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Wednesday, March 24th, 2004
7:34 pm - some pics from this afternoon

current mood: bored
current music: dumb movie in so113

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Monday, March 1st, 2004
1:43 am
i went to canada, it was insane.

i am not sure if i liked it all that much. once i decide, i may just make another trip over there this week.

i need to get a job so i can travel.

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Wednesday, February 25th, 2004
12:39 am - CARLA.
ok so tonight we went with carla. we did most of what we had planned to do before she turns into this spot down by the intersection of lakeshore and fair (?). long story short, she got us stuck. not just stuck, but stuck. an hour later, and after a van had turned in, turned around, then left, a honda civic got stuck while trying to leave us. blah blah blah, they gave us a ride, we got some jeeps from west, didn't work, i found a towstrap from some guy down my hall and then went to shannon's room because i was cold and wet. by modnight, she got unstuck.

the end.

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Friday, January 9th, 2004
6:31 pm - new aim sn
i forgot. i have a new screenname for aim!


yeah. so add me or something.

current mood: accomplished
current music: The Shins - Fighting in a Sack

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Sunday, December 28th, 2003
3:07 am - quick update.
i am at my mom's.
i am stressed out b/c i can look @ my life since i am away from it.
i am having a good time.
i like having a real bed to sleep in.
i am drinking, but not getting drunk. cool, hm?
i am thinking of swearing off booze and nicotine for new year's.

current mood: way too fucking awake

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Friday, December 19th, 2003
2:12 pm - long rambling post about being sick today and the SOBER one last night
i am sick. my body aches, my head aches, my eyes hurt, my knees and elbows and neck are more painful right now than they have been since... well, i guess the whole superbad part of mono. actually, now that i think about it, i'm not too too bad. i woke up at 8 am made some tea and breakfast and fought with my family for a while. then, i went back to sleep and woke up at 2 pm to find that amy, rachel, and paige had gone to peoria, illinois for the weekend. yay! those stupid little girls do nothing but giggle and wrestle and squeal and it makes me want to kick them real hard. brr, i just got the chills. either it is really cold out, or something is wrong with me, because i usually have to sleep in my boxers, and i am wearing a thick t-shirt and my flannel bottoms under my two blankets, and i am just warm enough to not start fucking with the confusing digital thermostat thing.

i love tea.

last night... OMFG i was so pissed off. i went to sarah's and played pool for a few hours, had dinner there, then had a few drinks and played pool for another few hours. i was barely buzzed, just enough to think, "wow, i feel kinda warm." i thought sarah was on the same level as me, but boy, was i wrong. i knew something was up when, about an hour later, she asked me if i wanted to drive her car into town and hang out at jaime and steve's house. i accepted the offer, as i enjoy driving her car. the weather was pure shit... the "flurries" that were forecasted was more like white-out conditions for the entire stretch of us-2 from beechwood to homer road.

so okay, we get to steve's house and hang out for a bit, things are cool for me. but sarah starts acting all fucking retarded, as though she were wasted. i couldn't figure it out for the life of me. then, she started talking about all the "downers" she was on.... percocet, pot, jack daniel's, beer... so i move things along, eager to part ways with her, so we go to her house and we all play pool and, soon enough, i am the only sober person there. sarah was really violently drunk. she was hitting people with pool sticks and punching us and just being an all-around stupiddrunkbitch. she kept thinking that she knew how to play pool... she was arguing us on every rule that there is, especially the ones about scratching on the 8-ball, knocking the 8-ball in before your other balls are off the table, where to put the cue ball after a scratch, whether or not you have to bank the cue ball off the far side to hit a ball on the near side of those two dots... ugh it was not fun.

so i decide to be stupid and go along with steve's "diversion" while the girls went out to the garage to get more beer. that helped with the anger, but it didn't help my headache. i didn't feel sick until about 20 minutes after the second time. but anywho, this story is getting too drawn out. i ended up having to help both steve and jaime out of the basement and into my car, then i had to deal with their drunk asses all the way home on the back roads going about 25 because of the snow... that's right kids from iron river area, that's about 35 fucking minutes in a car with no radio humoring two drunks, one of which is trying to get you to join a pyramid scheme.... so when i got home i figured to let up on my new and experimental low-calorie nazi-ism and have some cupcakes and a beer.

the end!

current mood: sick
current music: the furnace

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Thursday, December 11th, 2003
5:21 am - blblblbl as jamie would say.
LOL okay so we went to the store to get me some food.

carla drove into a snow drift. we tried to push her out, but it didn't work.

then, a snowplow stopped and helped us with free sand yay.

