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[06 Jul 2008|03:39pm] _ratedx_ I don't know if this feeling is a phase or not, but I fear that I have nothing interesting to say... post comment

Strange these feelings be... [05 Jul 2008|10:14pm] lilmouse9 [ mood | nostalgic ] My mind wandered to someone I used to date a few days ago. It was kinda weird that he popped into my head. He actually popped in a dream I had and I woke up wondering why. And with the way my head works, I always have to start wondering about meanings, signs, and what have you. I don't know. All I know is...I feel something. I know that I miss him especially since we were friends, but there's something more. Like something was missed. Like I need to show him...and show the first guy I ever dated....that I'm a different and better person. That I'm not that stupid, clingy girl I was when things ended. And it's not all about sticking it to them because they're not the ones I want to stick it. No. I just feel like they saw a bad part of me. I think this is all just more fuel for me to be, as that old Army saying goes, all that I can be, but more. But again, I don't really, truly know. It could just be my crazy ass brain working its crazy ass magic. But I do know this one thing: They helped shaped who I am today for the better and I guess I want to show that they did in some suit or form. I just want to show them the real me. post comment

Doctor Who...more like Doctor what the fuck were you idiots thinking!!!! [05 Jul 2008|08:45pm] lilmouse9 [ mood | annoyed ] So, as you may know I am a Doctor Who fan and I've already written about how I hated what they did to Martha, making her a plot device and making her a wasted companion. And they still didn't use her as much as they could've. It would've been nice to see Rose and Martha have some scenes together, talking about The Doctor and all. But whatever, right? The blasted dumbasses! Well, the idiots of the show did it again, making Donna forget everything of her time with The Doctor. I mean, I kinda already knew that Catherine Tate wasn't going to be around in the next series and what have you, but come the fuck on! Donna found who she was, became a better person and changed/did so much. As much as I wasn't all that ecstatic about her saying a similar line Rose had about staying with The Doctor forever, I never wanted her to lose herself, her memories, and everything she did with The Doctor. I loved Donna and I wanted her to stay with him for as long as possible, but at the same time realize just how great she really is and how much she can actually do and go home better than ever and ready to take on her world after her travels with The Doctor. But NOOOOOOOOOOOO. Instead, because The Doctor became a part of her, her body couldn't handle it and everything had to be erased. Whaaaaaat?! Are you people fucking daft? I fucking swear, this has to be the worst series finale ever and not just because Donna is back to being what she was before she met The Doctor, but because even though The Doctor knows he has such wonderful friends who love him and are willing to die for him, in the end, the writers always seem to never let him realize this; they never let him realize that he is never alone and that these people are is family. They never let him realize that people who love each other will always be willing to risk their lives for the ones that they love. Instead, these daft writers make him think that everything is his fault and that no one should travel/be with him. Which is complete bullshit, of course. He is an amazing man who touches the lives he comes into contact with, making them better people and vice versa. And I don't even want to get started on Rose being left with The Other Doctor. It just wasn't what I felt was right for them. I just hope and fucking pray in the next series, these idiots get their heads together. Of course, with Steven Moffat now being in charge and his stupid illusions when it comes to women as well as his writing, I fear more trouble is ahead for one of my favorite shows and that at some point, I will stop watching. Because as yummingly handsome as David Tennant is, if the stories are shit, I'm not having any part in it. post comment

[06 Jul 2008|01:20pm] __courtney Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry, you don't know how lovely you are. I had to find you, tell you I need you, and tell you I set you apart. post comment

[05 Jul 2008|11:39pm] __courtney Cause my self esteem, it's been low. Go ahead and count, it's been lower than low. And I know the feeling of it stealing life out from under me. post comment

confession #51 [04 Jul 2008|11:07pm] oh_jessika [ mood | tired ] [ music | Frontenac Street Noise ] Week 2 (week 1 of campers) is over. I can't even express how glad I was to see the last camper and their parents leave today. I had seven girls (11-14) and four of the seven were terrible. They almost ended up getting kicked out, they were so disrespectful, the whole nine yards of shitty adolescent behavior. But that's now behind me, I have a sweet day ahead of me tomorrow and I will enjoy it to the fullest and go back on Sunday with an amazing attitude towards the shitty camp and shitty campers that I'll be dealing with for the next two weeks, and then again three weeks afterwards. So more emails, if you wish, would be greatly appreciated. The two weeker will kill me, I can tell you now. I'm already looking forward to the 12 days being over, and they haven't even started yet. But ya, as I said, good attitude. Much love, have an awesome weekend. 3 comments|post comment

