| i'm just sick and tired. | ||||
| 09:22pm 17/09/2003 | ||||
he didn't show. aching stomach cramps. i should have given him my number last week. mother of god i am sick. next week, if he shows, i promise i will be brave and talk. i need to take a shower. i think he liked me, but he's shy like me. then i need to sleep. goodnight. |
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crappy| expect the unexpected. | ||||
| 08:51am 15/09/2003 | ||||
here is the condensed version... "i left a message on your machine, but you didn't get it...ummm, i don't think we should see each other anymore..." (what?!?!?! WHY???) "i just don't think its working out, i don't think you are right for me." (why?) "j, i don't want to be mean, can't you just be satisfied with me saying it isn't going to work out?" (i really like you, sarah. why can't we talk, i thought things were going so well. i didn't expect this at all.) THIS GOES ON FOR ANOTHER 20 MINUTES. I REFUSE TO TELL HIM WHY AND HE WILL NOT RELENT...SO I GET ANNOYED. (well, have a nice life.) "um, ok. bye." and thus ends another chapter in the days of sarah's life. the question is will j except it, or will i have stalker no. 6? oh well----tomorrow is another day----with people to meet at the landmark...such as people named N..... |
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giddy| does he read my blurty? | ||||
| 08:52pm 10/09/2003 | ||||
i need him to call so i can have the upperhand and dump his SORRY ASS!! mother of god i need him to call so i can end it. later. p.s. i love paul mitchell detangling conditioner. |
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frustrated| new boy.... | ||||
| 08:27am 10/09/2003 | ||||
only deal is he is 21 almost 22. i went to high school with him and always thought he was waaaaaay hot, but he i was a senior and he was a sophmore or freshman or whatever. ha ha ha. he totally likes me, but i couldn't give him my number because i didn't know if the girl with him was his girlfriend...i don't think so AND he kept walking around the bar and checking me out. woo-haaaa. AS FOR A_HO, he hasn't called and i'm sure he will tonight. and i can tell him that he isn't good enough for me and he is a psycho. :) happy day. |
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ecstatic| WHY HAS HE NOT CONTACTED ME, I WANT TO END IT. | ||||
| 03:58pm 09/09/2003 | ||||
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annoyed| the hour is approaching.... | ||||
| 08:16am 09/09/2003 | ||||
doubt it, as he probably had to work. so, tonight could be the night. "j, i think you are great, but not great for me..." "j, i think you are really nice and i enjoy making out with you kinda but i feel..." "j, all you ever want to do is make out and tell me how beautiful i am....i don't think that is the basis of an adult relationship" "j, you're too needy." "j, this whole time we've been dating you're serious and i am still looking. hmmm...." ****live update will occur as soon as this goes down*** |
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anxious| one more thing... | |||
| 10:38pm 07/09/2003 | |||
| i think i confused my "l" word in previous entries. i meant loathe. | |||
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| and so he goes... | ||||
| 10:27pm 07/09/2003 | ||||
i am not going to go out with him anymore, only he doesn't know it yet. its going to be odd to tell him to stop calling me, because i will miss him...but wait, no i won't. he is only about my booty. someone can only call you beautiful a few times before it seems like some crap line. i also found out he smokes pot. i don't need another unemployed stoner. i think i am too good for him and i am sick of meeting idiots. i've given up, i don't think i'll ever meet a good man. |
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determined| i don't know anything.... | ||||
| 04:33pm 02/09/2003 | ||||
but, nothing is going on. i am sick (still have the golf ball lookin thing in my throat---did i mention the doctor i talked to said i CAN get mono again?). i am going home, going running and will watch the OC tonight as i lay in bed eating a bagel. word. j should call tonight and then i'll update if its good----doubt it will be. out. |
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blank| turning japanese ? | ||||
| 08:23am 29/08/2003 | ||||
a little. he said he will miss me this weekend. hmm.....and get this, he let me sleep in his bed and he went on the couch...because he couldn't keep his hands off me.....ummmmm "l" word.... |
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| to quote annie lennox....why, why, why? | |||
| 08:12am 27/08/2003 | |||
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suddenly, and yet still very confused, i want more. i think i may be in --ve. think is the operative word. not know, but there is something seriously wrong with me....i can't stop thinking about him....... |
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| he called back... | ||||
| 08:28am 26/08/2003 | ||||
