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Below are the 50 most recent journal entries.

	2005.10.24  08.13 Dreams I had one of the most realistic dreams ever last night. Before I tell you that, here is a back story that you have to know before I can tell it. Last night it was fuckin windy like crazy, and I heard all these noises in front of my house. Like stuff falling over and stuff around the front door, so I called Jon for safety. lol. Ok... I dreamt that I was sleeping on a mattress that was like right in front of my bedroom door. There was only enough room to open the door. Anyways, I'm asleep and all, when I start to hear voices. I hear people talking in my dining room. But, I'm not scared. I kinda laugh and try to go back to sleep. I get about half way asleep when my door opens and Cori and Sarah walk in. They're both like "Shh, there she is". Cori comes like right up to me and just stands there. I wake up and am like "...What? What are y'all doin here". Sarah says that Cori got her car and wanted to go for a drive. I check my clock and it's about 3 in the morning. I get dressed and go outside cuz Jon is in the driveway. I turn to go back into the house and it's Marie. She's standing right there with a backpack. We see eachother and freak out. I run up to her and give her this huge hug. I remember saying I missed you so much, and she holds out my hand and says "You're trembling". I was. Anyways, this little section is sketchy, but I rememeber all of us in this car, and we're driving down a street looking for a certain trash can or something. We find a brown plastic box tied to somebody's tree with a blue tag on it. Apparently, that's what we were looking for. I can't remember what we do with it, but I know my mom makes me get out of the car. My mom was really mad at me or something, because she's being really mean and scary. She makes me clean the living room, even though Marie is in town. Cleaning consists of stuffing ALL these blankets (and a comforter) into this really cheap blue plastic hamper (like the one in my room). I'm trying to stuff everything in there but it starts cracking down the sides and falling apart. I start getting all frustrated. For some reason my little cousin Mark is staying with us. I'm trying to separate his stuff from Jerry's. The weird part of all of this is this. I don't remember it ending. I remember telling Jon "Hey, remember when I told you I heard all those noises outside? It was Cori and Sarah! They come over at like 3 cuz she got a car". I don't remember it NOT being real. When I woke up I felt it had happened. I woke up wondering if Marie had already left. It wasn't until AFTER I dropped off Jerry at school this morning that I realized it never happened. That the noises outside, although real, never had anything to do with Sarah and Cori. That I never even told Jon about that. That Marie was never here. Weird. Mood: confused

	2005.09.22  17.13 Shake Chicka Shake Shake I am so pumped and I don't know why. The hurricane turned north, which is good for me, and bad for the north. All around me is the quiet before the storm. City feels empty. I feel empty. I have my iPod on constant rotation so my mind can have something to think about. It's getting me pumped. I'm trying to listen to fast music. Busdriver - Imaginary Places It doesn't get any faster then that. I miss Jon so much that I'm just pacing back and forth. It's irritating that I need somebody that much. But cute at the same time. Fukin Rita. She was the bad guy on Power Rangers remember? Coincidence? I think not. Damn my mind is racing but I have nothing to do. Everything is pretty much closed. I guess I'll just keep listening to songs and playing games. ~Chris~ Mood: bouncy Music: Busdriver - Imaginary Places

	2005.09.18  20.25 Someone Shit on the Coats I gotta figure shit out. I start my student teaching soon. I get assigned my school and grade tomorrow. Its crazy. Hopefully, this will help me decide if teaching really is my thing. I missed the deadline for America's Next Top Model. Nobody really knew I was even thinking about it. But I was. I still am, but now I have to wait till June. I wonder if I'll make it. Doesn't really matter. I just wanna try it. I just found out my dad kind of has his own little family now. He has a "serious" girlfriend. He stays at her house sometimes. She has a kid that he hangs out with and stuff. This kind of explains why I haven't heard from him lately. He's taking me and Jerry to Sea World next weekend though. That's gonna be fun. I did something crazy. I went with Jon to an Art Society meeting, cuz he convinced me to join. I ended up nominating myself for president and was elected!! So now I am the President of the Del Mar Student Art Society. It's so cool. But reeeeeeally fucking crazy. Good times. Great times. ~Chris~ Mood: sick Music: Mitch Hedberg (Mitch All Together album)

	2005.09.05  11.34 Why have I not mentioned this? I'm in college now! lol. It's gotta be the coolest thing ever. Classes are already kinda tough, but I'm ready for it. I'm really trying this time. my Teacher Certification is riding on it. I've been throwing around the idea of doing Deaf Ed, but I'm still debating. I've seen some of my friends at Del Mar, so I'm not completely alone. I've made new friends too. They're great. I bought a digital camera AND it came with a photo printer and photo paper and stuff. I'm taking pictures all over the place. They come out pretty good. Here's a sample... Things with Jon are great. Our Anniversary is next month. Halloween to be exact. I really can't wait to see what he's gonna do! ::SQUEAL:: I FINALLY bought Paulo Coelho's new book. I didn't get it the day it came out cuz I had just started school and I didn't want to get distracted. I bought it yesterday and I really like it so far. It's different. It's good. I guess thats all for now. I'm unemployed cuz the season is over. I NEED A JOB! ~Chris~ Mood: happy

	2005.09.02  21.30 It's not gonna change anything Ruben gave me money today. He was at the game, I was working, I was hungry, he got paid, I got fed. I told Jon because I don't hide shit from him. What's the point of operating behind his back? Half the time I KNOW he's gonna get pissed at certain things. Half the time I KNOW it would be better to not tell him at all, but every time I tell him. Because that's how I am with him. I don't have much to hide. So when I called him, I told him I was eating...and I told him Ruben paid. Half the time he really does get pissed. He did this time. How am I supposed to fix this? I'm not. Yes, I KNOW that you don't like him. Yes, I KNOW you don't like him around me. Yes, I KNOW you have that sometime you have that macho pride shit, and you don't like other people taking care of your girl. Then take care of me. It was just nice FOR ONCE to have somebody pay for me. If I'm hungry, to feed me. If I want something, to get it for me. Just once. And you KNOW I'm not materialistic. If I was I would have left along time ago. And the one thing I HATE...is when I complain about you not taking me out, and all you can do is point at my ring or point at my necklace. As if I'm supposed to be like "Oh that's right..nevermind". All I want is for you to get a job. That's all. I talked to Eddie at work and even HE gets it. You tell me you want to support me and take care of me. But not now? Later? When we're married? Fuck that. You gotta prove it to me now! You think I'll marry you if you don't show me you can support me. I'm a woman Jon. We need proof. Because what if this never ends. What if you KNOW I'm always gonna work, so you rely on me. Jon...I've HAD boyfriends like that. I've had the ones who just depended on me for everything. And when you came around you were different. I felt I finally had somebody I could depend on. Somebody who will take me to the movie I've been dying to see, and NOT have to ask if I have money. And don't for a second think that I don't recognize what you do for me. I KNOW that you take care of me, in the sense that you are my shoulder to cry on, my solid rock. You are HERE for me. YOU TAKE CARE OF ME. And I LOVE YOU FOR IT. This isn't gonna change that. It's not gonna change anything. I don't want a rich man. If I did I would have gotten one. I want you. If this whole entire entry seems to say one thing in the beginning and another thing at the end, then I'm sorry. I just had to get all this out. You're sitting in my living room and I know you're still pissed. Somewhere in Kingsville Ruben's sitting down without me. Somewhere in Corpus you're sitting down without me. But...you have me Jon. Come get me and prove to me you can do this. Mood: contemplative Music: Alkaline Trio - Radio

	2005.08.23  14.24 The struggle Love is an odd sort of thing. It can do pretty much anything. Good and bad. But lately, one thing it hasn't been able to do is supress the thoughts of boys long gone. Namely Ruben. Writing this could get me in a lot of trouble, considering Jon knows of this blurty, but I gotta talk. Every other guy has been easy to forget. I've moved on and grown up. I had my time with them, and now I'm having my time with another. But Ruben made things complicated. Since we were "together...but nottogether", I never really had my time with him. I was always in this purgatory of "are we dating...are we not dating". And it hurt me the most. I spent pretty much everyday for a month gloomy and confused, because the man I loved wasn't sure if he could love me back in public. Instantly my friends changed opinions about him. They went from rooting for him to condemning him. Telling me that I need somebody who can love me the way I want to be loved. Their advice was not only fueled by Ruben's behavior, but also by an old friend. The old friend was Jon, and he'd sort of been a Yoda for me since sophmore year. He would tell me the same thing my friends did, but I knew it was for something else. Then one day he said, "leave him and be with me", and I knew. This friend wanted more than a friendship, and Ruben was in his way. As days passed, things with Ruben got worse. One day tell me how much he wanted to be with me, and the next he wouldn't even look at me. Jon continued with the daily task of wooing me and getting me to leave somebody who was obviously hurting me. The reason Ruben couldn't commit was because of Jennifer. The then love of his life, who stole his virginity and his heart. After their very public and painful breakup, he didn't know if he was ready. He knew I was the one, but he didn't know when. Eventually, on Halloween, I shared a kiss with my old friend Jon, and fell in love. Although I made a mistake by keeping it private for a while, people eventually found out, and Ruben realized his mistake. I spent months trying to ward him off. He was always admitting he was wrong, and stupid, and that he would do anything to have me back. I know he isn't a bad person. I know he never meant to hurt me. It was a bad situation, and I wasn't the only one hurt. Me and Ruben tried to be friends again, but Jon said no more. Jon knew what he was trying to do, and needless to say, didn't approve. The last of Ruben's attempts was one afternoon when I had forgotten my purse at a Jazz performance. He offered to take me back to get it. He asked about Jon and other things. I asked about Jennifer (they were on and off) and other things. Then he told me "I made a big mistake. If I could go back in time and change it all, I would. It's my own fault I lost you. But...if you ever need me, I'm always going to be here for you". Then it was over. We graduated. He moved. And I forgot. Then he called. And I remembered. He gets out of school tomorrow at 11...and asked if I was willing to take the 45min. drive to Kingsville to see him. I'm not really sure. I will never hurt Jon. EVER. Although these thoughts can't hurt him, they can hurt me. And they do. I told Ruben I never know what to do when it comes to him. I never will. ~Chris~ Mood: blank Music: Jude - King of Yesterday

