|
|
Wednesday, May 1st, 2013
| |
12:38 am
|
|
| Wednesday, February 20th, 2013
| |
2:01 am - A Letter to my Sister's Father:
|
Here is where your actual first grandson was born, 16 years ago this month.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/i_am_gish/8444162654/
Then, you have your 2nd grandson who is the spitting image of Bertha. He has his mother's eyes, also like the women in your life. He turned 12 in September.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/i_am_gish/8444165068/
Then you have the last photo.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/i_am_gish/8444165394/
This one is pretty good, too.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/i_am_gish/8444165394/
You can really see her eyes in those two.
So before you go around showing off your 'first grandson' maybe you should remember there are two other grandsons aged 15 and 12 here that came first.
As for your daughter, my sister who I love very much. As for the issues she's had from knowing who made her but having not even done the simplest thing such as acknowledging her.
Your embarrassment. The little mistake you helped create over 30 years ago.
I haven't seen Wasse my sister, your daughter in about 3 years because she's lost to us, somewhere out there trying to come to terms with how her life came to be.
You could say "I didn't ask for this". Well you know, that's too bad. Because whatever happened to start this happened. And you became a father. So even if you didn't want it, too bad. Its still your responsibility.
Her father not even showing an interest or a simple acknowledgement to ease her hurt, and the belief that she has no one who wants her because her father didn't want her before she was even born.
Her problems stem from this. She didn't get the chance to raise her children. Danny, has been living on the island for the past five years with his grandmother.
Riley the eldest, your FIRST grandson arrived today to live here.
They suffer. They suffer because they think their mother doesn't want them. They are too young to understand how she felt unwanted.
She asked for one thing from you. She wanted your name as it rightfully belongs, on her birth certificate so her sons would have been given native status as they are actually half Indian instead of a quarter.
But you couldn't even give her that.
I know what kind of man you are. You're a native father who did a pretty shitty job with his daughter. You're a man who does not follow the teachings of our people, to honour their children above all else.
Your beliefs and practices are based on a lie. Because you don't practice them in your heart.
I am sending this because no one else has the balls to say these things.
I'm writing this to tell you, an elder who knows better already, that everything that has happened to Wasse in her life and her sons lives, you are partly responsible.
You're partly responsible for what's happened to her. And the fact I haven't seem my sister in 3 years, meanwhile her sons have not seen their mother who they love very much, in three years.
And no child should have to live without their mother.
I can't think about forgiving you for the role you've played in this 30 year old time of tragedy. But that's not my job or my role in this story as it's not my forgiveness you should ask for.
But know this. You had a role in it. A father's roll that you let my own father pick up the slack.
So when you go to sleep tonight, ask yourself this; what kind of man am I?
And remember this last thing; they say it's never too late to turn it around and try again.
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
| Monday, September 3rd, 2012
| |
7:39 pm - You'd Be So Beautiful Without All of That Fat
|
Dear Lady in Line at Tim Horton's This Afternoon,
While waiting in line to order the ridiculously over-priced, watered down excuse for a cup of coffee at Tim Horton's this afternoon, completely minding my own business, you seemed to think it the perfect opportunity to let me in on a little tidbit of knowledge I was apparently unaware of.
Now, before I spill the beans on your indiscretion, I have to say that I go out of my way to avoid making small talk in lines or actually, in public, ever. This is because I am usually not disappointed in the fact there are many stupid people out there.
And you my dear, were no exception to this delicious little rule.
I like to think that I don't attract any unnecessary attention. I'm just an ordinary girl, you know? But before I could totally avoid eye contact with you, you turned to me, a tight little smile on your face, saying "You'd be so beautiful without all that fat".
what the fuck?
I have to say I was shocked at both your gall and balls to say something like that to a perfect stranger. I don't know if you were looking to get punched out, or what but it almost worked. But I have to be honest here in that I was a little frozen to the core. I got my coffee and hoofed it out of there.
I came home and sat around, marveling at all of the amazing kick-ass comebacks that were flooding my head.
And I also thought of the fact that yes, I am a fat girl. I wanted to tone down the word 'fat' when writing this by using 'big' but I can't change the words you used, so I will go with that. People often think 'fat' is a bad word, but it's not words that are bad, it's the shit people associate with them.
