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Thursday, September 21st, 2006
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10:01 pm
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Her Eye Is On The Sparrow
All right, so I don't keep update with this. Life has been shoving me one way and another for some time now. There has been so much going on that I'm not sure actually getting anywhere, to be honest with you. People figure that where I'm working, it's a hectic atmosphere, a dangerous territory and that I could quite possibly get extremely ill from it all. Quite the contrary, actually which is quite nice. It seems that the customer prefer speaking with me, they wish to stay in touch with me and hope that I'm the one to be on the other end, one day soon. No offence, I highly doubt that's going to happen. It's a fairly rare occasion that'll happen but hey, who knows, right?
The move on August 1st was a miracle. Angelis and I really needed to get out the rut we were in before. It was literally hell... We paid everything, we cleaned up, Daisy (the cat) was left starving until we showed up. Poor thing needed some TLC and I happened to come around when I did. She fell in love with me as fast as I did for her. There was no way I was going to leave her behind, naturally Angelis didn't have any complaints about it as long as Treble was fine with it. Now we live all together, things are going all right, I guess. I still do most of the cleaning (again), we game a lot more, what with 3 computers in the house now. We have an A/C and a BBQ which is quite handy to have since the food just tastes all the better grilled rather than pan fried.
Is it ever possible for someone to move on from a traumatic event? Is it wrong to still feel pain over something, to cry inside, to search for a dark shadow, to want to return to that innocence? None of them around understand and for some time, none will. I don't bestow that onto anyone and couldn't bare to think about it happening. Life just seemed to have flipped upside since it happened. My writings, my poetry, my musings have all seemed to be delayed, nay.. destroyed since the happening. I realized that the Catholic religion was only her belief, not mine. I led it because it made her happy. I now walk the path of a straying wanderer, in search of answers that I'm wondering if I really need to ask the question or not. I understand that I made mistakes to walk the path that I'm on, I had to become flawed in some areas or to some people's opinion. Now it's not that I wanted to wrong them, that I wanted to offend them but we had seen different perspectives. Thankfully, there have been some (Ahem.. Dep), who have witnessed a similar situation that I'm in or rather.. was in? anyway and we got to speak it over and he apologized over all the little nit-fits that we had. We found it that we had both been childish and to have him finally understand my side of it meant the world to me.
The upcoming event though is that Jart will be coming to see me. Oh dear dear Jart. What fun times we will have! Mmmm... Newfie duck! Heh. I suppose for a quick rant, this'll do.
current mood:  numb
current music: Buffy the Vampire Slayer Cast - Drawn to the Fire
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| Friday, June 9th, 2006
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1:45 pm
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HOLY Healadin of DOOM!
Things are going smoothly for me right now. I'm still working for Spruce Needles but I'm looking elsewhere because of the amount of hours that I'm actually lacking. Currently, I'm losing more being with them than I'm making. To take a cab to work, it costs me 12.50$/one way and I usually have to cab back as well. You'd think that maybe my tips would be sufficient enough to hold me over? Nope! Not happening! So I gave my notice and I'm looking elsewhere! Good luck to me on that one.
Last Saturday was phenomenal! Onucki had a party at his place. I finished work at 10pm, got home and was out at his place by 11pm. Angelis had already been drinking since 7pm, so I got there with Mira and everyone else was either buzzing or drunk. I met some awesome people at the party; Kim, Mikale, Nihkil, Cam, TWIGS!, John and some other people! We partied 'til 4am then Angelis, Mira and myself cabbed it home. I wasn't hung over the day either. It was great!
So what's with the title? Well Angelis and Treble spoke things over and realized that to be the best group, they'd need to be a triad of paladins. Angelis is a retribution pally, Treble is a protection pally and I'm the HOLY Healadin of DOOM! We'll be unstoppable when we're together and still functionable when we're apart. I'm honored that they'd ask me to be the 3rd person. I never would have thought that they'd ask me such a thing. I also realized that I'm the only female pally in the TC-Crew! Hehe.. Makes me all the better! We're just under 50 members now too. We've grown so much since we started the second time around. And we're in a state that's better than when we first made the Templar Crusaders. Let us grow!
Things with Angelis have been gnarly. Our only situation, which everyone seems to have, is financials. We're not exactly in the hole but we're not rich either. We're making it by but we both agree that we'd rather not live that way for the rest of our lives. It's difficult sometimes to do it that way.
I need to remember to call my sister soon. I need to check up on her, being that she's taken the mother figure along with Mira's mom. My sister has always been there for me, she tells me the things that I need to hear and not the things that I want to hear. She'll tell me things honestly without doubt or worry that something will happen between her and I. I love her so much and I fear with what's been happening with her that she may end up like mom or down that path.
On a lighter note, I put up some pictures on person.com and I wasn't aware that people actually found me attractive. I'm more than average but not one of the hottest, which I wouldn't want to be. To know such things makes me feel better about myself. It's flattering to read their comments as well. Whenever I get down, I go and read what they've written. It helps!
I suppose this is long enough for now. Heh..
Thanks!
current mood:  energetic
current music: PANIC! At The Disco - I Write Sins Not Tragedies
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| Sunday, January 8th, 2006
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9:56 pm - Memories
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I was watching "Cold Case", a pretty good police show. Anyway.. it was about memories and things that happened in the past. It made me remember some things that happened when I was younger. Heh.. Some of the foolish, enjoyable things we use to do as kids.
I remember when Angel's house was behind the school that I was attending. After school or after supper, which ever, most of the time we'd go to play in the schoolyard and we'd always go jump over the fence and get him. I remember jumping over that fence so many times. St-Gereard schoolyard holds so many memories for me. It's saddening when I think about it now, being away from Timmins.. Heh.. Odd, I never thought I'd leave that place, then again, I never thought I'd get to be with Angel either.
Another memory; during the winter, in the schoolyard (again), my brothers, some friends and I would play "Beast Wars", we'd pretend to be the characters and stuff. We'd dig tunnels, have snowball fights. Heh.. It was better than just going sliding, that's for sure.
It's like listening to really old songs; such as now for me Angel put on "Happy Boys and Girls" by Aqua. Whenever somene hears that, they remember it and then say "That's so old!" but smile and sing along anyway. Hehe.. It's funny how so many things can hold memories. Sometimes it's better to listen to music than to look at pictures, I find.
We use to always play basketball too. Hehe.. All my friends and I running around madly after a ball. Heh.. Going back to TImmins to get married is going to be one of the greatest things ever.
Today, Angel and I spoke of the house we want to have, the colors, how many rooms, what we want in them and such. IT's kinda nice having a plan. Make sthings really easy later on. Also with him going back to school in September is going to be great! I'm so proud of him for making that decision.
I suppose I can say that mom would be proud of me. I'm going down the path that I've wanted, that I'm loving and enjoying as is. Instead of having kids, Angel and I have decided to make a family with guinea pigs. I don't know how many of them he wants to have, but I know it's more than 2, that's for sure. I don't know if I can live with so many of them but fo rthe time being, I can deal with 2. Heh. They are so adorable, I'm going to need to get pictures of them at some point.
Pictures.. Speaking of them, Angel and I should be doing that soon. I wan tot create a photo album where we begin our lives as children, we grow up, and then merges into our relationship and expands from there.
This weekend has been pretty good so far. Angel and I have been cuddling alot, we've been gaming alot together. Having spent 4hrs straight playing on Fenrir's computer, convinces me that we need to get another computer and another WoW acount. As funny as that may sound to people, it's something that Angel and I can do together, well.. something else that we can do, I should say. Where we're gonna put this other computer, I suppose it depends when we get it, how big it is... and stuff.
Only time will tell.. Good stuff, good stuff.
Memories are the best, there are so many more but I don't want to come off as being all lovey-dovey and those other word that people can think of when reading this! Lol!
Bye all!
current mood:  cheerful
current music: Cemetery Gates - Pantera
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| Sunday, January 1st, 2006
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2:04 am - Crushed Dreams
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It sucks when you get a dream that seems so real. You wake up, terrified, you feel as though your life is over or it's going to be. I wanted to wake up from the dream while being in it, but it seemed that no matter what I was doing it wasn't going to happen. What do you do when you're forced to sit there and have the people you thought to be the closest thing to you tell you that the person you wish to be with for the rest of your life is the shit of all shits and throws all insults known to man in your face about him? It felt so real to me, it tore me apart inside. It happened in reality in high school, most of my friends in one way or another took me aside and told me that they thought I was fucking up my life by being with him. I thought I had gone passed that, I thought that everything was going to be alright. I guess I was wrong.. well, according to the dream, that is. Thankfully, it wasn't real, right?
I took out my poetry/story folder today. Wow.. Did the memories come flooding back into my brain. It's odd because the first person who supported me straight-through from beginning to end was my mother. She was speechless when she read one of my first poems and even more so when she read some of later ones. I've matured from start to finish (so far) through my work. The beginning pieces were childish, puppy-love and such and the end? Hmmm.. I haven't written much since mom died, to be honest. I've written perhaps less than 10 and well, it's some of the darkest pieces of work that I've ever written in my life, the most heart-felt, the most morbid too. It seems that I lost my inspiration after she died. I believe the last story I wrote too was "The Life of Dawn Jones", how odd that one was. I suppose I believe that the events that have been happening to me lately are worth writing. I can only seem to remember few dreams and the ones that I do remember aren't worth transforming into stories. So I'm fucked, aren't I?