	2005.08.17  09.10 And I feel like I do I cleaned my car. Inside and out. The WORKS. And now I drive it with a head held high, or I will until it get dirty again. Mom FINALLY gave me her iCar...so now Betty Sue rides around in the car with me and entertains me! YAY! I can't wait till school starts. Sitting around is getting kind of old. I need a bit more purpose in life. I'm listening to Portishead right now. I haven't listened to them in forever. I love them. Check them out if you haven't already, Jerry is trying out for Drum Major this year. I have a good feeling about it, especially since he's taking it seriously. On days the band isn't practicing he stays late to practice conducting and stuff. I really hope he gets it, cuz he wants it so bad. I have a new favorite show. It's called Going Tribal, on the Discovery Channel. This British guy named Bruce Parry goes to all these places and finds tribes that are isolated in the jungles or things like that. It is the most amazing show I have ever seen. It's just beautiful how there are aaaaall these people who function and live without the things we take for granted everyday. I was just amazed. And yesterdays episode was about this tribe that was rumored to be canabalistic. And they were. But the way they explained it was awesome. They say they only eat the "evil" people--mostly the people who murder. They believe that the soul is in the brain and the stomach, so they eat those parts of the evil people to get rid of evil spirits. There were grown men saying how they fear hunting or walking alone, because of evil spirits. I really to think it's fantastic. It's a new show that just premiered last week. WATCH IT! Tuesdays!! 10pm e/p!! DISCOVERY CHANNEL! It's amazing! ~Chris~ Mood: bored

	2005.08.15  09.07 Blah blah things are going good. yay. Totally bored right now. Going back to sleep. Night! ~Chris~ Mood: sleepy

	2005.08.07  14.08 Here comes the girlfriend, all dressed in white Marriage is all around me these days. On TV, at work, with my friends, fucking internet pop-ups. It's everywhere. And it wouldn't bother me, if it weren't for the fact that I'm not getting married. I'm probably not getting married this year, or next year, or the year after that. Which is usually fine with me, because I want to be older. I want to have a career going for me, and I want to be financially stable enough to start a family. Right now I make $25 a game, and all of it is going towards my computer. I have thousands in grant money coming in mid-semester, but all of that is going to pay off my momma's car...so I can have it. When I get married I want it to be everything I have always dreamed of. If I do it now it won't be. But at the same time I want it. I want to be the wife and not the girlfriend. I want to have a husband, and a home, and a family. But its a matter of reality or wishes. I've proposed to Jon at LEAST a hundred times, and everytime he says "Someday". I don't know what I want. Sometimes I wake up with a "now or never" attitude. Other days I shake it off and realize I'm just anxious to get there. I dunno. I'll get there someday. Just like Jon says. ~Chris~ Mood: contemplative Music: When in Rome - The Promise

	2005.07.30  22.29 Witness Weeds Work Wow Witness I went to court yesterday. It was the head of the pimple that was the Steven situation. I was scared shitless. But I went. Jon was there as a witness, and both of our daddies went too. So we meet our lawyer, who told us we won't win. I already knew that, but still. While we are in this room talking with our lawyer we are notified that "Mr. Ortiz" has entered the courtroom. My lawyer runs in to do some last minute shit. When he comes out he tells me and Jon that since our odds of winning are so low, we can choose to drop all charges, and leave. Jon said it was up to me. Every single part of me wanted to go home. I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to be asked questions. But then a thought popped in my head. I saw Steven's face, laughing, knowing that I would chicken out. Laughing at the thought that he scared me, and that he won. I got told my lawyer that I wanted to do it...and Jon was right behind me. When we entered the courtroom there he was. He saw us out of the corner of his eye, and I saw him nod his head. At that moment I wanted to kick the shit out of him. But I didn't. They make me and Jon go back outside for a few minutes, and then they call me in. I am asked questions by both sides. Steven's mom didn't take her eyes off me....but Steven? He just sat there with his head down. His ugly long orange hair hangs in his face. Every once in a while I steal a glance at me. Our eyes meet and I show no fear. After that they send me out and call Jon in. He does his stuff. They send him out, and we sit outside playing "paper, scissors, rock" to pass the time while Steven testifies. Eventually they bring us back in for the verdict. Everybody, including the judge it seemed, felt we almost one it. But it was in his favor. He "won". And I smiled...because the judge, although ruling in his favor, told him that there was no excuse for what he had done...and that there was NO reason for him to ever try to contact me or be around me again. Ironically, I ran into him at Best Buy that night. I did not let this defeat me. I am so glad that it's over. Because it's always been over for me...but I think it finally ended for him. I don't wish that I had won. I didn't want to take law into my own hands. That leads me into... Weeds In the Bible, in the book of Matthew is a story about weeds. Often in the Bible, Jesus speaks in parables to teach important lessons. This is my favorite one. "Jesus told them another parable: "The Kingdom of Heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field. But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away. When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, then the weeds also appeared." "The owner's servants came to him and said, 'Sir, didn't you sow good seed in your field? Where then did the weeds come from?'" "'An enemy did this,' he replied." "The servants asked him, 'Do you want us to go and pull them up?'" "'No,' he answered, 'because while you are pulling the weeds, you may root up the wheat with them. Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned; then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn.'" "Then He left the crowd and went into the house. His disciples came to Him and said, 'Explain to us the parable of the weeds in the field.'" "He answered, 'The one who sowed the good seed is the Son of Man. The field is the world, and the good seed stands for the sons of The Kingdom. The weeds are the sons of the evil one, and the enemy who sows them is the devil. The harvest is the end of the age, and the harvesters are angels.'" "As the weeds are pulled up and burned in the fire, so it will be at the end of the age. The Son of Man will send out His angels, and they will weed out of His Kingdom everything that causes sin and all who do evil. They will throw them into the fiery furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. Then the righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father. He who has ears, let him hear.'" The moral of this story is obvious. It is not our jobs to rid the world of evil. God says it is important for the good to live side by side with evil. When Judgment Day comes the weeds will be separated from the wheat. It is not my job to do anything with this Steven situation. God shall judge him when the time comes. I will live my life with that weed and the others that will follow. Who knows, he might be wheat. It is not my job to know. God shall judge him, and God's word is all. Work Work goes on. It's HOT outside. Yuk. I hate getting angry fans. No food or drinks allowed in the park? THEY FREAK OUT! AHHH! PEANUTS! AHHH! I hate being the bad guy...and for $25 a game I REALLY hate being the bad guy. But I don't care as much now as I did when I started. It's a pretty fun job sometimes. lol. Soooometimes. Wow My life is awesome. Wow. ~Chris~ Mood: exhausted

	2005.07.16  13.42 Betty Sue and the Hooks too So work is going great. I love my job to DEATH! Funny story... My first day of work I fainted!! It was terrible. I just totally underestimated the heat. I didn't drink any water before work and I didn't bring any with me. I lasted about 1 hour...and then WHAM-OH! I was out like a light. I've since hydrated myself. By the way...I work for the Corpus Christi Hooks. That's our local minor league baseball team. I have one of the funnest jobs ever. I stand at the gates with a little scanner and scan peoples tickets. It is soo much fun. You get to meet all kinds of people. And the people I work with are so great. They are all older people, and they are so sweet. There's Joan, who is my favorite. She's the sweetest old lady in the world. Then there is Thomas "TC". He's hilarious. Carlos is so fucking funny. He's in a wheelchair and relates with me cuz we both went to Hamlin! Mario has an in your face attitude, but he is a peach. Moses brings us all water, and he looks out for me. Darlene looks like Bam Margera's mom. She's a hoot to work with. Jose is the craziest old mexican I have ever met! OMG! Willis is the one I know the least, but he's a crowd favorite. He loves to work suites. Anyways I always have good work stories. The ONLY downside to my job is the pay. I make $25 a game. I start work at 5:30 and I'm off at the 7th inning stretch. It's less then minimum wage...but I don't care. I get 50% off of concession stand and 25% off at the gift shop. AND when I'm done working I can go watch the rest of the game. NOTHING is cooler then that. I get to see Art Mack everyday too! lol! Other then that I got an iPOD. My daddy came into some SERIOUS cash from work...so he bought and iPOD for me, jerry, mommy, AND himself. It's the shit. Hard as hell to figure out...but worth the effort. Only thing is I'm out of songs to get. I have song block. HELP ME OUT! When you install all the iPOD stuff on the computer it asks you to name it. Jon named it Betty Sue. She's pink. Her full name is Betty Sue Bubblegum. Kick ass. That's all for now. More later!! ~Chris~ Mood: cheerful