i was half asleep when he called, so i need to call him back today and apologize again...i don't really remember talking to him, because when someone calls me that late, i can't help but be exhausted and not really care what the other person is saying except then i am rude...so, yeah. he also lost his apartment. i know he is going to move away, but i am actually cool with that. after all, a brief romance is still cool...it just adds to experience and memories. out....and possibly more drama as i am going out tonight with my girlz. we'll get in lots of trouble with the bikers. tee-hee. |
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full| i'm really glad i met you, sarah...... | ||||
| 08:30pm 25/08/2003 | ||||
i was really excited to see him. he put his arms around me and kissed me and i was mush. we hung out, we went for a walk and the plan was that we were going to watch 'the restaurant' (i loveeeee perry and rocco) so we get in my bed....mess a bit...watch the restaurant and since i am tired...i decide to fall asleep. j, on the other hand, had alterior motives...he wanted to "talk". i just laid there thinking faaaaaaaack. he wants to "make love to me". HUH? WHAAAAT? HUH? WHEN DO MEN EVER EVER EVER TALK LIKE THAT TO ME???? so, this is how he starts the convo. he really likes me, but he wants me to know that he needs to take care of his career too..aiight, i'm cool with that. but as he is serious about that, he wants to be serious with me, but doesn't like that i can't trust him. he might be moving away and CAN'T UNDERSTAND why i HAVE ISSUES with trust if i think he is moving away. i tried to explain, but he is a boy and i don't think i did a very good job. so pretty much, we've come to the conclusion that things will stay the same, we'll keep dating and whatever happens, happens. i don't know though. i like him a lot, but i am really confused. first of all, what the hell was the whole "i want to make love to you" stuff...not gonna happen this soon and if he is leaving...then sorry, not at all. i can't get my mind to wrap around this whole thing. he wants to be with me, but he might not be able to stay with me. i think the answer is that i am cool hanging out with him, but i can't let it go further, because i need to protect myself...who knows if he'll leave or what the deal is...i am the only one who takes care of sarah, so why shouldn't i do the best i possibly can to make sure that i am happy and never get f--ked over again. this isn't the end of the story----he started crying last night. he doesn't like his job and he feels like a failure. ok, i can dig...and he wasn't sobbing, but the crying thing kinda freaked me out. in the back of my mind, i kept thinking, is he just doing this so i'll sleep with him? grrrr...if he did, then that was bad...more like evil. after we resolved all of the issues, he told me he was glad he met me. i'm glad i met him too, but i am scared of what could happen. i just got back from palamino with my room-mate and her man....j called when we were there. i am going to call him back when i am done typing this.... i am so confused. tomorrow is night out with the ladies....we are going to hi-hat and landmark....and i will check out the merchandise, but am i ready to window shop and not touch? |
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aggravated| umm...i'll talk to you soon. | ||||
| 09:51am 24/08/2003 | ||||
suddenly, he sounds disinterested. i guess i shouldn't jump to conclusions, but its just mental the way he sounded yesterday. what does "soon" mean? today? tomorrow? i am so sick of getting jerked around by boys. i want a british boy...the accent alone would keep me occupied for months and their intellectual ability seems much more advanced then any of the morons who live here. i'm crabby and will now exercise my arms so i have little girly pipes. bah. |
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confused| bugger, bugger, bugger... | ||||
| 09:51am 23/08/2003 | ||||
i woke up at 8AM, went running and was supposed to get coffee with my room-mate, but after all the loud-ass sex, she was apparently tired and decided to sleep in. that is the difference between me and her....i would have got up even if i was tired, because i am a good friend. grrrrrrr. so i did a fake drunk last night.....as in where i call a guy who i am interested in (j) and to make the call sound casual....i either a) pretend my room-mate said a guy called and didn't remember the name b) tell him i am drunk and wanted to call and say hi (oops) or c) combine the both as i did last night. i got back from the brewer game with me da' and i didn't want to go out, but i decided to call him anyway....and he wasn't home. i believe the message went like "hey j, its sarah....s told me that some guy called, but she didn't know who. was it you? i dunno, but don't call me back tonight, because i am drunk (i wasn't) and i want to go to bed. later." this tactic works, because a) now he thinks there are other guys calling me besides him--uhhh i guess there are so that isn't a lie and b) i'm breezy. the convo was very breezy and that's the way it goes. learn from me, sistahs. might i add, i am annoyed with j, because though he e-mailed me back, he never let on that i said "i kinda missed him too...." that's it, i am putting the wall back up...he's lost points now. we'll see if he calls later. now off to go to the bathroom, eat breakfast and go for a bike (i know even thought i ran this AM--i'm hard core) all before the game tonight. bugger, bugger, bugger stupid boys. |
