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Blurty for _*¤ Jenn ¤*_.
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| Friday, January 16th, 2004 |
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Yay..another snow day!!! :-) Well neways, from now on this is gonna be a friends-only journal cuz some people have no business reading it..ok? ok! :-) sooo i hope every1 who isn't a "friend," has enjoyed reading! |
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| Wednesday, January 14th, 2004 |
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I feel like sh*t..I don't feel like studying for economics..or doing math, or bio or w/e else I hafta do..I don't even know anymore. I feel like I'm falling apart kind of. I hate this year so much. I hate knowing that soon I'm gonna have to make a decesision about college..and its gonna change the rest of my life. :-( Sometimes I wanna leave so bad, and other times I think..omg if I go..when I come back, no ones gonna wanna see me..and there all gonna b best friends still and I'm gonna b the outsider, and the only one who left. Yea, so today has sucked royally. I just realized that 1 year ago today exactly is when I got my heart ripped out of my chest and smashed into a million little pieces. Sometimes I still feel like I'm pickin them up. Its so pathetic that sometimes I still feel like it happened yesterday and I could just cry and cry and cry forever. Yet, when I do cry about it, when I'm done I feel SO much better. I dunno why. See this? This is why I need to leave next year. Seeing as one year has past and I'm still deep in a hole with no ladder, whats gonna make it change? Nothing! But I mean..I guess I'm glad I still have a really good friend, sometimes a best friend. But it sucks a** that thats all its ever gonna be..and it was once something special..love sucks. I hate January's so much! GrRrR..February's 2! :-( This is not a good year so far! Hopefully it will get better..I think so..:-) Enough bitching from me tonite..g'nite! **Jennifer** |
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| Sunday, January 11th, 2004 |
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This is so awful...I have a Bio test to study for, an English essay, a memoir for Journalism, and 21 math problems..and it is 10:08pm..:-( I'm gonna cry. Why do I wait until the last minute? I just cannot do this school thing anymore..I can't! I'm going crazy! NEways..instead of doing hwork I am eatin crackers w/ that cheese u can spray from the can.."easy cheese," and I just wrote my name in it..hehe..and I made a flower like they do on cakes w/ frosting. Sooo in one way I'm being productive..by making myself even fatter..yumm. :-) Its snowing out though, but we live in Niagara Falls..theres no such thing as a snow day..psh. Alrite..I'm going now..g'nite! :-) *~JeNnY~* |
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| Monday, January 5th, 2004 |
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-School (-) -Come home from school (-) -HWork (-) -Dinner (-) -Nice text messages (+) :-) Yay. -"Castaway" on ABC (+) Hell yea! :-) +'s - 2 -'s - 4 =Today sucked. :-( I didn't do any hwork..I really *needed* some1..they were sleeping!!! :-( bum..yea so now my math hwork pile is like up to the ceiling..and right now I don't care..but I g2g..Castaway is on..:-D *JeN* |
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| Sunday, January 4th, 2004 |
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Yea..its Sunday January 4th 2004..and we have school tommorrow. I want to crawl into a corner and die right about now b/c I don't think I can make myself get out of bed @ 6am..and get ready 4 work. I don't even remember what time I wake up. I don't think I remember my locker combination either. Soo..basically its gonna suck. And tommorrow I must do hwork all day although I probably..won't. :-) It's all kinda easy cept the whole calc stuff..which is hard, and I don't understand it, and we have a final coming up. :-( This vacation FLEW by..and that sucks. At least I got all my college crap done..and sent, and etc. Now I have to wait to hear if I get accepted to the schools, and decide where I wanna go. FuN. Anyways..I guess I'm gonna go now..g'nite. *..Jennyfer..* ( Read more... ) |
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| Thursday, January 1st, 2004 |