	2005.07.06  17.21 fighting the battle of who could care less My name is Christine and I am 18 years old. I live in Texas, in a city named Corpus Christi. It has a beach. I have a mother, a father, and a brother. My parents divorced last summer. Daddy moved in with his aunt. I haven't tasted his pancakes in over a year, but I still get to see him. Mommy works hard to give me and my brother the things we need, and on occasion, the things we want. I have a boyfriend named Jon. Without the "h". He is a good, loving man who takes care of me and my family. He's strong for me, and although he doesn't know it, I'm strong for him too. I have tons of friends of all shapes and sizes and colors. I haven't seen much of them since I've graduated, but I know it's just a part of life. Doesn't mean we forgot about eachother. We just forgot we weren't meant to be around forever. I still don't have a job, and the lack of money gets to me. I got a phone call this morning from the Hooks, our city's local baseball team, asking if I wanted a job. I sent in an application a while back. I interview tomorrow. Job = paycheck = material goods = momentary satisfation = the wanting of bigger goods = a better job = a better paycheck = better material goods = temporary satisfaction = the wanting of bigger goods = a better job....oh, you get the idea. I was watching Oprah today. They talked about the things that are going on in the Congo and in Rwanda. About all the women being raped and tortured by 7 or 10 men at a time. How the president isn't doing enough, or isn't doing anything, about it. How people aren't informed enough. Oprah said after the show "Now that you know, you can't pretend that you don't". You don't have to have tights to be a hero. You don't need super powers to save somebody. I could I would save every woman, man and child in need of help. I think I will someday. I have a love-hate relationship with the x-box game Halo2. It's addicting as hell. My name is "BowserKitty" and my colors are orange and gray. My symbol is a white bird in flight. It really is quite symbolic. Geeky, yet symbolic. I might play today. I'm drinking lots of water now. "Lots" meaning a bottle a day, which is a lot considering I would drink zero a day. It really isn't that bad, once you get used to it. My sex life has calmed down in the past months. I went from once or twice a day to maybe once or twice a week. I kind of like it better this way. It's hard to explain really. Sex is no longer my top priority. It's still good though! I don't know what this whole entry was about. Just wanted to try something different. Let people see me for me. ~Chris~ Mood: calm

	2005.06.29  16.22 slow clap I have the strangest urge to start a clap. You know, where you stand up and start clapping all slow and dramatic like, and eventually everybody else joins in? It's a cool thing to do. And I wanna do it. I just have to bide my time.......in the shadows. lol. Yeah, you guessed it. I'm bored. This entry sucks. Ha. Sorry! I won't write again till there's something to say. ~Chris~ Mood: bored

	2005.06.26  18.58 Wonder Woman So today is the day when Jon's sister passed away. And it puts me in this unusual spot...because I want him to talk to me about it, but also I know there are somethings that plainly put, aren't my business. I know how personal it is, and I don't want to impose. Plus, Jon is a very private person who very rarely tells what he's thinking. And I know he's hurt by it. It's impossible to expect him not to be. I can't imagine what that must feel like. I almost lost Jerry when he was little, but it just doesn't compare. I want to make him smile and to make him laugh, but today it just won't happen. I don't know much about her. I don't even know how she passed away, but it's my fault for not asking. But you have to understand that I still don't think it's my place to ask. Some things are just out of my reach. Everybody has things they don't like to talk about. That's just the way it is. And I accept it. But back to that unusual spot I was talking about...even though I accept it, the girlfriend part of me wants only to cheer him up. I want to take his mind off of it, and I know I can't, and it hurts me. When it comes to him, all I want is for him to be happy. I would jump head first into an active volcano for him, and when I can't fix his problems I go crazy. I want to be his hero. His Wonder Woman. But I am only a person, and I can only do so much. People handle things their own way. Sometimes the best thing to do is to let them deal, and just be there if they ask for you. Anyways, I guess thats it. I just had all that on my mind. Mood: blank

	2005.06.23  14.37 $1.00 chanclas I went to Wal Mart today and bought some CUTE stuff. Just an FYI. I can't wait till this weekend. I'm going to Austin with Jon and his family. Sadly, his dad is sick and the trip might be called off, but I have my fingers crossed. Its gonna be fuuuuuuuun. I gotta go get my ass a job. I might as well just go to APAC with Joey so I can make $7.50+ an hour and not have to worry anymore. We'll see. Gotta check that Temp agency too. Need money, want money. What else? Hmmm. I dunno. I guess thats it. Can't wait for College. I already set up my schedule y todos. It's gonna be the shit. YAY! YAY! I'm going to pick up my ring now. Bye guys. ~Chris~ Mood: happy Music: The Animals - The House of the Rising Sun

	2005.06.20  10.04 Christine is having the BEST WEEK EVER (so far) OH MY GOD I AM HAVING THE BEST WEEK EVER! It all started on Saturday...my 18th birthday! Jon and Joey called me at Midnight to be the first ones to tell me happy birthday. Then Jon came over around 1 in the morning to gimme my present! He got me this diamond ring with pink sapphires. It is sooooooooo amazingly beautiful! I couldn't believe it! I dunno how many carats it is...but it sparkles all BAD ASS! lol. Anywho, it was a little big, so we took it to get resized, and I'll get it back on the 25th. Bummer. Moving on, that morning I had a Youth Group car wash for my church, so I went to do that. It was lame. But we got the work done. At around noon my daddy picked up me and Jerry (if you don't already know it was his birhtday too). We went to his house for a bit, and then picked up my Uncle John so we could all go to Gatti Town. We had sooooooo much fun. It was bananas. After that I went to pick up Jon so we could fix my ring and buy me something to wear to the clubs. I dropped him off and came home to pick up my dad and jerry so we could go to the gym. I ran up hill for a mile on the treadmil. It was great. After that I came home and took a shower and got dressed for the club. My and all my friends were gonna go to Grahms for my birthday. So I got dressed and went to pick up Cori cuz she said she needed a ride. Everybody met at my house around 11:00, and then we were off. In total it was me, Jon, Cori, Sarah, Bobby, Joey, Chuey, Angel, Alfonso, some chicks I don't know, and Perla. When we got there we ran into this guy Robert who went to Hamlin with Me, Sarah and Cori. IT WAS AWESOME! He hung out with us. He lives in Houston. Anyways, the club was pretty damn fun. I'm sure if I was there without my buddies it would suck. I danced in a fucking cage! It was hot...or so I was told. Anyways, I got home at around 2am. It was the best. The only downside was that one of my best friends didn't go...but whatever. So on Father's day, my dad was working fire dept. so me and Jerry called his cell and left him a message. I went to church at 10:30, and had fun cuz it was donut and coffee day. Me, Momma, Jerry, Deb, Jamie, Jon and his parents all went to the monster truck show at the Bank Center. It was freaking sweet!! We had earplugs. lol. After that Jon's parents left and the rest of us went to Joe's to bbq and swim in his pool. We had sooo much fun. Me, Jon and Jerry were doing all these stupid moves off the diving board. Fun! Anyways we all just hung out and ate and played with Nicky. And the most awesome thing happened. We got Nicky to say Grandpa. We all just kept repeating "Graaaaaaaandpaaaaaaa" over and over, and sure enough...he said it. Clear as day. Me, Jon, Momma and Joe were witnesses. It was sweet. WAY TO GO NICHOLAS! We came home and I can't see and night when I drive, so Jon got to spend the night at my house, since he didn't have his car. We cuddled. He's a good sleeper. lol. And todaaaaaaaaaay, me and Momma went and got pedicures. And the dude who did my toes was GORGEOUS. He looked like every anime ninja I have ever seen. He had his hair kind of long, parted and gelled, with little stands hanging in front of his eyes. They surgical mask he was wearing is what made him a ninja. Anyways, the pedicure was sweet. Totally relaxed me. My toes look so cute. After that we went to Olive Garden and had a kick ass lunch. Mmmmm mmmm bitch. Me and Sarah were supposed to go play bingo this morning but she overslept! LAZY!!! lol. JK! I still love you and your sparkly hoochie mama shirt (gold NOT silver) Cori might spend the night, so I'm looking foward to that. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! I LOVE YOU GUYS! THANKS FOR MAKING THIS POSSIBLE! ~Chris~ Mood: happy

	2005.06.13  23.08 car lot So i made the big mistake of reading my old diary entries...when I realized the worst. The things I say about Jon, the things about how much I love him and how amazing he is, is all true. I mean it all. And I was reading about Steven, and I read the things I said about him. And I couldn't believe how much I used to love him. I didn't want to believe it. But I was reading these words and thinking, how I can feel so much for him...and then feel it for somebody else in a matter of years. And I felt like a whore! Because it made me feel that Jon isn't getting what he thinks. Everything has already been done before it seems. I don't want to remember loving Steven. I don't even want to think that I really did. But I couldn't stop reading. And I remembered something. I remember being happy. I read stuff from the days when things were good. And I talked about how I will love him forever. And I don't understand how I could have said that. And I feel so...wrong. Because Jon is getting a used car. And NOBODY...NOBODY...wants a used car when they can get a new one. Nobody. And I wish I had never done anything with Steven. I want Jon to be my first everything. The first person to cuddle me. The first person to kiss me. The first person to love me back. But I can't change the past. And I am crying sooooooooo bad because Jon deserves more then that. Everything he's getting is second hand. And I'm afraid of it. Because he knows it deep down inside. Maybe he doesn't care. Maybe he loved before me, or kissed before me, but I don't know. Because I'm afraid to know. Because if he has I will feel only 2nd or 3rd...instead of first. But its unfair....because that is how he must feel. I HATE THAT STEVEN GOT TO ME FIRST!! I hate it. And I don't hate things. I don't know how. But I hate him. And it makes my stomach hurt to think about it. Jon is all that I have. And he doesn't deserve this. He should have been my first everything. But Steven stole everything from me. And I give Jon all I have, but I've done that before. I've ALREADY given somebody everything. How can I do it again? Its not new anymore. I'm not new anymore. And maybe Steve is right. Maybe I do just jump around from guy to guy. And destroy lives in the process. And I'm afraid of destroying Jon. I don't care if I hurt Steven. I don't care. But to even think about what I could be doing to Jon, I could die. And I've thought about letting Jon go. Because I'm only going to hurt him in the end. But I've fallen in love with him. I've given him my everything...and he's taken it. And I never ever want to leave. But I've said all this before. That's why I'm so worried. I wanted to marry Steven and have babies and live by the beach. I've felt it all before. And I wasted my dreams on an asshole. And Jon is getting somebody elses dreams. He's getting the stuff thats old and used. And he doesn't need that. I wonder if Jon knows this already. If he remembers me happy with Steven. If he thinks its the same thing again, with just a different guy. I need to stop crying for one. I dunno. I just do not feel good. ~Chris~ Mood: depressed