then we went to econo, which is open 24 hours. i got some black chai tea. mmm. and some donut holes. yum.

stumpy ate some deviled eggs and left the carton on the shelf in the tea aisle. haha.

bummer @ shannon and chad and tank and carla, they got written up for the wopatooly (sp?).

what a storm! i haven't left the campus area in about 24 and it's pretty shitty out there. way to go, winter storm! you fucked up my shit, now i have to stay for another feww days.

and yes, i do know how to use the [shift] key, i just like the way lowercase looks. much like that one poet... umm... langston hughes, i believe. capital letters are overrated.

good night and good bye.

current music: Beck - Loser

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Wednesday, December 10th, 2003
1:51 am
tonight, on the way back from wal*mart, i realized a few things:

1) i don't like heavy metal. i guess i think of it as okay, but only when in the company of older people, such as my parents or the like.

2) there are two major types of kids that come from families where they have it easy. there is the first kind, which is responsible, does well in both school and work, and who is clean cut and an overall good person. this would be my sister, jessica. then there is the second type, which does just enough to get by, doesn't really care if he disappoints people, and is a slob. this would be me. the good news is, i think i'm ready to try to become the other type.

also, wal*mart is only like, two miles away from campus. here on campus, there's a steady rain. at wal*mart, there is about half an inch of slush on the roads, in addition a ton of wet, heavy snow falling. i can only imagine how much is falling even further from the lake. this is so going to suck to drive back in later this week. ugh.

current mood: awake
current music: Phantom Planet - Wishing Well

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Monday, December 8th, 2003
3:47 am
wow so tired

spent 2 hrs @ the library w/ keeley
got keeley as new friendster buddy type person

spent like 4 hours in the tv room doing gender psych shit

soooo tired man soo tired

over and out.

current mood: worn out like woah
current music: something on tv

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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2003
2:47 pm
I'm in a much better mood today.

Seems that a really hard booze was what I needed.
I suppose the scary police thing helped too.

current mood: uncomfortable

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Monday, December 1st, 2003
6:38 pm
nothing of any importance.

going sledding tonight with the kids here at west hall. we all stole trays and saul stole a giant wok from the den.

i am talking to christin. for some reason, i dont even want to have anything to do with her right now. and that really hurts. maybe im in the midst of a huge depressive episode and im just now realizing it.

:-\ oh well.

current mood: blah
current music: sunrise, sunset - bright eyes

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Tuesday, November 25th, 2003
6:23 pm
gone until at least tuesday.

current mood: anxious
current music: Saves the Day - Nightingale

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Monday, November 24th, 2003
11:29 pm
Wow, a whole week without one single post! That's a new record.

I am so glad I pulled out my CDs. Alkaline Trio makes me feel OK.

I am so stressed out, for a lot of reasons.

one][i have a huge art thing to do and i am nowhere near done
two][i do not really want to drive two hours home, sleep on the couch, then wake up at the ass crack of dawn to drive nine or ten hours with a van full of kids to my mom's house
three][i am fucking sick of being alone, but i am not any-fucking-where near to being "grown up" enough to get the kind of relationship i want
four][i miss christin -- alot
five][i am dangerously depressed, yet i have no reason to be and cannot seem to fix it

Everything is pissing me off or making me want to cry.

AND I THINK I AM GIVING UP ON EVERYONE I HAVE EVER LIKED FOR THEIR SAKE. I'm just too much of a fucking mess right now. (this could just be one of my temporary "things".. but who knows/cares...l'm just a fucking loser.)


current mood: aggravated
current music: Continental - Alkaline Trio

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Tuesday, November 18th, 2003
12:33 am
I spent the evening with Tank and Shannon. I miss them. I always laugh so hard when we hang out. Jessica and Tank and Shannon and I went to go get some pizza, but in the parking lot we had a near-death experience with a semi-truck. Tank started yelling "Get away driver! West Hall parking lot! Semi-Truck!" And we started laughing, because she was drunk, but then we saw some bright lights and turned around and started screaming/shouting "GO! GO!" and Jessica just screamed and tried to shift the car by grabbing the blinker knob... thank GOD, the truck whipped a hard left and missed us by about 10 feet. That fucker was going far too fast...

Next, we went to Citgo so the girls could steal a beer sign. Shannon was the distraction, she went in to talk to the attendant while drunk Tank smoked a cig and casually tried to untie the banner from the wall. Then cars started pulling up, one of them offered her a knife and they started hacking away.. Jess and I were freaking out, because there were more and more cars coming. She was like, "go cover up the license plate!" because it says ANGIE Q... pretty obvious. Then this old man was like, "Better hurry that up kids, the cops are coming!" So the girls went fast and jumped in the car and we sped off and went to Hungry Howie's and got the pizza and came back... we ate the pizza to Shannon reading her lines from this Steve Martin play she is in.. fucking hilarious.. I had to leave because my head was hurting from laughing so hard.

