Lissa's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
Lissa

[ website | forget me. ]
[ userinfo | blurty userinfo ]
[ calendar | blurty calendar ]

You don't have to stay. [02 Mar 2004|09:09pm]
[ mood | numb ]
[ music | TSL ]

He hurts me. And I don't think he knows. I don't think he cares. He makes me sad. And I just.. his hands.. they're so nice. and his eyes. They make me feel special. But he never looks at me anymore. I wish that I was as invisble as he makes me feel.

MAYBE TOMORROW I CAN WAKE UP..

sever the ties

You don't have to stay. [02 Mar 2004|09:05pm]
[ mood | numb ]
[ music | TSL ]

He hurts me. And I don't think he knows. I don't think he cares. He makes me sad. And I just.. his hands.. they're so nice. and his eyes. They make me feel special. But he never looks at me anymore. I wish that I was as invisble as he makes me feel.

MAYBE TOMORROW I CAN WAKE UP..

sever the ties

My heart is on my sleeve. [26 Feb 2004|06:47pm]
[ mood | very very sad.. ]
[ music | Fall Out Boy ]

CJ (6:41:05 PM): come on, cheer up
barely x here (6:42:41 PM): bah. i was rambling to mandy on the phone earlier and i said something like well, i wish he would just tell me whether or not he likes me. it'd be easier that way. i'm not going to not want to be friends with him, and yeah i am gonna be a little hurt but i'm not going to take that out on him. it's just better for me to know. so i can do it all over again. find another guy that won't like me. and she was like "i'm gonna say that to him"
CJ (6:43:21 PM): well maybe if she says that to him, we will know
barely x here (6:43:45 PM): but.. i don't want the answer to be no again. it hurts too much cj.


It just hurts too much

sever the ties

We ignored all the signs. [11 Feb 2004|08:39pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]
[ music | The Movielife ]

Three whole years fall on deaf ears.

I don't have to go to therapy any more.. well.. soon.

sever the ties

Will it be blessed by his eyes today? [04 Feb 2004|06:15pm]
[ mood | chipper ]
[ music | Bright Eyes - "The Center of the World" ]

I.miss.my.dad.a.lot.

The memories and the wishing can't bring him back. But... my heart aches when I see kids with their dads. Because... I used to be them, and I figured he'd always be there. But he won't. Well, he isn't. Appreciate your parents.. Because they'll be gone before you know it... or expect it. Not everything is planned.

Ali wanted to know if me and Kelly were going out. I have a picture of him. (Yes, Kelly is a guy). If anyone cares enough, IM me.. I also have pictures of me. (Barelyxhere). I'm not even friends with her anymore. CJ asked her why she cared and she said "I thought they'd make a good couple"... she's weird. I figured... she'd want to tell him about all the bad things I do/have done. Oh well. I don't want to like him this much. It's a rule... I thought I wasn't going to break.

I have counseling. I love you.

sever the ties

You were just what I needed. [31 Jan 2004|02:33pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]
[ music | Sorry About Dresden - "Going For The Gold" ]

There's this guy.. his name's Kelly. And.. he's.. so funny. I went to the movies with him and Dustin, Mandy, CJ, and Trey. He put his arm around me. I felt special. For once. His eyes give me the worst butterflies...

sever the ties

Shut up. [18 Jan 2004|01:48pm]
[ mood | cold ]
[ music | The Movielife - "Hey" ]

Sorry. I would update more. I got grounded. And well.. I haven't been online much. And.. well.. nothing interesting happened to me.

At church today some kid told me he was 16.. he looked about 10. And then he put his arm around me and asked me if I wanted to go out with him. Hahahhah! Sorry. It really made my day.

Later.

sever the ties

one part loss. [06 Jan 2004|08:38pm]
[ mood | awake ]
[ music | Thursday - "Marches & Manuevers" ]

i am horrible. i should be shot. and i really don't want to like cody. at all. but he's pretty and he.. makes me laugh. i should be killed. now.

sever the ties

I crack my teeth on pearls. [03 Jan 2004|03:20pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]
[ music | Thrice – “The Melting Pot of Wax” ]

I'm way to lazy to make different entries for blurty and livejournal. So.. here:

I actually had fun on Friday. This is weird, because I usually just go see a movie and go home… I’m so predictable, it’s sad.

Dustin brought Mandy and me to the mall and we found CJ, Trey, Bryan, and Brandon. We went to K-Mart so I could play Mario Kart (I’m obsessed with that game and I only get to play it when I’m at the mall). Brandon and Bryan… were fighting over me? I guess you could say that, Mandy said they were because Brandon would get close to me and Bryan would get really big eyes and tell him to go away. Bryan kept putting his arm around me… which I didn’t mind… but I didn’t want to make Brandon mad because he’s such a nice guy. And Brandon and Bryan were kidding but they were saying stuff like “You wanna fight?” and... well... etc. So, somehow we walked all the way back to where the movies are, and Bryan said he was “escorting” me so he’d link with me. I don’t really know why he didn’t just hold my hand… I guess he thought that I’d get mad or something… but I mean, even though Brandon asked me if I’d ever go out with Bryan, I didn’t really think of it as “Bryan likes me”.