So I wait.. patiently wait for January 24th to come around and see what dammage I'll be in. I can't say that for sure I'll be perfectly fine or that I'll be maniacally sick either. Mom made a big part of my world. She was a best friend to me, not just a mother. We could talk about a lot of things and no matter what we thought of each other.. I never said I hated her. I always loved mom, always have. I don't think I can find someone like her...
I have plenty of things on my mind right now but I seem to be having the trouble to write them out for some reason. I suppose I haven't had the right opportunity to express them yet. They're beginnig to get to me too. People are beginning to notice that I have something on the brain and are beginning to question. Well, sorry folks but I can't tell you what's wrong or what's on the brain if I can't put it into words properly.
I can honestly say this Christmas and New Year's weren't the greatest that I've had. Barely saw anyone for Christmas: Dep came down - saw dad, Solanage, Natasha and Marc - Angel got me another guinea pig; Java and Basic now - I received a coat from Natasha as a "secret santa" along with earrings - Dep bought me a keychain with my name engraved on it and then the movie "Stealth" as a gift for Angel and I - today Eve brought me a box of Lindor chocolates - Christmas' Eve, Angel and I went out to supper over at Boraxius' house -I went out to see Flightplan with Dep. So yeah not really that much happened but I suppose there was some to keep me busy. For New Year's Eve: Angel got entirely sloshed - Priest and Eve came over - Dep was already here - we sat around and spoke alot - some arguments broke out - Angel ended up passing out at 11:30pm, I was disappointed with that but what are you going to do, right? The man wanted to sleep, let him sleep... I guess. So I guess the first few hours of the New Year sucked ass. Meh.. Whatever, not much I can do.
Hopefully I get to see dad tomorrow. I've really been enjoying his visits since I moved here. He's been helping me so much that I'm speechless. His reasoning is that I'm a university student therefore it only makes sense for him to help me out when he can. I love him so much! Thanks dad! Apparently, Angel might go to Timmins when dad goes back. Treble's bosses want to talk with Angel about having him work at Krazy Krazy. I don't know exactly when he'll be coming back or if he'll take the job with them. At this point, I suppose him working anywhere is good enough. Well.. nothing much for me to do but to wait and go back to school.
Heh... Been on vacation since December 9th. It's been an alright vacation. I relaxed abit, went out and had fun but a part of me really wants to get back into a normal routine. Heh.. As odd as it sounds.
Tomorrow, Jewels and her honey are suppose to come over. I finally get to meet this "Oh so precious" guy that she's dating. I've heard a lot about him, seen pictures but never met the fellow. It shall be interesting for sure.
I suppose that's enough of my brain exploding... Let's clean the mess.
current mood:  thoughtful
current music: Cemetery Gates - Pantera, Black Black Heart - David Usher
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| Wednesday, December 28th, 2005
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11:39 pm - One Day At A Time...
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Ever have something in your mind, sitting at the back of your brain and you can't get it out? The image will haunt you for the rest of your life, when you close your eyes, you'll see it, when you look at certain people, you'll think about it, when you hearing certain songs, you'll remember it or when you taste certain foods, it'll coem back and hit you in the face. You seem to be alright, it doesn't hurt, you can talk about it without showing much emotion.. but it's a lie. You feel outcasted, alone, exiled for it but it was out of your control and it still is. You try to form rational solutions around it but they all fail. Most of people who vowed to be near you forever after the turn of events, have left you but you don't seem to fully care because they never understood, nobody will. It seems as though they expect you to forget about it, like it never happened. It seems that when you think about one thing for a lengthly period of time, other things fall hit you in the back of the head.
It's that memory, the disgusting, shriveled one that keeps playing in my mind. I close my eyes and I see those blank white eyes looking into my own chesnut ones. The skin barely holding onto the body and being cold, oh so cold. As if I was touching an ice cube covered in flesh. The pulse of morphene coursing through the corpse that laid infront of me as if it was her blood. The tears, so many tears ran to the floor that day, and often times it does now. I let someone go, someone I loved so dearly and they'll never come back to me, ever. I know that, it's not that I'm searching for. I believe, to this day, I still search for someone to understand, someone to tell me that the emotions that I feel are the right ones, to tell me that the thoughts that I have aren't evil like I do for others. I'd love to be able to hear her voice, smell her sent, taste her cooking, see her getting ready for work in the morning or coming home with treats for us. After that day, I'm never going to be the same again. The logical mind can't comprehend why I speak these thoughts again, the poetic one will only read my words, the emotional one well.. I'm going through it, the artistic one will see my aura and probably end up drawing it, the depressed one will just ask stupid fucking questions.. but none will understand.