Once, my nephew gave me a huge hug, the kind that stays with you for awhile. But he couldn't get his little arms all the way around me, so he says "oof, I can't reach because you're too fat". In his innocence, 'fat' was the same as 'tall', 'love' or 'nice'. And for the record, he thinks I'm wonderful no matter how tall, skinny, fat or odd I might be.
I have to say that although sometimes being this big bothers me, most of the time I'm ok with it. Sure, sometimes I want to run around in a cut off t-shirt festooned with sequins and jeggings like every other cougar I know, but good dress sense usually takes over and I don't mind at all that I am wearing just an ordinary t-shirt and blue jeans.
There are all sorts of reasons I could let you in on, regarding why I'm fat but it wouldn't matter and really, I shouldn't have to justify my own body to someone I am not sleeping with. But it does make me feel better to know there are legitimate reasons like medication, body type, and the fact I love food. Yes, I LOVE food. But none of those things are really any of your business.
In closing, I'd like to say that I may not be beautiful but I'm me, and right now I'm cool with that.
You don't have to be.
So you can kiss my fat ass.
current mood:  accomplished
|
|
(4 comments | comment on this)
|
| Sunday, September 2nd, 2012
| |
1:08 am - I can't recall, anything at all
|
The nights are the worst. Sometimes.
Most times, they pass in a blur. My dreams variegated from sweet vignettes to things that scare me, that make me wake up and turn on the light because in the dark things may lurk there, ghosts of whatever nightmare was occupying my mind two seconds before. It's always a kind of crap shoot once I am able to close my eyes and rest.
Sometimes, when I can't sleep, I come downstairs in socks and a tshirt to peck away at pieces of writing I'm hoping will turn into something. But a nasty thought usually occurs to me in that I will likely die with 1000 unwritten books locked in the vault that is my mind. It's all crammed full of half-memories, pictures I've taken with my eyes and filed away into dusty metal file cabinets, a million pieces of crumpled papers with notes jotted down. I often dream of giving birth to something more meaningful with these pieces of thought, but so far...nothing.
Lately, I've been steeped in 80's rock ballads. I know, I know. But it's comforting in a strange way. When I was 13 or 14, I used to hold tight to these songs, in the hope there was someone out there for me, that meant what they said/sang.
Now, my ideas of romance include things like the hurt to happy ratio. Often the hurt part of the equation is stronger, and I back away from anything that could be something, just to be on the safe side. I mean, I'm old now. There are only so many times one can bare one's soul to another and get shot down. Just a form of self-preservation.
Last weekend, Rose and I made our way to Niagara Falls to take part in a protest at Marine Land. This is a photo I took of Mya, Rose's daughter, holding a sign to oncoming drivers. I can't stand the thought of animals being harmed. It's a soft spot I have.
So, even thought it's only 1:35 a.m. and I am usually happy to be up late if I can sleep in the following morning, I yearn for the kind of oblivion only the exhausted seem to achieve. Instead, it will be a night of late night television and silly internet games that barely catch my attention.
So, night folks.
current mood:  awake
current music: Van Halen
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Thursday, August 30th, 2012
| |
6:46 pm
|
this is a small update:
I am still in London, still breathing.
It's been a smashing couple of weeks.
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, August 15th, 2012
| |
5:11 pm - letter to no one.
|
Sometimes, when it's dark out. And the leaves on the tree outside my window are rustling with wind. And it's so quiet in my bedroom, and so dark, my mind circles in itself. I wonder if you think of me.
Or of the Gish you used to know. That girl that gave off sparks in your presence. I wonder. I guess I wonder a lot. Usually when my lights go dark, and I feel like feeling sorry for myself. I never think of you when I'm feeling good. Which should say something to me, one would think.
You. Are a combination of so many other men in my life, I thought it was the perfect mix. The good, the bad, the incorrigible. The sweet parts, like the spot on your neck. Or the crooked smile that looked so goofy. But mostly, the hands. Clean nails, the most beautiful hands I'd ever seen in my life. Even now.
