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Broken Wings Faerie's Journal

16th May, 2004. 11:20 pm.

SO! 6 months and 2 days since my last post. I'm all messed up, i'm sory for that. Anyway... Today's a sad day, Eligio Peres, mi profesor y director de teatro, murio de un paro cardiaco, él ya tenia una semana interno en el hospital por lo del corazon y eso fue lo que lo mató. Honestamente, me siento super triste, but i can't cry!!! I'm feeling like some kind of cold hearted bitch! pero no sé porqué, yo creo qu es porque todavia no lo he asimilado,vas a ver que mañana en el entierro me deshidrato llorando, but so far i've been quite calm.

Entre otras cosas, he prometido llevar este diario sagradamente a partir de hoy 16 de Mayo; jejeje a esta hora Leonel tiene 51.3%, primer boletin!!!! Ay el pobre profe queria votar hoy, pero *cough*. Bueno, la borona es que... AH si! ya comence a trabajar!!! y esto es lo que yo queria!!!! asist. de compras internacionales en Bermudez &Co. chulambrico!!! espero que sea todo lo que yo espero que sea; para decir la verdad yo creia que iba a ser otra cosa, Bermudez i mean, no sé, yo lo veia como a Leon Jimenes, version licorera, pero no se compara con ELJ para nada!!! Ya veremos hasta donde llegamos en esto...

Miercole, ya no tengo animos para escribir, pero yo espero ser seria con mi promesa de escribir al menos una vez a la semana para contar los highlights of the week, ya veremos, pero como yo soy tan impredescible, quien sabe lo que pase. I'll go now, a ver si encuentro algun buen fanfiction. Juro que yo adoro esas vainas, sobretodo las rated R o NC-17, not only for the naughtyness pero por lo maravillosamente romantico que puede ser, ya quisiera yo tener a alguien como HArry o Draco como Hermione los tiene en los que he leido. jajajjaa a mi me da risa que yo prostituyo a la pobre hermione, me gusta acostarla con Harry Y Draco, pero es q ella es el unico personaje femenino q me gusta de los libros, al menos para fan fiction, no me gusta ginny para nada, no se porque, realmente no le doy mucha importancia a pesar de que hay mucha gente que les fascina hacer lo mismo que yo, osease, meterla con harry o draco. pero bueno. jajaja yo no puedo decir nada que no este involved wth Harry Potter. es que no sirvo!!!!

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14th November, 2003. 10:58 am.

I have to believe in a world outside my own mind. I have to believe that my actions still have meaning, even if I can't remember them. I have to believe that when my eyes are closed, the world's still there. Do I believe the world's still there? Is it still out there? ... Yeah. We all need mirrors to remind ourselves who we are. I'm no different.

I have lot's to say but little time, or rather little will, to say them, see you next time.

Current mood: cold.
Current music: The sound of the bloody Air Conditioner of this classroom.

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19th October, 2003. 8:44 pm.

What a day Yesterday!!!!!!!! I went to the FESTIVAL PRESIDENTE DE MUSICA LATINA and it was absolutely Amazing!!!!!!!!!! It was in Sto. Dgo. so I went in a tour. We had to get there before 6pm but we left Santiago at 4pm and it's a 2:30 trip; we got there late but we got to see the end of the first performance: Milly Quezada; I don't complain, though, cuz if it's true that I like Milly a bit, I'm not too into Merengue Music. After that it was Ricardo Montaner's turn, this was quite nice, very nice indeed, he sang must of the songs I liked when I was a kid, it made me remember my old times (yeah right! like I'm THAT old) but it was cool.

The third performer, and the most eager awaited for me and my fellow rock and rollers, were the group LA LEY, Damn it! it was so fucking Awesome!!!!! they sang their best songs and their performance were great, as always of course. Beto was so energetic (as always) and SO DEVILISH GORGEOUS! as well as, of course, my oh so dear Pedro. It was great, Beto is true Showman and a performer. But the real magic happened when they were singing "PRISIONEROS DE LA PIEL" (skin prisoners) and it began to rain, oh my god, that was the perfect moment to rain, one of the most melancholic songs and rain with it, just made the scene perfect, the only thing that was missing it's a boyfriend for me to hug, but beside that it was absolutely delightful.

