Froolie

8:00pm: .........
STUPID ME-i actually thought that id be happy. And for a while there i was...4 days-wow, that must be a record. But of course....things always go wrong in my world. Im just NOT supposed to be happy i guess. Im not even gonna waste my time explaining everything right now because...id be here for quite a while.
I can go over the basics though...im a disappointment. that's always a good thing, even though i really dont know why i am..i am.
Then ya know, ive come to accept the fact that victor and me just aren't friends. and that really s ucks cause he was always the person i could go to when things sucked. no, i shouldn't lie like that, i thought he was but no.
Now...there are TWO people, and two people only that i feel like i can trust. Feffula and Babbo. No offense to any of my other friends, but...i dunno. I'm so pessimistic right now. I dont feel like anyone really cares except for those two people. I'm not tyring to offend anyone else and im sorry if i have, but thats just the way it is. I dont like to be like that...but now...im cynical.
In the past day, ive become quite cynical and ive come to hate myself more than anyone should hate themselves. I dont even know what i did wrong to be such a disappointment and such a failure. i wish that i did though. I wonder if they know how much they make me hate myself. Not like it really matters anyways.
I need to get away from here so badly. And Friday, FEFFULA'S COMING HOME!!!! OMg...that seems WAY to far away. And i dunno if i can deal with that. But that's what's gonna keep me going is knowing that ill be able to see her. And then we're going to have dinner with Babbo. Omg..i need that SOO bad. Me getting to see the two most important people in my life and spend time with them. Nothing can replace that.
Ok...well back up to my room....sorry for this pointlessness...
-disappointment, failure...whatever...

Maybe this'll help explain things a little better....

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect