Monday, November 24th, 2003

Subject: i don't fight back......but i bleed, and that's all you care about Time: 2:21 pm. Mood: awake.

I didn't sleep for shiztnit last night, that's right...shiztnit I tried to go to bed at 12.30..but I had my eyes wide open until 2am...when I went to the living room to watch south park and porn :::gasp:::, that's right....porn and my sister woke up and ran into the bathroom throwing up...it sounded as though as she was being tortured... then...after south park ended...I tried once again to sleep..couldn't so I put on my cd player and listen to Thursday - War all the time. for the 13224423524355th time (can't get enought of that cd), then I listened to Coheed and Cambria - In Keeping Secret in Silent Earth: 3.....then i listened to Brand New - Deja Entendu.... still couldn't sleep... so I got off my bed and went to the computer room ( the garage made office) and started playing Chaos Legion (kick ass game) then my sister woke up again....throwing up... my mom woke up to see what was wrong...and cought me playing... she thinks I was online talking to people...or in a satanic website or gang....hilarious..my mom is fucking hilarious (not being sarcastic)..when she said that, I was cracking up... ..then I went back to bed....and started getting sleepy around 6am..but my brother woke up to go to school..and, of course, woke me up...when he left, I was falling asleep again...BAM, my sister wakes up again...and throws up... then around 6.40am, i get into a deep sleep....but woke up at 9.44am.... I reviewed all studied friday and sunday...and did some math problem... then I helped my dad in the backyard... now I'm here, at school.... not tired at all... just really.....like half-asleep half-awake... blah.. ps....I have aids... nah, just kidding

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Subject: Ok...here's the deal with AFI Time: 11:43 pm. Mood: awake. Music: None More Black - Drop the Pop.

as I found out about other bands...I've realized that AFI is not THE SHIT. I mean, they are still my favorite band...well, one of them. and they will always be an important part of me....they changed me, my music choice, they made me a better person.. they helped me keep myself up in a very tight part of my life...when I came to live here to the USA...summer of 2000 school was out...I had NO FRIENDS at all...so, I was really depressed...they helped me hold my own...and think by myself, kind of...by keeping my mind off depressing thoughts. AFI always had a lot fans...well, when I started listening to them they had a lot fans...but I've never met, or seen one until my senior year in highschool (three years after i started listening to them) but lately I've seen changes on AFI and its music...I still love the music...but they way they look it's like, they are trying to attract another crowd by their look...they are not being original...i mean, davey was a freaking rip off of Glenn Danzig and now it's just...blah, he wants attention or something...he wants to impact people by the way he dresses up... I feel is not all about the music anymore....it's about look now... Jade Puget, he is an amazing guitarist...but it's the same with davey...why try so hard to be different??.. but the thing that gets to be...and makes me uncomfortable when I listen AFI is that I now feel like I'm listening AFI cause now they are getting famous and I can say, "hey, i knew about them when they weren't that famous...". also... now there's a stereotype of AFI fans....the goth-boys-on-eyeliner-suicidal-i love Halloween-boys that look a lot like girls-I'm open minded person... ..I would be the "suicidal" type...and I really think I'm "suicidal" 'cause that's the only way to relate to an AFI song (I having problem expressing this...I'm dumb) like, being "suicidal" and listening to AFI will make it better...(I know it doesn't make sense..) I will stop listening AFI for awhile...to see if they die...and when i listen to them again...would be like the first time...like it has happened before this really is not a big a deal... but the thing is that I don't feel as comfortable watching an AFI live video or music video anymore...they look soo freaking weird... the one thing that I tried to stay away from..the thing that drove me away from "heavy NU metal"a few years back...and when I heard AFI and saw the video for Totalimmortal and Days of the Phoenix...it was a punch in the face...it was awesome... but now they are falling into the same thing....I hope their music stays as awesome...but now I heard they will experiment with electronic music...hopefully it will not be that bad.... I repeat..I love AFI....but I'm not as obsessed as before...I'm really happy that good music it's hitting the airwaves.. new fans killed AFI for me....stupid kids with their crushes on Davey and Jade....kids trying to look like Jade... kids that think everything done by AFI it's great...they all killed AFI... http://www.mtv.com/bands/az/afi/artist.jhtml there you can watch two live videos of them...look at them and think of what I said...try and think NY yourself...be yourself..not by what you think it's the "right" way to think.. ============================================================================ on a different note: I think i did good on my chem test...WHOO HOO!!!>.. but I'm worried about it...I wanna know the grade!!! I feel I'm this close to lose it.... I'm growing weaker by the hour, every hour... I'm trying my best to hold my own..to control myself...but slowly I'm losing it... blah...

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