Ricardo Arjona closed the show, this was rather good, if it wasn't that I don't fancy Arjona's music much I'd say it was really incredibly good, but I'm not going to say that, for me it was ok. It rained lots also, and it was cool too. I just say that cuz I love the rain, that's it, it's not that I LOVED Arjona's concert but with the rain it was enjoyable. OK OK OK I LIKED his concert, i admit it, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to like him from now on. It's just that sometimes I don't agree with his so called "Philosophy" so that's why I don't like him much.

The concert ended at 1am and we were supposed to leave no later than 1:30am but some people were missing so we had to wait till they turned up. Finally we left at 2:05am, the bus was full of exhausted and soared people as well as a great bunch of drunk guys. We arrived to Santiago at 4am and I got home at 4:30, I came here bathe and couldn't fall asleep, maybe because I slept a little on the bus. Finally I fell asleep like at 5:20 and slept until 10am, not much really and I've spent the whole day very drowsy and soared, my feet, back and throat are killing me. Even though I'm sleepy I can't sleep, I don't know why. I'll go to bed early today to see if I can rest a bit cuz I really need it, tomorrow I need to work on my report for "Introduction to the Investigation of Business Administration"

On Friday was the presentation of the play "Fablilla..." and I must say that the girls performance was very good, the whole thing was ok even though Eligio (the director) came half an hour before the show completely drunk! I was sooooooo mad at him, that's the biggest irresponsibility I've seen from a person (that if we count my father's behavior). Too bad that I couldn't go yesterday to the reunion, or maybe Thank God I didn't go, cuz I would have yelled at him and finally take myself out of the group. But lets see what happens next Saturday. Honestly, when things like that happen you ask yourself if it really worth it to waste your time in a theatrical group that you perfectly know won't have any success with the kind of director it has, a man with a terrible emotional and psychological disorder, but let's remember that he's an artist so we can't blame him. But a little bit of responsibly won't kill him at all.

OMG! I just found a couple of new pictures from the Harry Potter III movie, I'm so excited!!!!!!! the are so cool, in one you can see Daniel who looks great, the second one is the trio inside the Shrieking Shack and the third (my personal favorite) it's one with the trio and a bunch of other students starinf at something and I still can't make up my mind of which scene is this, they are all like dirty and their clothes were all messy and stuff, but Daniel and Rupert looked SO FUCKING HOT!!!! I can't hardly wait till June 2004 *groans* but I must, right? I trust a 100% in Cuaron's work, I know he's going to make a terrific job with this book *crosses fingers and pray to the lord*, well, he MUST do a terrific job or he'll be asesinated, trust me, and I'm not speaking for myself, but in behalf of all my fellow Potter Fans all over the world. *Grins devilish*

Current mood: exhausted.
Current music: Chemical Brothers - Hey boy hey girl.

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16th October, 2003. 11:12 pm.

Exception to the Rule
It's a dangerous thing, being an exception to a rule. You assume that since you are different from others then surely your results will differ from theirs. And then when you fail to achieve unique results you feel somehow cheated; abandoned by a harsh fate who should have rewarded your efforts, but hardly ever does. Every time you question, attempting to wrap your mind around the idea that all of your struggle, your monumental achievement of breaking the mold, your valiant flouting of conformity in a world of carbon copies has gone unnoticed. When that heavy thought sinks you, you are faced with a terrible self-doubt. Many of us give up the task then; still others give up entirely, drowning themselves in a sea of similarity. After a time, after so many failures, every new resolve finds you questioning your sanity. And yet mostly, you are still helplessly addicted to that fervent burning hope that somehow, some day, if you persevere, if you only survive one last testing of your will, you will be the one. So every day you fight to shelter that dimming flame from rains of doubt, feeding it from time to time, its feeble light drawing you ever onward, each moment struggling for that one final mark of excellence, the one additional trait that will win you your reward.

