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Mara Lillith

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[30 Apr 2003|03:57pm]
"i wanna kiss you and knock 'em down like we used to"

today is a beautiful day, minus the aesthetics.
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Cat Ears [15 Apr 2003|10:49am]
[ mood | blank ]
[ music | "Freebird," Lynard Skynard ]

I should be in school, right now. I'm not though, because Mom allowed me to play hookey... All I have to do is clean my room acceptionally well. Grand.

I want to be the girl with the most cake.

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Links [14 Apr 2003|08:16pm]
[ mood | distressed ]
[ music | "The Patient," TOOL ]

Here it comes again, with that once happy smile
A fading dissonace between the cracks of white teeth
Go ahead;
Try to hide what's been unmasked already.
The latex gloves tell no lies,
Once deep inside of the shell where
Chaos peeks its head out, every now and then
Just to make of the world what should be...

Candy-coated perfection
Another imperfect concoction of scrambled
Memoires from that notebook:
Once upon a time.

Dreams of metal, with the stitched up smile;
Try it again, let's.
It's only a matter of time before the blood
Coagulateds and breaks through the toughest barriers
Of insanity.
Then, where will one be to mark the time?

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Awe... [14 Apr 2003|05:14pm]
[ mood | dorky ]
[ music | "When the Levee Breaks," Led Zeppelin ]

"Anyway, tomorrow I'm going to get her a big, fat super color TV that will make her forget all about the times I borrowed her set." Marion tilted her head to one side and looked at Harry for a moment, then smiled gently, "you really love her, don't you?" Harry shrugged, "I guess so. I mean, I don't know exactly. One time I feel one way and the other time I feel something else. Most of the time I just want her to be happy. You know what I mean?"

Requiem For a Dream

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[14 Apr 2003|12:23pm]
[ mood | high ]
[ music | "Inhaler," Hooverphonic ]

I think I'm still riding the downfall from Friday... It seems that every time that I have a cigarette that my eyes want so badly to roll back in my head and I just want to be like jello and wobble over... It's kind of a pain, but I'm dealing with it.

And Greg he writes letters with his birthday pen
Sometimes he's aware that they're drawing him in
Lucy was pretty
Your best friend agreed
Still Pretty good year


Mm... Tori Amos makes me smile, on the most horrible days. I, unfortunately, don't think that I have enough money to buy Tori's new DVD. I think I wasted it all away, today... And when I spent sixteen dollars on slut-wear for Laura. Meh. I hate moochers.

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[14 Apr 2003|12:16pm]
i've been taking abuse and it's senseless
fist into the wall and it's painless
i've been living the lie that i made me
live it

screaming into the mic and i like it
put it all over the air in thick slices
soak it all up in your head with the anger
like it

older
elder
i am
(grind on it)
deeper
bleaker
i am

brush the surface off and grind on it

put a gun in my mouth and threaten to shoot

justice died here


[i.am|satic_x]

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Onomatopoeia [14 Apr 2003|12:13pm]
I think going to see Zwan is going to be just about as exciting as going to see TOOL... Minus Maynard with his 'spankies' on. Heh heh. Oh well... There's still Billy Corgan; I've been waiting three whole years to see him preform; I'm ecstatic.
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Terrible Lie [14 Apr 2003|12:11pm]
"Seems like salvation only comes in my dreams."

And, of course... How much more true could you possibly get. I have how straight-forward Trent Reznor is.
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Little Girlscouts [09 Apr 2003|01:10pm]
Someone's buying cookies for fifteen dollars a hit rather than for five dollars. Sometimes, the first taste of something is exciting enough to pay the extra, but I think that in her case she'll only wish, if not now, then twenty years down the road when she's having flashbacks, that she had never paid so little for such a big ordeal.

I almost wish that I had never turned her onto drugs in the first place.
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Tribute [09 Apr 2003|01:05pm]
Blue jeans, white socks, and five-year-old black, suede shoes; all to compliment my green, yellow, maroon, and purple flannel shirt over my Kurdt t-shirt... One day too late... And nine years too long ago.
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Cheap [09 Apr 2003|12:01pm]
The coke's on the dresser table, next to her bed, and with the forty dollars that you owe her for making her a skank she'll buy the world.

