: ......i dont even know.......
So yea...i dunno i am SOO confused and just blah right now. But yea...graduation, that was pretty good i guess-i cried of course! That really cant be a suprise to anyone. Then i came home and i talked to Ricco til like 1...then i went to bed. Friday-i have NO idea why, but i was in a good mood and school was good. At lunch-Victor and me went outside, and it was soo nice out there, and yea, then he threw Pepsi on me...but anyways-English was HILARIOUS! Mr. Conger-or should i say-Dee Jay Cee taught us ebonics. It was great fun. Then band....yea...then biology...then home. And let's see...oh yea-Mrs. Kidd asked me at graduation if i'd go to Brett's graduation party and clear tables and stuff since "i did such a nice job at the senior luncheon" so i did and i got $20-not like that matters really cause Feffula took it and i'm back to being broke...once again. But yea-so i did that, then from there i had to go to Gabbi's open house cause that's where the parents were. So yea....i saw that Min was there, and i wanted to go tell him to have a safe trip home, and we ended up talking for like 25 minutes, and he's such an awesome guy! I'm glad that i talked to him. But then i came home and talked to Ricco. And yea-i love talking to him, he always makes me feel better about everything and he's such a sweetie. But ok-so then i went to bed, and i got up this morning and studied...and then i mowed for a little bit and i REALLY wanted to go swimming, so i took the cover off...and yea-the bottom had clumps of dirt and stuff-so i had to vaccum and i was gettin really pissed off, cause i just wanted to swim and the vaccum was just pissing me off. So i FINALLY got done, and i swam!! And OMG-it felt SOO good to be back in the pool again and to be swimming. I think i over worked myself just a little bit though. I ended up swimming 24 laps, and i treaded water for 3 minutes, and i worked on my dives and i did wall-kicks, and i got out and i was SOO lightheaded and i had a bad headache. But whatever-it was so worth it. But yea...i swam a 50 free in 20 seconds!!! And a 25 fly in 8, so im thinkin that's pretty good for not having swam in 6 months. It just felt good to be doing something that used to be my life, considering how ive been feeling lately-i needed it! And yea...im gonna swim all summer and work hard so that when we go to Flushing-i can maybe swim at a meet depending on whether or not Amy and Kyle are still the coaches which i really hope that they are. So yea...but i feel SOO much better than i did earlier now that i've swam. I was a whole lotta upset earlier, and i was just yea...i dunno. I'm am SOOOOOO beyond confused right now that its not even funny. I have NO idea what to do "I'm twisted cause one side of me is tellin me that i need to move on, on the other side i wanna break down and cry" That song seems to describe quite well how i feel. And oh-we can't forget about Barely Breathing- "I saw goodbye cause i am barely breathing and i can't find the air don't know who im kidding imagining you care, and i could stand here waiting a fool for another day, i don't suppose its worth the price worth the price, the price that i would pay." I dont even know how else to explain what im feeling. I'm upset, and angry, and frustrated, and confused, and im just a mess. and i am pissed at myself for being so stupid. I seriously wish that i just didn't care-everything would be SOO much easier-if i didn't care! And i have no reason to care. I dont understand why the hell im holding onto this little flicker of hope that i have cause im holding onto it for NoThInG and its STUPID of me, but i can't seem to let go of that hope which a bunch of crap cause just UGH! Im just REEEALLY pissed at myself-im so f-in STUPID! Ok......well ill just leave you all with that....
-steph
So yea...i dunno i am SOO confused and just blah right now. But yea...graduation, that was pretty good i guess-i cried of course! That really cant be a suprise to anyone. Then i came home and i talked to Ricco til like 1...then i went to bed. Friday-i have NO idea why, but i was in a good mood and school was good. At lunch-Victor and me went outside, and it was soo nice out there, and yea, then he threw Pepsi on me...but anyways-English was HILARIOUS! Mr. Conger-or should i say-Dee Jay Cee taught us ebonics. It was great fun. Then band....yea...then biology...then home. And let's see...oh yea-Mrs. Kidd asked me at graduation if i'd go to Brett's graduation party and clear tables and stuff since "i did such a nice job at the senior luncheon" so i did and i got $20-not like that matters really cause Feffula took it and i'm back to being broke...once again. But yea-so i did that, then from there i had to go to Gabbi's open house cause that's where the parents were. So yea....i saw that Min was there, and i wanted to go tell him to have a safe trip home, and we ended up talking for like 25 minutes, and he's such an awesome guy! I'm glad that i talked to him. But then i came home and talked to Ricco. And yea-i love talking to him, he always makes me feel better about everything and he's such a sweetie. But ok-so then i went to bed, and i got up this morning and studied...and then i mowed for a little bit and i REALLY wanted to go swimming, so i took the cover off...and yea-the bottom had clumps of dirt and stuff-so i had to vaccum and i was gettin really pissed off, cause i just wanted to swim and the vaccum was just pissing me off. So i FINALLY got done, and i swam!! And OMG-it felt SOO good to be back in the pool again and to be swimming. I think i over worked myself just a little bit though. I ended up swimming 24 laps, and i treaded water for 3 minutes, and i worked on my dives and i did wall-kicks, and i got out and i was SOO lightheaded and i had a bad headache. But whatever-it was so worth it. But yea...i swam a 50 free in 20 seconds!!! And a 25 fly in 8, so im thinkin that's pretty good for not having swam in 6 months. It just felt good to be doing something that used to be my life, considering how ive been feeling lately-i needed it! And yea...im gonna swim all summer and work hard so that when we go to Flushing-i can maybe swim at a meet depending on whether or not Amy and Kyle are still the coaches which i really hope that they are. So yea...but i feel SOO much better than i did earlier now that i've swam. I was a whole lotta upset earlier, and i was just yea...i dunno. I'm am SOOOOOO beyond confused right now that its not even funny. I have NO idea what to do "I'm twisted cause one side of me is tellin me that i need to move on, on the other side i wanna break down and cry" That song seems to describe quite well how i feel. And oh-we can't forget about Barely Breathing- "I saw goodbye cause i am barely breathing and i can't find the air don't know who im kidding imagining you care, and i could stand here waiting a fool for another day, i don't suppose its worth the price worth the price, the price that i would pay." I dont even know how else to explain what im feeling. I'm upset, and angry, and frustrated, and confused, and im just a mess. and i am pissed at myself for being so stupid. I seriously wish that i just didn't care-everything would be SOO much easier-if i didn't care! And i have no reason to care. I dont understand why the hell im holding onto this little flicker of hope that i have cause im holding onto it for NoThInG and its STUPID of me, but i can't seem to let go of that hope which a bunch of crap cause just UGH! Im just REEEALLY pissed at myself-im so f-in STUPID! Ok......well ill just leave you all with that....
-steph
Current Mood: 
blah
blahCurrent Music: Barely Breathing-Duncan Sheik