You just don't get it.. You can't just shoot these emotions away, you can't just stop feeling like you're going to break down. You'll never get over it. It's something that everyone will come to expect but won't know how to deal with it, no matter what people tell you, no matter how many people you know have gone through it, how many books you read about it.. it doesn't help like you'd want it to. The only problem with that is, you don't realize it until it's all over that what you've done to prepare it does shit!
I don't dwell on the fact of why it was her, why then, of wanting her back, I understand that those things mean nothing now. I dwell on the fact that I'm not 100% better, I still have my breakdowns, I still cry, I still mourn (in a way), it just seems to get easier but really, it doesn't get all that better. You start to envy people, searching for what they have. People will call me retarded, stubborn, pig-headed for still thinking these thoughts, but go through what I did and then get back to me, alright? Let's see how you deal with it. You won't be a happy camper, that's for sure. No matter how much you love the person or hate them, it'll hit you and hit you hard.
Her birthday is today, oh how she would have been beautiful; those chestnut eyes full of life and sparks, her smile glistening like the sparkles on the water, she always knew how to dress properly for when she went out. I suppose you could say, I looked up to her.
If only I knew what she thought of me... I love you, mom.
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| Wednesday, December 21st, 2005
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4:17 am - Screw the kittens, God kill all the idiots!
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My night was fine, great even; had a fabulous/stress-reducing talk with Eve, Mira called me and we spoke for some good hours... I had planned on playing World of Warcraft until I got tired but some IDIOT interrupts my play and begins talking with me. I know Angel told me that I should drop/block him but he frustrated me so much that I needed to tell him my piece of mind.
This guy... *shudders* is a complete idiot. Doesn't know what he wants in live, doesn't know where he wants to live, has dropped out of school for more than one girl, has changed towns for more than one girl, has left jobs lying on the ground and most of all blames other things than himself for his stupid acts. And now he decides he wants to come back to Sudbury to supposedly finish off his schooling through PACE. Also the fact that he's still stuck on Mira. He doesn't seem to understand that she doesn't love him anymore, that she's dating someone else. For some reason, out of nowhere.. he tells me that he wants to go get his pilot license. Weird? Well.. Guess who's going to college for that same thing? Mira's current boyfriend, whom he compares himself with; roughly same build, both have blue eyes. I see the difference; her bf has goals, ambitions, dreams, he's living his life, he's graduated from high school. So I don't know where he finds himself similar to her boyfriend.
*sighs* No matter what I say to him, NOTHING sinks in. It's one excuse after another.. GAH! Okay.. the thing he just said "well mabey I'll make a really nice case in some psycology book" just screams IDIOT!
Eve, I know you know what I sense when talking to people like this. I can insult him, I can be a bitch but he just won't understand that I don't give a damn and I've been sayigng what I"ve been feeling, what I've been thinking but he won't get it through his stupid thick affro, pig-headed brain! Goddammit!
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Sorry.. I needed to rant that! Onto other things.. Things have been well around here; Angel is deminishin his smoking; he smokes maybe 3-4 a day (WOOT! I'm so proud of you!), we have our house back to ourselves now (about time!), his work is going good, he's getting muscles, we've been talking about the wedding (yay!), things are slowly getting paid off, stress in the house is down to a minimal... *breathes* Angel's shoulders as well as mine seem lighter. We've gotten out more, we've been laughing more, playing around.. It's fun!
For Christmas, Angel and I have decided to get another guinea pig! Woot! I'm so happy that Basic is going to get a friend. He won't be lonely anymore. Sometimes, I feel bad for him, ya know? Like he cries out for another guinea pig. It's so sad.. And when he's free.. he runs and runs like he doesn't want to go back into that cage. It'll be nice to see him interact with others!
Well.. for a quick splurge, this is kinda neet!
'Night all! Love ya! *feels slightly better*
current mood:  aggravated
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| Wednesday, December 7th, 2005
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1:57 am - Alive!
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So today was the big day. I suppose last night I couldn't sleep very well. Was it because it's been so long since I had Angel sleep beside me, I miss his warmth or had it been because things have been oddly not stressful that I need something to worry about? I'm not sure. I think it was a mix of both. You don't know how different or how much you miss someone when the things that happen every day (or night in this case) don't happen as often as they should.
Anyway, for Dep and Raven's sake for sure, I need to tell what happened when going to the hospital. I thank Eve so much for being there. It oddly hurt quite some when the nurse took out my stitches, I winced, moaned and heck reached for her hand. Sorry Eve!
Needless to say, the doctor came in and told me that I had calcified hair follicle that turned into a major growth. It's benine. So no cancer for me. The odd thing was though that when the doctor told me, I didn't react in some giddy girl mood.. I questioned him, asked him if he's 100% sure it wasn't cancereous. I think I was beginning to scare him, seemed to pleasure Eve, so it was all good.