But that's all gone now. I have mostly forgotten (not really) and I often think of other things about you.
And each and every time, I come back to the same thing.
You don't exist, and maybe I just made you up.
That doesn't stop me from wishing you'd pick up the telephone sometime...and call.
current mood:  thoughtful
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Saturday, August 11th, 2012
| |
7:40 pm
|
Turbulent times. As always, it seems in the life of Gish. My laptop acts up, so I forgo the internet and what I usually do, using instead my phone for email and all that stuff.
Dookie, our ride to the Island, he loved the open windows, the feel of the wind on his face. It made me feel happy to look at him. Photo by Riley.
I'm stressed. I feel alone a lot of the time. And although I love alone time, it has been feeling a little overwhelming lately. That's the absolute truth. Nearly everyone who ever said they would be there for me, isn't. What can I do? Just deal, I suppose.
The recent rain we've had feels somewhat cleansing. The dogs track mud into the house, but it's a sign of life I think. They sleep so well now that we are three, instead of two. I like it too. Duke hogs the bed, but small price to pay for a very happy dog.
At my mother's, their garden is ready for harvest. I meant to grab cucumbers, zucchini and cabbage but I totally forgot in the hustle to grab the early morning ferry from South Bay. Instead, I'm looking at this huge watermelon sitting in the fridge, which seems daunting to cut up. Maybe tomorrow.
*grin*
it's hard to keep typing with this extended keyboard instead of the laptop. I feel disconnected :)
Talk to you soon,
Love G.
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, July 23rd, 2012
| |
6:12 pm - I think they are just going to have to deal.
|
I spill my beans everywhere. Here, or on Facebook, although I'm definitely more selective about Facebook. I still feel somewhat anonymous here so it feels like I can rock out like crazy here. but then I contradict myself. Usually a few times per day.
but still feels good here, at the Blurty.
Beansie, in his awesome laziness.
I have the laziest cat and the most slothful dog. It works perfectly with my lifestyle. Dookie lays around until I start moving, then he only wants to visit the outdoors for a few minutes. Beans, well, I hardly see him unless we happen to meet over his food dish where he considers me at my most efficient.
Buckley is the only one who has stayed true to his form, in being the most spastic dog I have ever known.
Although I do enjoy things happening in my life, what is up with the men from my past calling and asking if I'd been hurt by them? Did they suddenly watch High Fidelity and feel chagrined about anything we shared? It must be a global blip in men's consciousness where they feel the need to check on how 'poor little Gish' is doing. I mean, really. The only thing that upsets me to the smallest degree is the fact they may still think of me that way.
I know, I know. We as adults are not supposed to 'care' what others think. And usually that's true, although in this case, why can't they just forget?
Maybe they are in 12 Step Programs and feel the need to clear the air. You know, the step where you make an inventory or something like that, of all the people you hurt in your lifetime. And if half these guys actually sat down and thought about it, they'd realise they'd be faced with a *looong* list of some unhappy women. Women in general like to pretend we are gracious and will take it on the chin, in an 'aaw sucks' kind of way when faced with this sort of personal inventory.
But I refuse to. Why the hell should I let someone off for treating me terribly when I was 15, 19, 23, 26, 30, 32, 35, etc, etc?
I think they are just going to have to deal.
current mood:  calm
current music: Drive all night - Bruce Springsteen
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
| Saturday, July 21st, 2012
| |
1:06 pm - where is my vacation?
|
Very tiring week in terms of work. I was called in at 5 in the morning, when I had just finished work at midnight. So I was pretty cranky that day.
A day trip to Toronto for work, and I went to the CN tower for the first time ever.
I wasn't all that amazed but it was a photo op.
Now the heat has abated and I can sleep without the air conditioning blasting on me, and actually wearing ordinary pyjamas. That is a word I never learned how to spell. But it's cooler now, I actually want to be outside on the patio, doing the crossword (which I'm really bad at) and having morning coffee. Even if that morning coffee is at 1 in the afternoon. My weekend has been nice and quiet so far, just what I needed, i think.
My eldest nephew comes by every weekend and cleans around the place for chore money. It's nice to visit and it's really cool that I have a place they can come to when they need a break from home.