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groggy| i need to write more about the other night.... | ||||
| 11:54am 22/08/2003 | ||||
i cannot handle being around JW's friends. I know, I will be 25 soon and I should act like a grown-up, but i hate being around them. they think they know me, but they don't. they don't know that their friend J-sh was an asshole, who cared more about his motorcycle than me. Or that he had the sex drive of a sloth who was stoned. it's hard for me to explain why i loved him, but since no one i know (well except for you mel, but that's ok, because you can learn from your big sis) will read this. i just felt completed by him. we didn't have anything in common, but if you stay with someone for three years, you start to know each other and you become used to the things that are different. i try not to think about everything that has happened, but i think i should, because when i do think about it...i get really upset. i don't know what i could have done that could make him actually think that after three years (and us being adults and all) that it would be ok for him to just stop calling me. i just can't accept that someone who said he loved me and was so close to me for that long would do something like that to me. if there were problems, i understand. i didn't like that he went away to school at the age of 26, but i wanted to be supportive. i'm not saying that i wasn't feeling like it was becoming too difficult, but i mean really......at least he could have talked to me about it. i seriously am still so upset about the whole thing. i don't want j to know it....but i am. i don't think i am still in love with J-sh, but i know i hate him and i feel completely betrayed by him. i really want to leave milwaukee. i want to be away from all of the things that are here that remind me of him or remind me of all the other mistakes i've made when i've been here. i need to do something on my own. i think if i make a fresh start, i will feel better. cutting my hair or buying new clothes won't help this time. i need to find a new path. i also need to avoid calling J-sh's friends mother f-ing c-ck sucking assh-les when i see them.... now, off to enjoy my day off... |
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rejuvenated| umm....j who? | ||||
| 08:33am 21/08/2003 | ||||
so then T, L and i went to Rascal's....where many boys hit on me and i was diggin this hippy-ish boy. i flirted like crazy with him, until i found out that he was a) just turned 22 b) in college and c) worked at pizza hut and made $6.75/hr. i think i am a scum magnet. the only thing that made me feel better about the whole night was that the guy L taked to was a total idiot. i know, i am mean, but the guy was such a dork. so, from now on, Vitucci Wednesdays will be a rare treat and i will not talk to hippy boys, because they have no jobs and i am too old for all of that crap. at least i have the day off tomorrow....friday i am going to the brewer game and saturday is the packers...i should be dead by the end of this weekend and might i add...... i responded to j's e-mail that said he was thinking about me, by telling him i missed him, sort of....and i haven't got a response. they reel you in, make us act like idiots and then gloat that we went for the bait. typical. |
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cranky| oh-no-no-no | ||||
| 12:57pm 19/08/2003 | ||||
he e-mailed me FROM UP NORTH....told me what was going on and then added..."I'm thinking of you tonight, Sarah".....mmmmmmmmmm happy. j seems to have wormed his way into my heart....... |
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jubilant| 09:30pm 18/08/2003 | ||||
i am having so much fun babysitting kitty. i just cleaned up her poo-box, that was fun. i am going to start bass lessons soon----fun! (fun, such a lame word) how crazy is this? i mean three months ago i was miserable in a sick relationship with a boy who loved his motorcycle-S (!) more than me and now i am doing whatever i want to whenever i want to with whoever i want to. i love my life. i am so happy that j.w. is a bastard and never called me.....i never would have messed around with a 20-yr old or...... on the other hand.... i haven't talked to j since 4:17 yesterday. i miss him. arggg!!! how did this happen? i don't want a boyfriend. but.... |
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thirsty| 09:28pm 17/08/2003 | ||||
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chipper| freesarah | ||
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