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Yay! It's finally 2004!! :-) The wonderful year we get 2 graduate and begin walking the road to our real futures..yippee. 2003..was up and down..January & February-sucked..March/April-they were alrite, May-August-probably the best months of the year..then September/October-ehhh..ok, kinda rocky. Then November/December-pretty good..lots of stuff happening and such. But yea definetely a memorable year that I probably won't want to remember in the future..lots of heartbreak, tears, millions of fights, and everything..but it all turned out okay..and I still have one of my best friends. But there were also trillions of laughs and good times 2..so its all good..:-) Sooo..I'm hoping for a more stable, fun year..w/ prom, graduation, work again, then...CoLLeGe! Yikes. :-) NEways..this New Years Eve..I..went to Brian's..for the 3rd year in a row..Dave was there 2..it was pretty fun though besides the whole Scrabble incident..:-\..Mario Kart was fun, I'm better than expected..and we watched some hockey..and..movies.. I guess. Jess called..lol that was pretty funny..haha.. I've been so lazy lately..all I do is read, play SNES, and watch movies..and t.v..and play on the computer..I lead a boring vacation-life. And I haven't done any schoolwork..and I have tons..now I'm gonna cry. :'( Tommorrow..well today rather..nothing again! GaSp. I think I'm gonna finish my college stuff..sounds like fun huh? Yepp..well bedtime..g'nite. *~Jennifer~* ( Read more... ) |
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| Wednesday, December 31st, 2003 |
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| Monday, December 29th, 2003 |
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Please children, no inappropriate/false comments in my journal. They have and will be deleted. Thank-you. :-) -Jenn |
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| Saturday, December 27th, 2003 |
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For the record, I too hated middle school. But then again..maybe it was better to be ugly and un-desirable to every1..b/c then you don't get hurt by some inconsiderate asshole or something..right? Even though I say I don't...I think alot about the future..who I'm gonna be, and who I'm gonna be with. That's kinda scary. Sometimes growing up reallllly sux. But I mean..I really wanna know who I'm gonna be with..I think about it everyday, and I guess thats kinda pathetic, and maybe kinda not? Sometimes I feel so...wanted?, and other times I feel like a pathetic little brat whos pining for something that will never be. I think the phone is the worst invention ever made..you can make an oven cook or turn a television on to the right channel but you cannot make your phone ring when you want it too. I hate the telephone. I think I hate school vacations right about now 2, and I hate promises and pacts and resolutions, there all b.s. I really don't know what I'm holding on 2..the little hope that is left is being picked apart each day and soon there will be none. I guess that will be a good thing. And maybe someday someone will realize what has been lost and what might have been and not get all worked up & defensive but rather be sad and wish for it all back. But by the time that day comes I'll be long gone..at least I hope. -Jenn |
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| Friday, December 26th, 2003 |
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Christmas is over..:-( I got alot of cool stuff..and it was fun. And now...its over. Oh well. :-) I hope every1 had a nice Christmas and ate lots of yummy food & cookies..I know I did! :-) *~Jenn~* My Horoscope For 2Day.. *~Leo~* July 23 - August 22 Your pride is wounded, but it isn't entirely dead. You can pick yourself up from this, though, and move on like nothing happened. Soon it will all be just an embarrassing memory. (*yikes, i hope..*) :-\ |
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| Tuesday, December 23rd, 2003 |
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I went 2 the Blvrd mall on Friday..then the Factory Outlet mall on Saturday..and then the Blvrd mall again today..guess where I'm going tommorrow? The Summit Mall..I'm tired of malls. Actually, I'm tired of going to mall's with no money to spend on me. :-( Maybe after Christmas...NEways. 2day I helped make cookies, hairless ones hopefully..hehe..;-) Now that Christmas is soon..I can't wait. I feel really greedy lately, and I'm like..I want my stuff! :-\ I'm sucha brat..lol.. I also can't wait 4 the Degrassi marathon & the party! :-D Yay. Other than that, nothing new. Oh yea, there was a Newlyweds marathon on tonite, that was exciting. Yea so I'm sitting here w/ nothing else to type..so I'm gonna go..bye bye :) *~jenn~* |
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| Sunday, December 21st, 2003 |