We went to Philosophy, had a few laughs, "whored" Eve's card out so she could get customers for artwork, came here (Eve's place) and passed out after we cuddeld... yes, cuddled. When we woke up, that's when it actually hit me that I was going to live, I was slightly hyper too..
So yes, I'm going to live, Praised the removal of growths.. I guess.
More on everything else later!
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| Tuesday, November 22nd, 2005
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10:44 am - Strength Of A Woman
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As some of you know, there was a growth on my inner left thigh. It had been there for almost a year. I had gone to see a walk-in clinic doctor, as a matter of fact, I had seen 2 of them (husband and wife). They tried to inserting a needle to see if puss would come out, then it would be an infection. To their surprise, only blood came out and alot of pain for me. They said then that they would call a hospital, get an appointment for it to be removed, have it anaylsed and then everything should be fine; THAT WAS 3 WEEKS AGO! Last week, I had decided to call them and see if maybe they just didn't call me back, nope. The secretary left a message for them and I still waited until this week.
So yesterday afternoon, I got fed up of waiting.. I went to a hospital, myself. I waited and waited. Finally got to see the doctor. He came in, saw it and said "You're in the wrong place. You need a surgeon. That needs to come out now, I'm taking it out." and walked away to prepare.
"Eek!" was all I thought. The nurse came to see me, put some surgical things on the bed, walked away, came back with more.. "Eek! (again)". The doctor finally came in and started away. He froze me up, I cried and it began...
He was quiet, alone and really into his work. I felt nothing. I heard the snipping of the surgical slippers, I felt the blood trickle down the part of my thigh that wasn't frozen over and over. I could even hear the clock tick by. I felt so alone. And I suppose in 20mins or so, he was done. He had stitched me up and he was going to let the nurse bandage it up. He prescribed me heavy duty (Heh!) advil and I have an appointment to see him on December 6th, at 11am. The appointment is for him to take out my stitches and also to tell me what the fuck I had inside me for so long...
I came home as soon as I could. I had been in that hospital for roughly 5hrs. When I got home, Angel and Sen soon figured out that I had my operation. Angel said "He ripped out? What!?" and sort of freaked, I guess.. He took my coat, threw it on the floor and went straight to asking me what happened, if I was okay and all that caring stuff as Sen sat near while I was telling my story.
Other minor things happened which leads me to why I'm awake and typing now; I tried sleeping, worked for awhile, woke up at 4am, spoke with Angel and Sen for a bit, fell back asleep and woke up again on and off until recently. This was all done with me being in pain. It's a constant pain which I can sort of bare (enough). It's when I move, turn over, do anything that it hurts like a bitch.
Naturally, I took the day off school.. the bandage that's covering my leg right now is half covered in blood. Mmmm.. yummy!
Let's just see how the day goes, hmm?
current mood: sore
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| Saturday, November 12th, 2005
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8:01 pm - It's gonna be an iffy night
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Everything seemed to be going according to plan; Treble was in town, had been here since Friday night. Dad had done our groceries, Nuro was gone, stress was aleviated and thigngs were just peachy. We had decided to have a few friends over. Angel had made a joke earlier in the week about playing strip poker, I took seriously and made plans around that. I had invited Tiffany over, she wanted to bring a friend, Amanda said she'd come, Treble was already here. Actually, he gave me his bank card and told me to go get some alcohol for the girls and if Angel wanted some, he could pick out of ours. Well.. one thing to another, Amanda called, cancelled, then Tiffany didn't want to come because Amanda wasn't going to come, Anna was still coming. So it seemed like we wasted money, that everything was turning to shit and that we were going to be here, alone on a Saturday night. I had wanted to do something different for once. So I was determined.
I called Amanda back, told her what Treble had "bought" for us, yet she still declined because she had an essay and was backed-up on other work. To be honest, I'm not 100% if that's true or not, but we'll say it for stress' sake. Anna arrived not too long ago, around 7:30pm-ish, so that's cool. I had managed to get Amanda to call Tiffany and get her to call me. She did and I convinced her to come anyway. She should be here soon enough, I suppose and hope. It'd be nice to have some new people over. Not that I'm getting sick of the people that I'm around now, but you understand.
Things seem like they're shaping up. That's good. I just wonder how it'll turn out. Hopefully, they go well.