	2005.06.10  12.48 #1 Ok hi. Did you know that humans are the only beings in the world that are aware of the fact that they will someday die. Lions and hermit crabs just walk around completely oblivious to their mortality. That is the only thing that really sets us apart. I wonder if we are the only ones who know OTHER things will someday die. Or if a lion looks and his buddy and thinks "poor guy...such a short lifespan" without knowing he has one too. I am such a lion. I am such a hermit crab. I have no idea that I can die someday. Which is good and bad. To be honest I am quite scared of dying. Terrified actually. Nothing brought this up really. Just thinking. Have you ever heard the song "Cigarette" by Ben Folds Five. It is so...real. It's about this man who takes care of his sick wife, and he is soooooooo tired. But he can't sleep, because he's afraid the drugs will knock her out, and she'll burn the house down with a cigarette. I wonder if she's aware of her mortality. Too much wondering today. I have to go to court in a few hours. I really don't want to. I mean I feel sick to my stomach about it. I really don't want to. But I must. And it sucks. Hopefully this will be the end of all that old school nonsense. Gotta run. ~Chris~ "Fred Jones was worn out From caring for his often Screaming and crying wife During the day but He couldn't sleep at night for fear that she In a stupor from the drugs that didn't Ease the pain would set the house ablaze With a cigarette" Mood: nervous Music: Ben Folds Five - Cigarette

	2005.06.10  12.28 the new My new blurty is... www.blurty.com/users/ab_imo_pectore Ab imo pectore is latin for "from the bottom of the heart" In with the new. See you there. ~Chris~

	2005.06.09  18.21 FIN Ok...so Graduation was 2 Saturdays ago. It was cool. I got all pumped up and excited. And then it was all over. Not really too much to say about it. It was cool. Went to a few parties and stuff. My party was cool. They misspelled my name on the cake though. They came and fixed it but it looked like crap. But it tasted soooo goooooood. Danced all night and had a blast. I have court tomorrow. It should make for an interesting story to tell. I guess that's it. It's been fun. I'm really gonna miss this diary. Gettin ready to start my new one. I'll post the link soon. I love you. I'm going to print you out and keep you forever. Thank you. ~Chris~ The End Mood: awake Music: Fairly Odd Parents

	2005.05.26  10.56 this is the end....my only friend....the end So this is it. It is the last day of school. Me and CCSID are no longer together. I graduate on Saturday. This feels so weird. I still think I'm gonna walk these halls again in August. I still think I'm coming back. But I'm not. It's my time to go. Move on, grow up, etc. I cleaned out my locker today. I teared up a bit. I just don't want to believe it. A part of me wants to come back. Do it all over. Relive it. So much has happened. Good things and bad. There were babies born and people dying. Fights and make ups. To steal from Tale of Two Cities..."It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" With this great conclusion comes another. I'm ending my Blurty here. I will write one last time on Graduation day. And then no more. I feel it's time to start a new chapter. So long. It's been great. ~Chris~

	2005.05.20  18.01 People from the past So I am in the middle of a stitch with Jon. Crazy, I know. Never thought we could seem this mad at eachother. I say "seem" because I don't know if he's really mad, or if he's just reflecting what he sees in me. Like when one kid is mad at another, so the other one, purely out of not knowing what to do, and possibly fear of apologizing, acts just as mad. So this is what happened. There is this trophy case with all these band trophys and plaques in it from years ago. Well Chuey and Jon and I think Joey, stole it. And not just like in the heat of the moment. They planned their shit out. Now I'm pretty sure the majority can see why I'm pissed about it. I managed to bite my tongue all week. They'd talk about it in front of me, but they wouldn't tell me what was going on. Like I'm fucking stupid! Of COURSE I know what you're talking about. But you know what I said to myself? "I know Jon's not gonna do it. He's smarter then that. He's better than that" And he doesn't understand why I'm so mad. I'm mad because he stole something. STOLE! Its just plain fucking wrong. And maybe it's only me. Maybe it's OK to steal things nowadays. Maybe I'm a little behind in the times, but where I come from, you just don't. fucking. steal. End of story. I was raised knowing that. Pretty much everybody was. And he sees no fault in it. He says it was their senior prank. Like that makes it ok? And the other thing is that it was a trophy. It was something that people worked their asses off to get. And they just fucking took it. I'm literally disgusted. There are people from the past somewhere who earned that trophy. They didn't steal it. They worked and they deserved it. I dunno. And I told myself the other day that if he took it I'd leave him, but maybe I said that because I knew he wouldn't. Well he did, and I'm still here. I feel like I can't brake up with him over this. Because I can't. It's just...I can't believe he did it. I just honestly can't believe it. But that's just me. I'm crazy like that. I really must be waaaaaaay too nice. *sigh* ~Chris~ Mood: disappointed Music: Chopin - Nocturne for violin and piano

	2005.05.11  15.02 6 minutes 6 days I have 6 minutes to sum up whats been going on lately. We had our Spring Concert. I was just so hating it the whole time. It was like a travesty to me. The day after things got sticky and Bryce spoke his part. It made me realize what a crybaby I was being. So what! People need to quit crying. I mean, was it really that bad? I doubt it. I wish I could go back in time and not be so negative about it. It was only crappy cuz we acted like it was. I'm done with it. My dad picked up this random girl who was fighting in the street with her boyfriend in the middle of the night. It was so weird. She was crying and all this. We dropped her off at her grandmas house. It was sooo...it gave me chills. Daddy's a hero. I graduate soon. My heart is steadilly beating faster. Every day it gets scarier. I told Sarah I want to scream at the building on the last day of school. Not even words, because these last 4 years cannot be summed up in anything coherent. Crazy. I'm outta here. Now I get to go to college and wear big girl clothes. lol. Band concert today. Kinda don't wanna go. But I gotta sing...and support Jerry since he supported me. Ummm...I have a shitload of dishes to do. I NEED to do my community service. I NEED to find all my Government work. We're singing BOYZ II MEN for graduation. Sweet. More later. None now. ~Chris~ Mood: chipper

	2005.05.03  23.27 the clear up I didn't get a chance to say all of the things I wanted to...which is a good thing. It just sort of went away. All is good now. I am once again amazingly happy. I found sumthin out though... The two of you are very different! Capricorn approaches life in a much more methodical, planned, patient manner than Gemini. Capricorn uses a clear strategy and is willing to work hard for many long years to gradually achieve the intended goal. Capricorn is capable of great reliability and dedication, and will, for example, be willing to work through years of school until the desired degree is achieved, or work through a business or government hierarchy until a top position is achieved. Gemini may also be successful, but the route is very different. Gemini succeeds through curiosity, flexibility and adaptability, and communication skills. Unlike Capricorn, Gemini is not inclined to persevere through the dry periods but rather moves on to more interesting material once a point of stagnation is reached. Both approaches can work, but they are different, and you may reach points in your lives where you cannot come to an agreement on the proper path to take. Capricorn often seems like the adult in the relationship and can feel too conservative or serious to Gemini. Gemini is more like the child (or adolescent), being more flexible and playful but also less reliable and consistent. He he he. Who knew! ~Chris~ Mood: satisfied

	2005.05.03  10.41 we all fall down I want so bad to be able to be myself. To keep my choir sense of humor. I kid around a lot...and everybody knows it. But today I might have taken it too far, and now Jon is upset. And I don;t know why he lies to me and tells me he's ok. That he's not mad. Does he think I'm fucking stupid? Guess what baby? I'm not. I can see right through you. And you say you don't want to make me cry...well I do that. It's who I am. I show my emotions all the time. If I'm sad, I cry. If I'm happy, I laugh. That's the way it is. Don't do me any favors and lie to my face, and tell yourself it's for the best. He has the right to be mad I suppose. Me and Ben joked and he got hurt. Sometimes I hate how jealous he is. When I kid he takes it seriously. If he really truly thinks that I'm going to do any sort of anything with any other man, then he needs to get over it. Have a little bit of confidence. Have some fucking trust. I'm in a really crappy mood right now. And I'm fighting back some serious tears, cuz I refuse to cry infront of him. He wants me to be strong, then fine. If that's what he wants, then thats what he'll get. I'll leave him alone. The real Christine would beg for his forgiveness. But he doesn't want her anymore. He wants to be serious then fine. He wants to be pissed. fine. If this is going to keep happening...then he needs to find somebody else that better suits his mood, and stop wasting my time. The real Christine would never have said that. And neither would I....but I already said it. It's the crappy mood talking. I'm sorry. ~Chris~ Mood: frustrated