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Yes! School is *finally* done & Christmas is comin! I'm getting really excited even though I wasn't b4..lol..:-) Friday, school was really gay, we didn't do any work..well I did my hwork but still..so then me, my mom and my sister went 2 Olive Garden and then Christmas shopping! :-) We saw Mr. Sims in Kaufmans and my sister went beserk..she like grabbed my arm and hissed "JEN! Mr. Sims is here." She scared the hell outta me..cuz she startled me..lol..I don't know why she freaked out like that. Yea..so when we were driving to the mall some guys car like overheated in front of us and it got my mom's windshield all dirty so she couldn't see..needless to say we almost got in an accident like 2 times. Then I came home and talked 2 Nick on the phone for like 2 hours..as much as I like having those *heated* discussions..it really gets me pissed..lol. Oh well. Then Saturday..I went 2 the mall w/ Caroline & Andrew Z..and we met up w/ Jess after she was done w/ work..and Emily ate w/ us on her lunch break! :-) Soooo yea..that was fun...interesting...Then I went 2 Brian's house..he got me "scratchies," hehe..and I won $2! :-) Yay! Thank-you. We got movies @ Blockbuster..mine was a big flop..:-( We should have gotten "Finding Nemo," or "Gacy." But I liked "Porky's." Soo yea, I don't recommend "Spun," its really weird..but omg they have a dog named Taco..:-) I think that is the cutest thing in the world..and they had to take it 2 the vet b/c of 2 much second-hand smoke! LOL. 2nite I think we're going to Kim's nana's house 4 that lil Christmas thing, so I'm sure that will be fun! I've been thinking alot about "stuff," & "some1," and I dunno..the end is near I guess..:-( blah. Ohhh well..I'm gonna go.. <3, jenny  I did it in 24 seconds. I deserved a B+!! Take the How Dexterous Are You? Quiz!! |
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| Tuesday, December 16th, 2003 |
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Omg I've never been so tired in my life. I just realized I have a lot of work 2 do..I think I'm gonna throw-up. The Bio Lab is due tommorrow, guess who didn't bring her Bio stuff home? :-) Jen! And guess who was happy she didn't? Jen!! :-) That was the highlight of my day sadly, when I opened my backpack and realized I physically cannot do the lab tonite..yes!!!! Hopefully she accepts it on Thursday. Anyways..I got a 93 on my math quiz, I was mad excited, it's my only 90's score this marking period. :-D This week's going by really slow and yet 2 fast cuz I'm trying 2 do all this college shit and I realized that my teachers are like...procrastinatin on me like I do on them w/ these stupid letters of recommendation..blah. And does anyone have a typewriter? That would be a huge help..thanx :-) WoW..I'm so tired..tommorrow is our Winter Concert, yippee...then Thursday then Friday..then no school!!!!! 4 2 weeks @ least. Oh well. Alrite, enough..I need 2 start this math hwork and go 2 bed!!! Good nite!!! *~jenny~* |
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| Sunday, December 14th, 2003 |
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This weekend was mucho boring..I didn't leave the house 1nce..lololol. How awful! I did nothing productive, yesterday I worked on bio, read, watched t.v., and fell asleep watching "I'll b home 4 Christmas," w/ JTT! :) LoL..I also ate 1/2 a can of pringles. YuMm. 2day..computer, read, t.v., I watched "For Richer or Poorer," w/ Tim Allen & Kirstie Alley..I like that movie. Then Nick n Sam came over..hehe that was fun. We got wings "extra crispy," ;) and tried watching "Now & Then," and then we played Mad Gab, but no1 was really in the mood..so yea..they left. LoL. My brother "lost" my uncles dog, and Nick went 2 the door it was really funny he was like "HANNA!...is not out here" LoL. HaHa. But man, what a waste of a weekend..and I dunno how 2 drive in the *snow* so I couldn't go anywhere reallly. But hey, it finally SNOWED! :-D YaY! Oh well, maybe next weekend will b better..I hope..:-D Yea..but I'm glad that Nick n Sam r here again, and Nick me n u ARE the next Nick & Jessica, except its gonna b "Nick & Jennifer," hehe..10 more years..:) then 10 blissful years 2gether..10 times a day..haha ;) NEways..I guess I'm gonna go watch this survivor thingy w/ my fam..and then some good ol' hwork..whoopee..goodnite.. <3, jenny ( Read more... ) |
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| Saturday, December 13th, 2003 |
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Yesterday after school..I was just in this slump..and it was so bad..I just felt really alone and like sad..so I decided I'd like do hwork..I started doing the bio portfolio..and I like threw myself into it, and made it all pretty and tried to focus on another colors besides those that make it look like a gay rainbow thing, and I dunno I wasn't that sad anymore. Soo..I guess the newest cure for depression is-throw yourself into your schoolwork. Along w/-sleep, and hang out w/ friends. Who knows. Then I thought I was going bowling..but that was a no-go..;'( Oh well. I went 2 bed late and woke up late, and missed 00 period..and b4 I went 2 bed I said "Jen, tommorrow, you are drivin 2 school and you are going to 00 period," I have this problem where when I drive I wake up like one hour late cuz I know I have no deadlines 2 meet, like no "ooo my rides coming @ 7," or "the bus comes in 10 minutes," I'm like free. :) School was boring..we made headpieces in English, mines ug..and the rest of the day was crap. Me n Deanna had to stay after like 10 minutes in gym cuz some retard