So we went outside and all of us (Mandy, Dustin, Trey, CJ, Brandon, Bryan, and me) walked around the mall for no reason. I guess just something to do because Bryan and Trey didn’t have enough money to go see a movie. We rode around in shopping carts and eventually found our way back into the mall. I had a good time, and I saw a kid that was in my 5th grade class… I don’t know if he remembered me or not, I kind of think he did. But… Bryan had to leave before Mandy and I were gone. And I walked with him outside to the car... AND HE DIDN’T EVEN HUG ME. My lord. I figured… well… I don’t know what I figured but he *should’ve* done something. :[

Mandy’s brother (who’s 19) and his friend Jim picked us up and took Dustin home. But, they didn’t take me home right away. *grin* We went to my house to see if anybody was playing at the Lime Light. I called my Mom and told her I was going to see a late movie and we went and saw the end of one bands set and all of another bands. I know the first bands name was Throw the Pictures Away. They were alright… I felt like they should’ve screamed a little less. But… all around I had a good time. The second band was a lot better. I saw somebody who looked a lot like somebody I used to know. And I wanted to go ask him his name but I just never got around to it.

I came home and my Mom was pissed, so I fed her this line about how we saw ROTK and stuff… and that her Dad couldn’t take us to the mall until later and that we left before it was over. She told me that I should do my work tomorrow and left. Then she came back about a half hour later and asked me what time the movie started and I told her sometime around 9. She told me ROTK didn’t start at that time. Hee! She told me that I’d have to speak to Mandy’s dad. But, I’m sure I can get Dennis to pretend to be her Dad or something.

Honestly, I had a lot of fun for once. I just wish Bryan had of… at least given me a hug or something. Oh well, maybe next time. Goodbye lovely.

Lissa [Sit and think of all the dollars and cents, and your blue blood.]

P.S: I got Thrice - The Artist in the Ambulance.

sever the ties

we were contenders. [01 Jan 2004|09:06pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]
[ music | "The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows" - Brand New ]

i got a livejournal : fightxthefade. i'll update every once in a while on both. i love you. happy new years. and my boring new years update is on livejournal. thank you. i love you. i miss you.

sever the ties

it's keeping you from sleep. [27 Dec 2003|10:17pm]
[ mood | chipper ]
[ music | Dashboard Confessional - "Screaming Infidelities" ]

hello. peter pan is a fabulous movie. i must say. and... i ordered 4 cds at saddlecreek. and.. 3 shirts. and 2 posters. and i got dashboard confessional "the places you have come to fear the most" (which i've wanted for a loooonnnggggggg time it seems..) along with brand new "deja entendu" i'm so behind. it takes me forever to get every cd. so bam!


is it bad that i want to fall in love.. now?

6 © sever the ties

i hate the way you say my name. [25 Dec 2003|06:26pm]
[ mood | discontent ]
[ music | Fall Out Boy - "The Patron Saint of Liars and Fakes" ]

okay, so christmas sucked as usual. but i didn't set myself up for dissapointment. okay, so i only got one thing i asked for, but my mom was busy. i guess she's always busy. my grandma got me this chain.. a really nice chain.. and the letter said something about her being 80 when i graduated.. and.. my mom started crying. and she went upstairs. and i seriously didn't understand.. and josh said, "well when people get older they start being pessimistic about when they're going to die." my grandmas.. healthy.. and my mom looked so sad. i wish.. christmas never existed. i wish.. i slept through the entire day.
"tonight the headphones will deliver you the words that I can't say. tonight i'm writing you a million miles away. tonight is all about 'i miss you'"

sever the ties

you walked away. [23 Dec 2003|08:10pm]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | The Movie Life - "Face or Kneecaps" ]

christmas is so horrible. give me this. give me that. selfish, greedy, bitter people. i don't need to give people gifts to prove i care. i mean, come on.. if that's the only way you can show that then, i think you have a little bit to worry about. but, being the hypocrite i am, i went christmas shopping. i really had no idea what to get anyone. hopefully they won't be too dissapointed. it's not like they were telling me what they wanted anyway. *shrug* so anyway, i've been kind of busy. we were at walmart for a while, i saw mr. hanchek one of my teachers from SEVENTH GRADE! and he remembered me. he looked at me and had this look like "woah, she looks completely different" on his face. it was hilarious. i really didn't think he'd remember me. he saw me first. i wouldn't of seen him, seeing as how i'm so vain i won't wear my glasses in public or something.. i don't know. i'm lame. so, everbody in my family is at a christmas party, and i'm sitting at home, listening to all the songs that play at drivethrurecords.com. i got stuff to make a gingerbread house, but we all know that i'll never do anything with any of it. *sigh* brandon just asked me out. how weird. like.. i mean.. come on kid. i'm pretty obvious about.. stuff. *shrug* later.
brandon (8:13:38 PM): so lissa
brandon (8:13:44 PM): want to go to the movies?
me (8:14:45 PM): it depends on what movie lol.
brandon (8:15:00 PM): so youll go with me?
me (8:15:31 PM): maybe. *shrug* i like movies lol.
he called me pretty. nobody calls me pretty.
brandon (8:18:29 PM): well, look at you
brandon (8:18:35 PM): then look at me
brandon (8:18:47 PM): your too good, your pretty, and im a gremlin

sever the ties

I see the drops of red. [21 Dec 2003|02:38pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]
[ music | Blink 182 "Go" ]