Now that the summer is here, everyone is gone to cottages and messing around. Not a lot of people have stayed in the city. I don't have any real time off. A friend has invited me to visit in Egypt but that's not until the end of August and I don't know if I can wait that long for a vacation. Maybe I need a new job :)
Definitely new friends with cottages close by.
current mood: awake
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Sunday, July 8th, 2012
| |
7:09 pm - changing
|
Nothing better than buying a new dress to make a girl feel pretty. Although, I am not really one for dresses, so I bought a car instead. This time I got to pick it out, and I have to say I'm pretty pleased with my choice so far.
So it was bye bye old (tiny) car...
And hello new (larger) vehicle.
Like I mentioned, it's a standard, and I'm pretty rusty at it. Things are a little herky-jerky when I wrestle into first. 2nd and 3rd love me. Much like bases, maybe.
In any case, I've been trying to make smoother gear changes and the art of looking hot, despite the temperature.
This heat has me in my underwear, re-reading A Moveable Feast by Hemmingway, snacking on watermelong and blueberries. I feel a real affinity with Hemmingway, of course for the obvious reasons but also because he suffered so publicly, and no one even seemed to notice. Par the course, I bet he would say.
I'm still working hard at the settling down. Making every effort to be comfortable in NOT planning a new move, or a new job. Or a new country. The pets, the new car, all of that is part of it.
Hope it works!
current mood:  geeky
current music: Season premier of The Walking Dead WOOOO
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Saturday, July 7th, 2012
| |
12:10 am
|
Approval is a luxury I can't afford. Things are so hot these days, it's practically impossible to think straight. I broke down and bought a air conditioner for the bedroom. It's the only place I feel even remotely like my ordinary self (although that term is up for debate), and so far I've read 5 books in about 6 days. No television in the bedroom and I'm too lazy to lug the laptop up there. Which is funny considering I've carried this thing to Italy, Ireland, etc.
A quick trip to the island, and I saw some things that amazed me.
Duke, aka Dookie is doing great in his new home. He and Buckley are buds. Now if only the cat would dig it. My little family is setting in. That feels good.
In other news, I bought a jeep. Tired of the tiny car and trying to deal with having only 2 doors. The jeep should be easier to haul dogs and other life stuff around. It's green, a stick. Driving a manual makes me feel more connected to the road. Maybe pictures tomorrow.
I pick flowers, ditch lillies that wilt in the heat, petals dropping to the floor. Orange smears of color that remind me of the seemingly impossible blood red moon that hangs bloated in the night sky on these sticky humid nights.
current mood:  hot
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, June 19th, 2012
| |
10:09 pm - Gish and Dookie, a match made in heaven.
|
I picked up Dookie yesterday, the 140 pounds Chinese Mastiff that won my heart with his pumpkin shaped (and sized) head and a beaming smile. He cost a bit of cash but I adored him on sight, and based on his references (no shit), Rose and I set out for Woodstock to pick the little baby. Ok, not little baby. He's about 140 pounds, but is adorable. In a giant, gentle sort of way.
That's him, with his new hippo. Not the best photo, but there will be more to come.
In other news, work stressing me out, as usual. But it is part of the territory.
Ice cold tea with lemon at the end of the day, a cuddle with the dogs and watching them play in the backyard. It all helps.
Heading up North to pick up my car and finally surrender the van. I'm totally ready to do this, I've missed the little car and how it's got a larger turning radius. *grin* parking is definitely easier. Gas is cheaper. All that good stuff.
So, Dookie, Buckley and I will have a 4 hour roadtrip then a short boat ride and we'll be on the Island. I hope Dookie likes to swim, I'm going to take him to the beach. I already know Buckley doesn't really care for it. So maybe we'll have some fun at the shores of super clear Lake Huron.
I love roadtrip. Lots of music, beautiful skies and my family at the end of the road.
But right now, it's hot out and I've got to pack and get to bed. Sleepy time.
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Sunday, June 10th, 2012
| |
5:35 pm - double dare
|
Interesting times.