f-ed up the rock climbing ropes and we had to untie this like boy scout knot..geez. >:-o 2nite, I saw Sam!!! :) And Nick!!! :) And Brian!! :) My three favoritest-boys..lol..:-) Sooo thats that. I'm kinda drifting towards the conclusion that I'm wastin my time and energy..on something that will never result in somethin spectacular. I don't know why i can't let go..sometimes I want 2..but then I think about whats gonna happen and my stomach hurts. :( Then I realize that I'm gonna HAVE 2 sooner or later..so why not sooner? But I dunno..theres really no one else..and lol..I think thats why we both kinda "hold on," even tho I'm "holding on" in a different sense. Its just, sometimes people can b so amazing, and other times..I'm like "wow..do I kno you?" And it makes me mad, that people act a certain way around one person and then u kno when they find someone else, they're gonna b all perfect and stuff..hopefully not for long..I'm seriously like in the same position I was last year + and - a few major/minor details..and I dunno...what 2 do..sometimes I don't care @ all and other times I care wayyyy 2 much. It needs to stop. But, when? And how? Rite now..I don't care. F-it. All I know is, I do care deeply about people..and if its not the same..then oh well, its okay. I'm sorry my body isnt "up to par," ;) lol jjjj-k. But seriously..sometimes it sucks being the person you are..to another person. Like..in the eyes of someone else, your just that same, old, girl..kinda like yesterdays news..sometimes still exciting and other times..repetitive and boring. ZzZzZ..I understand, I mean seeing the same guys over and over and over does get boring. You can only flirt and do so much, and I guess thats why they say that after you start having sex it gets kinda boring after a while? i dunno. I myself want something..new and exciting..but it also makes me really nervous in a bad kinda way. I dunno. I just want to find some1 that I care about that respects me and cares about me in the same way. Is that so much 2 ask??? :) lol. You know what else I wanna do..I wanna go 2 Bingo! :) please, some1 come w/ me..u mite win some $$$!! :) Oh ya, I didn't even start christmas shopping..yikes. Yea, tommorrow, I am doing nothing! LoL. Which is reallllly good..rite now I feel like laying around all day and watching "I'll b home for christmas" @ 9pm..but I know tommorrow I'm gonna b itching for something to do, thats just how I am. :) lol. But ya enough from me..I'm going to bed..goodnite. =) ( Read more... ) *jenn* |
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| Sunday, December 7th, 2003 |
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Ohmygosh..I promise myself that after I type this I WILL get offline and I WILL do my hwork..:-) b/c enough is enough on this whole procrastination deal. I'm so happy we only have school 4 days this week..sleepin in is so much fun! Even tho 2day I only got 2 sleep til 10:30, it was well worth it ;-) I was really trying 2 read my Bio book, and attempting 2 fill out scholarship stuff, but I failed. :-( Tonite I realized I love liking guys w/ no jobs and no cars..aka "I Like Losers," does any1 else have this problem and wanna join my lil group thing? You have to like a guy/girl that has no job AND no car, they can't have a job and no car or a car and no job, they must be jobless and automobileless. You also must have a 0% chance of ever getting with them. LoL. :-D Oh my. Oh well, I guess I'm content in my situation, for 2day @ least. But it might just be because my materialistic desires were fulfilled..lol j/k..:) I swear, I'm not materialistic..so Nick, u r working on that Christmas gift for me rite???? ;) hehe. Yea, so I guess this was a good weekend overall. I got to get fast food twice, eat @ a resturant once, almost run some1 over, watch my 1st boxing match, make arts n crafts, see a really cute/funny movie, get a present:), see 2 little kids fall over, and sleep alot!!!! :) And the whole shoe thing..Me-"I HATE this song, its all about SHOES," Brian-"I bet I know a song all about shoes that u do like,"..:\ its true..I <3 the song air force ones and its all about..shoes..lol..but seriously that Christmas Shoe song drives me insane. I thought that was funny..neways Sam comes home soon!!! :) And last night, I heard somethin realllly nice, and I was like "yes!" :) but I can't say what. :x . Alrite enough of this stuff, I'm going 2..do hwork!! ;) hehe or watch t.v..either or.. nite . <3, Jenny |
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| Saturday, December 6th, 2003 |