I am going to go and drink some tea and take some Benadryl so I can sleep.

current mood: awake

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Saturday, November 15th, 2003
2:24 am - My boring, SOBER *Friday* night:
My god, I just realized how almost all of the little-kid cartoons I see these days are set up just like Japanese movies, like Godzilla. Cartoon Network, especially... and Dexter's Lab, specifically.

Maybe I'm just overtired and overthinking.

Also, I love tea. I had this great orange tea earlier and it was awesomely good-tasting.

current mood: sober
current music: cartoons

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Friday, November 14th, 2003
7:32 pm
still super-depressed
still sick

can't wear contacts due to an eye infection

i want to drink bad bad bad but i'm not going to if i can help it which i think i can

current mood: morose
current music: Bright Eyes - If Winter Ends

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Tuesday, November 11th, 2003
10:59 pm
It's hard to be blue when I hear this song. No matter who sings it, I feel happy. Gotta love the beat!

Anyhow, I have found myself somewhat jealous of certain people in my life. I look at my life. I look at theirs. I want someone to plan a future with. I want to escape to somewhere better than Marquette or Iron River or Michigan or the Midwest with someone I care about.

Oh well. Right now, all I want is some food. I am so hungry! All there is in my shelves is iced tea mix, and in the fridge, Capri Sun and apple.

I have no money, either. What a bummer.

I'll have to really stock up tomorrow when I get lunch. I'll try to take like five burgers and all the chicken nuggets.

I have found myself in a curious Death Cab For Cutie and Bright Eyes obsession. Hmm.

current mood: confused
current music: Death Cab for Cutie - This Charming Man

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3:05 am
I finally hit that point where my mind caught up with my body's tiredness.

I like this CD I made. When I put it in the computer, it says the title is "Sad Songs CD", but I called it "Bitter, Sad, and Angry" on the label. Here's the list of songs:

Elliot Smith - Needle in the Hay
Evanescence - Going Under
Phantom Planet - California
Three Doors Down - When I'm Gone
Hey Mercedes - Unorchestrated
Sigur Ros - Njosnavelin
The Postal Service - The District Sleeps Alone Tonight
The Mars Volta - Inertiatic ESP
Three Doors Down - Here Without You
Saves The Day - Anywhere With You
Brand New - Seventy Times 7
Phantom Planet - Lonely Day
Powderfinger - My Happiness
Taking Back Sunday - The Blue Channel
Elliot Smith - Everything Reminds Me of Her
Nirvana - You Know You're Right
Wilco - I Am Trying To Break Your Heart
Death Cab For Cutie - We Laugh Indoors

I know there isn't much flow between the songs, but the crazy moodswing feeling I get from the lineup is pretty much how I feel right now.

I hung out in RA Rebecca's room on Sunday. It was.. interesting LOL. I think I am going to have a talk with her about some things that are really bothering me. I need some totally unbiased advice on a multitude of topics.

I am no better than a dumb middle-school aged kid. I get really bad crushes and end up getting hurt (wether it be my own doing or not) and then slip into these dumb "emo kid" moods. Oh well.

Well, world, I'm going to go pass out now. See you in six hours.

current mood: exhausted
current music: Bright Eyes - Calendar Hung Itself... - My "Bitter Mix" CD

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Monday, November 10th, 2003
2:07 am
i'm alive. (barely)
i lost my cellphone. (damnit)
i can't sleep. (yawn)
i gave rebecca the idea for a secret santa. (go me)
my knees hurt. (damn arthritis)
my stomach hurts really bad. (i think its the prednisone?)

didja see the eclipse last night? i saw the whole beginning and some of the end of the orangey-brown part. i was at the hockey game, so i didn't get to see it. :-\

current mood: sick

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Thursday, November 6th, 2003
10:03 am
oh my god i want to die

i am in so much pain

i cant sleep more than 6 or 7 hours at a time because the painkillers wear off and my fever spikes and the pain comes back

last night i could barely move my fingers and i was stuck on the couch for a few hours because my back was so fuckin sore

i am going back to the doctor today and i am going to plead with him to give me something to kill the pain that will last longer

even breathing moves me to tears, i can't even swallow without bawling like a fucking baby

current mood: gloomy
current music: nothing

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