[04 Jul 2008|03:37pm] impressionism Been going to a ton of concerts. Bought a new car. Searchign for a house. Happy Fourth. post comment

[03 Jul 2008|07:42pm] violentred nevermind post comment

[03 Jul 2008|04:35am] romancedx3 Dear Todd, you're my "father" if you can even call yourself that. Most of the time, you disgust me. You treat me, mom and Tyla terribly. But you treat me the worst. You still act like I'm 8 years old. News flash! I'm 18. You have no right reading my mail. No right calling the phone company to read my text messages, No right going through the things in my room and reading my personal journals. I have my own life. I'm a good kid, and i deserve so much better than you not trusting me, especially when I've never given you a reason not to. You like to control me, I know this. You try to control who I'm friends with, and who I talk to & when I don't take your "advice" you threaten me. YOU ALWAYS THREATEN ME ...and I've never ever been good enough for you. I've tried my hardest, but it's getting old. I can't do it anymore. You don't respect me, so how do you expect me to respect you??? and p.s. I love the smack you talk on me behind my back to mom and Tyla trying to get them to hate me, just like you. Not going to happen. & p.s.s.I hate how your doing everything in your power to make sure that I will never talk//see this person again. ITS MY LIFE I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!!! post comment

[03 Jul 2008|04:30am] romancedx3 I don't know what to do, how lame! post comment

P.S. [02 Jul 2008|02:50am] lilmouse9 [ mood | blah ] I still have that urge. This tells me that I am extremely bored. And, that as much as I am terrified to sing in front of people, I still want to do it. I blame The Boyfriend and his acquistion of Rock Band. That dream had long been layed to rest and for recreation... but now, so much more. I must be out of my mind for even thinking such things. I want to start something. Something like PostSecret. Except not. I want to start something else. Something naughty, but in relation to or as a part of the above. Is it just me or did Adam Levine, lead singer of Maroon 5, get so much more hotter? I have a new guilty pleasure: ABC's "Wipeout." It's completely ridonkulous and stupid, but it keeps me laughing which is something I need and love to do. My mom is driving me nuts with her constant babying of our dog, who finally got spayed last Thursday. And I think I might be jealous of the fact...which will turn into a thing to be discussed in therapy tomorrow...which will in turn stem back to shit back in the day. Ah, the joys of being me. I am in love with Kid Rock's new song "All Summer Long." Oh, and I'm actually liking NKOTB's "Summertime," too. Yeah, go ahead and laugh. That is all. 2 comments|post comment

Running, running [02 Jul 2008|02:37am] lilmouse9 [ mood | blah ] No matter how far I've come, I'm still running. Will always be running. Away. From life. From everything. At some point, I figure, I have to start running to something. To life. To everything. Right? Who knows... For the time being, all I know, see, feel, etc. is that I'm still running. post comment

[01 Jul 2008|12:12am] gutterflower7 All these sentimental snapshots Toxic to the brain Seduction is foaming to the surface Silence How it infuriates, keeps me passive Eyes glares and sips of wine Circled round insanity and intrigue Children rhymes linger in my conscious These open hearts get me every time Falling down their sleeves Like my inspiration, seeping in the ground soil A cold shower manifesto My head caves, seeking a direction Wondering how they stand the open wound post comment

downloading...Michigan...deer...veggies...bathroom overflow...Bedrooms finally ready for primer!!!!!!!! [30 Jun 2008|10:17pm] lmb [ mood | tired ] [ music | ~ psychic kids on tv in background ~ ] Im doing some downloading and its taking forever to finish up so I thought I would drop a few lines. First off on Sunday me and the fam traveled up to MI for the day. Lisa through her son a baby shower because he and the mom of his baby have seperated and she took ALL the babies stuf so if/when the baby comes over poor Brandon has nothing to accomodate his son. The whole ordeal is childish and the baby is used as a pawn with the mother against Brandon. Its sad. And Brandon knows hes in a very pickle of a situation. He thinks of the babys interest -as its pretty clear the mother does not. Overall it was a very nice day! I love going to MI to see the bestest friend I have! I hate having to come home. We saw so many Deer in Mi on the way home. I cannot even begin to tell you a guess on how many- it was that many. It was wonderful to see herds upon herds of them. I love the wildlife. I would love to live in a deep woods on a lake...would that not be the greatest thing? We finally got our first actual veggie coming in past a bloom. We see tons of flowering but so far only one thing thats an actual veggie right now. Its our peas. Which is funny cuz the peas were planted last and it seemed as though they werent even going to make it anyways. WE GOT TINY LIL PEA PODS! The garden is growing big so Im sure that soon we will be having alot of things and probably ALL at once. We can home from MI with water totall covering our Bathroom floor. We thought it was a broken pipe, but thankfully EMily didnt shut the water off after taking her bath before we left. She almost had it off but just enough for it to drip for 12 hours...We were mad but it could have been TONS worse! My backs been still bothering me. The Bedroom is ready to be primed as of today!! WAHOO! Which I am extastatic about. I want my room back SO freaking bad. The dogs are making my sleep very difficult. And I am usually screwed out of bed sq footage. I usually end up getting the corner of the bed and kinda curl up, well kinda. Usually I end up half on the floor too. I think this is why my back is hurting so dang bad. Everyone laughs, IM pissed over it. Nobody has compassion because its not them fighting for any room to sleep. I am constantly awoken many times nightly trying to get more room or getting pushed out of my room. Well thats it for now. TATA for now! Love ya, Linda 1 comment|post comment

