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Monday, February 28th, 2005
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10:07a - already an old story
Since I haven't updated in a long time...the story I am about to tell is already an old one. Pretend it's recent.
The word "SLUT" was keyed into the side door of my car. Wait, strike that. My father's car. And although nobody was caught red-handed....we all had one boy in mind.
Of course it could be Steven. He was there with us at the Wendy's. He stepped outside. He came back in after a while. He left. It all fits. And I stood there in just complete shock...looking at it. I started to cry cuz I had no other choice. Tiffy called him, and he denied it. When he called back I grabbed the phone. I was speaking through hardcore sobs...and this was the convo....
"Sware to me that you didn't do this!
"I SWARE I didn't. I sware."
"Sware you didn't!! Please."
"I didn't. FUCK!!! And I KNEW everybody would think it was me, cuz I was out there....but I didn't see anybody do it!"
"....I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE ANYMORE STEVEN! I don't know. I don't know."
"I didn't to it. I promise. I sware. Christine....."
"You know there are a lot of angry people right now, and I don't want to have to be one of them."
"Christine..."
"Do you sware?"
"I sware"
After that I hung up. And then I proceeded to scream like a mad woman in the parking lot of a best buy. I couldn't help it. He's always gonna be there fucking with me. I hate it. Chuey says it's too late to do anything back...cuz it's all already over. Doing something now seems irrelivent. Who knows. It's out of my hands.
I'm suprised I still remember that conversation. It's kinda stuck in my head. I hear it everyday. Sometimes when I'm lying in bed I can hear him promising he didn't do it. I can hear all the other stupid promises he never kept. I promise you can trust me. I promise I'll never leave you. I promise I'll be there to hear you sing. I promise I'll take you to the doctor. I promise I didn't kiss her. I promise to always love you. I promise I didn't. I promise I did. I promise I won't. I promise I will.
Fuck him and his bottomless bucket of promises. They got me nowhere. I wasted so many good years on him. All the opportunities at happiness I passed up...for him.
Fuck him.
The more I write the more pissed off I am. He screwed me over so many times. If it weren't for Jon he probably would have done more.
I hate him. And I don't hate people.
But I hate him.
~Chris~
current mood:  pissed off (comment on this)
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