: this sucks...
So everything pretty much sucks right now. Ok-me being the dumbass that i am left my window open yesterday, so i got home, and my bed was all wet, and my radio which is right next to my window...yea, it's ruined now so im really pissed!!! Ugh-but that's me for ya. And ok...o0o0o0o-so i did get to go swimming last night! It was at like 9 and it was still raining, but i didn't care, and dad let me go...and even though i only did 36 laps, it was still like the best swim that i've had this year. I guess i was just so yea....and it really helped. And ok..i was swimming, and thinking,a nd i was like, ok, i just have to do this and forget it and move on. And i was really excited, cause i didn't think about anything that's happened. And yea...next year, Ricco and me are gonna be better people and stuff, we've decided this. And so i was really excited about that and everything...and yea... i dunno. I went to bed then, and then i woke up this morning, and i was actually ok. And i went to school, and yadada.Then-lunch, and Victor and me were talking about this whole thing. And just yea. Then i came home, and i took a nap, and i came down here. And now im just upset. Im really upset. And i was talking to Victor and he knew i was upset, and ive been upset for the past 4 days...obviously....and he was like, wow, you hide it really well. Which is good, cause it just is. But on the inside-i just feel like SHIT! *and im dying inside and nobody knows it but me, like a clown i put on a show, pain is real even if nobody knows, and im crying inside and nobody knows it but me why didn't i say the things i needed to say, how could i let my pain just get away, now my pain is justa tumbling down i can say it so clearly, but you're no where around........carry a smile when im broken in two* That's my song for today...cause that's how it is. and just omg...!!! Yea, i attempted to apologize to him for the other night, well i did, but he didn't say anything-so im thinkin that he really just doesn't give a shit and doesn't wanna talk to me. So yea-that pretty much sucks ass...cause i always said, through this whole thing, that i didn't wanna lose him as a friend, but i guess tha treally doesn't matter, cause i did. And there's nothing that i can do about it. I screwed up, it's my fault, now ive just gotta suck it up. Too bad thats just a little hard to do! I dont know...i can't talk about it anymore cause its just gonna get me even more upset
So lets see...half a day left! I can't believe it, im really sad though. Im gonna miss all you guys!!!!!! And next year-things just wont be the same-things are gonna suck!! TWO early bird classes...and i dunno if im gonna do cross country. I know dad's gonna want me to cause "im good at it" but i hate it, well sometimes. And i dunno, it's gonna be weird cause Mr. Conger's the coach...and yea...plus it's junior year. And this year-i love like all my classes-with the exception to geometry. Globals, that class was just fun. Miss Greenia was so nice too. geometry...yea-we all know how i feel about that class. Venner-well ill have that class next year, but it wont be the same cause there wont be any freshman....and that's really weird. but i guess it'll be ok-ill have Ricco in there!! :-D English-what can i say....it was Mr. Conger-he was such a dork....lol...but i just liked that class. Then band-ill have that next year too...but Andrea won't be in it with me....:( but Carlot will be!! :-D so that's good. Then biology....omg...i love that class. Well not really the class-just everyone in that class, and how we never do anything. And it was so much fun with Ashley, Shannon, Chelle, Sandy and Dickie, and Zac...lol...he's such a gomer. But just yea...its gonna be sad...even though i really didn't like the CLASS-i had so much fun. And there's no way that Chelle will be in any of my classes next year...:( thats sad! I love that girl...shes such a sweetie. And ok...i wont have the same lunch with Victor anymore...and that right there is ReAlLy sad! We won't be able to entertain Karlee anymore...and just yea...whenever i was upset, i'd have lunch with him, and id be fine. And we can't forget all the adventures we had....well there's just one that im thinking of....but i reeeeaaaaly DONT need to be thinking about that right now. And its just sad. And summers gonna suck. The first week-im gonna be workin my ass off to get ready for the graduation party-cause that's just waht i do....work my ass for everyone else's parties...as well as mine. Isn't that wonderful!?!?! And then just yea...HOPEFULLY i can go to Manistee or something...doubt that'll happen. But OMG-i would