It seems, to others, there is always a question of my relationship status. It's kind of a no-brainer in my opinion. The Italian and I have had an on again, off again thing for the past year or so, which followed our two year steady. Nice guy, not really any thing that sticks out in terms of why I didn't want to be around him, just didn't seem like a relationship that set my blood on fire. No, not even that. It wasn't a relationship that I thought I could live with, and see my face in the mirror each morning, without being able to forgive myself for settling.
I'd rather be single forever then to stay with a man just for the sake of being with someone. Someday, he will make another woman very happy.
I have to admit, things that came with this man, such as his nice Italian family, yearly trips to Rome and the possibility of living there are things that I will miss. But I can't stay with a guy because I like his mama, and the fact he's a purebred northern Italian that can act as my personal tour guide any time I happen to be in that part of the world. It's just silly. Besides, he likes Northern Ontario, and I'm not about to settle down in that particular part of the world. The furthest North I'll stay is near my parents, and even that would be stretching it. What can I say? I like the humid of southern Ontario.
Other friends think I should invent profiles for dating sites, but which photo would I use?
And god, what would I say? Hello, my name is Fabulous?
I've never really met anyone in all of my travels that has made me sit up and pay attention. Well, maybe one. Maybe two. But things happen and if that doesn't happen again. That's ok.
In other news, my parents came down this weekend to help celebrate Nic's 7th birthday. My boy has turned 7. Well, not my boy. But the closest thing to it. It was a good weekend. They brought me a few house things to brighten up the place. My step dad painted an old table, brought some comfy patio chairs, an umbrella and poof! I have a patio set in the back yard. It's nice.I feel good.
Buckley is here with me. He's all excited about Beansie, the cat but Beans doesn't want anything to do with him. Now, I lay down at night, and Buckley is beside me, his little (fat) body that looks like a dust mop because he hasn't had a bath in over 6 months, a smelly little dog. My baby boy of 6 years, it's enough to feel as though I was kicked in the junk.
Mi dispiace, mi piccolo bimbo.
current mood:  content
current music: Gold on the Ceiling- The Black Keys
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, June 5th, 2012
| |
7:44 pm - bocaccini
|
My clumsiness will never resolve itself. I just have to accept it as such, and just get better at dealing with the bumped knees, paper cuts, cat running up and down stairs, loose pants hem, missing belt (pants almost falling down in public) and any other assortment of issues I generally run into on any given day.
I almost fell head first down the stairs this morning, blinking sleep out of my eyeballs, and Beans comes behind me, running close to my feet, causing me to almost trip myself down the stairs as if I'm an acrobat. I landed on my butt, hanging on to the railing, like a little old lady. I could have broken a hip! Heh.
Here's Beans visiting with his bud. Probably gossiping about me *grin*
The morning didn't go as smooth as I had hoped, trying to figure out the new coffee maker. Not a new one mind you, this was a a 5 dollar special from the Thrift store, it's the only way I can find vintage coffee makers that make the best coffee, at least until I can get a coffee press, which makes the fantastic coffee.
So here's my little (in)experience making coffee this morning. Only two minor burns to one finger, and the top of my hand. That shit splatters. Place Italian espresso into basket. Place basket on metal stick thing, fill pot with water, stick the metal stick and basket into coffee pot, turn on stove. Seems simple right? Naw, it eventually over boiled, I went to get it, lifted off the lid (burn self on fingers because the lid is glass), attempted to lifting pot off stove, which then splatters hot (not even good) coffee all over my hands and stove top.
I'm swearing out the wazoo and dancing around the kitchen and thinking: this cannot be a good way to start the day.
All in all, no harm done. A couple of very minor injuries, when I think what could have been considering the near fall down the stairs. I need to be more awake these days.
At least my pants haven't fallen down. Yet. *grin*
Sweet sunlight in my living room. Small joys of life.
current mood:  amused
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Sunday, June 3rd, 2012
| |
5:37 pm - Electric Magdalene
|
A nice cable guy helped with the stupid television. Here I was thinking I was being a super intellectual and awesome role model by not owning a television. But one little call to Bell Canada in order to set up internet, and before I know it I'm ordering the whole deal. Thus, a television must be obtained in order to do my dvds and cable justice. Ugh. I can feel the blandness of this housing complex seeping in already. Sneaky.
