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Thursday, February 17th, 2005
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2:53p - prediction of a shit-hitting-fan fest
Apparently Jon is "a crazy bastard"...or at least that's what Gilbert said.
I have never seen him fight, nor do I want to. Gilbert told me about all about the "real" Jon today. About how he never backs down, how he's not afraid to get hurt, and how he can be scary.
I don't want to see him fight.
I hate the whole concept of people being like "WHAT THE FUCK! DO SUMTHIN!". Just....shut up. It's all so stupid to me. But on the other hand, if he does this, in his mind it will be right. It'll just be sumthin he had to do to prove his point. Ruben knows no end. Ruben knows no limits.
Apparently he knows no consequences.
I am trying so hard to keep the shit from hitting the fan...but there is only so much I can do. I've been told that you can only push Jon so far before he snaps.
If Jon can be scary, then that means I'm gonna be scared of him. I saw it in his eyes today. That fear. I could hear it in his voice when he said he would kill Ruben, and he wasn't joking. It scared me so bad. The way his voice sounded. I wanted to cry. I felt like running. And I know he doesn't want to scare me. I know.
Maybe I can't do anything about this. Maybe they will fight. Maybe Jon will kick his ass, and get in trouble over something stupid, and I'm gonna have to deal with it everyday. Maybe Ruben will win, and piss Jon off even more, and I'm gonna have to deal with it everyday.
Both Jon AND Ruben assure me it has nothing to do with me. That they aren't mad at me or that they aren't going to do anything to me. That I have nothing to worry about.
Guess what boys. I have everything to worry about. If you fight...I will have to deal with it. Seeing the both of you everyday isn't gonna change if you guys fight.
Ruben's friends, who are mine too, will come out of the woodwork and be like "what the fuck did your boyfriend fight him for". And I will have to answer to these people. Jon's friends will be noddin their heads, giving me the old "I told you he would do it". And I will have to hear it everyday.
Ruben I'm sorry. You didn't think it would be like this. You thought I would be there forever.
Move on.
Jon I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to put up with this. But, you won Jon. You got me. I love you.
Isn't that enough?
~Chris~
current mood:  awake
current music: Gilbert talking to me (comment on this)
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