It's all there -- upon her shoulders.
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Spider Web [08 Apr 2003|08:19pm]
Create a mosaic, in just one lifetime, and watch it fade into the ocean's sunset as you take your last breathes. What you thought you never had has turned out to be the opposite. And I wish that I could have been there for you before you had figured it out too late.
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Seashells [08 Apr 2003|08:10pm]
Gathered around, like wildfire... Tamed thoughts sprout underneath the soil and in such a state; a painting has been created.

Oy vey. I figured that I would let you all know that I've been working on this painting of my father and I from when I was younger... So far, the only thing that I seem to be happy with is the sky.

I should really take a picture of it and some of the faerie drawings that I've been working on while being bored out of my mind in some of my classes... Hrm. We shall see.
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Stars on Your Forehead [08 Apr 2003|08:07pm]
Have you ever noticed that fetish of putting smiles on peoples' faces? I think it's brilliant how our minds work and how incredibly fragile we are, after all of the turmoil we witness and experience for 'perfection'.
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Stranded [08 Apr 2003|08:05pm]
Like fireflies, when you jump your heart seems to melt into this greater heat that makes love. Now that is a special chemistry.
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Thank-you [05 Apr 2003|02:17pm]
It's the conversations with close friends over coffee, or the days when you just sit outside and enjoy the way the world expresses emotion; little things are what people need most to take into consideration. And for those who have been by my side, guiding me to do so, I thank you all: Rachel, Miss Jessie, Jordan, Kristin, Laura, Shannon, Lauren, Lucas, Paula, Mrs. Scott, Mom and Dad, my three little buddies next-door, and to the rest of my friends and family who have always believed in having faith in me.
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Papercuts [05 Apr 2003|01:30pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]
[ music | "Taxi Ride," Tori Amos ]

So far, everything has been wonderful, this weekend. I recently (about twenty minutes ago) bought tickets to see ZWAN at the Aragon Ballroom in Chicago for their last concert of their US Tour. I'm extremely excited about it, seeing as how I've been waiting for the past three years to see Billy Corgan on stage. Mmm.

Aside from that, though, here is some other interesting news: "'Tori's Taxivision' is a new on-line contest where YOU get the opportunity to create a music video for Tori's next single, 'Taxi Ride'! All submissions must be received by May 16, 2003 at 11:59PM (EST). So dust off that video camera, sharpen your colored pencils, break out that old sketchbook and get to work on your storyboards - Tori's giving you the green light." And, as well... Here's the other reason:

As you may know, Noble House is one of the world’s foremost publishers of fiction and nonfiction works by new and established authors. Our poetry division in the U.K. has had the honour of publishing the poetry of more than 800 poets over the past twelve years.

Recently I had the pleasure of reading the poetry that you have had published in the United States. I congratulate you on this grand endeavour, and propose to you that your singular talent and vision deserves appropriate recognition in Europe as well.

For this reason, I have posted this letter to request your permission to include one of your favourite poems in Theatre of the Mind - a new poetry edition that is being published in the U.K. by Noble House and slated for worldwide distribution . . . a collection of poetry that is perhaps unlike any you have ever seen . . . one where each poem is featured on its own page, and one whose quality is reminiscent of the finest 19th century antique poetry books.

Hearken back, if you will, to the days of Emily Dickinson, Alfred Lord Tennyson, Elizabeth Barrett Browning and William Wordsworth . . the age of grand bookmaking. Poetry editions were some of the most highly prized volumes because of their intimate attention to detail – quality typography, fine ivory laid paper, and colourful ornate covers. Bethany, for this Edition, we've returned to the traditional size, style, and quality of these classic 19th century antique poetry books.

Scheduled for release in early Summer 2003, Theatre of the Mind will surely become one of your most treasured keepsakes. Your publication in this edition will establish you as an international author and afford you the respect and admiration attendant to such an honour. International Copyright notice for your poetic artistry will, of course, be in your name, assuring that you will retain worldwide rights to your work of art.

Best of all, should you decide to obtain a copy of the edition for your personal library, or as a wonderful personalised gift (you are, naturally, under no obligation to purchase a copy, notwithstanding the publication of your work in this edition), as you proudly turn its pages you’ll find it one of the best values on the book market today. At only £28.95 (U.S. $45.55) for a hardbound, 225-page edition printed in two colours on ivory laid vellum, with a highly detailed, finely crafted, ornate cover, and a single poem to a page, this Edition promises to exceed your expectations, and will enjoy pride of place in your home. In fact, its quality is guaranteed. If for any reason you are dissatisfied, your money will be completely refunded in U.S. dollars with proper dispatch.