It's so pathetic what a friendship is to people now. 10 dollars. That's it. It's so sad. But I don't miss her, I never will, she's shallow, greedy, pathetic, rude, and obsessive. I'm waiting for my Mom to come downstairs so I can block her emails along with her IMs that have already been blocked. She tried to apologize last night when Josh was online on my screen name and he told her she wasn't a very nice person. I felt so sick after she made fun of me because I'm sad. Who does that? It just hurt so bad. Even when your in a fight with someone you shouldn't make fun of them because they can't be happy. I figure happiness is overrated anyway. Well, Ali's happiness is. And I hope she's happy with Jon. I hope she's happy when he starts to abuse her, because he will. I hope one day she wishes that she hadn't been so dumb. 10 dollars is a whole lot isn't it? Sorry for anyone I was rude to last night, I let people have the best of me. In good time all we do is say goodbye..

6 © sever the ties

you will back someday. [16 Dec 2003|06:05pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]
[ music | Remember Maine "Eastbound Traffic" ]

hello darling. jon told ali i was "being a smart ass" and that's why he said this stuff at a basketball game:
*I just finished popping Ali's back because it hurt or something*
Jon: You guys know what that looks like right?
Me & Ali: No, what?
Jon: Like Lissa's getting you from behind.
Me: Right Jon, because I have a penis.
Jon: Yeah, probably. Why else wouldn't you let a guy stick his finger up your cookie?"
I'm not kidding. I hate him. I hope someone knocks some sense into him. Anyway, he was talking to Ali and he said that I DESERVED having that said to me because I was "being a smart ass". I HATE HIM.

I have to go to counseling. <3 Bye lovelies.

2 © sever the ties

so we kiss like little kids. [14 Dec 2003|07:29pm]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | my cats purring. ]

today was uneventful. as usual. dustin (not mandy's dustin) the one with pretty eyes.. wow. he's gorgeous. and he's sweet, and funny, and smart, and he knows how to have a conversation. but I haven't talked to him in a while. *sigh* it's not like he'd ever be interested in me. i wish i was gorgeous and funny and smart and sweet. i guess.. god likes certain people *more*. ah, well.

i made a webpage. it's not complete. just click the link *above*. it sucks. but.. yeah. goodnight lovely.

sever the ties

make mistakes & i'll forgive you. [13 Dec 2003|02:12pm]
[ mood | full ]
[ music | goo goo dolls - slide. ]

today is such a great day to die. i'm so bored it's unbelieveable. i've been online for what seems like forever. and there's nothing to do. which makes me sad.


my counselor read one of my poems. and she said it was good. but.. i know it wasn't. she still has it. we have to "discuss" more about it or something. She said she likes the way "they" is me. I can't help it. I'm too stubborn to let anyone know what i really feel.. because i don't feel anything...

2 © sever the ties

cut the skin to the bone. fall asleep all alone. [12 Dec 2003|10:32pm]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | rooonnneyyy ]

wow. sorry i haven't updated in a while. i've been busy? no, that's not it. someone like me is never busy. i was probably just to.. preoccupied to updated. my most sincere apologizes. so anyway, mandy spent the night last night and we went to the mall and saw gothica. i liked that movie a lot. everyone should take the time to go see. :D


and tonight i went to see stuck on you with caitiwink. and andrew was there with some of his friends. and he came and sat with us for a little while.


that guy, the one with the pretty eyes.. his name is dustin. and i already know a dustin who likes mandy.. who is very annoying. but, this dustin.. he seems very sweet. if only our school wasn't so huge. that way MAYBE i could see him and talk to him once in a while, but no. that's way too much to ask. haha.


it's amazing how tired i am. i think i'm falling asleep as i type this. i heart you. later.

sever the ties

broken homes and broken bones. [09 Dec 2003|09:05pm]
[ mood | cold ]
[ music | "head club" taking back sunday. ]

hello loveli-es. mandy is on a misson to find out that guys name. because i can't ask.. just because i'm supposed to already know. i'm a horrible person. i should be shot. a bunch of times. in the back.


so anyway, i got yelled at by pretty much all my teachers today. eddie knocked my soda out of my hands and it wasn't closed. and ms. andersen screamed at me.. a bunch. whatever.


i have this fear that i'm going to die lonely. it's pretty much already been decided for me.. who else leads such a sad pathetic life.. who am i kidding? i'll never be loved..

© the lissa monster.

"where even the clouds have faces"

sever the ties

you'll die trying to live this down. [06 Dec 2003|07:18pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]
[ music | brand new - magazines. ]

on friday i went to the mall with mandy, brad, and mike. it was good to hang out with brad again. i missed him.. him and mike together are hilarious. we saw bad santa. and.. i got a guitar. later.

6 © sever the ties

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