: :-/...omg-what the hell is wrong with me?!
So...i really dont understand what my problem is. I dunno-ive just been really blah lately. I guess its probably cause all ive been thinking about lately is Flushing...:-/...i dunno, i just, i miss that place SOO much! And i guess a big part of it is talking to Tony again, and just remembering how things used to be. Omg-i loved it there. Ya know-i didn't have many friends, Tony, Andrew, Chelsea, Sam, and sometimes Becky-but i was SOO happy with them. I loved them all so much, and we always had so much fun. I used to call Tony evreytime i was upset and id talk to him, and id feel better-that's just how he is...its how he's always been for as long as i can remember. I always wonder what things would be like if i was still there...And just, now that im talking to Tony now...it just makes me realize how much i miss him and just...yea. I dont know, i just wanna see him and i wish things were the way they used to be...i wish i was still in Flushing. Dont get me wrong-i love my friends here and everything..just still-after this long almost 6 years now, i still dont feel like this is home. Flushing was the only place i knew til i moved her. I had my friends, family, i had the team, i just..i had it good there...and i loved it...but now im here and just...i dont know-its not right. I'm SOOO glad that im talking to Tony again...i really, really, really am. But then again, if i wasnt-i probably wouldnt be feeling like this, cause i just try not to think about it. But...omg-just people dont understand how much i loved it there-ya know-as much as people called me names and picked on me, i had my friends...i wouldn't trade them for the world. At recess, we would go to the swingset on the far right side of the playground-that was our spot, we went there everyday. And wed talk, and we'd laugh and we'd swing aroudn the poles. And i used to love this jean jacket that i had, and one day i was swinging around the middle pole-i still remember which pole it was...yes-and i was getting hot so i took off my jacket and threw it-and they told me i was gonna be a poledancer when i grew up....i will never forget that. Here we are, in 4th grade-and im gonna be a poledancer. Lol-wow...those were such GOOD times!!! We always had so much fun together, no matter what we were doing. And we all had Mrs. Gibbs...so we'd talk in there. We just always had so much fun together...and i remember that time when i was OBSESSED with My Heart Will Go On-Titanic of course-and so i asked Mrs. Gibbs if i could sing it in front of the class, so a couple other girls got up there with me, and we sang it and i remember looking at Tony when i was singing it...and yea....i just wow-i loved them all so much-especially Tony-he was the best-he still is...i remember when i first found out i was moving..i called Tony to tell him, and we were both supposed to be in Mr. Schlemmer's class together for 5th grade, and i called him and told him and he called me a fucker. And i cant blame him-i woulda done the same thing! And i started crying, and STUPID me put in the cancer interview and started watching it while talking to him...but he was there for me. And everytime i used to pretend to have a boyfriend-it was Tony. And i'd always talk about him in 5th grade-always-didn't talk about any of my other friends-except maybe Chelsea...i just, i really miss him sooo much! I used to have the biggest crush on him too....i think that feeling is maybe coming back...and i STILL have the keychain that he bought me at Santa's Workshop and i just had to be an IDIOT and Andy...and just UGH! I busted out my yearbook yesterday...and omg-i was NASTY!!!! i was wearing mardi gras beads in my school picture! What the hell is that?? but still...Tony stuck by me...through everything. I was thinking about just everything this weekend. Well....not really everything, just Flushing...and of course i was there...and just...the memories. And what the hell was i thinking-Friday night i decided tha tiw as gonna watch Titanic...cause Tony reminded me of how i was obsessed with it...so i started watching it...BAD idea...i started thinking about everything even more...and Tony. And all weekend-i was thinking about him, and how much i miss him, and miss talking to him EVERYDAY on the phone for HOURS at a time...we used to talk for seriously like-3 hours at a time. I loved talking to him...it always made me feel better-even through the summer we'd talk! Of course we had to let each other know who our teacher was for 5th grade, and he was the first person i told...and we had the same class and i was SOO excited!!!!! Then....my world was shattered-thats a good way of putting it. I really didn't wanna leave-at all! Ya know-i didn't even get to hug him goodbye-i think the last time i saw him was the last day of school...:-/...that's a long time...now it's been 6 years! As soon as i see him-im just gonna run to him and give him a HUGE hug to make up for those 6 years. And i think that tonight..i might call him. I still remember his phone number...after that long...and i still remember-i dont even remember Chelseas...! This is just all too crazy. And STUPID me wsa just sitting upstairs listening to songs which of course reminded me of Flushing. And of course-i started to cry! I dont know what the hell my problem is! *Lately, been thinkin bout you baby(and everything you do), just sittin away, watchin the days go by, lately been thinkin bout you baby(and everything you do), just sittin away, watchin the days go by.* Yup...thats how it is. I just..i miss everything about Flushing and i miss Tony. And talking to him really doesn't help, i mean it does, cause everytime i talk to him...i get this huge smile on my face, and thinking about him brings one to my face too...its just...it makes me miss him even more, knowing that i haven't seen him in so damn long, and that it'll probably be a while til i do cause he has football. and because of the fact that i am DAMN stupid-i deleted the picture he sent me, cause i was like, oh, i wont talk to him for another year or so and i dont need to sit here and look at him and realize how much i miss him. So now, i DO talk to him, and i dont have his picture, and he deleted it from his computer...so its' really sad. When i do see him-im taking a camera-thats for sure. And just yea...so i dunno what my problem is-i sit there and listen to sad songs, and expect not to cry?! Yea right...anyone that knows me knows that im gonna cry. So...that's what i did-and knowing how stupid i am, thats what im gonna go do....again, and ill cry some more. I just...i really miss Flushing and i really miss Tony and yea...:-/...