SOOO love that. And speaking of Manistee-last night and today remind me SOO much of Manistee and it's not cool!!! Cause that just makes me remember Mom and everything....and damn-i really miss her right now. And i really wanna talk to her-she'd be able to give me some advice about what to do. But nope....ive gotta figure it out for myself...and i dunno... but i AM going to Flushing...i dont care what anyone says-ill fuckin walk if i have to cause im going!! i have to! And im gonna run to the cemetery-and just sit there, and talk to Mom....and maybe ill run to Tucker after that, and then run back to the cemetery and then back to Babbos...it's only about 8 miles altogether....o-well!!!! Good...i like it. o0o0o-maybe from Tucker, i could run past our old house....yea!!! No, cause that would just get me really sad. I just dont know what im gonna do all summer....if i do decide to do cross country....practice starts August 9th which SUCKS cause that would mean that i can't do anything for the rest of the summer...which would really suck. Cause yea...i just need to be in Flushing as much as i possibly can, and since im not going to camp this summer....! I dunno...and then Feffula's gonna be packing up to go to college....and next year she wont' be here. Im gonna have no one to eat ice cream with, or to dance around with, or laugh at me when im dancing around like an idiot, and she wont be here to laugh at me and tell me that im stupid, or a homogaypien. And no one will do the dishes with me, or bitch at me for no reason at all. And she wont be able to tell me that i look like shit, or beg me to get water and ice cream for her. And when i start to cry-no one will be here to laugh at me...im sure dad would-but he wont be home...he'll be working. And she just wont be here and omg...ive never been away from her for more than a frikkin week and a half-what am i gonna do?!?!?! I dont even know! But ill tell ya one thing-it wont be cool. And im gonna go up and visit her as much as i possibly can. That's another thing, if i do cross-ill have meets on Saturdays....and just yea....!!! I dunno...i think im gonna go see if i can swim or soemthing, cause i need to do something to make me feel better.....and thats about all that does...so yea...im gonna go do that...
-steph
So everything pretty much sucks right now. Ok-me being the dumbass that i am left my window open yesterday, so i got home, and my bed was all wet, and my radio which is right next to my window...yea, it's ruined now so im really pissed!!! Ugh-but that's me for ya. And ok...o0o0o0o-so i did get to go swimming last night! It was at like 9 and it was still raining, but i didn't care, and dad let me go...and even though i only did 36 laps, it was still like the best swim that i've had this year. I guess i was just so yea....and it really helped. And ok..i was swimming, and thinking,a nd i was like, ok, i just have to do this and forget it and move on. And i was really excited, cause i didn't think about anything that's happened. And yea...next year, Ricco and me are gonna be better people and stuff, we've decided this. And so i was really excited about that and everything...and yea... i dunno. I went to bed then, and then i woke up this morning, and i was actually ok. And i went to school, and yadada.Then-lunch, and Victor and me were talking about this whole thing. And just yea. Then i came home, and i took a nap, and i came down here. And now im just upset. Im really upset. And i was talking to Victor and he knew i was upset, and ive been upset for the past 4 days...obviously....and he was like, wow, you hide it really well. Which is good, cause it just is. But on the inside-i just feel like SHIT! *and im dying inside and nobody knows it but me, like a clown i put on a show, pain is real even if nobody knows, and im crying inside and nobody knows it but me why didn't i say the things i needed to say, how could i let my pain just get away, now my pain is justa tumbling down i can say it so clearly, but you're no where around........carry a smile when im broken in two* That's my song for today...cause that's how it is. and just omg...!!! Yea, i attempted to apologize to him for the other night, well i did, but he didn't say anything-so im thinkin that he really just doesn't give a shit and doesn't wanna talk to me. So yea-that pretty much sucks ass...cause i always said, through this whole thing, that i didn't wanna lose him as a friend, but i guess tha treally doesn't matter, cause i did. And there's nothing that i can do about it. I screwed up, it's my fault, now ive just gotta suck it up. Too bad thats just a little hard to do! I dont know...i can't talk about it anymore cause its just gonna get me even more upset