Eve, I really wish you could be here this weekend. I miss having you around, poking your head, touching my tits *winks* and just being you. It's really not the same. Love ya, girl!
current mood:  relieved
current music: My sacrifice - Creed
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| Friday, November 11th, 2005
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12:22 am - Changes
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Well.. With Nuro leaving tomorrow (WOOTS!!!), we decided tonight to change everything around. I thought maybe it'd take longer, but it didn't take that much time. I haven't been feeling the greatest in the last few days, so I was a little difficult to deal with for the time being. I didn't want to be all down and shit, but I couldn't help it. Nevertheless, I'm quite happy with how everything turned out. I feel a lot more relaxed now. Now that the place is cleaner, there are less and less things of Nuro around.. I'm more content. Thank you guys! *kisses*
Can't wait for tomorrow to fully come around; Nuro is leaving, dad is coming, luc is coming (ha!) and just so much fun!! :D
Well.. bye!
current mood: relaxed
current music: Porno for Pyros - Tahitian Moon
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| Thursday, November 10th, 2005
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2:28 pm - Locked up
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Late last night, around 1:30am-ish... Some man was banging on the door to our apartment building. Angel had gone down to see who was there. Apparently it was a man looking for Gary, the guy that use to live across from us, he was evicted (woot!). Reguardless, it was found that the door was locked. Angel couldn't open the door whether it was locked or not. We were virtually locked in our apartment building. There wasn't much concern except for the fact that I had to get up and attend my university classes. When I got up in the morning, I went down to see if it was locked and we were. Dammit! --> Was what was going through my head. I had to write a note to my first class, English, and tell my teacher that weird excuse. I hope he believes me... Eek! It was solved and here I am, at the university.
Again, last night.. Nuro pissed me off. Me.. Directly. To explain it all... There has been head lice problems in our apartment since Thanksgiving. I never had it because my hair is too acidic (Go hair dying!) Angel didn't have it either. I figured as much, that man takes care of himself like no tomorrow. Showers every day, his hygiene is one of the most important things to him. (Thank the heavens) Sen and Nuro had it. That time, we were all treated. The second time we found out, we were all treated again. Then on the weekend that just passed, it was found again on Sen and Nuro. Nuro went out on Monday to get the Nix. (It took him all weekend to fucking do it) Then it took him until last night to treat themselves. Sen wanted to do it a long time ago but there's no point in treating Sen if Nuro isn't. Last night was the end of it though...
Nuro had left around 4:00pm-ish and wasn't back until 8:00pm-ish. When he got home, he hadn't begun treating himself or anything. (That was expected though) It was around midnight-ish that Sen came into the bedroom and told us that he had been asking Nuro to do the treatment (Sen has long hair, he hates the fact that he has lice and the fact that he has to wiat for Nuro to get things done) So I took the initiative, stepped out of the room to speak with him. I asked him
-"When are you going to do the treatment, Sen has been asking you 3 times to do it.?"
-"No he hasn't. I've been listening to music and sowing. He hasn't asked me."
-"Why would he lie about something like that?"
-"I don't know. He didn't ask me."
-"Whatever... Do you even care that you have lice?"
-"Nope, I don't care"
And that's what threw me over the edge. I was enthralled. I left him in the kitchen, went back to the bedroom and told the guys what happened. It was then Angel's turn to take up the fucker. Angel ended up taking the box of Nix, putting it forcefully down infront of Nuro and told him one sentence "Do it or you're out tonight!" and walked away. After a few minutes, he went back to him and spoke about the things he said to me. And Nuro's response pissed me even more: "I told her that to see what she'd say. Of couse I care." *growls* Bitch! I wanted to go out there and speak my mind, but Angel "locked me out" of that. He told me that Nuro would be gone soon enough, that I shouldn't give him what he wants and that when he left I'd feel better. Well.. I want to let it off now. I want to tell him what I think, but I'm not allowed.
I want to be able to tell him what I think. If it pisses him off, so be it. He was a jack-ass with me yesterday. He apologized when he got up about being a jerk in the last few days and then throws that in my face. Angel says that Nuro sees how I act when Angel and I have an argument and he used that against me. Yeah, well.. how about I show him differently and stand my ground? *growls again* Anyway... He leaves tomorrow. I swear though.. he says ANYTHING to me tonight, watch the fuck out! I will not be a pretty little princess about it. We'll see how it goes.
Onto other things... I asked my father yesterday if he'd help with groceries and he said he would with no hesitation. And I know for a fact that he'll give me money for some leizures.. I love my dad!
Also.. Last night, Angel and I, for the first time, took a bath together. As I layed against the bathtub, he layed on me. It was nice and relaxing. I love him so much! *kisses*
One more thing before I go.. Angel to you, I want to tell you that I am so thankful for all the things you've been doing lately. I appreciate it all. I know I don't say. I actually thought that i wouldn't have to. I suppose I was wrong. The house wouldn't hold up properly without you. Nuro would have been beaten to hell (as funny as the picture is) without you. I am so proud of you for going so far with Teletech as you have. I'm happy to say that you blew those people out of the water. I love you so much. Know that I might not say it every day but I am so very thankful and appreciative. You're the man of the house, you know that.
Alright.. now that I said what I said.. I should go. Blog some more later!
current mood: calm
current music: Woman's Worth - Alicia Keys, Hanging By A Moment - Lifehosue
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| Wednesday, November 9th, 2005
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11:21 pm - Just one of the days...