-steph
So...i really dont understand what my problem is. I dunno-ive just been really blah lately. I guess its probably cause all ive been thinking about lately is Flushing...:-/...i dunno, i just, i miss that place SOO much! And i guess a big part of it is talking to Tony again, and just remembering how things used to be. Omg-i loved it there. Ya know-i didn't have many friends, Tony, Andrew, Chelsea, Sam, and sometimes Becky-but i was SOO happy with them. I loved them all so much, and we always had so much fun. I used to call Tony evreytime i was upset and id talk to him, and id feel better-that's just how he is...its how he's always been for as long as i can remember. I always wonder what things would be like if i was still there...And just, now that im talking to Tony now...it just makes me realize how much i miss him and just...yea. I dont know, i just wanna see him and i wish things were the way they used to be...i wish i was still in Flushing. Dont get me wrong-i love my friends here and everything..just still-after this long almost 6 years now, i still dont feel like this is home. Flushing was the only place i knew til i moved her. I had my friends, family, i had the team, i just..i had it good there...and i loved it...but now im here and just...i dont know-its not right. I'm SOOO glad that im talking to Tony again...i really, really, really am. But then again, if i wasnt-i probably wouldnt be feeling like this, cause i just try not to think about it. But...omg-just people dont understand how much i loved it there-ya know-as much as people called me names and picked on me, i had my friends...i wouldn't trade them for the world. At recess, we would go to the swingset on the far right side of the playground-that was our spot, we went there everyday. And wed talk, and we'd laugh and we'd swing aroudn the poles. And i used to love this jean jacket that i had, and one day i was swinging around the middle pole-i still remember which pole it was...yes-and i was getting hot so i took off my jacket and threw it-and they told me i was gonna be a poledancer when i grew up....i will never forget that. Here we are, in 4th grade-and im gonna be a poledancer. Lol-wow...those were such GOOD times!!! We always had so much fun together, no matter what we were doing. And we all had Mrs. Gibbs...so we'd talk in there. We just always had so much fun together...and i remember that time when i was OBSESSED with My Heart Will Go On-Titanic of course-and so i asked Mrs. Gibbs if i could sing it in front of the class, so a couple other girls got up there with me, and we sang it and i remember looking at Tony when i was singing it...and yea....i just wow-i loved them all so much-especially Tony-he was the best-he still is...i remember when i first found out i was moving..i called Tony to tell him, and we were both supposed to be in Mr. Schlemmer's class together for 5th grade, and i called him and told him and he called me a fucker. And i cant blame him-i woulda done the same thing! And i started crying, and STUPID me put in the cancer interview and started watching it while talking to him...but he was there for me. And everytime i used to pretend to have a boyfriend-it was Tony. And i'd always talk about him in 5th grade-always-didn't talk about any of my other friends-except maybe Chelsea...i just, i really miss him sooo much! I used to have the biggest crush on him too....i think that feeling is maybe coming back...and i STILL have the keychain that he bought me at Santa's Workshop and i just had to be an IDIOT and Andy...and just UGH! I busted out my yearbook yesterday...and omg-i was NASTY!!!! i was wearing mardi gras beads in my school picture! What the hell is that?? but still...Tony stuck by me...through everything. I was thinking about just everything this weekend. Well....not really everything, just Flushing...and of course i was there...and just...the memories. And what the hell was i thinking-Friday night i decided tha tiw as gonna watch Titanic...cause Tony reminded me of how i was obsessed with it...so i started watching it...BAD idea...i started thinking about everything even more...and Tony. And all weekend-i was thinking about him, and how much i miss him, and miss talking to him EVERYDAY on the phone for HOURS at a time...we used to talk for seriously like-3 hours at a time. I loved talking to him...it always made me feel better-even through the summer we'd talk! Of course we had to let each other know who our teacher was for 5th grade, and he was the first person i told...and we had the same class and i was SOO excited!!!!! Then....my world was shattered-thats a good way of putting it. I really didn't wanna leave-at all! Ya know-i didn't even get to hug him goodbye-i think the last time i saw him was the last day of school...:-/...that's a long time...now it's been 6 years! As soon as i see him-im just gonna run to him and give him a HUGE hug to make up for those 6 years. And i think that tonight..i might call him. I still remember his phone number...after that long...and i still remember-i dont even remember Chelseas...! This is just all too crazy. And STUPID me wsa just sitting upstairs listening to songs which of course reminded me of Flushing. And of course-i started to cry! I dont know what the hell my problem is! *Lately, been thinkin bout you baby(and everything you do), just sittin away, watchin the days go by, lately been thinkin bout you baby(and everything you do), just sittin away, watchin the days go by.* Yup...thats how it is. I just..i miss everything about Flushing and i miss Tony. And talking to him really doesn't help, i mean it does, cause everytime i talk to him...i get this huge smile on my face, and thinking about him brings one to my face too...its just...it makes me miss him even more, knowing that i haven't seen him in so damn long, and that it'll probably be a while til i do cause he has football. and because of the fact that i am DAMN stupid-i deleted the picture he sent me, cause i was like, oh, i wont talk to him for another year or so and i dont need to sit here and look at him and realize how much i miss him. So now, i DO talk to him, and i dont have his picture, and he deleted it from his computer...so its' really sad. When i do see him-im taking a camera-thats for sure. And just yea...so i dunno what my problem is-i sit there and listen to sad songs, and expect not to cry?! Yea right...anyone that knows me knows that im gonna cry. So...that's what i did-and knowing how stupid i am, thats what im gonna go do....again, and ill cry some more. I just...i really miss Flushing and i really miss Tony and yea...:-/...
-steph
Current Mood: 
sad
sadCurrent Music: Lately-Divine