So lets see...half a day left! I can't believe it, im really sad though. Im gonna miss all you guys!!!!!! And next year-things just wont be the same-things are gonna suck!! TWO early bird classes...and i dunno if im gonna do cross country. I know dad's gonna want me to cause "im good at it" but i hate it, well sometimes. And i dunno, it's gonna be weird cause Mr. Conger's the coach...and yea...plus it's junior year. And this year-i love like all my classes-with the exception to geometry. Globals, that class was just fun. Miss Greenia was so nice too. geometry...yea-we all know how i feel about that class. Venner-well ill have that class next year, but it wont be the same cause there wont be any freshman....and that's really weird. but i guess it'll be ok-ill have Ricco in there!! :-D English-what can i say....it was Mr. Conger-he was such a dork....lol...but i just liked that class. Then band-ill have that next year too...but Andrea won't be in it with me....:( but Carlot will be!! :-D so that's good. Then biology....omg...i love that class. Well not really the class-just everyone in that class, and how we never do anything. And it was so much fun with Ashley, Shannon, Chelle, Sandy and Dickie, and Zac...lol...he's such a gomer. But just yea...its gonna be sad...even though i really didn't like the CLASS-i had so much fun. And there's no way that Chelle will be in any of my classes next year...:( thats sad! I love that girl...shes such a sweetie. And ok...i wont have the same lunch with Victor anymore...and that right there is ReAlLy sad! We won't be able to entertain Karlee anymore...and just yea...whenever i was upset, i'd have lunch with him, and id be fine. And we can't forget all the adventures we had....well there's just one that im thinking of....but i reeeeaaaaly DONT need to be thinking about that right now. And its just sad. And summers gonna suck. The first week-im gonna be workin my ass off to get ready for the graduation party-cause that's just waht i do....work my ass for everyone else's parties...as well as mine. Isn't that wonderful!?!?! And then just yea...HOPEFULLY i can go to Manistee or something...doubt that'll happen. But OMG-i would SOOO love that. And speaking of Manistee-last night and today remind me SOO much of Manistee and it's not cool!!! Cause that just makes me remember Mom and everything....and damn-i really miss her right now. And i really wanna talk to her-she'd be able to give me some advice about what to do. But nope....ive gotta figure it out for myself...and i dunno... but i AM going to Flushing...i dont care what anyone says-ill fuckin walk if i have to cause im going!! i have to! And im gonna run to the cemetery-and just sit there, and talk to Mom....and maybe ill run to Tucker after that, and then run back to the cemetery and then back to Babbos...it's only about 8 miles altogether....o-well!!!! Good...i like it. o0o0o-maybe from Tucker, i could run past our old house....yea!!! No, cause that would just get me really sad. I just dont know what im gonna do all summer....if i do decide to do cross country....practice starts August 9th which SUCKS cause that would mean that i can't do anything for the rest of the summer...which would really suck. Cause yea...i just need to be in Flushing as much as i possibly can, and since im not going to camp this summer....! I dunno...and then Feffula's gonna be packing up to go to college....and next year she wont' be here. Im gonna have no one to eat ice cream with, or to dance around with, or laugh at me when im dancing around like an idiot, and she wont be here to laugh at me and tell me that im stupid, or a homogaypien. And no one will do the dishes with me, or bitch at me for no reason at all. And she wont be able to tell me that i look like shit, or beg me to get water and ice cream for her. And when i start to cry-no one will be here to laugh at me...im sure dad would-but he wont be home...he'll be working. And she just wont be here and omg...ive never been away from her for more than a frikkin week and a half-what am i gonna do?!?!?! I dont even know! But ill tell ya one thing-it wont be cool. And im gonna go up and visit her as much as i possibly can. That's another thing, if i do cross-ill have meets on Saturdays....and just yea....!!! I dunno...i think im gonna go see if i can swim or soemthing, cause i need to do something to make me feel better.....and thats about all that does...so yea...im gonna go do that...
-steph
Current Mood: extremely upset
Current Music: nobody knows it but me-tony rich project