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Alright, so the last few days have been, shall we say? Beserk! Nuro is finally leaving on Friday, but it took us, nay.. Angel alot to get there. It started out that Angel had to talk to him but Nuro used his memory loss problem against him and Angel had to fall back on me. I didn't have a problem with that, at all. It quite frankly infuriated me that it couldn't have been solved in one night. It dragged on much longer than it should have. The night came that I had to talk with him, Angel was there.. and Sen too (though he didn't say anything, at all) I told him in the conversation more than 3 times that I wanted him to leave, but excuses just kept coming back up from his skrawny little throat. Eventually, Angel jumped in (like he was through all of it) but for the last time and said "Do you want him to leave or not?" "Yes, I do." "Then it's settled.." and other things were discussed. At this point, Nuro was struggling to stay on top of things; he compromised with Angel that he wanted to change and that if he managed to change before the month was up then he could stay with us until we moved out and he had to go his own way then. That night, I went to bed pissed off.
Then came the next few days... He actually, somehow, if you can imagine this, he became worse. He slept longer hours, left more shit laying around, his period of taking showers seemed even more far in between. I couldn't handle it nor could Angel. So that's when the decision came to get him out by this Friday. We was pissing us off more than we could handle. He became a serious threat to our sanity. He was a major stress that we just did not need. I saw in Angel's eyes, the stress torched like wild fire. Angel has been the one dealing face to face with Nuro. He's the one that does most of the talking, the dealing.. I guess you could call him my Gambler...
Reguardless to say, getting him to leave took so much longer than it should have. I can't wait for Friday; he's gone, Angel should be getting a call by that day (latest) from Teletech, my father is coming into town, he's going to be doing our groceries for us (Love him!), going out probably for supper (maybe), Treble is coming into town and staying with us for the weekend, it's the last day of the school week! (Woots all around!)
Today though.. I woke up, feeling like shit, I didn't sleep well at all. It was raining outside. I didn't want to be at school, at all. So I wore my goth clothes so that nobody would bother me. I didn't want to talk to many people today, only the ones that I wanted to talk to got the privelege. The day turned out alright, I suppose... Some guy cringed when I sat beside him on the bus,. Stupid jock! It was quite humourous.. hehe!
Anyway.. I'd ramble more about Nuro. What's the fucking point?
Sex for me!
current mood:  blah
current music: Cemetery Gates - Pantera, Turn The Page - Metallica
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| Monday, November 7th, 2005
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10:14 pm - Last Straw
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I can't stand this anymore, him anymore, nor can Angel. When Nuro gets home tonight, shit is seriously hitting the fan. This is the last straw (as it's stated). After Amanda and Eve left our place, Angel and I went into our bedroom, told Sen that we'd like to be alone and we spoke. We drew the final conclusion that Nuro has until Friday MORNING to get his shit out of here. He has to be gone before he goes to work that day. No matter what. No more excuses, no more bullshit, no more disrespect or this inconsideration that he's been shooting in our faces. And quite frankly, I feel no guilt for this, whatsoever. I could careless at this point if we even remain friends. This has gone on for far too long. I'm glad that Angelis and I agree on this.
To be honest, that's the one thing that's working completely the way I want it to; the relationship strickly between he and I. We haven't argued in awhile. Not saying that I want one to just blow up but still. It's nice to be able to talk with him, to sit and have fun. Actually, lately we've been quite playful, nice to each other and we're getting along so well. I'm enjoying spending time with him, it soothes me during these stressful times in the house. I'm not saying that nobody else eases that, but it's appreciated to have him there as my strong arm. I understand that Eve is my other strong arm, yes I admit that openly. Without her, we'd probably be in the shit hole. Well, yes, we are.. but, we'd be eating it for supper too, if it wasn't for her. She's giving us money to help us get food and other supplies. I haven't spoken to my father yet. Although Angelis has agreed to let my father finally help us properly. I will be asking him for help. It's a little different asking my father for help compared to say, Eve. It's sort of unexplainable.. So I'm just waiting for Angel to tell me how much I'm allowed to ask my father for help and then call him. [I want my phone call!! Heh...]
Other than that, things are moderatly liveable. Treble is coming down this weekend. Hopefully, he'll be able to meet Jewels. I really hope that happens. They deserve atleast to see each other face to face. They've been so close online, maybe they'll even hook up. They need something good to happen to them. We'll see how it goes.
