Date:	2003-12-09 13:12
Subject:	Stuck in Hospital with pnemonia
Security:	Public
Mood:	sick

Can you belive it I start to plan on dietting and I get admitted to the hospital. What a joke. Oh well I am on a liquid only diet so I know I have lost some weight. I have to defeneatly quit smoking, I don't know if I really want to go through this again. At least they let me have my computer and set it up on the internet hey?

As soon as I get out is is Gym City. I miss the gym. I miss dieting. and as much I hate to say this I miss smoking but I am going to try to quit for real this time. I think I was scared enough in my life to make me do this. I almost got incubated. Tubes down my throuat and everything but I know that GOd pulled me throu it.

See this is how things went down, Thurs, I had a cough, Friday had a really bad cough, Saturday went to urg care and they took me right back and gave me two nebulizer treadtments. I felt mostly better. Saturday night, felt like shit called the dr on call was told to go to the ER. went and they took me right back to an er room. I then got wrorse, worse, and even more worse. So they admitited me and now here I am two days later. I can't get up on my own. I have a cathiter in, I started my period wihich I hadn't had in like 6 months, I have a breathing mouth peice wich should go down to a nose peice tonight or tomorrow. Then when I am moved back to the RICU instread of the ICU I iwll be able to take a shower instead of having to habe givin a sponge bath.

Well I must go.
TTFN, LUV&LUCK

Date:	2003-12-04 22:46
Subject:	A New Start
Security:	Public
Mood:	crazy

Hi my name is Tanya I am 26 years old and married to a wonderful man named David. I was sexually abused by my grandfather from the age of 3 until I was about 12 years of age. I have schizo-affective disorder, borderline personality disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, bulemia, ednos, and trickatillomania. I have two calico cats angel and ophie, a hamster betty, a lizard lizzy, and my favorite pet my chihuahua Pezz. I weigh 370 pounds. I am starting tomorrow to go tot he gym everyday and do 40-60 minutes on the treadmill and 40-60 minutes of weight training. I will also do 20 minutes of yoga and 1000 situps. I will eat only 700-1000 calories a day. There will be no more dinners out, no more fast food, and no more sweets. I will be a lacto-ovo vegetarian. I will take all my medications on time and keep the house clean. I will make my life easier by not only chaning me on the outside but on the inside as well. I will also see my drs when needed. If I feel like snacking I will come in here and write about it or do extra situps or I will go to a weight loss chatroom for support.

Today is a new begining. I will change for the good of me and for the good of everybody around me. My husband even says when I get to my goal weight he will pay for me to have any lipo-suctions, tummy tucks, arm tucks, or breast lifts I need done to fix the trouble spots. That there is great inspiration. I have started a thinspirational look book for me to take to the gym so that I can look at the pictures of the modles I want to look like and that will give me the extra insentive to do that extra 5-10 minutes I wasn't planning on doing. I even went out and bought me a new pair of workout pants. My husband is going to start working out with me. He doesn't really need to change his diet, infact he is losing weight now without doing anything ( butthead ). Anywho I am trying to lose weight on my own for about two months and see how it goes. If it doesn't work then I am going to explore other options like having my jaw wired shut or gastric bypass surgery. But when that time comes we will cross that bridge.

I am obsessed with eating disorders. But this probably because i have two of them. Like I said before I have bulemia and EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified). I just hope that one day I don't end up with anorexia. That would be the last straw for all my family. I think they would all freak. I use to well up until today go to a lot of pro-ana sites but not any more. I need to get that thought out of head so that I can live a normal life. It won't stop me from reading about it or watching my favorite movies about eating disorders but I think not going to those web pages will help out alot. Well My hubby needs the computer now. I hope everyone has a nice night.

Love and Luck
Tanya