	2005.05.02  14.23 I AM SO VERY MUCH IN LOVE So today at the Whataburger I drove off without my food. Although I only drove far enough to where all I had to do was reverse...I did some sort of odd u-turn...and wound up backwards, with the passanger by the window. Jon will never let it go. It was a pretty blonde moment...ESPECIALLY since I'm a brunette. Things like this happen every once in a while. I blame my Daddy...he's blonde. So yesterday I went to the carnival again. This time with Daddy and Jerry. It was sooooooo much fun! I went on 2 more rides then last time. Something called the "Raven" that picks you up and drops you in circles...and one called "Dance Fever" that just spins you around kinda fast. It was total fun. And THEN we went ice skating! OMG! If y'all got a hockey team...and y'all got public skating at their stadiums....DO IT! It is sooo bananas. Get the hockey skates though. Don't get figure skates....those things suck. So yesterday was Mrs. N's birthday. I didn't get to spend time with her though, cuz I just had so much shit to do. I felt really really really really bad, but I guess I'm ok now. Ima go buy her roses after school. Yellow ones, her favorites. Jazz band played for the CCISD crossing guards yesterday. THAT was FUN! OMG! We were goofing around the whole time. We get free food, $300 in donations, and 50 free coupons for the carnival. FUN FUN FUN. I gotta go now. More later. ~Chris~ Mood: crazy Music: I AM SO HAPPY!

	2005.04.29  10.32 I forgot about prom You know what...I forgot to write about prom! I wasn't that bad! I actually had some fun. Jon was looking amazing. Damn. I mean...wow. I don't like the way I looked in any of the pictures...but then again I never do. Dinner was crappy..but it was still fun. The dance was pretty good. The live band was hilarious! OMG! They sang Kid Rock. It was so sad. Jon didn't dance nearly as much as he did at favorites...but it was still fun. He better dance at the clubs though. lol. After prom everybody came over. Next thing I know I'm asleep. AND I pushed Jon of the couch in the middle of the night so he went to sleep on the recliner. Poor thing. Becca slept till like 1 o'clock. It was funny. Lets see...what else is goin on? OH! We got our cap and gowns yesterday. It was sweet. We took our giant panoramic pictures. YAY! We get them today during lunch! DOUBLE YAY! I wore my cap all day. It was so...surreal. It felt too soon. It feels close. It is. I guess that's all thats been goin on. ~Chris~ Mood: bored

	2005.04.26  19.26 25 rungs up So I'm in one of those moods again where I have so many things going on in my head. Can you handle the randomness? Don't worry, it's not written poem style...but it'll prolly sound like it (it always does!) I love being a people person, but I hate confrontation. And in fact, I love arguing. It's just that when I hear myself speak in opposition to something I'm afraid it doesn't sound smart enough to win. I'm somewhat of a self-depricator...you could say. But you know what I do like? I do like that I can count my enemies on one hand. That comforts me. There could be more...but they haven't made themselves known. To me an enemy is a person who at LEAST has the balls to prove it. Are there any good quotes that support that? Oooo...Ima check........ I only found one that I liked...but it doesn't support me. Check it... "O wise man, wash your hands of that friend who associates with your enemies". A Persian poet from the 1200's said that. Isn't that fantastic. I love it. It feels like a song when I read it. I always strive to be smarter. Which could be the point of life, but still. I always strive. I always reach up. I'm always happy but I'm never satisfied. I feel when you are satisfied you stop working. You'll never know if there is more. When my fingernails scratch the very tip top, then I'll grab a pick and see whats past it. It will never end with me. I claim I love spontaneity, but the usual feeling of success makes me smile. I want to win at everything. I want to be the best. And sometimes I am, and it makes faliure that much harder. Just gotta keep moving on. I'm graduating High School soon. My feelings about that are constantly changing. I go from feeling so completely afraid and depressed about it to jumping up and down, waiting for it to get here. As of this moment, all I want to do is graduate. I just wanna get it. Do it. Finish it. You know? Excessive Absences, failing grades...hooooooly crap. I just want it all to not matter. I WANT THAT GODDAMN DIPLOMA ON THE 28th OF MAY, THE YEAR OF OUR LORD TWO THOUSAND AND FIVE! My life ladder is longer then I thought. Coming close to graduation will teach you that. You feel like you're 25 rungs up and your ladder, and then you realize that you are on a ladder that has at LEAST infinity rungs. (why have I said "at LEAST" more then once?......why did I notice that?...why am I listening to Maroon 5? lol) I have an X-Box at my house. It's not mine though. Joey let me borrow it for my HALO 2 training. I don't play it. It's kind of funny though, cuz I invite Jon over...but Jerry might as well have done it since they play HALO the whole time. Funny now...not that funny when I'm sitting on the couch staring. LOL. In fact, as I type this, they are behind me playing HALO. Ooooooh boy. I am so bored. That's why I'm writing a lot of crap. Got nothing better to do. Does anybody else think I need more drive? Maybe in this case. Either more drive...or a car to do it in. *ba dum pshhhhhh* I actually like Los Lonely Boys. Weird. Crazy Dream is a good song. I keep seeing Monica everywhere. At least I think I do. It's like that stupid weed commercial where the chick hits the old man with her car, and sees him everwhere....only...I don't smoke...and Monica isn't an old man. I do, however, have a car, and a slightly good reason to run her over. JUUUST KIDDING. I don't hate her THAT THAT THAT much, and I can't afford to go to jail now...it might effect my scholarships. I'm craving Kit Kats like a BITCH. It's my favorite candy you know. Nerds are a close second. Weird thing about Nerds is I HATE eating them. They make me squint. I hate sour. But I do like putting a whole bunch of them in my mouth, sucking off the coating and suffering the few moments of sour, only to get a half pound of sugar crystals tucked away in my mouth. Mmmmm. Am I done talking. It's either this or sitting on the couch and watching HALO. *sigh* Decisions decisions. Maybe they'll wonder where I am and come find me.... ha... nope. LMAO. I'm bored. I guess I'll go. They threw something at my neck, but I didn't move so they don't think I felt it. Dumbasses. NO SEX TILL GRADUATION! I promised God, and that is one dude you do NOT want to lie to. I actually like Prince. Weird. When Doves Cry is a good song. Kay bye. ~Chris~ Emily Dickinson wrote this, and it is exactly how I feel about Jon. If you were coming in the fall, I'd brush the summer by With half a smile and half a spurn, As housewives do a fly. If I could see you in a year, I'd wind the months in balls, And put them each in separate drawers, Until their time befalls. If only centuries delayed, I'd count them on my hand, Subtracting till my fingers dropped Into Van Diemen's land. If certain, when this life was out, That yours and mine should be, I'd toss it yonder like a rind, and taste eternity. But now, all ignorant of the length Of time's uncertain wing, It goads me, like the goblin bee, That will not state its sting. Mood: bouncy Music: Prince - When Doves Cry

	2005.04.21  18.21 geesh What Icons are for you? by ladyallie Username Favourite Colour Sex MaleFemaleYES PLEASE!UndecidedBothNeither Your Love icon is... Your Sad Icon is... Your Happy Icon is... Your Angry Icon is... Your Food Icon is... Your Animal Icon is... Your Random Icon is... Your Cartoon Icon is... Your Sexy Icon is... Quiz created with MemeGen!

	2005.04.20  21.44 googlism.com this are just a number of things that google turned up about me... christine is a beautiful vintage purse with roses christine is kool christine is always christine is here to stay christine is just as foxy christine is my favorite christine is here to stay november 24 christine is now a complete wreck but arnie sets about restoring her christine is no ordinary car christine is a talented writer and the author of many books christine is definitely obsessed christine is the recipient of a new jersey governor's teaching scholarship and was selected as a participant in the pennsylvania intercollegiate band christine is located on hawthorne blvd christine is one of king's earlier novels christine is studying the rna molecules that reside in the nucleolus christine is currently a member of the north shore musicale orchestra christine is a kind and caring with a heart full of love christine is dedicated to famous pittsburgh filmmaker george romero christine is a classy and effective film that works on a number of layers christine is far more worthy of praise than most other representatives of its genre christine is the war bride of leonard vole christine is going to have a lot to answer for to be sufficiently frightening christine is a femme fatale with a throaty roar christine is a contributing author to chicken soup for the survivor's soul christine is a member of the aztec wind ensemble and the aztec marching band christine is a certified genealogist christine is leading a campaign to get the a600 re christine is pleased with this first step christine is an extremely patient christine is a merchant navy captain who is ordered to pick up a fleet observer christine is one of scotland's great singers christine is still a closet celine fan christine is a celebrated concert vocalist and national recording artist christine is pretty much saying that she knows he loves her christine is just reserved christine is partnering with three local scientists to find alternatives to three major problems for organic strawberry growers christine is not limited to obscure and goofy nickelodeon shows christine is a dublin born singer/songwriter now based in london christine is a latent witch christine is keeping a personal diary to record meaningful events and thoughts christine is persuaded to take the lead role christine is currently professor of nursing at thames valley university christine is driven by her faith christine is sporting the new naughty image to quash the ex nun image christine is holding some new hula girl designs they are working on for hawaii christine is cool christine is a 1958 plymouth fury christine is dedicated to serving her clients christine is an ordained minister with universal brotherhood christine is a myth buster christine is an underrated classic christine is arriving at the foot of the mausoleum steps christine is originally from western michigan christine is also an ordained christian minister christine is studying for a masters in international business christine is great acoustic based music that keeps you interested and wanting more when so many other artists of this genre christine is like every other normal young girl christine is the one on the left christine is still a member of the san diego zoological society and continues to visit san diego regularly christine is the vocalist with the saturday night live band christine is that she's a headstrong individual christine is a real estate agent that is known in the community of mont christine is a car that was just born to be bad christine is a women's advocate christine is most famous christine is an extremely well seasoned horse for any event christine is a relief milker christine is one of the faculty members christine is 21 she no longer worries about being caught in bars anymore christine is a spontaneous girl christine is booted off celeb survivor christine is a beautiful vintage needlepoint purse available as part of the 'heavenly handbags' collection christine is kool christine is awesome christine is shared by ~537 christine is coming home i have watched my socks christine is happy y'all have GOT to try this. www.googlism.com ~Chris~

