__________________jOEL mADDEN.

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well hey.	[30 Jun 2003\|03:19pm]
I'm updating. We are in Europe right now. Great ole' Europe. I actually miss the United States. I hate being in different countries right now I just want to be at my own house right now actually or being on the bill at vans warped tour, because at least there we have some fun. We are going to be touring the states in the fall with Mest, and hopefully Simple Plan will join us also, we are still trying to confirm some shizz. but when we have all the details you could come and see a few shows. Benjis getting married to Billy. I need to go shopping for a gift for them. I need to actually find a date for the big event, but I dont know who would want to go.
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hmmm. [21 Jun 2003|05:39pm]

I talked to Mia for a bit the other night, shes a really cool chick. A chick I would want to get to know more, but who knows whats going to happen with that. Shes a talented young lady.

So I haven't spoken to my brother yet, I know him and Billy are planning a wedding but you know how brothers are they have other shit to do now since they are engaged to someone and at least have someone in their lives.

I wish I could have someone like that, someone to like me for who I am, not that I'm in a band and use me and then break my heart, I want to find someone and try to find someone that is good for me.

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[13 May 2003|09:11am]

Coming at ya, another update. So.. how are the hell are ya? I'm doing okay. The tour is coming along really well. We actually have a show tonight in Orlando. Florida is actually a really cool place, they have the prettiest sunsets.

I haven't talked to Avril in a while, I think I'm suppose to see her sometime soon? I just dont know when yet, but I hope its REALLY soon. Everything is going on really well, even though I think I'm coming down with the flu or something, because I get really dizzy on stage sometimes during our sound check, and I just have to stop.

BIG shout out to my baby sister Sarah and my mom. I love ya both to death! I need to visit them sometime when we have a break. *looks at schedule* I dont know when that will be though.

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[28 Apr 2003|07:24pm]

*points* LOOK LOOK a layout. My brother did it for me *smiles widely* Anyone watch TRL today? Anyone see the civic NFG car, that was a cool car yo. So yes Joel Madden is officially taken, I saw some news already on MTV, I'm here to clarify Avril and I are dating. Thanks to benjahole

*looks around* We are somewhere... I dont really know because I dont keep track, but I know we are somewhere *nods* Somewhere safe at least. I'm thinking about Avril right now. I dont want her leaving tomorrow, I want her to stay on tour with us, she could be the tambourine player in the band? I dont know haha something new in the band.

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so many things i kept away. [15 Apr 2003|07:53pm]

Its almost time to go on stage, I'm wondering if I can ever tell Benji who I've been seeing lately after the shows we've been doing on the tour, wondering if I can ever tell the secrets I've been holding away from him. I can't tell him this, this is the one thing I can't tell anyone about.

*looks down at some of the bruises on his body* I can't keep letting him do this to me. I can't say everythings okay when its not. Benji its too wrapped up when Tony is around I can't even talk to him, so I just lock myself up in my room, thinking everything will be okay, when really its not. I can't change the fact this isn't going to leave my mind. I want to wake up, and know that everything will be okay, but in the end it really is not.

I've been keeping another secret, and I can't tell anyone about that either, I'm not here to ruin anything thats already been formed. I just want to lay down in my bed, and never show my face again, but I have a life to live, and a dream to presue

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i'm still here. [02 Apr 2003|06:00am]

I'm still here, and very happy. I finally have a girlfriend, Sarah Martin, Billy's sister, and that just makes me really happy, because we've known eachother for a long time, she understands me, and what I go through, and all the times I've been hurt, and I know she cares.

The tour has been doing good, we are promoting some shizz, and all that jazz. *breaks into chicago song* ALL THAT JAZZ, I'm happy for my brother and tony, jeremiah and Matt, Paul and Pierre, but the person I'm worried about now is my sister, I want her to be happy, and have someone she could be happy with, so all you single guys, I know a very sweet, and special single GIRL!... My SISTER

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my life is fucked up. [23 Mar 2003|07:03pm]

[ mood | drained ]

[ music | Whats the Dillio- Mest ]

Everything in my life is fucked up, My friends, certain family members, and I can't deal with it anymore. I'm going to keep to myself from now on, not fucking bothering people when they are happy, and sticking to my own life instead of theirs.

