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LosingGrip

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No school, Again [14 Nov 2003|08:14am]
[ mood | content ]
[ music | Evanesence- Hello ]

Not going to school again, I went this morning and got all my homework from my classes. All of my teachers were like whats up blah blah blah I had to explain everything to them. It's okay because I get to be at home, with my puppy. I got a email from a friend this morning, I go to this girl with all my problems and for once I felt someone is actually trying to help me. She cares enough to try and get to the bottom of whats going on... It's not like with my friends where they just say "Oh your fine stop over-reacting" She takes me serious. I smiled reading over what she wrote because everything she told me... I've known for such a long time but until someone pointed it out it didn't seem right, didn't seem like it would help me. She suggested getting out of this town, getting away from these people whom seem to have the power over me to make my good or hell. This thanksgiving my mom and I are suppose to go to Florida we had talked about looking at houses and moving there, I fought it many times saying I needed my friends... but what I need is to help myself. So I'm going to tell her that I would be fine moving there. My self mutilation has taken over me, my ED has taken over... I'm nothing... what I was, what I used to be... is gone. I'm nothing anymore but a self distructive person. I've pushed the "real" me so far down I don't think I'll ever find "her". It's a harsh reality but it's the truth, and getting out of this town will be the best. If my mom doesn't want to move I'm going to ask to move with my Aunt and Uncle. They have a huge beautiful house with lots of rooms *and a pool :)*. It's so hard to understand how I could have wasted so much time on becoming what I am today, that I seemed to focus on the negitive things never thinking I was good enough for anyone or anything. I became what my friends wanted me to be, I became what socity wanted, I become what I thought my parents wanted. And still... not good enough, I often wondered why it wasn't good enough and I finally figured it out, it's because I was becoming what everyone wanted and not what I wanted. It's amazing how one person can change your whole out look on life. *Thank you Megan I love you girl* Well I should get to work on some of my homework.

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