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Dying With Open Arms

[ website | a.beautiful.nightmare ]
[ userinfo | blurty userinfo ]
[ calendar | blurty calendar ]

[07 Sep 2003|09:01pm]
[ mood | lazy ]
[ music | like a bad girl should -the cramps ]

hey my name is mark and i'm a homosexual. yeah you heard me.
anyways... yeah my weekend was cool. besides the fact i didn't get to spend time with joe. and yeah... THE FACT IT WAS FAKE ACID. UGH. motha fucka.. friday i went to sara's like right after school. well not right after but like 4:30ish. we chilled at her house for a while, then drove around trying to find people to hang with. we had no luck. no luck at all. yeahyeahyeah. so we ended up just chilling at her house. yadda yadda. yeah. okay. then saturday we picked up liz and ...i went home. then after getting home i realized i promised JOE i'd come over... soo... me and molly<3 did our best to find his house. i mean we really did try... but we are both idiots .haha. seriously i had to be back by 9:30 and we left at like 7. gah, we are so dumb. BUT JOE... i will soo come over... if i can get ben or one of my smarter friends to take me.. ugh i hate myself. then SUNDAY ... -sigh-... i spent time with the parentals, then i went to steuby to buy a bleach kit. annnd. well i didnt end up getting one... i think i'm gonna get my hair bleched (blonde) professionally. yesyes.

julie wants to be loved. *sad face*

2 Cuts    your love is misery

[01 Sep 2003|06:54pm]
[ mood | blah ]

man that's really cute. i didn't even know brittany or anyone else cared enough to read my journal,

Anyways, it wasn't about any of them... Frankly, I like the way she kicks everyone's ass with her remarks, and i have told her that... countless times. But whatever. I feel out of place when I'm around them...

... anyways britt, if i had something to say to you. i would address directly TO YOU. well, actually i wouldn't post it. i would tell you to your face...mmk?


anyways, today... i went to pittsburgh with my (half?)aunt heather... and visited with her daughter molly. we had to be back before 4 because she had to be back to work. yadda yadda.
then i sat home, so bored for like 2 hours... oh man, then jenna called and apologized and asked if i wanted to go somewhere... so uh, she picked me up and we drove around for like an hour, talking about gay shit... yeah yeah... i'm still pissed. she may be my cousin, but i don't love her. in fact she makes me sick. i wanted to grab the fucking stearing wheel and wreck us into an oncoming car... i hate her more than i hate myself.
ok, yeah and she wants to go to modeling school... and she can't figure out why they won't accept her... ROFL...
if i can figure out how to post pictures, i will.

2 Cuts    your love is misery

[29 Aug 2003|07:08pm]
[ mood | apathetic ]
[ music | never scared - bonecrusher...haha ]

ahh. it's friday. thank bob. school has been good so far. i hope it stays this way. all my classes are great. they are small, which means fewer people that i have to interact with. most of my classes have at least 2 close friends in them, which makes me happy. my schedule rawks. i have 4th period lunch, with ben... sean and ryan... and JIMMY! my astronomy class is my favorite. haha. i have it with steff porter... BUM!... paul stasick (haha. omg he cracks me up)... ian.. joe... um. nanette... ashlynn and dana. omg. i love it. the new science teacher is so nice... but he's awfully strange. anyways. yeah school is good [besides the constant fights with my locker, and worrying about running over that tiny freshman kiddo (damn he's SMALL!) and those dirty looks i occasionally get from a few people. -shrugs- ]

Yeah Yeah Yeah.

...hmm... alright well i have been doing alot of thinking lately, and i just realized i don't give a shit anymore. i mean i try to care about things... i veiw myself as a kind person, who is very unselfish (i don't know if that makes me sound bad or not, but i think i have been a good person to ALOT of people, and i am not treated how i should be in return) THEREFORE, i have decided to put myself before anyone. i think i deserve it. i think i have been pushed around and stepped on quite enough. i can't stand it when ONE person has to run everything. ME ME ME. ugh i'm fucking sick of that shit. now that i have my license i don't have to rely on parents or anyone to cart my ass everywhere. i can take my own self... and i love it. freedom from bullshit. i'm not letting anyone fuck with me anymore. nope, nope. hahaha. -phew- i feel better. whoop.

and oh yes. i almost forgot... doesn't it get old? i mean... making your so called friends feel like shit? do you enjoy hurting people? well i think it's fucking pathetic. how would it feel if someone did that to you? HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU FEEL? umph. i just wish you would realize that you are better than that. the more and more you degrade people, the lower you become.

gah, headache.

i really need to find someone to date. if anyone knows anyone. get back to me. asap. ..... rofl.


love and cunt.

5 Cuts    your love is misery

[17 Aug 2003|07:17pm]
These four walls have seen the worst of me.
They’re bleeding confession, but they’ll never speak.
These four walls have seen the life I truly lead.
They’re crying depression. They’re weak in the knees.
  your love is misery

[31 Jul 2003|12:54am]
[ mood | amused ]

London bridge is falling down. It fell on a group of babies and killed them instantly, smashing their underdeveloped hands and legs. And then somehow, gasoline was poured on their dead, limp bodies, and they were incinerated with fire. Then the London citizens took the flaming dead babies' bodies and threw them around, eventually selling them on Ebay for a pack of crackers and a toolbox. Some pyromaniac pedophile bought the babies and belittled them by throwing sticks and George W. Bush action figures at them. Then the pyromaniac pedophile brought the dead flaming carcusses to a woodshop and dismembered them with a screwdriver and a bar of soap

the end.

written by: Brandon (Freaky Phil from Filli) ...he ROCKS harder than Conan O'Brian, and I LOVE HIM more than I LOVE ORANGE SODA! rahaha. he crazy, he crazy.

  your love is misery

[28 Jul 2003|04:41pm]
[ mood | cold ]

I can't help but hurt myself again and again. I will perfect the art of crash and burn. Downpour on my parade. Take all my dreams and hopes and make them meaningless. You were there to make bad days worse. Won't you help me crash and burn? I kill myself more and more everytime I look in your eyes. I love to hate you and hate to love you. You taste too good to hurt this much. I pay no mind to any warning. Dive right in and burn alive. Your open arms and smiling face are a gun in my mouth. I won't stop you from happening. Kiss you goodbye. I crash and burn.

3 Cuts    your love is misery

[27 Jul 2003|05:00am]
[ mood | cold ]

Dear Whoever,

Here's another letter that I'll never send. If you get this ever, I'll be at my most bitter end. The last time we spoke he spit only warm blades and open bombs. Now this ink is running through my veins, so shut the fuck up and try to understand these words no breath could ever hope to carry. He's my last big mistake. He is the new machine. And falling into the new machine seems to be my only way out. Now. To my defeater: don't even bother to read this. I will fail you every single time. The sound of his voice sharpens my flaws into daggers. So let's toast this to my utter loss. The thought of forever disgusts me. Blankets of snow fall deep into failure. Your cold pillow beckons me to close your eyes forever. The sun is getting dull and I awaken cold and alone. So just give me an ending. Give me one more reason. Yeah yeah yeah.

as these frail words collaspe... so do I.

  your love is misery

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