	2005.04.19  22.06 booooo i love jon

	2005.04.19  22.06 bored again Okay so today was totally lame. Here's why... I didn't get laid. Strike one. I had to go to the Dr. Strike two. I can't find prom shoes. Strike three. But you know what you know what you know what????? THAT'S WHAT! Aaaaahahahhaahahahahahahaha! I totally got you! OMG! OMG! (can you tell how bored and hyper I am) Ummmmmmmmmmm...Jon just poked my glasses. What the fuck!! lol. He's about to lick my face....wait....yeah...he is...great. ok. "MWAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i win" <--said jon Ok, night. ~Chris~ Mood: sleepy Music: nothing

	2005.04.18  14.31 red eye, red dress My eye KILLS! Oh Lordy. It's all red and itchy. Its been like that for about a week or two. And for the ZILLIONTH time...it's not pink eye! Mr. Bryce doesn't believe me. You know what....what if it is. lmao. I have an appointment at 4...so we'll see. I just wanna get rid of it before prom. I need to start taking better care of myself and my stuff. I'm drinking water now...which is disgusting...but I deal. Starting to work out...NOT to lose weight but to just stay healthy. Ima clean my room and move shit around. Make it a bit more homey. I'm not wearing makeup till prom, cuz I'm trying to clear up my face. I'm not having sex till prom, cuz I gotta clean and work out and wash my face! lol. My prom dress is gorgeous! Did I already tell y'all I got one? I can't remember. If not, it's red and strapless and GORGEOUS. $41 thank you very much! YAY! Man, I'm so afraid Jon's not gonna have fun. He wanted a limo but we can't get one. The tux he wanted wasn't available. We all decided not to get a condo..and he really wanted one. *sigh*. I hope he has a good time. I need to get a weave...cuz my hair is to short to do anything with. lol. Anybody know where I can get extensions...and how much it costs?? I LOVE YOUSE GUYS! ~Chris~ Mood: cheerful Music: Brooke Valentine - Girl Fight

	2005.04.16  22.43 der doing I found a prom dress! HOO-FREAKIN-RAY! I'm so stoked! It was $41!!!!!! And its soooooooooooo awesome. Just a plain red strapless gown. Gorgeous. We got Jon's tux today too. We (me and Jon) won the lotto AGAIN. This time $90. Lucky man. He gets the girl AND the cash. lol. I'm really hyper. I just got through watching Reefer Madness for the 2nd time in a row. It's coming on again...so I'll prolly watch. It's freakin great. Today was fun. Stressful, but fun. I wanna go to prom already. It's gonna be bananas. ~Chris~ Mood: awake Music: REEFER MADNESS REFFER MADNESS!!

	2005.04.15  14.54 I adore you I am so weirdly happy right now. I wanna make out and smile and laugh. Prom dress is nowhere to be found, and prom is next week. I'll find a way...I'm freakin Christine. I had so much fun yesterday. There was this one point where I was at the mall with Jon, and I was singing Enrique Inglesias...and it was so much fun. It felt like when you see happy couples in the movies. MY FRIENDS ARE SO AWESOME. They just are. Yay yay yay. I need a job like a mother...... fucker. lmao. Ok ok ok ok ok...I'm done. For now. More when I wanna. ~Chris~ Mood: chipper Music: this and that coming from here and there

	2005.04.11  21.50 You ever wonder if you're really as happy as you think you are? You pass by a mirror and wonder how real that smile is. I wonder if I'm only happy because I am afraid of dissapointment, or if I only question my happiness because I'm not used to it. I refuse to see Jon's name on the same list as the other fools I've dated. I try so hard to make him different from them, that I forget if he really is. It was different in the beginning. He would go out of his way just to make me smile. He would say every romantic thing that no other guy could think of. He just did everything in his power to get me away from Ruben. And it worked. But he was still amazing. He didn't stop just cuz he got me. So I figured he was different. Things change, but only cuz you think so. I remember he couldn't see me not smiling. Everytime there was even a hint of sadness or worry in my face he would just do everything short of flips in the air to cheer me up. And now, it seems he rolls his eyes like "what now". I can be sitting there almost in tears...and he just goes "ahhhh...whats wrong?". He gets annoyed. "Acknowledge me, I only wanna be your friend. I can make you happy baby, over and over again." He always seems annoyed with me. And I don't blame him. But still. I always say the wrong thing...but rather then talk about it he just does what he always does. Pushes me away from him and stares straight ahead. And my apologies are like nothing to him. I tell him I'm sorry and he says he ok but I know he's not. And I want so badly to just scream. Tell him to get over it and tell me what his problem is. But, I'm not my mother. I don't have to backbone I need to talk to him. So I just let him alone. Go to sleep and pray he'll get over it. He does. You ever look at your problems and wonder if they're really as bad as you think they are. Wonder if things really do hurt that much, or if your just making yourself bleed. Jon is every bit as wonderful as I've said he is, if not more. These stupid problems that I think we are having are just that. Stupid. Ants only look big under a microscope. These problems only look big through my eyes. You know I never saw Jon coming. Sophmore year...outside the portables...walking to class. I couldn't forsee this. Who knew. I can't lose him. But every day I feel like I'm pusing him farther and farther away. Every stupid comment I make...every stupid comment he makes. It all builds. But thats what a relationship is. Good + bad. You can't hide from the bad things in life. They will find you. But they won't destroy you. Plus, Jon tought me to be strong. ~Chris~ Songs Cited Prince - Acknowledge me Mood: sleepy Music: 311 - Love Song

	2005.04.05  23.31 past life memories I heard this song in choir today. It was from this year's All State Womens Choir. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. It was called "past life memories". It kind of threw me back into the whole "not making state" thing. Really bummed me out hardcore. That was one of the bigger dissapointments of my life, thus far. Just the fact that I couldn't control it...that it wasn't my fault. It makes me shake. And that song...I wanted to be a part of that. I thought the times I went to State were amazing. I thought our rep was breathtaking. And it was. Everybody was floored. But the fact that everbody was floored again...and I didn't cause it. It irks me. That song was just....WHAM. Hit me right in the chest. I want to die to that song. Its just one of those songs. Insane. It was just one of those moments. Contest for treble is tomorrow. GOOD LUCK US! ~Chris~ Mood: exhausted Music: wind

	2005.04.03  21.57 no subject I'm so bored right now. I feel like going to school. Or driving around with the music up way too loud. Which ever comes first. Can't find a bloody prom dress anywhere. It sucks. I found one I liked...but it was $350. I guess I'll just get one made. I dunno. Not to fret. I got into college...again. lol. Del Mar on a full scholarship. That's pretty sweet. English major. Minor in music. At least...thats the current plan. Subject to change. Things in my life are so awesome. I have zero complaints. I have nothing to fuss about. I don't wish for much. Just a good day. And I get one. *knock knock knock wood*. I'm doing a lot more these days. Joined my youth group. I love it. Going to Search soon. Georgia in September. It's cool. I'm gonna try and get a job again. I miss workin...for some sick reason. lol. Things with Jon are awesome. The other day we were getting in the car and I saw a comet. Not a shooting star...a mutha fuckin comet. It was odd. I just stared like....whoooooaaaa. Then I gave Jon the biggest kiss of his life...because that was my sign. lol. I'm weird. Things are so thick nowadays. By that I mean...shit...I knew I couldn't explain that one. lol. Its like...things seem to be so slow and relaxed and chillin. It's like my whole world is stoned. I get high off of my own life. Thats so rad. ~Chris~ Mood: bored Music: jon's voice

	2005.03.29  14.39 boys to men The future comes fast you know. It's like a train that doesn't stop for anybody. You either jump on or you don't. This whole high school thing will end soon, and I am prepping myself for the jump. I feel so stupid for being upset with Jon over his ACTs. He never signed up for them, and now it's too late. He can take the one in June, but by then he should have already applied to one college. He can still take the SATs, but he doesn't want to. And I was online trying to register for him, but there were all these questions I didn't know and all that. I got so frustrated that I gave up. Jon is a really smart guy. He has so much talent and potential. I know he does. I've seen it. He can go so far in life if he applies himself. That's all it takes. I want him to do good and I desperately want him to take this seriously. I, in all honesty, am tired of dating little boys. And Jon is the closest I have come to a man. He takes care of me, and he looks out for my family and he is reliable and responsible. But this whole situation makes me worry. I want him to be the man I can rely on for the rest of my life...but that requires a man who applies himself. Who does something. I overreact a lot, and this could be one of those occasions. I just don't want him to sell himself short. He is capable of so much. I can see it in him. I love this boy, this guy. This dude. This man. Friggin love. And I want the best for him. The very very best that life has to offer. But he has to go out there and get it. He's gotta want it. I can't do it for him. I worry more about him then I do about me. ~Chris~ Mood: worried Music: Mike Jones - Still Tippin

