| Please vote for Karrie!! |
[01 Nov 2004|12:19pm] |
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Any Democrats out there. Please vote!! It will change my life if you guys would vote. Cause' I know he will help people like me to get legal here. And I really need to do something in my life. I need to go to college and prusume my dreams. I'm stuck. And I really need a opportunity to go on in my life. So please vote if your a democrat.
..thanks...
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| you crash and you burn. you wreck and you learn. |
[28 Nov 2003|10:21pm] |
first entry, i just joined, yep *waves*
im kinda mellow right now cuz i jus cut a few min ago.. *sigh*
i wont go too into my probs in the first entry cuz that'd be stupid of me..
if u wanna no more bout me comment here or in my journal <3
kel
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[13 Oct 2003|03:13pm] |
This is the finished essay that I posted two or something weeks ago. Some people were interested in it, other were not. But here it is in any case.
( Self-Mutilation and One Girl )
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[21 Aug 2003|01:15pm] |
New lines taint her skin
Out of boredom and release
She isn't liked by the others
She's already an outcast
Already disliked
She knows it so she cuts
Cuts to feel the burn
The pain
The beautiful sensation of the blade
To see the crimson form a line
Beautiful, sweet release
She smiles then sighs
She thinks of him
She's sorry
So Sorry
08-20-03
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[07 Aug 2003|07:58pm] |
The very best part
is watching my life blood snake
in slow downwards arc.
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[04 Aug 2003|08:18am] |
Sarah has been a bad girl. The last few days she has cut herself with lots of new lines in one area.
I'm sorry to all I let down.
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[31 May 2003|09:05am] |
Well, I'm cutting again. Getting more depressed. My boyfriend and I are taking a break and that is killing me more then any of you could and would ever know. I feel like I've lost a part of me. He says he will come back and it isn't forever. This as tears rained from his eyes.
I'm dead inside. No point. Promised. Can't.
His name now lays on my once un-mutilated skin. Beautiful. Perfect. No longer alone.
No fear
No pain
No love
~Dark Love~
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| new journal |
[03 May 2003|10:51am] |
NEW BLURTY!!!!
_badkitty
add me on there and i'll add you back!!!
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[16 Apr 2003|09:52am] |
This is the report I wrote for class
( Self-Injury )
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[02 Apr 2003|05:29am] |
I'm scared. My Mom has surgery today and she has had liver toximia before and kidney something or other. When she goes under for surgery she is at risk for falling back into it. So they are making her go in la-la-land instead of putting her completly out. I need you guys ot pray to whoever you believe in for her to be okay. I can't lose my Mommy. I can't. So anyway, please do this one thing for me....
Thank-you
~Dark Love~
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[29 Mar 2003|10:20pm] |
Yup. Well, today was interesting. Spent the day at the F.A.R.T.S. (fine arts) festival and then went to Ambers,  xshyxevilxgirlx's house and practice. Mostly just goofed off. zuke was there and so was xbornxactress, Ashlee, who told me she's actualyl going to use her journal now. insaneskitzo, Adrian, is at work. he's not going to be home until two am ish or something. I dunno. Got depressed. Then happy. The depressed then happy. I feel like a fucking doll. low battery charged battery low bat... ugh or like the weather
20 60 40 80 it's insane.
I wish Adrian wasn'tw orking. I need someone to talk to. And yet agian, I'm left all alone to write in my journal. Irnoic how someone online can be your best friend sometimes.
I can't help but feel pathetic and mistaken. I don't know. I guess II'm sick of it all.
I'm sick of being everyone's bitch. I'm sick of being a convient friend that is around when times get hard or you need help. I'm sick of my body. it's disgusting. I'm sick of being stupid. I'm sick of being used. I'm sick of life. I'm sick of everything. I'm sick of working. I'm sick of cleaning. I'm sick of me. I'm sick of you. I'm sick of everyone. I'm sick of being helpless, hopless and worthless. I'm sick of being a disappoitment. I'm sick of it.
But most of all I'm sick of me.
But I guess that's the way it should be.