Another bitchy blog.. And they all include Nuro. Hmmm.. Do the math! I'm tired of sounding like the big bitch. So hopefully after this weekend, things'll clear up. I really want to see Treble. I miss him. He's someone else I can talk to... When Angel was in Toronto, he helped me deal with things. I got use to having him around, that now when something happens.. I want him there. (I love ya, hunny!) *winks*
current mood: pissed off
current music: Black back heart - David Usher
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| Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005
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2:32 pm - *growls*
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I have to sit here and unfortunately, admit that Nuro is not leaving as planned. I wanted him gone, I had said it over and over through our "discussion" last night, early this morning. It eventually came down to that he has to find a place to live in the next month, but he says that within that time, he wants to have the chance to prove to us that he has changed. IF he has changed, then he can stay with us. I don't like the agreement one freakin' bit. If I can't stand you now, there's no way I can stand you later. I can't stop what's already happenend. But the only reason he started to pick up after himself is because Angel has spoken to him 2 nights ago. He hasn't done anything and even today, hasn't done anything. I hate it... It's not that I don't want to be his friend, but I just can't stand to live with him. Ever.. I'd rather live with my brothers again than to live with him.
I'm not making this a long one for the time being, but .... I might post again later. I just need to sometimes come and blow my brains here to calm myself down. I'm gonna go clean, maybe that'll help.
Nobody better piss me off today.
current mood: frustrated
current music: None
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| Tuesday, November 1st, 2005
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2:43 pm - Just a matter of time
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As I said, it's just a matter of time until I get to bitch the f*cker's head off. I'm the only one who hasn't said anything yet. You could do anything to me; yell at me, hit me, insult me but when you start going onto my fiance, watch out. I'm a taurus by nature. I can only hold myself back for so long. He needs to be gone, now.. yesterday. I thought maybe he'd be different, but as the saying goes you really do get to know someone once you start living with them. The only problem with all of this, is that he'll be dragging Sen down with him. Sen doesn't deserve to be in that dump, barely eating and struggling for life as he was when I found him.
We tried being nice to the guy, but he doesn't do shit in the house. He won't help around the house, let alone clean up after himself. He showers maybe every 5 days up to 7 days in between. When he does shower, he takes an hour long shower. Does he think that taking an hour long shower once a day makes up the other days? I don't think so! And then that all shit about WoW? Seriously! Do you believe that I'll believe that Angelis gave you the password and accidentally forgot about it? You're wrong, there's one thing that Angelis doesn't forget about for sure and that's the computer and anything having to do with it. That's his life.. don't even try it!
We tried being harsh about it, we tried saying "Can you do this now..?" but nope.. Nothing. and he seems to be so conveniently never around when cleaning is getting done. No, we don't do it when you're at work all the time, so that excuse will be blown to shit. We do a lot of cleaning on the weekend, during the day.. Oh wait.. That's right he sleeps all day. I forgot *sarcasm* Must be my memory going too!
Last night, it took 2hours for Angelis to walk in that room, talk to him about and walk out. It never should have taken that long. As I was falling asleep, I told myself that I know Angelis will be coming to bed, telling me that Nuro said "I'll change.." and the rest of the bullshit. The thing is... If he was going to change, he would have before, he would have helped out and kept up with his hygiene. It shouldn't have to take for us to ask him to leave the apartment because we can't stand living with him any longer. That's retarded.
I want to see him throw something in my face, go for it. I've been waiting all day, thinking about it all day. I'm prepared and wanting to snarl/growl back in his pathetic face. He's the main cause for our household stress.
I suppose I can finish that later, hmm? I'll write more after I've spoken to him because I know there's no doubt in my mind that I'll be pissed off to hell. I also have to get up at 9:30am tomorrow. If he's not home right after work, that's it too. Angelis told him that. I won't be sitting there, nicely, like Angelis did last night. I'm going in, saying what I have to say and getting out. He had until now to change and be an adult like he's suppose to.
He can go f*ck a goat...
Something else that's pissing me off is Eve's mother. When I first met her, she seemed alright. I had known Eve for almost 2 months, I suppose, by that point. After her and I spoke, I had to remember that this is the main person that Eve talks to me about. Her mother bitches about everything and anything to Eve. Usually, it never has anything to do with her, but she gets a yelling every day/night. I can't do much when she talks to Eve about her own problems, but when she brings Angelis and I into the picture. Watch out (again). I'm very tempted to call there and give her a what-for. She's a two-faced b*tch that uses her daughter to as a verbal rag doll. I can only stand so much of that. When saying that Angelis and I are lying, that we're filthy? Oh hell no! Shit will hit the fan!
Normally, I'm very calm, very quiet and I repress the necessary savage emotions, but when I return home after being gone for a week and everything is falling apart, Angelis is barely sleeping properly, he's stressed out to the max and other things just keep pilling up well, that's when someone needs to step in. Throw me ball, I'll hit it!
*breathes* Alright... I guess that's it for now. Don't expect all my posts to be as bitchy as this one. I seriously just needed to get some things off my chest. Forgive me.
current mood: pissed off
current music: Heartbreaker - Mariah Carey
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