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I hate thinking about the past. Like..the beginning of this year and stuff. I get these weird feelings in my stomach and I feel like I'm going 2 throwup. Then, I think about the present and realize I'm kinda in the same situation, but not really. And I hate it. Sometimes. Like, I'm scared that after December 10th or whatever, all tables will turn and all the deals will be off. I'm gonna get screwed over b/c some privileges are going to be refreshed and then some1 will be driving somewhere to do something. And that f-in sucks. I kinda thought about the tonite like..if some1 could do something..then this little deal prolly wouldn't have happened..did they ever think about what happens when they can do somethin again? I hope they realize whats going to happen if they DO do that something again. I know this is mad confusing, but that sucks doesn't it? And the sad part is..no one really knows the velocity of this situation, and how much its gonna suck when I have to let go. I can't really talk 2 many people about it, and the ones I do..don't really understand/know. I myself don't understand. Like I hate being kinda in the dark about this whole thing, not really knowing whats going on..and whats being said. :( Everything someone says and means @ the time can change in 2 seconds..and I hope those 2 seconds do not happen anytime soon. I cannot believe I am letting this person threaten me so badly! LOL. I am so pathetic! And wow, I CANNOT WAIT..to f-in leave next year. I am so going away to college, its not even funny. I refuse to be in the same city with people, I KNOW whats gonna happen and I will not live 5 blocks away from that happening, hell no. And its not even that I want to be with this other person, its just I DO NOT want and NEVER want this other person being with this person..get it? Blah. Sooo I try thinking about other people. And realize that that 2 is hopeless..wonderful. But I hate how certain people can make me feel so..incredible and hurt me so much @ the same time, but not really hurt me..more like scare me. Because I know how I am..I know how I think and what I do in certain situations..so I know other people must be like that 2..I don't want other people to do things that I think I would. Again, that would suck. I need to put my foot down if something happens, I think I will. Yes, I will. I promise myself. And if it does, all bets are off, everything. I never wanted it to come down to me looking back on the past and feeling naeseous with emotions..but now I think about it, and even the good times make me feel sick. I don't know what that is. I used to stay alive thinking of those times, and now I can't. It's like ..omg who was I? Who was he? What were we? I realize the emotional bond that was created and destroyed, but I also realize I've never really had the type of relationship I dream of having. I don't know..like 2 people totally crazy about eachother..I don't know..maybe I had that once. Maybe not. I don't know. Christmas is so soon, I have to buy all these presents soon with money I cannot really afford 2 spend..and I think I should get another job..b/c I'm gonna b going nuts once I'm done w/ college stuff and have nothing to do. As happy a time as Christmas is supposed to be, it makes me sad. I also hate..hopeless crushes on perfect guys, those r the pits lol. :) It's ok tho..that will be far away soon. :\ Alrite enough rambling that makes no sense for tonite..no work tommorow, omg I'm gonna sleep in!!!! :D **Jenn** |
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| Thursday, December 4th, 2003 |
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I feel like shit..my stomach hurts so bad and my head is like spinning. ;'( Is it sad that I regret weekends? I hate not knowing what I'm gonna b doing, what other people r doing without me, and not having anything to do. Soo..I guess for the same reasons I'm dreading Christmas vacation. Basically, I'm a loser! :) And u know what else, I'm sick of calling people..I want 2 be called..I hate sitting here wondering if I'm gonna get called and then have to give in and call the other person. That sucks. Especially when u think u'r doing something that day with that person, and it turns out that u'r not. I also hate PMSing b/c when I PMS I cry alot and I hate crying. I hate knowing I have this huge pile of hwork and none is done and I don't plan on doing it anytime soon. Because when I come home, I usually go to sleep. 2day I'd rather die, I feel like I'm going 2 throwup. :( jen |
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| Sunday, November 30th, 2003 |
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Aww..2day was my last day of work :'( But thats awesome. Now I will have nothing to do on the weekends, b/c I will no have money! But yea..I did no hwork this weekend, which means I have to do it all tommorrow..yuck. But I can't wait 2 c our movie tommorrow in English! LoL. :) Yea..but today was a wonderful day after a not-so-wonderful night. :( It's alrite though. 2nite was great and...I think I'm gonna go 2 bed now..good nite ;) *JeN* |
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Blurty for _*¤ Jenn ¤*_.
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cold.
aggravated.
contemplative.
tired.
giggly.
peaceful.
bouncy.
lazy.
confused.
loved.