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Friday, March 4th, 2005
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2:40p - growth
I don't know who I'm supposed to be. I mean, I'm supposed to be me.
Sometimes I don't treat Jon the way he deserves to be treated. He deserves full blown respect and love and everything. And I feel like I don't give him that.
I want to be the girlfriend he deserves. I want to be the person he wants me to be. Only thing is, he wants me to be the way I am. But does he really? I wonder.
I am who I am. Just like God said. lol. There is no changing unless absolutely necessary. And I wonder if I could give up who I am for him. I love who I am...and so does he...and so does everybody else. I'm witty and funny and clever. But, am I mean too?
What makes a person mean? Is it the things they do? The things they say? Is it because they hurt others intentionally? Or accidentally?
I want to be the girlfriend he deserves. I want to be that girlfriend. I don't want to ruin this. I don't want to lose him. I can't lose him. But, I can't be somebody I'm not.
He says that isn't what he wants. He wants me to be me, because I'm not perfect, and he loves that about me.
I will be nicer to him. I'm too sarcastic and cold and mean. He doesn't deserve that. So very few people do.
I'm growing as a person. Into a woman. I still see myself as a young lady. I just want to grow out of this confusion. Grow into a better person...a better daughter...a better sister, friend, student....
..a better girlfriend.
~Chris~
current mood:  tired (1 comment |comment on this)
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