I thought this would be easy, but its not. I just want everyone to leave me alone for a couple of days, only certain people can talk to me, and I think they know who they are. My band mates, sister and mom. Those are the only people who can talk to me right now.

The one guy that I thought I could totally thought I could be with, because SOME person told me they liked me, was a lie. Everything I believe now has become a lie, I thought it would be cool if Benji and I dated a Lovato, Benj already is, but I've liked Matt for a long time, and I thought It was the truth, but then I find out him kissing Jeremiah, and its totally over. My liking for him, believing things and fucking everything

So Do me a favor, leave me ALONE!

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scared shitless [21 Mar 2003|06:47am]

I.. I can't feel anything right now. I'm so scared something might happen to us on the way to France, I haven't been feeling the same lately, Billy and I aren't seeing eachother anymore, and I have liked someone else for a long time now, hopefully he knows who he is, and come and talk to me so I wouldn't be so scared.

I hate airplanes right now, ever since 9-11 I've had the fear of flying, It wasn't like that before, everything was the same before, I could look out an airplane window and see the view, and be happy to where ever we were going, and now it is like fuckin BOOM, right in my face, every channel about the war, and us bombing Iraq.

Benji said in the end everything will be okay, but I dont know, anything could happen. I wouldn't even want to die like that, I want to be old in my bed, wrinkly, and on my death sentence, but not in a plane, not EVER. Thats why I brought some parachutes for the guys and I, and sky diving equipment.

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hello [14 Mar 2003|05:13am]

i need layout *nods* anyone interested in helping/making me one? I'll do anything for a really cool layout, doesn't have to be really hard, just a layout of some kind.

It was my birthday the 11th, I got benji a new impalla, he kind of flipped, I got some cds, shoes, and some new cool belts. I got to see my boyfriend for a little while on my birthday, it was finally good to be with him, because I get lonely sometimes, when hes not around.

Benj- I need to tell you something, I've been having nightmares some nights, and I need help, or something before I hit the roof.

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Okay... [10 Mar 2003|05:06pm]

I'm missing my boyfriend... hes never around *pouts* I feel safe with him, I dont want to see Tony and Benji, always making out, my brother doesn't even fuckin update.... its weird. And like yeah and stuff. I got my sister a corvet for her birthday, she really wanted a car, so since I'm the NICE brother, I went and got her one.

Billy.... when you come around, call my cell or something, because I miss you... a lot. and I want to see you, and spend time together before the tour, even though I'll be with you during that. So yeah just call, or come over.

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*dances* [04 Mar 2003|10:38am]

I have a boyfriend! I have a boyfriend! I'm happy NOW!!! *smiles shyly* Yes Billy is my boyfriend, and I really, really liked him *nods*

I'm finally happy I told him, so now I have noything to worry about HAHA!

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Ughhh [01 Mar 2003|03:49pm]

Why do I have to update and Benji doesnt? Its starting to piss me off. I need to talk to Billy.. but hes never around.. *sighs deeply* Maybe I should see a doctor or something, because sometimes my expressions hurt people and I dont want other bad things to happen. BENJI you need to update or come online so I can talk to you, you know how I feel about Billy, and maybe you could talk to him for me.

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still alive [27 Feb 2003|06:19am]

What? You probably though I buried my self alive.. *chuckles* HA no. I'm still here.. just getting over a cold, watching tony and Benji, which I think is adorable. I dont know what is going to go on with Billy and I, I know I really like him though, and my brother knows that also. Maybe I just need to back off for a little while.

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So. I'm here. [25 Feb 2003|03:34pm]

Yeah I'm here, I know... Its been hard for me for the last couple of days, my brother and Tony finally getting together, me having feelings for Billy. *takes a breath, and then sighs* Its just been hard for me. We have some released dates if you want to go check out ticket master and get some before they sell out, because you know they will. I'm going to get a couple of asprin, and take a nap, because right now I really dont feel good.

joelissickboy is the way to reach me

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