© Renee Haslett 2003

Nice, isn't it? That's pretty much how I feel from time to time. Miserable wouldn't be the word to describe it; "disappointed" maybe could fill it, but still it doesn't. But life's like this, you try and try to give your best above everybody, but sometimes it just go unnoticed; sometimes you are the Rotten Apple among the Good Ones, but other you are just one of the lot.

Current mood: cold.
Current music: Linkin Park - Numb.

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15th October, 2003. 12:49 am.

CHECK THIS OUT!!!!!!!!!!

You're Perfect ^^
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

In Yor Face Mr. DD

Current mood: complacent.

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14th October, 2003. 11:42 pm.

Sometimes I wonder why I feel the way I feel, Why I am the way I am, it's not bad, trust me, but it's a bit Weird. When someone is feeling down I always try to cheer him/her up, when someone has any kind of problems I give him/her a hell good of advice. But when it is ME who have any kind of emotional or personal breakout I can't use the same things I do for other people, it's so ironic, the adviser and the personal clown for a lot of people can't use the same tactics for herself. PATHETIC, but, like the song says : "It's a Bittersweet Symphony this life...."

My Grandma it's driving me NUTS, I'm about to runaway far from here, if it wasn't for Mami and Luis and that I don't have any other place to go and that I really don't want to go to any other place I would have been 500 miles away from this hell, really! My life was so damn sweet 4 months ago, before that I had 2 complete years without arguing with anyone (well, that if we don't count my ex' boyfriend), 2 years without being the spoiled and conceited little brat, 2 years of complete freedom.

Well, there are just 3 months left for her to go, so I'll try not to break completely, something very hard to do, but I'll give it a go.

On other news, on Friday the 17th it's kind of a busy day but I'm really looking forward to it. First of all it's my Brothers Birthday and we are going to our usual family dinner, 2nd the play "Fablilla del secreto bien guardado" is going to be presented on Friday at 8pm but I don't feel ready for it cuz we've only rehearsed once since 6 months and my character is slipping out of me and I don't remember how to keep her inside me, I think is because the horrible experience I had the last time we presented it, my grandpa had just died and I was there at the theater instead of being next to my dad supporting him, it was dreadful, and to be honest I don't even remember what I did on stage, so it doesn't matter anymore.

The MOST important thing that's going to happen on Friday (besides, of course, my Brother's Birthday) It's that E! News Live is going to be on the set of HP PoA and I'm so excited about that. I'm willing to see how's Cuaron doing, if the guys like him, to see up close and personal the new cast, etc. It's going to be wonderfull I bet. Just 8 months left to the release of this movie, only 8 months, not much, is it? Will I survive till then?? who knows, but meanwhile I'll keep watching SS and CoS *grins*

Current mood: anxious.
Current music: The Verve - Bitterweet Symphony.

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6th October, 2003. 11:24 am.

So, it's been more than two weeks since my las post, and I was just thinking WHY THE HELL I OPEN A LIVEJOURNAL IF IM NOT GONNA UPDATE IT REGULARLY! but now I remember how awfully lazy I am, so now I don't complain.

Anyway's, a lot have happened since my last update; if I'm not mistaken that same night, just after my las post, there was a really shaky Earthquake, but everything was fine, I'm proud of myself *grin* I didn't panic at all, in fact, I was astonish calm and unafraid, it was my mom who had the hysteria when trying to "calm us", I had a laugh at her because of that; she was like yelling "It's ok, guys, it's just an earthquake, nothing will happen, stay calm, don't be scared..." but she was freaking out!, I was thinking: "But I'm calm, I'm ok, YOU are the one who's freaking out...". After this big earthquake (6.5 degrees) at 12:45am it shook again throughout the night and we all went downstairs to the parking lot (I live in a second floor of a 4 stages building) but at 4am I was so drowsy and sleepy that I came upstairs alone despite my mom's attempt to not let me come and sleep; few minutes later I heard them coming up.

The Univ. is killing me, I'm sick and tired of having to attend to classes with lousy teachers who ask for so much and give so little, but that's how it works sometimes, unfortunately, what can I do about it?? Well, besides of arguing with those teacher which I do often, there's nothing more, you can complain with the Department of the carrier but there's so much burocracy in there that I rather stay how I am cuz there's little things to do about it. You try and try, but at the end, nothing really happens, so why bother?

