Funny Jokes' Blurty
[Most Recent Entries] [Calendar View] [Friends]

Below are the 5 most recent journal entries recorded in Funny Jokes' Blurty:

    Saturday, October 14th, 2006
    4:42 pm
    A young woman went to a dance, and she had a lowcut, strapless gown on.

    Around her neck she wore a little golden airplane on a long chain.

    All night she noticed a young man, staring at her.

    In her embarrasment, she held up the airplane and said, "Oh, you like my airplane, huh?"

    The young man smiled mischievously. "No ma'am, I was just admiring the landing field."

    Famous Quotes
    Famous Quotes
    3:16 pm
    Funny Jokes - Drunk Driver
    A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.

    "I can't do that, officer."

    "Why not?"

    "Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube."

    "Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station."

    "Can't do that either, officer."

    "Why not?"

    "Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup."

    "All right, we could get a blood sample."

    "Can't do that either, officer."

    "Why not?"

    "Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die."

    "Fine then, just walk this white line."

    "Can't do that either, officer."

    "Why not?"

    "Because I'm drunk."
    3:07 pm
    Funny Jokes - Bitter winter
    Funny Jokes - Bitter winter

    Winters were fierce where the estate owner lived, so he felt he was doing a good deed when he bought earmuffs for his foreman.

    Noticing, however, that the foreman wasn't wearing the earmuffs even on the bitterest day, the landlord asked,
    "Didn't you like the muffs?"

    The foreman said, "They're a thing of beauty."

    "Why don't you wear them?"

    The foreman explained, "I was wearing them the first day, and somebody offered to buy me lunch, but I didn't hear him!

    Never again, never again!"

    Funny Jokes
    2:23 pm
    Funny Jokes - Beer Jokes - Beer Troubleshooting Chart
    Beer Jokes - Beer Troubleshooting Chart

    Beer Jokes - Beer Troubleshooting Chart


    Feet cold and wet.
    Glass being held at incorrect angle.
    Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

    Feet warm and wet.
    Improper bladder control.
    Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

    Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
    Glass empty.
    Get someone to buy you another beer.

    Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. Y
    ou have fallen over backward.
    Have yourself leashed to bar.

    Mouth contains cigarette butts.
    You have fallen forward.
    See above.

    Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
    Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
    Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

    Floor blurred.
    You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
    Get someone to buy you another beer.

    Floor moving.
    You are being carried out.
    Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

    Room seems unusually dark.
    Bar has closed.
    Confirm home address with bartender.

    Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
    Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
    Cover mouth.

    Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
    You are dancing on the table.
    Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

    Beer is crystal-clear.
    It's water.
    Somebody is trying to sober you up. Punch him.

    Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
    You have been in a fight.
    Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

    Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
    You've wandered into the wrong party.
    See if they have free beer.

    Your singing sounds distorted.
    The beer is too weak.
    Have more beer until your voice improves.

    Don't remember the words to the song.
    Beer is just right.
    Play air guitar.

    Funny Jokes - Beer Jokes
    2:21 pm
    Language Jokes
    Language Jokes

    An Iranian was at Toronto's International Air Terminal, outside of immigration, awaiting his cousin's arrival into the Canada.

    When the cousin finally exited customs, he happily greeted his waiting relative in Farsi, the language of their native country.

    The other Iranian waved him away contemptuously and said, "Hey, we're in Canada now... speak French
Funny Jokes   About