-Sarah
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[22 Mar 2003|11:35pm] |
I've been a part of this community for a while. But I thought I'd lay down some basics about me. And hope that you do the same in return.
I am:
Depressed
Self-Injurer
Anxious
Lonely
Asthmatic
Bisexual
Fun
Boring
I am a:
Freak
Weirdo
Helper
Lover
Fighter
Hater
Outcast
Writer
Artist
I say:
I'll help you if I can. I am always willing to help. Just please return the favor one day. Because I need a lot more help then most know......
Love always,
Sarah
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[22 Mar 2003|11:27pm] |
For the record... I'm not suicidal....and this result bothers me... But I find it interesting....
( quiz-that-may-trigger? )
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[20 Mar 2003|06:43pm] |
I'll tell you. I would love to just cut. Cut to cut. For no reason. Or something. But yeah. I can't. Which sucks. I have nothing I'm sorry. I had to get that out.....
-le fucking sigh-
~Sarah
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[19 Mar 2003|08:35pm] |
Yeah. I went over to Adrian's house tonight, for an hour. Dad is being a asshole. So, yeah. Anyway,
My friends har freaking out and not being themselves. It's fucked up in a way. Some of the people at least. Some have reasons. -shrugs-
I broke down at Adrian's house. I started crying and crying because of this damned war thing. Yeah. So here is why:
"We are all going to suffer and die."
Yeah. If we go to war, and we will, it will be long and hard. I want to have a good future. I want kids. I want them to have a good life. I don't want to lose anyone. I have friends that will goa nd cousins who may and friends too. I could lose them all. I can't handle that. It takes a lot for me to not cry right now. It hurts so badly. I mean, I'm scared and this doesn't make my
mental shit
any worse.
I started my period. Yayness. Or something. I dont know. Damn tampons.
-shrugs-
I'm off to go take the tampon outta me and put a pad on go lie down talk to Adrian and probably end up watching the news and freaking out.
-le sigh-
I love you guys.
Love Always,
~Sarah
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[16 Mar 2003|03:59pm] |
Sometimes I just want to die. I told my Dad something then he went off on me because I have an opinion. Adrian is thinking of moving in with his Dad. If he moves I know that me and him will be over because he'll not care. He doesn't care anymore. He is being an asshole to me and he wonders why I am a bitch to him. It's because I can't take any of this shit anymore.
Oh, and found out that if I were to have a baby within the next few years that it would probably kill me. Fun times.
I'm crying. I'm off the lithium which was my one chance for help in this shithole. I'm on florinef and Zyprexa and I wish it would all go away and I would just fucking die already. I'm so alone. I mean, I don't have anyone I can run to. I don't have anyone and I know I don't. People will say oh you know you have me but it isn't true and I know it. Because people think I am just some fucking freak. Tyler just IMed me. So I'm acting okay. What the hell?
I'm so sick of this. My parents hate me and think I'm just so horribly stupid and blind and I am not good enough for my friends or my boyfriend. I am utterly alone. Just so fucking alone. People don't understand they think I'm all shits and giggles and full of it. But I hurt so badly. I really don't know how much more I can take. I just want to get away and I can't. Because I can't go walking because I'm crying. I can't call anyone because they all have lives. Then I can't call Whookie because she's always busy. I can't cll Adrian because he's in trouble, busy, and pissed at me. I can't do anything but sit in the damned computer room and cry. I seriously can't do this. I can't keep this up. It is killing me. One minute it's okay the next it isn't. One minute people care the next they don't. Shit mom is coming. Shit shit shit shit shit..... Breathing... Damnit. I can't do anything to escape myself.
I feel like shit. I can't take this anymore.
Doc diagnosed me with an Anxiety Disorder and said he isn't saying I'm BiPolar but isn't saying that I am not BiPolar he's just teaching my body to not be BiPolar. Yeah. Okay then.
Tyler, AShlee's Tyler is tlaking to me. He's kinda making me feel better. But not really.
Shit another wave I'm going to start crying again.
Damnit.