	2005.03.22  10.27 Missin you I am toooooooootally missing McDonalds. It's like....I can almost taste it in my mouth. The juciness...the moistness...the all over yummy goodness. One more week left. Monday I can eat it....and it will be sooooo good. 40 days and 40 nights I shall hold out. I can do it. What else is goin on. Not much else really. Back in school. I wanna get out already. I'm getting bored with it. Ima do good these last 9 weeks. And then "ya". No more. I wanna goooooooo already. You know what...I'm hungry. Starving actually. I need a dollar. You got one? Just kidding. Umm...thats all I suppose. More later. ~Chris~ Mood: bored Music: Jason Mraz - You and I

	2005.03.18  11.28 so much so far Ok....so....here it goes... I lost my virginity. March 11, 2005 to be exact. It was crazy. I cried. Not cuz it hurt...cuz it really didn't. It was uncomfortable at first, but then it sort of died down. It still hurts a bit sometimes. Anyways, yeah. I had been on birth control for about a week, and I've known that I was ready. I look at him and I am just over come with love. And the act of sex, wasn't just for pleasure...it was so....(as lame as this sounds)...beautiful. When it was over I couldn't believe it. It feels like your whole life you have only been half of a person. And when you find that other person...and share this with them...you become whole. It was amazing. Now, I'm not saying it doesn't feel good. Cuz oh damn....it feels good. lol. Ima tell y'all...we have done it everyday since then...save this one day when we didn't see eachother. Sex is great. It's beautiful. Amazing. Wow. Moving on from that...I FINALLY took my SATs. It was the "new" one. With the essay. It wasn't even that hard. It was like the TAKS. I prolly bombed the math...cuz I am NOT good with numbers...but I nailed the english parts I'm sure. And the good news? Y'all ready? I WAS ACCEPTED TO UTSA! Apparently they liked what they heard from me. Remember I went up there to sing for them? I was soooo nervous. I thought I was terrible. I totally didn't think I got in. BUT I DID! I GOT IN! I GOT IN!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! OMG! I got the letter yesterday...and I was jumping up and down and stuff. I GOT IT! I'm going to college! I'm going to college! AHHH! Now, all thats left is the paying for it part...but I'll get that taken care of. I'm so stoked. I'm getting laid every night AND I'm going to college? My life rocks! lol. ~Chris~ Mood: happy Music: Somewhere over the rainbow

	2005.03.07  12.17 real world shit I can't keep this to myself for too long. Even though it just happened... I have filed a Protective Order against Steven. It's like a restraining order...but much more severe. One files this when they fear for their lives. He will be notified in 5-7 days. He was to go to court. I have to go to. Jon will be made to testify as a witness. Steven will be tried as an adult. This is real world shit. As far as the "why"? Me and Jon left the Blockbuster Video, only to find Steven and Monica waiting by our car. Monica told me everything is my fault. All this started when I came into the picture. When I got with Jon. Steven was arrested by the ISD police on Friday. He blew up at some teachers or something, and became hostile. He went to jail. I don't know for how long. They blame me for that. His little sister, who I adore, blames me for everything now. She says he was under so much stress because I drove everybody away from him. He lost most of his friends. Chuey, tiff, Atlee. To name a few. He says they left because of me. Because I ruined everything. He told me he was going to make Jon pay for this. Pay. That his matter with Jon is purely physical....with me....it is mental. "I just want to get inside your head...and fuck you uo" I can still hear him say that. He told me I was a slut, jumping from guy to guy. How they were all his friends, and he doesn't find it a coincidence. How he's been to jail, and he's not afraid to go back. That he doesn't have a record now...so he's not scared. He told me I need to leave...and it will stop. I need to go away, and it will all get better. That Jon will be fine without me. That all he keeps me around for is a good BJ. That he sees me as property...not as a love. That I am only his prize...something he can show off. He repeated that over and over. His plan was to get inside my head. Scare me. Get me to believe him. A psycho using psychology. Nice. He went on a rant. And I sat in the car shaking....staring at him through the window. He said it won't stop until I leave. Monica agrees. "Babygirl.......you just need to go. Just go" After it was all over...I freaked. I went home and just screamed for my mom. We called the police. It was just crazy. I threw up all night. I fear for my life, and the lives of my loved ones. So I did what I could. I pressed charges. Because this needs to stop. Only, I fear this could make things worse. It could. It might. And Jon. My love. I apologize for the drama I brought to the table. A girlfriend shouldn't be worth this trouble. But then again....we'd risk it for love right? I still have you. You promised to take care of me and my family...and you have. I love you baby. All of this needs to stop. It might. This is real world shit. I'm not ready for this...but it's too late. I've already testified. I was sworn in. I signed on the dotted line. I gave Steven something else to put on his record. Steve.....you have no idea who you fucked with. ~Chris~ Mood: confused

	2005.03.04  14.40 growth I don't know who I'm supposed to be. I mean, I'm supposed to be me. Sometimes I don't treat Jon the way he deserves to be treated. He deserves full blown respect and love and everything. And I feel like I don't give him that. I want to be the girlfriend he deserves. I want to be the person he wants me to be. Only thing is, he wants me to be the way I am. But does he really? I wonder. I am who I am. Just like God said. lol. There is no changing unless absolutely necessary. And I wonder if I could give up who I am for him. I love who I am...and so does he...and so does everybody else. I'm witty and funny and clever. But, am I mean too? What makes a person mean? Is it the things they do? The things they say? Is it because they hurt others intentionally? Or accidentally? I want to be the girlfriend he deserves. I want to be that girlfriend. I don't want to ruin this. I don't want to lose him. I can't lose him. But, I can't be somebody I'm not. He says that isn't what he wants. He wants me to be me, because I'm not perfect, and he loves that about me. I will be nicer to him. I'm too sarcastic and cold and mean. He doesn't deserve that. So very few people do. I'm growing as a person. Into a woman. I still see myself as a young lady. I just want to grow out of this confusion. Grow into a better person...a better daughter...a better sister, friend, student.... ..a better girlfriend. ~Chris~ Mood: tired

	2005.03.01  14.41 a million miles per second Everything I write I erase. I've started an entry like that before. I've almost erased all of that up there. I need to just write. Like I used to. When I just write everything, and it all flows like a poem. And then I don't worry anymore. So much Steven bullshit on my mind. So here I go... These chains around my ankles are getting heavy. All the iron I've carried over the years...it bruises my legs. But I carry on. Sometimes you seem unloseable. Unlockable. Un-take-off-able. Why do you not see who you are. I hear that you have changed. I hear so much about you...but nobody knows. Because I was there. Listening to you cry over the phone. Sitting in silence after all of your confessions. I was your God it seemed. Was. And now you have emerged. I dated the cocoon. You are the moth now. Your words and actions sting like poison. They travel through my veins a million miles per second. They spot my mind and stain my heart. Useless pain though. It doesn't effect you. You are the moth now. You tell me you aren't the same. No shit. I get sick when I think of the "good times" now. The time at pizza hut. The time before Chrismas. These memories used to be my heaven. Now they are my hell. Remembering all that shit. That is what it was after all. Shit. And now things seem my fault. You push my buttons and pull my levers. You do what you can to get me to cry. To run out the door. To cry to Jon. Because that's what you want. I am your personal entertainment. I know you lie in the dark and see my face. You remember the things you don't want to. You remember exactly what I looked like in Austin. When I came out of the hotel room in my blue dress. With my eyes gleaming. With my sparkling earing. Without you. You remember my favorite color. You remember what I used to eat over the phone with you. You remember my whisper. You remember every curve of my body. You remember what my tears felt like against your cheek, What they looked like when they melted with the rain, That day you left me. You can still feel my fingers in your hair. My lips. My eyes. My heart. It sits at the edge of the bed at watches you sleep. But its what you want. I left a long time ago. And now? NOW? Now I'm stuck in the mud of your wake. I don't look at Jon and see you. I don't listen to him and hear you. Kiss him and taste you. You are gone. And at night when I remember you my stomach turns. I run to the bathroom and cry. Because for that brief moment it feels like you never left. And I'm back in the mud. Stop. Stop. Go away. You get me nowhere. You do nothing for me. You are so fucking stupid for this. My mind is traveling a million miles per second..... and you are somewhere in my dust. ~Chris~ I feel much better Mood: awake

