 2003
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4:33 pm
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teenage death boys
and teenage death girls
and everyone was dancing"
davey is such a dork
its weird. i have waves of like afi. sometimes i get sick of them for a month and them im back to loving them . weird.
met like 50 billion people today.
well a lot of people.
I went to the park across the street to smoke my black and all these people started talking to me.
this bitchin kid Will drew sidburns on my face. total 70's style so i was pimpin the burns. hah. im such a drag king. or something.
and met a shit load of gay kids.
got my schedule changed.
met a senior named tre in my american government class. and hes gonna give me info on local punk bands.
met a fucking hot chick brandy who was wearing an AFI shirt today as i was and she is my new crush. shes not stick skinnay but not fat. shes just. perfect. ugh so pritty.
i must get her.
hung with dred lock girl too.
and some other kiddos.
X-country tomorrow at 8 am.
and monday at 8 am.
OZ(outzone) tonight.
"wanna be a highschool football hero with an s.a.t score less than zero. hey hey hey"
current mood: exanimate
current music: AFI: days of pheonix
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, August 27th, 2003
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9:38 pm
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lets see.
school sucks.
joined drama club.
hot girls in there
I miss heathermadisonandrewanniejimigarrytiffanykerri
i have to go by my middle name in all my classes cause there is some black girl in my classes named briana too and shes all pissy that she took my name so now im going by Megan in my classes. so kidos at school know me as megan
met some punk kid. whos......ok i guess.
met some orphna boy and we get along cause misery loves company.
some beautiful girl with pink shoulder lenth dreds gave me fruit candy at lunch.
drama girl are soooooooooooo pritty. and creative and ugh i lust after them.
i hate my classes.
im going to looks 30 pounds i decided.
and heather called me today and i love her.
and i apologize for my last posting of people who dont call me.
current mood: listless
current music: tool:hush
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, August 20th, 2003
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1:43 am
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briana donwloaded a:
drum machine
sound editing system .
all i need now is to save 2 grand for a synthesizer
and im on my way to making music.
i still need to download a voice enhancing system. and a program for a microphone.
im going to be famous.
all will know my name.
current music: placebo
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, August 19th, 2003
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1:28 pm
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heather: God im just so fucking cool. everyone else fucking sucks.
briana: hahahahahahaha, i love you heather.
heathers wonderful.and she is a great friend becuase she calls me and talks with me and loves me unlike:
madison
celeste
zoe
tiffany
kerri
savannah
annie
andrew
jimi
max
garry
booo to them. i dont expect anyone to call me though. cause most of those people on my list dont have my number. so. its ok.
i got a new haircut. but i dont know the code to post pics here. so someone give me the code. and ill show all you people who DONT read my journal.
i wish i had a strap on so i could fuck you in the ass and then laugh when you cry. i hate you. i hate you for being a stupid cunt and getting married and being stupid and not loveing me. how could you not love me? im so fucking loveable.
current mood: drunk
current music: tool: maynards dick.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Sunday, August 17th, 2003
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2:00 pm
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havent slept at all. stayed up all night.
i need sleep.
i need a relationship.
i need sex.
i need lipo.
i need a four pac.
i am not going to loose 50 lbs.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, August 16th, 2003
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11:16 pm
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just got home.
getting naked in a car everytime you see a car with one headlight = padiddle.
second time hanging out and she didnt have underwear on.
andrea and her gay boy brandon picked me up at like 9. went to the quad. drove around. decided to play padiddle.
then i come home around 10:30ish.
andrea's so cute. 'Briana can i give you a hug' heheh.
and. im going to have her in my dads shower. its been decided.
current music: trent and korn: freak on a leash remix.
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(comment on this)
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8:25 am
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so. briana. has not yet slept.
New nickname im going to go by is : BREN
so no more bri. or bree. or brie. its too childish. i like BREN . so from now on. if you're not going to call me Briana i will take BREN
I cried for about 2 hours in my bed from like 5:30 am to like 7am.
then. i decided i was not going to do anything today except to fucking lay in my bed and hate the world.
becuase i've had a tough year i think. :
*mom abandoned me.... its even abandonment by the courts.
*none of the family i know(moms side) will talk to me becuase my mother told them im crazy
*i got beat bad by the woman who i used to trust with my life cause she created me.
*my brother wont speak to me.
*i just got to know my dad
*i found out my whole fucking life is basically a lie becuase my mom lied so much about my dad and about him going to jail.
*found out my mom was a coke head and she had the nerve to tell me not to smoke pot.
*my step dad died.
*everyone thinks my mom killed him.
*my moms going to die from liver problems becuase shes an alcoholic
*my brother(20yrs.)is an acoholic.
*And the fucking love of my life. was fucking craig while i was dateing her and now shes engaged to marry him.
*and im having to start ALL over again in a new fucking town.
so. i thought i deserved a moping day. but then i thought. you know what. fuck that. im not going to feel sorry for myself. i've done my crying.
so i got my ass up at 7 after crying with my eyes all red and puffy from crying.
and i got dressed in my running outfit.
and i ran. and ran. and ran.
and then when my dad gets back from his bike ride. which will be around 12 cause hes biking like 70 miles.
im going to swim. lap after lap after lap.
and then. im going to bike after that. and bike. and bike.
and before bed. im going to do crunches. and crunches and crunches.
and somewhere in between i will eat.
and im going to do this until i get fucking skinny and a fucking 4 pac on my stomache.
and im going to take all my hatred for my mom leaving me, all my sadness, all my resentment and put it into fucking getting skinny.
and my dreds are nice and sweaty and wet and stinky.
current mood: stressed
current music: APC: ashes to ashes. (great bowie cover!)
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5:21 am
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i cannot sleep.
i just found out.
zoes engaged to be married.
and we broke up what 1 month ago.
i have no trust in anyone now. and im afraid never will
current mood: awake
current music: tool
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