Bethany, you may also wish to consider giving the public some insight about you and your artistry for this poetic showcase . . . perhaps the meaning behind your poem, or your own philosophical perspective. Because an entire page in the book is devoted to honouring your poetry, we can feature this additional material about you and your poetry on the recto leaf opposite your poem (you will thus have two full pages devoted to you and your artistry).

Bethany, may we have permission to publish your work in the United Kingdom? Regardless of whether you purchase a copy or not, the international public deserves to see more of your artistic talent. You may submit your poem and biographical information, and give us permission all within the confines of the next page. And if you are inclined to order a copy of Theatre of the Mind, you may also do so at the same time.

Sincerely,
Nigel Hillary
Publisher,
Poetry Division
Noble House U.K.


HOW COOL IS THAT?!!!

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Which to Do... [04 Apr 2003|08:17pm]
[ music | "Blue Skies Bring Tears," Smashing Pumpkins ]

I'm wondering if I should finish Dracula. I suppose I made a large mistake around Christmastime when I went to Chicago with my aunt and cousins. Heh. I bought two books by Tom Robbins, and a month before that, I had recieved a few books for my birthday, one was a comic book, which I read, and the other was, The Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie. So my dilema is this: which one do I read? (Place a choice on my poll, please.)

The Poll )

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So Close [04 Apr 2003|12:50pm]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | "I Stay Away," Alice in Chains ]

x. name = bml
x. birthday = november 15th
x. zodiac = scorpio
x. piercing = four -- two in each ear
x. tattoos = not yet
x. height = 5'7"
x. shoe size = 9½
x. hair color = dyed auburn
x. length = a little past my shoulders
x. siblings = two half-sisters
x. pets = two dogs, four cats, a guinea pig, and a fish

the last..
x. movie you rented = rules of attraction
x. movie you bought = lilo and stitch
x. song you listened to = "sweet sangria," tori amos
x. song that was stuck in your head = "this is the song that never ends"
x. cd you listened to = "sevas tra," otep
x. person you've called = my grandmother
x. person that's called you = one of my cousins
x. tv show you've watched = i dislike tv
x. person you were thinking of = him

do ...
x. you have a bf or gf = not here...
x. you have a crush on someone = yes, of course
x. you wish you could live somewhere else = yes
x. you want more piercings = yes, but not before bmt
x. you want more tattoos = yes
x. you drink = soda
x. you do drugs = on occasion
x. you like cleaning = no
x. you like roller coasters = definitely
x. you write in cursive or print = either
x. you carry a donor card = if you count my license, yes

for or against ...
x. long distance relationships = yes
x. using someone = no
x. suicide = it's the person's life, not mine -- do as you want, just make sure it's 100% what you want
x. killing people = depends...
x. teenage smoking = camel turkish golds or marlboro reds, preferably
x. doing drugs = i'm not for the junkies, but as recreation, sure
x. premarital sex = yes
x. driving drunk = oh hell no
x. gay/lesbian relationships = extremely for it

favorite ...
x. food = pasta/rice/chicken
x. song = "thirty-three," smashing pumpkins; "your cloud," tori amos
x. thing to do = photography, writing, reading, listening to music, and the computer
x. thing to talk about = i like to bitch a lot
x. sports = soccer, i suppose
x. drinks = soda
x. clothes = whatever's comfortable
x. movies = requiem for a dream
x. holiday = samhain
x. cars = suzuki hyabusa... mm... motorcycles

have you ...
x. ever cried over a girl or boy = who hasn't
x. ever lied to someone = yes
x. ever been in a fist fight = mm... kinda
x. ever been arrested = nope

What...
x. shampoo do you use = herbal esscences for dyed hair
x. cologne do you use = body sprays
x. shoes do you wear = adidas or sandals

number ...
x. of times you have had your heart broken = not many
x. of hearts you have broken = one
x. of boys you have kissed = four
x. of girls you have kissed = two
x. of continents you have lived in = one
x. of drugs you've taken illegally = five, i suppose
x. of people you would classify as true, could trust with your life type friends = five, maximum
x. cd's that you own = at least 200
x. of things in your past that you regret = not showing that i really cared, when i was younger, and not furthering all of my artistic abilities

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Sadly, Yours [03 Apr 2003|09:19pm]
"miss fortune, with your head held high, can you come home today and save the world from drowning in vain?"

Oh how I miss some things...
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