But The Sopranos looks amazing.
Cooked an early dinner with the one pot I own, and finished up some chores around the house. I should have done some laundry, but I can't be bothered (this is what one gets for owning so many clothes). Household chores will get old soon, but you never know. I might turn into Molly Housewife with no husband. The last part doesn't sound so bad *grin*
Mint from The Vietnam. I can't imagine what I'll do when that place closes.
My sister wants to give me some furniture. All I have to hang out on in the living room is a two seater loveseat which is almost the most uncomfortable thing I've ever owned. It was left by the owner of the house. I shouldn't complain, but ouch.
I should have taken the Poang, or poutang chair, whatever it's called *grin* from my sister. Then I might be sitting pretty.
The garden in my backyard is growing lush and green with all this rain lately. I'm glad it cooled off. Drinks with Rose on some cushy chairs and private gossip will be fun at some point this summer. I haven't had a backyard in years. It's nice to have a small piece of grass to yourself.
Beansie seems to be adjusting to his new owner. He sleeps with me sometimes, other times he cries at the door. I hope that when Buckley gets here next weekend, they'll get along. High hopes.
Ei. Only 6:30 and I'm tired. Ridiculous.
The Italian is in his homeland, enjoying the earthquakes. The only thing I can think about when I get a msg is the fantastic food his mother is cooking.
Note to self: stop looking at international job postings.
I'm telling you, settling down in one spot is hard. Difficult. It's like, work or something. Yeah, that's what I am. An electric Magdalene.
current mood: calm
current music: The Sopranos in the background
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, May 28th, 2012
| |
7:23 pm - sweat
|
It's almost the end of May. This past month of 2012, I've turned 36, rented a house to live in, adopted a cat whom I've renamed 'Beansie', and remembered the sticky humid nights of a London summer.
Still, breath moves in and out of my lungs. I open my eyes in the morning, choose an outfit, slick on some sunscreen so I can pretend to stop the freckles that have appeared on my nose. I like how things are going. Work is hard, but it feels somewhat gratifying when I climb into my parent's van at the end of the day and drive back towards London and where I lay my head at night. Like a crown on my pillow.
It's the regular ins and outs of daily living that I'm trying to enjoy. That's what the life is all about. None of those 'ideas' I had years ago, thinking what my life would look like. Instead, I'm just trying to get on with it. I slick dark blue nail polish on my nails, admire the shine. Pretty blue. freak flag fly, indeed. It's all just a bunch of words, right sailor?
I took some photos of the youth today, learning how to set up the lodge for the sweat tonight. they ask me if I'll go in. I say no, wrong time of the month but also because it's so roasting out there, it would be no relief to come out of the sweat lodge into this heat.
Sweet scented cedar, you add the layers to the floor of the lodge with every sweat (each week) until there is a comfy bed which you sit on, in the dark and try to dream. For the first time in my entire life, I can use my 'real' name at work, not the english one. It feels good to hear someone say it.
Thanks for the birthday messages, they were much appreciated and they were very sweet.
I move in sometime this week, probably the weekend. I don't own a television, just some funky vintage furniture and a lot of books. Buckley will join me in a couple of weeks, to lounge in my back yard with some iced tea. He'll meet his new companion, Beansie the cat and maybe he'll become a bit happy again as he's been lackluster since Marble and Beebs died. I'm thinking he's just lonely.
As sad as this sounds, although I'm making arrangements to settle in, I can't help thinking of the weather in Europe, the breeze on the side of the ocean. Italy in June with the thing crust radicchio pizza and 5 euro bottles of beer. Looking back now, I can hardly believe I've done those things.
It's been quite a year.
current mood: hot
current music: The Sopranos in the background
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, May 14th, 2012
| |
6:53 pm - news on a home for Gish.
|
So far, I have not been challenged as much as I have in this position.
It's been a good 'month' so far. I think I'm making some progress with the staff and working on relationships with the residents. Good stuff happening so far.
