: damnit...
So ok-this whole thing just sucks! I talked to him monday night-and yea....i dont know why the hell i did. It was so stupid of me to do that...and just UGH! FUCK IT! that's what i have to say about that....and just fuck!!!!!
Lets see-exams suck ass. I got a d- on my geometry exam....really that's not a suprise though since im such a dumbass. At least i didn't fail and dont have to take the class over, cause if i did-i would died. And now i never have to take taht class again and im SOOOO happy about that!!! I hate that class with a passion. and omg-i can NOT believe that there's only a day and a half left of school. that's CrAzY!!! What am i gonna do this summer?!?!? Its gonna suck. Maybe ill just go down to Babbo's and stay there for a while. That would be nice. I could go, and i'd go to the cemetery, and just yea...and i wouldnt be here which is even better. And o0o0o0o0o0o-i could be on the team!!!!!!! And that would be so awesome, i would love that so much. And maybe...i could get together with Tony!!!! I have'nt seen him in forever, and i really want to. I miss him!!! It's been like...........6 years!!! Wow....
And um...yea...i dunno-Victor still wants me to go to the studio.....i dunnow hy. I'm really not taht great. But i wanna do it for Mom. And yea-me and him were talking at lunch today and just yea...i dunno what i'm gonna do...i really dont wanna care-i shouldn't care-theres no reason for me to care...but i do. I just wanna go back, and take everything that happened back. If i could have NOT liked him...omg...that would be awesome. But i did, and still do...and it sucks. It's just a bunch of shit. I have no clue what im gonna do, cause just FUCK! That's all i can say about it....theres nothing else to say...well except that i screwed it up. But that really can't be a suprise to anyone.....i seem to have a way of doing that. I guess that's just what i do best. And of course-last night-i just HAD to be stupid and read everything. Omg-what was i thinking!?!?!? That really didnt' help, and just everything about it. The way stuff used to be...and now, it came to this! Its all over-and its all my fault-but when is it not?!?! And im just sad...i screwed it up....:-/ I dunno-i guess that i really shouldn't care-i have no reason to...but still..i do! just DAMN! i dont even know-i just....i dont wanna think about it cause it just yea....but i swam 54 laps yesterday!!! i guess that i was just really upset and i just needed to clear my head, and just yea...swimming always helps with that...and now-its storming and i can't go swimming and i REALLY want/need to. **i never really wanted you to see the screwed up side of me that i keep locked inside of me so deep, i never really wanted you to go so many things you should have known, i guess for me theres just no hope i never meant to be so cold** I love that song!! Seems to fit too...Ok-monday, i was riding the bus home, and i started to think about everything that's happened....cause im stupid like that and i just like sittign there thinking about it....yea....or not! And ya know that saying dont cry cause its over, smile cause it happened?! Well yea-i wish i could do that....when i was reading stuff last night-i couldnt help but smile cause of everything that happened, and just wow...but then when i read the last one...i couldn't help but cry cause now it is over, and theres nothing i can do about it...and i just have to let go....but in this case- the hardest thing to let go of IS the thing i nevre had....and just UGH! DAMN-why am i so upset!?! I dont understand, i really dont. Im the one that caused it, so i shouldn't be..........but still.........i am :( And i just, i dunno. I suppose that i should shut up now, cause the more i think about it and talk about it-the more upset i get, so im just gonna shut up. And i think im gonna go and do something.......i dunno what....
-steph
So ok-this whole thing just sucks! I talked to him monday night-and yea....i dont know why the hell i did. It was so stupid of me to do that...and just UGH! FUCK IT! that's what i have to say about that....and just fuck!!!!!
Lets see-exams suck ass. I got a d- on my geometry exam....really that's not a suprise though since im such a dumbass. At least i didn't fail and dont have to take the class over, cause if i did-i would died. And now i never have to take taht class again and im SOOOO happy about that!!! I hate that class with a passion. and omg-i can NOT believe that there's only a day and a half left of school. that's CrAzY!!! What am i gonna do this summer?!?!? Its gonna suck. Maybe ill just go down to Babbo's and stay there for a while. That would be nice. I could go, and i'd go to the cemetery, and just yea...and i wouldnt be here which is even better. And o0o0o0o0o0o-i could be on the team!!!!!!! And that would be so awesome, i would love that so much. And maybe...i could get together with Tony!!!! I have'nt seen him in forever, and i really want to. I miss him!!! It's been like...........6 years!!! Wow....
And um...yea...i dunno-Victor still wants me to go to the studio.....i dunnow hy. I'm really not taht great. But i wanna do it for Mom. And yea-me and him were talking at lunch today and just yea...i dunno what i'm gonna do...i really dont wanna care-i shouldn't care-theres no reason for me to care...but i do. I just wanna go back, and take everything that happened back. If i could have NOT liked him...omg...that would be awesome. But i did, and still do...and it sucks. It's just a bunch of shit. I have no clue what im gonna do, cause just FUCK! That's all i can say about it....theres nothing else to say...well except that i screwed it up. But that really can't be a suprise to anyone.....i seem to have a way of doing that. I guess that's just what i do best. And of course-last night-i just HAD to be stupid and read everything. Omg-what was i thinking!?!?!? That really didnt' help, and just everything about it. The way stuff used to be...and now, it came to this! Its all over-and its all my fault-but when is it not?!?! And im just sad...i screwed it up....:-/ I dunno-i guess that i really shouldn't care-i have no reason to...but still..i do! just DAMN! i dont even know-i just....i dont wanna think about it cause it just yea....but i swam 54 laps yesterday!!! i guess that i was just really upset and i just needed to clear my head, and just yea...swimming always helps with that...and now-its storming and i can't go swimming and i REALLY want/need to. **i never really wanted you to see the screwed up side of me that i keep locked inside of me so deep, i never really wanted you to go so many things you should have known, i guess for me theres just no hope i never meant to be so cold** I love that song!! Seems to fit too...Ok-monday, i was riding the bus home, and i started to think about everything that's happened....cause im stupid like that and i just like sittign there thinking about it....yea....or not! And ya know that saying dont cry cause its over, smile cause it happened?! Well yea-i wish i could do that....when i was reading stuff last night-i couldnt help but smile cause of everything that happened, and just wow...but then when i read the last one...i couldn't help but cry cause now it is over, and theres nothing i can do about it...and i just have to let go....but in this case- the hardest thing to let go of IS the thing i nevre had....and just UGH! DAMN-why am i so upset!?! I dont understand, i really dont. Im the one that caused it, so i shouldn't be..........but still.........i am :( And i just, i dunno. I suppose that i should shut up now, cause the more i think about it and talk about it-the more upset i get, so im just gonna shut up. And i think im gonna go and do something.......i dunno what....
-steph
Current Mood: 
sad
sadCurrent Music: Cold-Crossfade