Yesterday I finished reading, for the second time, my beloved Potter book 5, I absolutely loved it, again, I just can't get enough of it, really. I was so depressed yesterday after I finish reading it (not as bad as I was the first time) I don't know how a person can suffer so deeply like that. Poor Harry! he's been through so much since he entered the magical world and there are worst thing coming after him in the next two books. Honestly, I don't know why I read Potter if I suffer so much, GOD! Now, there you go, tears in my eyes every time I think of him. Ok, I'm weird, I know, but I can't help it. :- P

Current mood: dorky.
Current music: Enigma - Sadeness Part 1 - Extended Trance Mix.

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21st September, 2003. 8:58 pm.

Best song right now???

CadáVer Exquisito
by Paez Fito

Comienza el día y una luz sentimental
nos envuelve, vuelve, se va.
La fabulosa sinfonía universal
nos envuelve, vuelve, se va.

Tango, sexo, sexo y amor,
tanto tango, tanto dolor.

Mi vida gira en contradicción,
jamás conquiste mi corazón.
Mas donde estaba cuando pasó lo que pasó?
Hablandome al espejo solo.

Vengo de un barrio tan mezquino y criminal
quizás te queme, queme, quizá.
Vengo de un barrio siempre a punto de estallar
Quizás te queme, queme, quizá.

Si de nada sirve vivir
buscas algo porque morir.

El tiempo me ha enseñado a mirar,
a veces me ha enseñado a callar.
Donde estabas cuando pasó lo que pasó?
Hablándote al espejo sola.

Es tanta la tristeza y es tan ruin
que celebro la experiencia feliz.
La estupidez del mundo
nunca pudo y nunca podrá
arrebatar la sensualidad.

Busco mi piedra filosofal
en los siete locos, en el mar,
en el cadáver exquisito al no tener piedad,
en la quinta esencia de la música.

Dentro mio, en el amor y el odio
tener que pensar (que pensar)
preferiría tu sonrisa, toda la verdad,
avanzo un paso, retrocedo,
y vuelvo a preguntar, que no cambie
para no cambiar jamás.

Todo es imperfecto amor y odio.

Absolutely wonderfull. Amor y Odio, Love and Hate, the eternal story of my life

Current mood: melancholy.
Current music: Fito Páez - Cadáver Exquisito.

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21st September, 2003. 7:22 pm.

What will be your HP life? by Doom_Song
PartnerRemus Lupin
DeathKilled by Voldemort
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

WHAT WHAT WHAAAAAAAAAAT!???, I was feeling down minutes ago, but right now I think I'm depressed

Current mood: blah.
Current music: Shakira - Antologia.

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21st September, 2003. 6:18 pm.

Long Time no See! Since my last update, nothing's really happened. I'm better from the flu that hit few days ago, I had to drink about 2 bottles of some fucking disgusting medicine, but it helped.

There's something wrong with me and I don't know what is it! (ok, that's isn't very new of me, is it?) the thing is that I have this weird feeling.... you know when you feel like a cold on your stomach, like if something bad or good is going to happen, well, that's what I'm feeling but nothing's happened so far.

I'm still with this freaking idea of wanting to be the "damaged little fuck" like a said in my last post, but WHY OH GOD WHY!!?? *lol* it's ridiculous, plain and simple, so i was talking with my therapist (mi mom, *snickers*) and she told me something very true: What happens to me is that I'm trying to make a balance in my life, that is that, like I'm so optimistic and happy, I'm looking a darker side for compensation; weird isn't it, but who said I was normal???... I can't be mad or angry, so therefore, I listen to very violent and angry music, like to just let my anger flow through it; I Love life, but I like to read stories and lj of people who absolutely HATE life, or at least think that this isn't a life worth living; and so go the list.

I've always been so sure of myself, I've always known what I want, I've always known where I'm going, so WHY I'm acting like a fucking moron wanting to be something that I'm not and that I'll never be, no matter how hard I try.

I need a Psychiatrist urgently, I think I'm going mad (if more could be possible)

Current mood: irritated.
Current music: Heroes Del Silencio - Maldito Duende.

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