I'm so fucking alone. I wanna crawl in a fucking hole and be happy for once. I can't take this anymore.
I need help. But no one cares or understands enough to see it or accept it or try to help me.
Dad thinks I don't see Audrey's side of anything but he's wrong. He doesn't know what she does. He doesn't know. Plus I yell at Adrian a lot because he does shit.
I can't be everyone's mother anymore. I can't be this matture and perfect fucking person anymore. I can't take it anymore. I just want to be a kid. I want to smile and mean it. I want to be happy.
Now Erik's talking to me.
Damnit.
I wanna be happy again......
Help me.....
There is no help for me.....
I'm alone.....
Forever Alone...
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[14 Mar 2003|04:54pm] |
I hate the fact that people think they own another person. Really possesive people make me very nervous. And I have been thinking about all the possesive people I know that I am close to. Kevin, Adrian, Amanda, Melissa, and Chris.
Kevin- Over Angie, kind of dangerous, but not really. Ending fastly.
Amanda- Paul and what people think about her. Not fading, burning more and faster. Kind of Danergous.
Whookie- Over her friends. Not dangerous.
Chris: A lot of people. Destructivly dangerous.
And of course,
Adrian over me. Scary but sometimes nice. Getting faster more frequent and worse.
I can too be possesive. Over those I love/like. It's maternal. -shrugs- People don't understand that I have to be possesive. But oh well.
People more and more have said Adrian looks like he is controlling and/or possesive. I've seen it for a long time. Where have they been? I understand it of course, with his past with females. But it is getting worse. I sort of feel like I'm not a whole person in his eyes sometimes. Maybe I'm just wrong. I think that must be it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Me, Dani, and zuke are working on a project. For Psychology. It should be fun. People drive me up the wall.
We didn't have the 'dress rehearsal' thing. The bitch cancled. I guess we do it on Monday. Whatever. She's a bitch I swear and Thompson sucks. Arg.
Tyler IMed me. He said he heard I was a good writer. Hah. Whatever. I'm so sick of everything right now.
It's pointless sometimes.
I dunno....
-le sigh-
Whatever, I'm out
Sarah
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[13 Mar 2003|08:01pm] |
Well, people suck and can kiss my white ass.
Mr. Thompson said we can't do the play until Mrs. Stephens sees it. SO we have to 'perform' it for the bitch tomorrow after school. Which is short notice and a lot of bullshit. Mr. Frank eavesdropped, or said someone else did and Thompson said that it isn't school related and blah blah blah. So we may not have the commercial Adrian worked on for our news show. Which means it isn't going to be aired all week on our school channel. Which is a lot of bullshit if you ask me. Which you did.
I'm tired and feel like shit still. I'm depressed. I have bad cat/dog allergies. I'm allergic to a bunch of other stuff to the doctor says. Plus I have a grade one heart murmmer. UGH. Maybe ( Read more... )
This fucking sucks.
I quit damnit. Whatever.
Always,
Sarah
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[11 Mar 2003|08:13pm] |
I'm miserable. Falling into depression AGAIN. My anxiety is through the roof. My love life is fucked up in some matters. Well, my life period. And I'm just shitty.
Just to let you all know.
Sarah
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[04 Mar 2003|06:07pm] |
Whatever. Today has sucked major ass.
I have something wrong witha mitrovalve in my heart. UFn. It isn't as serious as a few of the other's in family. Mines the opposite of theirs. When me heart pumps the blood back washes because the valve closes too soon. So yeah. I could whatever I guess. But my medicine helps so whatever I suppose. It isn't serious. Just whatever.
Great. Another reason to be depressed. Which yeah I want to cry but I can't. Or at least won't.
Asked to go to Adrian's. Can't. Sudrey's not there. Whatever. If we were going to fuck it wouldn't matter if Audrey was there or not. it's pathetic as hell. I'm not a fucking slut. I don't know why my Mom played that. She would have said yes if Audrey was home. But whatever. I'll get lectured.
This hurts and I hate.
I want to do something rash, but lord knows i can't and just won't.. Whatever.
-sarah
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