	2005.02.28  10.07 already an old story Since I haven't updated in a long time...the story I am about to tell is already an old one. Pretend it's recent. The word "SLUT" was keyed into the side door of my car. Wait, strike that. My father's car. And although nobody was caught red-handed....we all had one boy in mind. Of course it could be Steven. He was there with us at the Wendy's. He stepped outside. He came back in after a while. He left. It all fits. And I stood there in just complete shock...looking at it. I started to cry cuz I had no other choice. Tiffy called him, and he denied it. When he called back I grabbed the phone. I was speaking through hardcore sobs...and this was the convo.... "Sware to me that you didn't do this! "I SWARE I didn't. I sware." "Sware you didn't!! Please." "I didn't. FUCK!!! And I KNEW everybody would think it was me, cuz I was out there....but I didn't see anybody do it!" "....I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE ANYMORE STEVEN! I don't know. I don't know." "I didn't to it. I promise. I sware. Christine....." "You know there are a lot of angry people right now, and I don't want to have to be one of them." "Christine..." "Do you sware?" "I sware" After that I hung up. And then I proceeded to scream like a mad woman in the parking lot of a best buy. I couldn't help it. He's always gonna be there fucking with me. I hate it. Chuey says it's too late to do anything back...cuz it's all already over. Doing something now seems irrelivent. Who knows. It's out of my hands. I'm suprised I still remember that conversation. It's kinda stuck in my head. I hear it everyday. Sometimes when I'm lying in bed I can hear him promising he didn't do it. I can hear all the other stupid promises he never kept. I promise you can trust me. I promise I'll never leave you. I promise I'll be there to hear you sing. I promise I'll take you to the doctor. I promise I didn't kiss her. I promise to always love you. I promise I didn't. I promise I did. I promise I won't. I promise I will. Fuck him and his bottomless bucket of promises. They got me nowhere. I wasted so many good years on him. All the opportunities at happiness I passed up...for him. Fuck him. The more I write the more pissed off I am. He screwed me over so many times. If it weren't for Jon he probably would have done more. I hate him. And I don't hate people. But I hate him. ~Chris~ Mood: pissed off

	2005.02.17  14.53 prediction of a shit-hitting-fan fest Apparently Jon is "a crazy bastard"...or at least that's what Gilbert said. I have never seen him fight, nor do I want to. Gilbert told me about all about the "real" Jon today. About how he never backs down, how he's not afraid to get hurt, and how he can be scary. I don't want to see him fight. I hate the whole concept of people being like "WHAT THE FUCK! DO SUMTHIN!". Just....shut up. It's all so stupid to me. But on the other hand, if he does this, in his mind it will be right. It'll just be sumthin he had to do to prove his point. Ruben knows no end. Ruben knows no limits. Apparently he knows no consequences. I am trying so hard to keep the shit from hitting the fan...but there is only so much I can do. I've been told that you can only push Jon so far before he snaps. If Jon can be scary, then that means I'm gonna be scared of him. I saw it in his eyes today. That fear. I could hear it in his voice when he said he would kill Ruben, and he wasn't joking. It scared me so bad. The way his voice sounded. I wanted to cry. I felt like running. And I know he doesn't want to scare me. I know. Maybe I can't do anything about this. Maybe they will fight. Maybe Jon will kick his ass, and get in trouble over something stupid, and I'm gonna have to deal with it everyday. Maybe Ruben will win, and piss Jon off even more, and I'm gonna have to deal with it everyday. Both Jon AND Ruben assure me it has nothing to do with me. That they aren't mad at me or that they aren't going to do anything to me. That I have nothing to worry about. Guess what boys. I have everything to worry about. If you fight...I will have to deal with it. Seeing the both of you everyday isn't gonna change if you guys fight. Ruben's friends, who are mine too, will come out of the woodwork and be like "what the fuck did your boyfriend fight him for". And I will have to answer to these people. Jon's friends will be noddin their heads, giving me the old "I told you he would do it". And I will have to hear it everyday. Ruben I'm sorry. You didn't think it would be like this. You thought I would be there forever. Move on. Jon I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to put up with this. But, you won Jon. You got me. I love you. Isn't that enough? ~Chris~ Mood: awake Music: Gilbert talking to me

	2005.02.16  10.33 My funny valentine and other silly stories First and foremost...I had an amazing Valentine's day! I got a stuffed dog from Jon that's all fluffy and soft, and I got a really gorgeous silver jewelry box, and I got a beeeeeeautiful diamond ring. He says it's temporary...but I don't mind. I love it. We skipped 2nd/3rd period with Chuey and went to Barnes & Noble. It was so fun. Pull tabs y'all....pull tabs. Anyways, we were gonna go to Port A. and watch the sunset and stuff...but I was running late so we kind of missed it. My bad. We were right there by the water though...and there was a PELICAN! OMG! Like, a REAL one. And Jon brought me up close to it and it didn't even leave! IT WAS SO RAD! And we sat on the rocks and there were DOLPHINS! IT WAS SO AMAZING! I was just there with my jaw dropped the whole time. "My funny valentine...Sweet, comic valentine...You make me smile with my heart. Your looks are laughable, unphotographable, yet your my favorite work of art." After that we went to dinner...and he only had $21!! OMG it was so funny. He said if we didn't have enough, for me to go start the car and we'll take off! OMG! Hilarious. When we got back to Corpus we went back to his house. Needless to say, things got a little hot. But...I wussed out! I just, I couldn't do it! And by it, I mean have sex. I mean...I KNOW he is the one. It's not a matter of who, what, where, or why. It's all a matter of when. I think I should wait till I'm on the pill. Cuz Ima tell y'all right now...the ONLY thing stopping me is I'm afraid I'm going to get pregnant. And that fear is screwing me over. I love him...that's all that should matter. Moving on, I can't wait till San Antonio. I get to go try and get my ass into college. It's a bittersweet thing, considering my major of choice is now Vocal Performance. Momma ain't to happy bout that. She says there is no promise of a career in singing. It's all luck. Talent jobs are luck jobs. She wants me to major in sumthin stable. But, I know what I want. "I got something better than school but don't tell anybody. My momma would kill me so don't tell anybody. She wants me to get a good ass job just like everybody. She ain't walked in my shoes, I'm just not everybody." This is prolly my destiny. Who knows. Thanks for lookin out anyways mom. Thats all for now! ~Chris~

	2005.02.10  09.12 my desert For 40 days and 40 nights, Jesus wandered through the desert tempted by the devil. Every year, for the same 40 days and 40 nights, Catholics celebrate Lent. The season of Lent is the most important time in the religous calendar, second only to Christmas. On the first day of Lent, Ash Wednesday, Catholics anoint their heads with the ashes from burnt palms. This marks us for the beginning of lent. For 40 days we must sacrifice, in order to go through what Christ went through. Every Friday we are not allowed to eat meat, and we must also give up any sort of worldly pleasure. This year I gave up McDonald's and picking on Jon. They are not the most serious of sacrifices...but it is a sacrifice none the less. You know....every year I feel like I don't give a big enough sacrifice. Maybe cuz it's true. Nothing can compare to the sacrifices Jesus made for my sins....so in light of that....giving up Big Macs and flicking my boyfriend seems kinda weird. I'm gonna stick to it. It won't be hard. I guess thats it. ~Chris~ Mood: loved Music: That song "mr. lonely" by some rapper guy

	2005.02.09  14.50 internet-less again Yeah, so I can't really write that often, cuz I'm internet-less at home. *sigh* This is what you've missed... Solo & Ensemble went well. I got 2 gold medals. I ranked "1" in my solo and a "1" in my ensemble. It went by really fast. I got there, sang my solo, badabing badaboom. I got Clarissa pissed at me, but that didn't really bug me much. I had favorites to worry about... Favorites was freakin sweet. First of all...my man was lookin FIIIIIIINE! Whoa. He just looked so handsome in his shirt and tie and everything. I am so lucky. I thought I looked kinda crappy, but I got a ton of compliments that night...so that was cool. Jon danced with me!! It was so cool! Best part was he was actually good! You know what he can do really good?? This man can grind. And I mean GRIIIIIND! Oooo I was gettin all turned on. Maybe its cuz he's my boyfriend. I dunno why, but grinding with Andrew is nowhere near as sexy. I wanted to fuck Jon right there on the floor....but that's another story. Anyways, everything was really fun. I wanted to take my card painting but they wouldn't let me. Mr. Young has it...so I'll get it soon. After the dance we went to IHOP and it was soooooooo much fun. We were all loud and stuff....and this cop dude like flashed us his badge!! AHHH IT WAS FUNNY! I loved Favorites so much. I'm so glad I have Jon...it wouldn't have been as fun without him. I'm supposed to get on birth control today, but I'm not done with my period. Ima have to reschedule for tomorrow. Jon was a lil bummed about it...but I'm sure its ok. He said he'd wait. Sooo...Valentine's festivities is a no-go...but thats ok...it'll be soon. I can't wait till I go to San Antonio. I get my cell phone! FINALLY! YAAAAY! And Jon gets to come with me! YAAAAY! Mommy says we are gonna spend some hella cash. Yessssss. I feel good right now. Yay! ~Chris~ Mood: good Music: Chesare talking to me about some quiz

	2005.02.04  10.06 the same conversation with the same guy Ruben is relentless. This man knows no limits. And although that does sort of prove how serious he is, it is all so pointless. Yes, we ALL know he missed his chance. Yes, we ALL know he's sorry. And yes, we ALL know he wants me back. But I moved on. I found somebody worth it, and I fell in love. Just because graduation is coming up and he's panicing doesn't mean I leave Jon. And yesterday at the browser we had the same conversation we have all the time. I got the usual "I know it's my fault, and I want you back", and "I know you still want me". But at one point he says "I will do anything to get you back". Lies. But when I told him to shut up he did the weirdest thing. He lifts my chin up and says "Look me in the eyes and tell me I'm lying". He wasn't lying. But that doesn't change anything. He lost. That's the way it is. Sometimes things don't always work out in your favor. Sometimes you just miss out. I am so happy now that...I am speechless. Ruben can't change it. Shit....I can't even change it. lol. It's kinda crazy knowing that I always seem to be in the palm of Jon's hand, and having Jon know it!! ~Chris~ Mood: silly Music: Eagles - Witchy Woman