Once upon a time... [29 Jun 2008|11:04pm] lilmouse9 [ mood | contemplative ] I wanted to be a backup singer...for anyone. And I wanted to work in some cafe or shop or whatever where I could sing whatever. Every now and then, this feeling comes up. Like right now. 1 comment|post comment

[29 Jun 2008|03:53pm] gutterflower7 I sometimes begin to fear why I stop writing... sometimes it me, a lot of the time others its the company i keep and sometimes i just have nothing of substance to say...well poetic style that is and forcing it is never good...hmmm guess i must wait it out post comment

[29 Jun 2008|11:07am] _ratedx_ "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone, and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson post comment

confession #50 [28 Jun 2008|09:58am] oh_jessika [ mood | calm ] [ music | Cars Outside My Window ] Training week: over. The real deal: still to come. So ya, the other counsellors are great, we all get along super well, then there's this teacher who's a back-up counsellor and everyone hates her. Rightfully so. I have seven campers, all girls, aged from 12 to 14 (maybe 15). And I'm the only counsellor who knows their concentration, and big surprise, it's farm. Everything is really complicated to be honest. There is so much for us to do, so much planning, so much work, we aren't just counsellors we're fucking teachers and coordinators all at once. But the pay isn't terrible so I'm going to stick it out, even though it's going to be tough. Turns out if we quit we have to pay them $200, I didn't read the contract close enough so I didn't know :P. I have Monday and Thursday nights off, starting at 10:00pm, but I'm going to be so fucking tired, I don't know what I'll end up doing. I also have off in the mornings, when the cmapers are at school, but we have meetings and shower time and planning to do, so it won't really be like "time off". Well, I have to pack everything back up and get going to Matt's. Until next weekend (possibly). 1 comment|post comment

I STILL LOVE YOU... [27 Jun 2008|07:44pm] thanextprstar it's crazy... i have a 9 month old son now. and yes, still with my one any only. so much has happened and i had shed enough tears, but i'm such a different person from when i first got this journal thing. i can't believe i still know the password lol. but yes, i'm happy. so happy. post comment

[25 Jun 2008|07:31pm] violentred Today's Card: Queen of Wands In this card we see the queen sitting upon her throne. Behind her are grayish kind of drab skies, and before her is her familiar, her companion represented in the kitty cat before the throne. This queen is loving and affectionate. She aims to please and longs to receive love and attention in return. Generous and always giving of her time and resources, sometimes this queen gets so caught up in others she loses her own sense of identity. Her own needs get put aside, and without being attended to, they begin to loom behind her. She reminds us that in self-fulfillment we are better able to draw others to us who respect our decisions and value our uniqueness. Being a strong role model and example for others requires us to know ourselves, and to be confident with who we are. We cannot give what we don't have. Often we are told that to be self-serving is an act of selfishness. However, being self-fulfilled is not only not "selfish", it is a sure way to return something positive to the world. Those who take the time to fulfill their own destiny inspire others to also find themselves. This card reminds us to balance time spent on ourselves with our other obligations if we are to remain strong. Don't allow your dreams to be placed on the back burner. Today honor yourself and the important role you play within your family, place of employment, and community. Recognize your ability to lead by example, and use your fresh new ideas and inspirations to enhance your experience and bring joy to those around you. Remember we can't "fix" others, but in working on developing our own strength, we will naturally inspire others to do the same. Where does your power lie? What are your greatest strengths and what challenges are you growing through? Looking for your soul purpose? My life path and know thyself spreads both look at all of these questions in detail. Try one of these or many others today and gain insight and wisdom to assist you on your path. gosh its amazing how much these flippin apply post comment

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