Although, a teen pointed at me today and told the Executive Director that I should be the first one fired. When asked why, the teen responded that I wasn't allowing them to nap during the day. Which is hugely ironic, seeing as I would be the first one to schedule naps if it was allowed.
Funny stuff, too so far.
Looked at a house the other day. Had almost everything I wanted, so I said I'd take it. Just waiting to hear back from the lady to see if I am accepted to rent the property. A little garden and back patio for myself and the dogs for evening star gazing.
3 bedrooms. A spare for visitors, my own boudoir, and an art/office room. Small living area, but it makes up for it with the sliding doors out to the patio. Also, the landlord is leaving all appliances, including air, and laundry units. Which is a score in my mind.
But, now that I've seen it and have made up my mind, I'm now chomping at the bit to be approved, and start the moving in and setting up household.
I want to settle in, darn it! But I know it will happen with time, just need to be patient and wait until the end of May to actually move in. *sigh* such a long 3 weeks to begin the settling process and start nesting my my little townhouse nest.
I never thought I'd live in a building with 40 floors, and I never thought a townhouse either. Funny how my standards have changed in terms of the space I occupy, have changed. I know it's not my 'forever' house, but it will be for a longer term than in recent years. Much longer term. And so far, I see ok with that.
It's a cute place. I'm mostly in love with the patio, which is rich with glossy green vegetation, roses, trees and a perfect space for the barbecue and patio set.
Perfecto.
current mood:  excited
current music: Bruce, oh Bruce you bend my heart.
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Friday, May 11th, 2012
| |
6:40 pm
|
|
I'm so tired. Falling face first into my bed. Er..my friend's couch, I should say.
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Saturday, May 5th, 2012
| |
6:11 pm - May
|
Mornings still a bit difficult getting used to. I know, I know. Whine, whine, whine. But what can I say? I'm just not a morning kind of gal. I guess I could be if I had the promise of a nap later in the day :)
Working right through this weekend, just getting things done, orientation and all that sort of thing, then full time days starting Monday. Exciting. And even earlier mornings, we're talking 5 a.m. here. Even if I'm done at 4, that still seems like a bit of a rip. I like my job, though. That's the thing. I think I will be satisfied there in terms of my work in the field I am in.
Still looking at apartments. Things are more expensive since my Colborne days. I still like that area of town but it's not a deciding factor in where I will be living, I'm more interested in finding a place that suits my small budget and where I can be comfortable with Buckley and perhaps a new dog. I am looking forward to settling down, for sure.
Things are good, in case this sounds like a cranky entry. I'm enjoying the weather, and wearing summer clothes. Skirts and plain white tshirts are the thing, right now. Soon I will be taking detours to the beach after work to swim, where I can feel the strong undertow and the silty sand beneath my feet. Bruce Springsteen on the stereo. Shower Lake Erie from my skin and I will feel refreshed and born. again.
Soon the strawberries will be ready and I will pick baskets for my parents, and pretend I can make jam, but really, my mouth will be red because I will eat more than I can cook. Crispy seeds between your teeth, and the sweet red that strawberries are. It will be a lovely thing.
I had a dream last night. An old lover. His skin was as smooth as a mirror, his mouth sweeter than I recall. I woke up feeling odd. As if there is something I forgot to do.
More lists. :)
current mood:  full
current music: Long Walk Home - Bruce Springsteen
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Thursday, May 3rd, 2012
| |
8:26 pm - neglecting the Blurt-eh again
|
Work has consumed me these past few weeks. As the new intake of kids looms closer, I'm getting more excited about all the programming I get to implement and getting used to my new role. It's exciting to me, at least. To all the rest, it's old hat for them.
Mornings come hard but I'm hoping once I am into the routine, things won't seem so rough. Apartment hunting is interesting, I've looked at a lot of dumps, and one nice one (although I found out this afternoon, the Landlord is a drunk and was really rude to me when I went to drop off my application).
That took the bloom off my day.
But tomorrow, it's skirt wearing weather and a new mixed cd burned to listen to, so I'm already looking forward to the morning drive.
I bought a pillow today; my first purchase for my new place (wherever that is).
:)
current mood: calm
current music: Human Touch - Bruce Springsteen
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
|
|
|